Icky Stuff

Colliemum, Going Postal
Chathura Sarathchandra MagurawalageLicence CC BY-SA 2.0

Well, you asked for more icky stuff, so here is some. Don’t complain to me afterwards!

Anyway, if you think all this ‘gender fluidity’ and transgenderism is some weird newfangled thing invented by bored Millennials and SJWs, you better think again.Animals have been there long before even the first human trod the earth – and we all know that the Flintstones were pretty straight when it came to sex.

So here are three examples, and yes, they are icky.

First up and tops on the ickyness scale are our foes, the slugs.
They are hermaphrodites, that means they are both male and female in one body – beat that, you transgenderists! No, they don’t do it with themselves for themselves, they’re slugs, not genderfluid ‘oomans, FFS!

Colliemum, Going Postal
Mating Slugs
Michael SpillerLicence CC BY-SA 2.0

When they do want to have it off, they wind round each other, exuding a long trail of slime with which they anchor themselves to a wall or tree. Falling off during the sex act is not nice! Once wound round each other, they extrude their sex organs. These are located just behind what we’d call their head.

Stop laughing, they don’t carry their penis on their head! It’s all tidily tucked away inside. Can’t crawl around with a penis sticking out, after all!

Even better – depending on the pheromones they produce – that’s the chemicals which make us go ahhhh when we sniff a hunk or a pretty gal ready for sex – one slug becomes the female, the other the male, and the male then deposits his sperm in the female extrusion which has become the womb.
Once they’re done, they slowly unwind and retract their sex organs, then unwind their bodies and crawl off.
Icky and weird or what!

Colliemum, Going Postal
Kamaljith K VLicence CC BY 2.0

But there’s better.You know spiders? Stop squealing – I haven’t brought any to the classroom!

Unlike slugs, there are mummy and daddy spiders. One can see the difference when one looks at their heads. Next to the antennae they have something called palps, and these are large in the daddy spiders. Fat even. That’s where the daddy spider stores his sperm. He takes it from his abdomen. His sperm rests there until he meets a mummy spider. It can’t be just any spider – it’s got to be the right sort, because he must place his palps – yes, the lot where he’s got the sperm – into two openings on the mummy spider’s abdomen. They fit like keys, so trying to have it off with another mummy spider is not on – the palps won’t fit and the mummy spider may become cross and eat him. Some spiders eat the male anyway, after the act. Gotta feed the newly made baby spiders, right?

Ok, that wasn’t quite so icky.

Colliemum, Going Postal
Balanus nubilus
Minette Layne from Seattle, Washington [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
Then there’s the best of them all – barnacles! I bet you’ve trod on them and cut your feet when clambering around rock pools. Sharp little buggers, aren’t they!

They’re cemented on rocks on rocky shores, and spend their lives lying on their backs. Nice life if you can get it … Oh yes – they do have sex. Group sex even! When a female barnacle gets broody, she sends out pheromones – yes, the stuff which makes male barnacles go ‘aahhh’! The male barnacles then wave their penises around until they find the female barnacle, drop their penises into her ‘body’ and release their sperm. Depending on how close they are, up to five of them can reach such  a mummy barnacle. But that’s not all – the barnacles have the longest penises in the animal kingdom, in relation to their body size!
Not a lot of people know that …

Transgenderism, genderfluidity? Hah! Mind you – I bet our Third Wave feminists and SJWs would not be happy being a mummy barnacle …

© Colliemum 2016