Larry’s Diary, Week Three Hundred And Twenty-Six

Monday

Good morning, my friends, it’s yet another lovely morning weather-wise, but the radio tells me it is going to be a wet evening and overnight. I suppose the garden can do with it. I hear it is going to be busy in Westminster today with loads of people protesting about fuel prices. Legohead says it’s the closure of the Straits of Hormuz and not his Government’s fault. However, I hear that while some countries like China and Japan have capped fuel prices, our lot have done nothing except rake in additional VAT from the basic price of petrol increasing.

Legohead is looking more and more beleaguered every day. Whether it is misleading the house, taking gifts, Mandelslime, having a terrible ability for picking ministers or the latest ‘forgetting’ to record a visit to a company while in the US. A company that later got a big contract with the government and was a client of a Mandelslime’s Lobbying company. Today I hear Legohead is threatening Liebore MPs with a three-line whip to make them vote against any vote to refer him to the standards committee. That alone should be enough to refer him to the standards committee.

The big news overnight is the third assassination attempt on The Donald. This one seems to be a bit amateurish and probably the act of a ‘lone wolf’. But, from the early information, it was yet another lefty with TDS. Which brings me on to something interesting, the vast majority of Presidents who were assassinated or those who suffered assassination attempts were to the right and the attacker was from the left.

I hear that the five Type 26 frigates to be supplied to Norway will be mixed into the production line in Glasgow. We have eight ships on order and apparently the first five for the Royal Navy are already under construction. The sixth ship is likely to go to Norway and apparently it will be completely interchangeable with our RN ships; the only difference will be the language on signage. To make this work the order placed with BAE will simply be increased to 13 ships with the only difference being the signage.

I hope you remember me telling you about the Virgin cruise from New York to the Bahamas that was changed at the last minute to Halifax, Nova Scotia. In the US of A, they have something called a ‘closed loop’ cruise. This means that US passengers don’t need a passport to go on them, they just need a proper photo ID like a driving licence or a military ID card, but foreign cruisers need their passport with US waiver or visa. The ‘closed loop’ countries include several Caribbean Islands and of course the Bahamas, but not Canada. Even Americans need a full passport for entry to Canada, but foreign travellers often need a visa. We Brits don’t need a visa, but we do need an online electronic Travel Authorisation (eTA). It takes a minimum seven days to get a visa; the Virgin cruise passengers were told of the change on Friday for a Monday departure. One couple from Chile, booked on the cruise, realised they couldn’t go, as it was impossible to get a visa in time, so contacted their travel agent to get a refund. The agent was initially told the couple could still go on the cruise but would not be able to get off the ship in Canada. The agent pointed out that without a Canadian visa they would be denied boarding. After much argument Virgin accepted that this was correct and offered a future cruise credit. The agent pointed out that the couple were on a once in a lifetime visit to New York, would never be able to use the credit and unless they got a full refund and out of pocket expenses they were willing to sue Virgin. They got the refund.

Having investigated the ‘theft’ of Morgan McSwindel’s mobile phone, I hear the Metropolitan Police have found no evidence to support the claim. On a street riddled with CCTV cameras it appears that not a single one recorded the incident. I hear the Met is now going to be talking to Downing Street. Apparently they want to know why they were initially told the wrong road, so the wrong CCTV was checked. Why was the data on the phone deleted remotely when this is apparently against the rules? Are we looking at yet another Liebore scandal?

This morning the police have arrested a 37-year-old man near Barnstaple in Devon over the rash of arson attacks on Jewish targets in North London. No more news yet but he is the 27th person arrested in the current series of attacks. Only one, a 17-year-old male, has appeared in court and pleaded guilty and eight have so far been charged, but many have been released on bail.

Tuesday

Hi folks, morning all. It is a tad damp out there this morning and I got a bit wet when I went out. So, the government got its vote to “Carry Over” the Troubles bill through last night with a majority of around 100, but this included support from the Greens and, unsurprisingly, the SDLP and Alliance parties from Northern Ireland who rely on the Catholic vote. An awful lot of Labour MPs seem not to have voted. It will be interesting if the same MPs deny the Whip tonight on referring Legohead to the Privileges Committee. Somehow I doubt it.

Yesterday Mr Squeaker ruled that there is to be a debate today followed by a vote to decide if Legohead should be referred to the Privileges Committee over his actions and misleading the House. Even if all the opposition parties vote in favour of a referral it will need over 80 Government MPs to vote with the opposition for them to win. I cannot see that happening, but the question I have, and will be answered later, is if Legohead is going to run a three-line whip to ensure his survival.

