Larry’s Diary, Week Three Hundred And Thirty-Five

Monday

Good morning, my happy readers. It is a momentous day in the Street today. It’s the last day of Legohead’s premiership and the first day of Mascara Man, my seventh PM and probably not my last. I hear that Legohead will make his goodbye speech out in the Street before going to tender his resignation to the King. The King will then call on Mascara Man to come to the Palace. In those 10 minutes before Mascara Man is appointed, we will officially have no one in charge. What a good time for one of our enemies to attack us.

Before I get down to talking politics, there are a couple of other things I need to mention, like the World Cup. On Saturday evening there was another watch party in the Office, but because Legohead was here over the weekend, it was a bit more restricted than on Wednesday, food and drink-wise. But it was unrestrained when England were 4-0 up at half-time. The second half was a bit different and, despite the Frogs getting three goals back before we got a penalty, I enjoyed it, especially winning 6-4. I don’t understand why we couldn’t play like that against Argentina.

Another party on Sunday for the final, but much smaller as it was a load of foreigners playing. But my, was I pleased that Spain won, eventually beating those dirty Argies. I do hope that some of them get big bans after watching them throwing punches at the Spanish after the match.

The other thing is, today is the first day of the bi-annual Farnborough Air Show, with its order announcements that have been held back for the last month or so. Airbus seems to have been playing a slightly different game this year because, on Friday, the news of a big order from China leaked because the airline had to make a filing on the Chinese Stock Market. Air China is the lead customer and has ordered 15 A350-900 planes to add to the 28 it already owns. It has also ordered 80 A320neo family jets to be split equally between its subsidiaries, Shenzhen Airlines and Hainan Airlines, who will be getting their share of the jets cheaper because of the numbers being ordered.

Everyone, except me, was out in the sun outside No. 10 to listen to Legohead’s resignation speech. I had to watch it on TV, and it was the usual Legohead waffle about how proud he was to have left the job with Britain in a better position. What a load of BS. Then he and Lady Victoria Sponge jumped in a ministerial car and headed off to the Palace. I wonder if he must get an Uber when he comes out.

It’s the middle of the afternoon and I am yet to hear about anyone who is in the new Mascara Man Cabinet. All I have heard so far is who has been sacked or resigned, and that includes the Tottenham Turnip, Robber Reeves, Steve Reed, Peter Kyle, Liz Kendal, Darren Jones, Lord Timpson and Lord Hermer. The story I hear is that Robber Reeves was offered a job in the new Cabinet, but she said no. So now she is entitled to a one-off severance payment of 25% of her annual salary. She will also have earned 1.77% per year of service of her ministerial salary as a pension and 1.98% per year of service of her £98,000 MP’s salary as a pension. But neither pension can be drawn while she is still a Member of Parliament.

It’s now gone six pm and Mascara Man has announced his first appointment, the new Chancellor, and it is John Healey, someone no one had expected. Healey had resigned as Legohead’s Defence Secretary only a month ago over the Defence Investment Plan, which he wasn’t very happy about. Now I have heard that Red Ed Millipede has been shunted off to Foreign Secretary, where it’s hoped he will do less damage, and Shabana Mahmood has been reappointed Home Secretary. I must go and have my dinner, if the duty feeder roster hasn’t been messed up by these sackings. The minor places can wait until tomorrow.

Tuesday

Hi folks, it was very pleasant when I walked slowly down to the area behind the garden shed. The sun was up and it was just nicely warm. I was kept awake last night by all the comings and goings of potential ministers arriving at the door. Apparently, it didn’t go to plan as people had all been given a time to turn up, and it all started to run late right from the beginning when Shabana Mahmood said “no” to becoming Chancellor of the Exchequer, and everything had to be swapped to let her stay at the Home Office. The reshuffle of the reshuffle caused a big backlog, and at one time there were over a dozen MPs waiting to see Mascara Man and keeping me awake.

