“Seriously Gidders, you should have seen the bloody state of it,” brayed Lord David Cameron, swinging his JM Weston brogues up onto the desk. “An absolute bloody farce. I was half expecting that Jeremy Beagle [more…]
F**k’s sake. Just back fae a dissaplinary heerin’ wi’ a pair ae complete f**kin’ c**ts frae tha profeshnul standards dapartment. It wis aboot f**kin’ hee haw an’ aw. A pure waste ae polis time ovah [more…]
Ah’m sick tae f**kin’ death ae hearin’ aboot aw thess Harry and Willyam pish. Ah’ve bin puttin’ up wi’ their s***e since they were weans an iss away’s thah same f**kin story. Ah mind wance [more…]
Ostensibly, it appeared to be a significant improvement on Larkin’s usual choice of hostelry. Outside, there was no gaggle of wizened, gimlet-eyed daytime drinkers sucking on Superkings and grunting incomprehensibly at one another. There was [more…]
This was, thought Merritt, absolutely bloody typical of Larkin. The place was a dizzying carousel of gigantic, deafening televisions blaring out conflicting commentaries on horse racing and football, the bleeping and blinking of garish slot [more…]
IT looked like it might once have been a bank. But then again it could just as easily have been a particularly upmarket haberdashery store back in the days of bone tape measures and black [more…]
Hi, I’m Marianna Spring! I’m 24! I’m the BBC’s specialist misinformation reporter. You may recognise my wide-eyed, 24-year-old face from The One Show, BBC News Online, BBC Radio 4, pictures I post of myself having [more…]
‘Pull those ropes tighter, damn your eyes,’ raved Boggart, stalking feverishly up and down in front of the contenders, ‘I want this net to be as taut as a camel’s arse in a sandstorm.’ A [more…]
Boggart paced deliberately back and forth in front of ginger bigfoot, birthmark Joe and trembling Theresa, peering coldly into their eyes at each pass. Perspiration oozed from the collar of his scabious headdress as he [more…]
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