I hear that the first NCL cruise out of Philadelphia in 15 years was chaos. The Norwegian Jewel was arriving on a positioning cruise with 2000 passengers on board who had to disembark first and then another 2000 passengers had to board. This is something that happens every day at many cruise ports and usually runs like a well-oiled machine. Things went rather wrong here. The main problem was that the cruise terminal was not ready, so NCL hired the banqueting hall at a big central Philadelphia hotel, twenty minutes by courtesy coach from the port. The first check-ins at the hotel were to open at 09:30 with luggage going on panel trucks to the ship and passengers being given tickets for 44 passengers on coaches A, B, C etc. That meant about 45 coach trips. That is where it went wrong. The people leaving the ship had two choices: a coach to the airport or to the hotel and that was slow. It was midday before coach A left the hotel for the ship. The crush at the hotel became awful with 2000 people trying to check in for the cruise mixing with passengers from the cruise being dropped off at the hotel, looking for their luggage, trying to find a cab, meet friends, or check in to the hotel. I learn that it was nearly six in the evening before the last courtesy coach got to the ship.

I hear that the Ukrainians are extremely happy with the Raven air defence system that we developed especially for them. It uses cheap air-to-air missiles, not special ground-to-air missiles, on a Supacat chassis, and has been responsible for downing over 400 Russian drones. However there have been one or two constructive criticisms. Namely that the crew space is somewhat limited, the optical/radar aiming system mounted on the cab roof has to be hand steered onto the target and the missile launcher on the back is fixed meaning the missile uses up energy turning onto target. But a new version has now been seen and is believed to be called the Raven 5. It is thought to incorporate a steerable launcher, incorporating the aiming system. The steerable launcher is turned to face the threat saving missile energy and increasing range. There is a bigger cab on a larger chassis, and the launcher carries more missiles than its predecessor. Given our own shortage of defensive ground weapons against drones I wonder if the RAF or Army could be a purchaser.

The Government is very hopeful that they will secure an order for Type 31 Frigates from Denmark. The only problem is that the Danes want the ships a little more quickly than the current build programme for five Type 31s at Rosyth for the Royal Navy allows. But I hear Babcock have an answer to that and are building a second ship assembly hall alongside its existing one doubling their capacity. This would open up the possibility of further orders for Type 31s either export or the RN. Or maybe an order for the long talked about Type 32.

Twenty-two Sri Lankan Buddhist monks have been arrested at Colombo Airport on their return from Thailand. The monks were told by a 23rd monk that their 4-day luxury holiday trip was being paid for by an anonymous rich businessman and they would be given school supplies, sweets and toys to bring back for children, which would be collected from them when they got back home for distribution. However, mixed in with the sweets and toys every one of the 22 monks had a 5kg parcel of Kush, a particularly potent form of cannabis. All 22, plus the organising monk, were remanded in custody for 7 days.

I saw the arrival of King Big Ears and the Queen at Andrews Air Force Base on the TV, and I must say that I thought the RAF Airbus A330 looked magnificent in its Union Jack livery with a gold “United Kingdom” sparkling in the sunshine. The plane made The Donald’s “Air Force One” look rather ordinary. I chuckled to myself when the King shook hands with the British Ambassador and his wife, thanking God that it was not still Mandelslime and his husband. The King then shot off to the British Ambassador’s residence for a garden party with 600 guests, where I hear they are going to be served beef sandwiches made with specially imported British beef.

Wednesday

Good morning everyone. The sun and warmth are back this morning, and I had a lovely stroll in the sun when I went for my constitutional. I love it when Legohead’s plans fall apart. Today is Wednesday, so it is the PMQs that he did not want to happen. But with the events of yesterday Parliament not being prorogued as he wanted, I suspect he will be ignoring lots of questions today.

It was hardly a surprise that Liebore won the vote last night on referring Legohead to the privileges committee considering that they currently have a majority of 165 after forgetting those who cannot vote like the Squeaker and his deputies or will not vote like Sinn Fein. But it was made closer than was expected by 15 Labour MPs voting with the opposition. Twelve of those MPs are expected to lose their seats to either Reform or the Greens if opinion polls are correct. Several of those 15 MPs could jump to the Greens before an election. I wonder if they will be suspended from the Liebore party for defying a three-line whip. At the moment there are 4 Liebore MPs suspended from the party. After the vote Liebore said that another 53 who abstained were not in the house, but strangely they all turned up for another vote an hour later.