I hear that Robber Reeves was offered Minister of Defence but turned it down, preferring to go to the back benches to being demoted. But it would have been good fun if she had taken it, with John Healey as Chancellor. He resigned as Defence Secretary under Legohead because he considered the money for his department was too little. Can you imagine her having to go to him for more money?

Mascara Man says he is going to cut VAT from domestic electricity bills from the autumn. At first sight this is good news, but, as always, the devil is in the detail. Firstly, it is only for six months over the winter period. Even so, the numbers don’t really add up. The government says it will save the average household £45, but isn’t electricity due to go up by £125? Then where is the unfunded cut coming from? Well, the new Chancellor says the money will come from cancelling the Digital ID scheme, a programme that was unfunded.

The new Cabinet has got several appointments that don’t pass the smell test. We have Angela Rayner, who paid too little stamp duty on her new house, back at Housing. And convicted fraudster Louise Haigh is back as the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster. Then there is Jonathan Reynolds, who is back as Secretary of State for Business, Innovation, Science and Trade, the man who had to apologise to Parliament for claiming he was a trained solicitor.

Another announcement from the Mascara Man, who says he is going to fix rough sleeping throughout the nation. This is déjà vu, as he said something similar about Manchester when he first became Mayor. He did initially get the number of Manchester’s rough sleepers down a bit, but it is now double what it was when he came to power there. But here is something I don’t understand. Mascara Man says he wants to give local mayors and councils more power and money through devolution. But it is the local mayors and councils who currently have the power to deal, or not, with rough sleepers.

The first news out of Farnborough yesterday was a bit of a disappointment, as it involved Riyadh Air confirming 28 Boeing 787s and six Airbus A350-1000s that had been previously announced. Then came news of a proper order, with lessor SMBC buying 100 each of Airbus A320s and Boeing 737 MAXs. This is what buying aircraft for leasing is really all about, reserving the delivery slots for airlines that can’t place an order six or seven years in advance.

Emirates Airline held a round table for the media at Farnborough late yesterday, where their President, Sir Tim Clark, told the media that they would not be accepting 10 or 11 Boeing 777-9 planes that were built against the Emirates order up to six years ago and were parked in the open, complete with engines installed. As I told you previously, Boeing has built nearly three dozen 777Xs before the type’s production standard has been fixed and certified. Boeing has already scrapped one of the early planes, destined for Emirates, saying it would be too expensive to bring it up to the certified standard. Sir Tim pointed out that the airline wanted production-standard aircraft straight off the production line and would not accept reworked six-year-old planes. I don’t blame him.

Wednesday

Good morning all. It’s been getting a little cooler day by day this week and I am a much happier cat. Well, it’s not been a wonderful start for Mascara Man. First, it was the cutting of VAT on “energy bills” over the winter, which turns out to be only on electricity, when 80% of homes use gas or oil for heating. Then he cuts “most” single-journey bus fares to £2, paid for by the millions who don’t ride buses. But it was previously £2 under the Tories and jumped to £3 under Legohead. Now I hear Louise Haigh, the convicted fraudster, has been stripped of one of her new jobs, oversight of the Fraud Office.

A few details have emerged about the murder of Ann Widdecombe during the remand hearing at Westminster Magistrates’ Court of the man accused of killing her. The man charged, Joshua Kerry, a 28-year-old from Rotherham, was said by the prosecutor to have arrived at Widdecombe’s home as she was sat eating lunch in her kitchen. Her security cameras recorded Kerry parking on her drive and entering the house via the front door. The prosecutor said Kerry hit her over the head 21 times with a hammer, stole her wallet and left the house two minutes after entering it. He then appeared at the Old Bailey yesterday afternoon, where he was remanded in custody until a case management hearing on 9th October. A provisional hearing date was set for 8th June 2027 at the Old Bailey.

Monday’s appointment of Wes Streeting to Defence and John Healey as Chancellor seemed to go down well with the stock market yesterday. The big defence contractors, BAE, Babcock and Rolls-Royce, and some of the smaller ones who look after military premises, like Serco and Mears, saw their shares jump. Babcock jumped by over 7% on hopes of increased defence spending over and above that laid out in the recent spending review.