The Ukrainian Rent Boys trial opened yesterday, and I cannot comment on the events of the trial because there is a reporting ban in place. However, I can tell you that the three accused, Lavrynovych, 21, a Ukrainian national from Sydenham, faces three separate counts of arson with intent to endanger life. Pochynok, 34, also a Ukrainian national, of Holloway Road in Islington, and Carpiuc, now 27, a Romanian national of Ukrainian origin from Chadwell Heath, each face one count of conspiracy to commit arson with intent to endanger life. All three have pleaded not guilty. All the arson occurred at premises or property connected to Legohead. Now the “D” notice is gone and has been replaced by Defence and Security Media Advisory (DSMA) notices I wonder why the media has not reported the background to the case prior to the hearing. A DSMA is advisory and nothing would have happened if they had done.

I read that Royal Caribbean International has announced it has ordered two more Icon class ships taking the total ordered to the planned seven. The Icon class is currently the world’s biggest cruise ship weighing in at about 250,000 gross tonnes and can carry 5,610 passengers with 2 in every cabin or a maximum of 7,600 passengers with 3 or 4 in some cabins. Add 2,350 crew and that is a floating city. There are two Icon class ships in operation, a third has been floated out and is due to be handed over later this year. Number four is in build and steel has been cut for number five. Six and seven were just ordered.

I have just seen an interesting chart on the Internet showing the world’s biggest coal consuming countries. It came as no surprise that China topped the list at 55.8 percent of world coal usage. India was second on 13.9 percent and the USA third on 4.8 percent. Then came Indonesia, Japan, Russia, South Africa, South Korea, Vietnam, Turkey, Germany, Australia, and Kazakhstan. Finally came “others” on 8.4 percent. The Greenies will tell you that China’s coal consumption is growing very slowly but this is very misleading as it only grew by 1.5 percent in 2024, but that is 1.5 percent of the world’s biggest consumption so was more than Turkey consumed in a full year.

The US Marines have just brought in a new regulation that comes into effect one year from now. It simply states that all Marines must be clean shaven and that anyone who does not meet the rule will be “separated” from the force. The announcement said this regulation applies to everyone, including those undergoing treatment for skin problems who cannot shave. At the moment Marines can get “shaving waivers” for skin conditions and these are common for Pseudofolliculitis Barbae, or PFB, a skin condition that occurs in more than half of all Black men. This is a condition where hair grows back into the skin after shaving. Apparently it can be treated by laser hair removal which the Marine Corps can pay for.

Some time ago I told you that Boeing had taken a chance and started the 777X production line before the plane had received certification. I now hear that Boeing has over 30 x 777X finished aircraft sitting waiting for certification, but the aircraft are not to the latest build standard and will not meet certification. Instead, they will have to be stripped and rebuilt particularly structurally. The older the airframe, the more it is going to cost, and the longer it is going to take to remake the plane. I do wonder if these planes are saleable, or whether they will end up being broken up for parts. Would you want to buy a seven-year-old remade plane as new?

Thursday

Hello folks. Yet another beautiful morning with fabulous sunshine and not as breezy as yesterday. Legohead has decided to cough up another £25 million this morning to protect Jewish communities. I wonder if paying to stick an armed copper outside a synagogue or a Jewish school is what is needed. British Jews need to ride on buses and trains, shop, walk in streets and parks, in fact live a normal life just like any other British person. Putting another £25 million into policing synagogues does not do that.

I will start today’s stories with the Army sending troops to Exercise Rhino Storm in Germany where we will be deploying with the 13th Demi Brigade of the Foreign Legion. We are contributing 3000 troops and 600 vehicles from the 7th Light Mechanised Brigade, known as the Desert Rats. This is where the fun starts. To move the troops alone we would need to make at least 15 RAF Voyager flights while the vehicles went by sea from Marchwood Military Port. We only have 14 Voyagers, and one is in the USA as the King’s Flight. To use all the other 13 means a stop for air-to-air refuelling everywhere but in particular the UAE and Cyprus. An alternative is the Channel Tunnel, but not all our army vehicles can travel by rail in the UK as they are too big for the loading gauge everywhere except the HS1 line. So what are we doing? Hiring a ferry from DFDS, sailing them to the Netherlands and then by train to Germany (the continental loading gauge is suitable). We are in trouble if we must do something quickly.

I see the King and Queen are going down a storm in the USA. It is a good job someone gets on with The Donald, as Legohead clearly does not, and can pour oil on troubled waters. The King has obviously not wasted all those years in waiting for his Mum to die and has become the ultimate diplomat. I watched his speech at the gala banquet and although it clearly had a lot of input from the government, the King’s scriptwriters are far superior to Legohead’s, as is his delivery. The King’s jokes were actually funny. I rather liked him telling the Yanks that if it was not for us they would all be speaking French.

It is a tradition that when heads of state meet they exchange gifts. Not anything flashy and expensive but usually something personal or meaningful. The King’s gift to The Donald has been spectacularly clever. It was the ship’s bell from HMS Trump, a submarine that fought in the Pacific in World War 2 and the only British ship to have borne that name. The King is reported as saying to Trump, “If you ever need us, just give us a ring.” It appeals to The Donald’s ego and reflects our common history. I bet that was chosen by the Palace and not the Government.

The rumours round here are that we are in for another Government reshuffle. I hear it is scheduled for after the local elections next week, but I suppose the plan relies on Legohead still being around. One thing I hear is that he invited the Ginger Growler to come back as a cabinet minister, but she said no, and feels she cannot make a comeback until her problem with HMRC is resolved. Will this be announced as another government reset? Who remembers the last one in September 2025? That one went well, didn’t it?

The news has just emerged that back in January 2025 Nigel Farage’s home was firebombed. A device was pushed through his letterbox but burned itself out in the porch. Farage found the burnt-out device when he got home and called the Police, who have investigated but not with any success. This was shortly before the arson attacks on Legohead. When Farage was first elected to Parliament he had some Police protection but that has subsequently been withdrawn. He now pays for his own protection thanks to a £5 million gift from multimillionaire Christopher Harborne. Apparently Harborne was alongside Farage while campaigning for Brexit in Newcastle in 2019 when he had a milkshake thrown over him and became concerned for his safety.

I can report yet another Legohead U-turn. This time it is on Torsten Bell’s Pension Schemes Bill which has been ping-ponging backwards and forwards between the Commons and the Lords. The Government wanted to force “mandation” on pension funds. This would effectively mean that Ministers could direct pension funds where to invest, meaning they could tell them to invest in Government schemes. Fund managers currently have a legal duty to invest funds to get the best return. Obviously these two things clash, and the Lords have been removing the mandation clause and the government reinserting it. The government has now accepted its removal.

Friday

Hi everyone. Yet another sunny warm morning, but I understand the sunny weather spell is coming to an end. The rumour doing the rounds this morning is that the Ginger Growler got pissed in the Strangers Bar earlier this week and walked into a door that had to be repaired. I wonder if that has improved her chances of returning to the cabinet?

Yet another attack on Jews in North London yesterday afternoon. This time two Jewish men in Golders Green were stabbed and luckily treated quickly by the local emergency ambulance service whose ambulances were attacked a fortnight ago. I hear the two injured men are recovering in hospital. The Police tasered the assailant and he has been arrested. The local Liebore MP and the Metropolitan Police commissioner were met with boos, chants of “Shame on you” and “Resign”. As I write this, neither Legohead nor Sad Dick have managed to visit the scene.

The Metropolitan Police have announced that the man arrested for the stabbing in Golders Green is “a British national born in Somalia” and that he has a history of violence and mental health problems. This makes me think that this was another small boat person who claimed asylum, but I suppose I could be wrong. But I want to know why, if this man has a history of violence and mental health problems, was he granted British citizenship? If it was apparent what this man was like before he was granted British citizenship why was he not in secure accommodation? Oh dear, it has just been announced that this man was referred to Prevent. Yet another failure of the system.

Mad Red Ed Millipede has a new bright idea. His department is going to ban the sale of traditional condenser type hot air tumble dryers. Instead, you will have to purchase a heat pump version. The traditional type uses a heating element to heat air in which clothes are tumbled and moisture removed. The heat pump version works in a similar way but uses a heat pump to warm the air. The trouble with this is that it is more expensive to buy and does not get the air so hot so it takes longer to dry a load. They are also said to be noisier. The Government claims that the heat pump-based version will save you £1,000 over 20 years. As far as I know very few electrical devices last 20 years.

The MP whose constituency includes Rosyth Dockyard has just been before the Defence Committee where he argued for the purchase of another 5 Type 31 Frigates. I would love to see this happen, but I will not be holding my breath. Personally I would like to see us build the version of the Type 31 Babcock has developed for the Poles which included anti-submarine capabilities (a stern ramp for trailing sonar deployment), 32 x Mk 41 Vertical Launch Cells (our ships initially have 32 Sea Ceptor VLS cells), a more powerful radar, and a 75mm gun (ours is 57mm). The Indonesian version is a little longer (by 1.3 metres) but will have 64 x Mk41 VLS cells. Let’s have a stretched version combining the best of the British, Polish and Indonesian versions. It is basically been designed so it cannot be a fortune more expensive but far more capable.

I hear with interest some of the initial evidence at the three Ukrainian rent boys’ trial (I can report but I cannot speculate). The Prosecution say the defendants were hired by someone called “El Money” who is apparently Russian. But we are told not to worry about him or his identity. Why? The prosecution say they will present CCTV evidence of three purchasing the accelerant (with receipts) and over 100 messages on Telegram. The rent boys deny all charges. This one has a long way to go.

With under a week to go before the local elections I see that the pollsters are predicting that Liebore will lose 1,850 seats and the Tories 600 seats across England. Where will the seats go? The same polls predict 1,550 gains by Reform and 500 by the Greens. But I wonder if Zack Polanski (NRN) has blotted the Green copybook this morning by complaining about the Police kicking the Golders Green knife man when he was on the ground and had mental problems. When a man is threatening you with a knife you do not have time to check if he is mentally ill. You need him to drop the knife and a well-placed kick will make him do it.

Saturday

Morning my friends. It was a bit grey when I went out for my constitutional but pleasantly warm. Now I have got down to my diary the cloud has gone and the sun is out. I need to get this done early as the forecast is rain this mid-afternoon. Today’s rumour is that Wes Streeting has got the backing of the necessary 80 Liebore MPs to stand against Legohead but is keeping his powder dry as the person who wields the knife rarely wins the competition. Meanwhile all the other favourites seem to have a problem. The Ginger Growler has her tax issues, Mascara Man needs to get a seat somewhere before he can run and Ed Millipede has had a go before and is not liked by the general public.

Two Green candidates standing in the local elections in Lambeth have been arrested on suspicion of stirring up racial hatred under Section 19 of the Public Order Act 1986. Saiqa Ali, the Green candidate for Streatham St Leonard’s, and Sabine Mairey, the Green candidate for Clapham Town, were arrested by Metropolitan Police officers on Thursday morning. Ali is understood to have posted an image of an armed man in what appeared to be a Hamas headband captioned “Long live the Resistance”, an image of the Earth wrapped by a serpent bearing the Star of David, a claim that the UK government is “over-represented with Zionist Jews”, and a post asserting that Donald Trump is “owned by Jews”. Mairey’s posts included a video about a vehicle and shooting attack on a synagogue in West Bloomfield, Michigan, captioned “Ramming a synagogue isn’t anti-Semitism. It’s revenge”, and a post comparing modern Israel unfavourably to Nazi Germany alongside an image of Auschwitz. The Green Party says they cannot comment as it is a Police matter.

Thursday’s final council by-election, Tenbury (Malvern Hills), before the big vote next Thursday, has gone to Reform who have gained the seat from the Tories. Most unusually for a council by-election the turnout was over 40 percent. Reform polled 687 votes (45.1 percent), the Tories 461 votes (30.3 percent), Limp Dumps 193 votes (12.7 percent) and Green 182 votes (12 percent). No Liebore candidate, so I wonder if they stood down for the Greens or if it is a waste of time and money them standing here.

I have been reading about the new Apple MacBook Neo. The first Apple venture into the economy sector of the market seems to have taken it by storm. The price of £600 ($600 in the States) puts it in the realm of college students and an Apple device is more desirable than a cheap £600 Windows laptop. The suggestion I have read is that Apple are thinking about bringing out a touchscreen MacBook-based tablet, either late this year or early next year when it launches its folding iPhone. This could suppress the market for new iPads but think what it would do to the Android tablet sales.

I hear that the BBC is testing a subscription service for non-British viewers, particularly in the United States. The subscription is $8.99 a month or $49.00 for the first year and $89 a year after that. For that you get advertising-free access to BBC News plus some documentaries and complete ad-free access to iPlayer. Could this be a test of what is to come after 2027 when the current licence fee settlement runs out? I suspect the BBC are going to have to offer Brits a lot more bang for their buck to get them to sign up.

I read that the Scottishland Government has donated 280 tonnes of used fishing nets to Ukraine. Well, I am sitting here in the office wondering why the Ukrainians would want several lorry loads of stinky old fishing nets that are of no use to the Scottishland fishermen. Well after a bit of research I discovered that they are used for protection against attack from drones. Apparently they are used to create tunnels to protect roads and infrastructure. I wonder how much road 280 old nets will protect.

That is me finished for the week and I am off out while it is still warm and sunny on my windowsill. I hope I have got a few hours napping before the rain comes. You never know, it is only supposed to be showers. Right, I am off to my favourite windowsill. Chat to you all again next week.
 

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