I read that the Cunard ship Queen Victoria is to go into dry dock in Rotterdam for three weeks in the autumn. Apparently, “substantial” work is to be undertaken. Work on the 2,000-passenger ship will include a new “Pavilions Wellness Café” (whatever that may be), a “reimagined” Queens Room and Grand Lobby. The upmarket Queens Grill and Princess Grill Suites are to have new furnishings, and eight additional Britannia Class staterooms are to be added. This will include three new Britannia Deluxe Oceanview staterooms, featuring floor-to-ceiling windows for panoramic ocean views. The refitted ship is scheduled to operate its first cruise on 7th November.

I watched an interview with the head of Ukraine’s Unmanned Systems Forces last night. Robert Brovdi, who looks like one of Castro’s Cuban revolutionaries, was quite interesting. He talked about how his drone forces had cut off Crimea by road, rail and ship, with one deliberate exception, the Kerch Strait Bridge. The idea, he claimed, was to leave an escape route open for the one million Russian settlers to cross back into Russia. He said the aim is to make life very uncomfortable for settlers in Crimea by creating shortages of fuel, electricity and water. He apologised to the Ukrainians stuck in Crimea but said they were better off than the people living in Ukraine, who were also suffering shortages of fuel, electricity and water, but with the added risk of having their homes destroyed by Russian bombs, drones and missiles.

I hear that Arsenal are cashing in on their Premier League win by renegotiating their shirt sponsorship and stadium naming deals two years early, when the advertising deal is at its most profitable. The word I hear is that the current double deal is worth a total of £45 million a year but was not due to expire until 2027. My understanding is that a long deal with Emirates Airlines has once again been agreed, but this time it will cost them £75 million a year. No mention has been made of how long the deal is for or if there is a clause for inflation increases. I guess we will have to await the official announcement for that.

I am hearing about a “hot mike” moment before yesterday’s Cabinet meeting. A hot mike moment is when someone says something they shouldn’t have and it is picked up by a live microphone. It is nothing to do with Hot Podium Man, who is a friend of mine. So, down to the story. All the new Cabinet ministers met for a mug of tea and a photo opportunity in the No. 10 garden before the first Mascara Man Cabinet meeting. The Home Secretary, the Defence Secretary and the Secretary of State for Justice were caught guffawing about the early release of prisoners and saying they want to let everyone out. This Government has not got off to a good start.

Thursday

It’s a good morning to all my readers, pleasantly warm again this morning and another six am announcement from Mascara Man. I’ll let you into a secret, he doesn’t do the tweets himself, he is still in bed. But his team knows the announcements will be picked up and reported by the early morning TV and radio shows without much scrutiny. Today it is a 20% cut in VAT for pubs, bars and live music venues. But, as usual, the devil is in the details. The scheme is for one year from 1st April next year. It is worth about £1,100 to each establishment and, once again, there is no mention as to where the money is coming from. Well, I suppose he has got nine months to work that out, and it may well be someone else’s problem by then. One other small point, there is no help for restaurants, cafés, hotels and high street shops.

It is slowly emerging that this new PM is just like the old one, he has arrived in No. 10 with no real plan for government. I hear that one of his supporters is blaming Legohead for this. Mascara Man was planning a takeover, but not until the autumn. Consequently, he was planning to use the summer to develop his plan for government. So, because Legohead decided not to challenge him and stretch out the process of putting a new leader of the Liebore Party into place, it’s Legohead’s fault. This is why he would not allow a one-day parliamentary recall to allow the Opposition to question him or face the press before becoming PM. He has no plan and wouldn’t have any answers.

What has become of the East West Railway? The first section at the western end, from Oxford to Milton Keynes, was finished being built in 2024 and was supposed to be open in 2025, but has been delayed. Apparently, the operator, Chiltern Railways, has had all sorts of problems. It had to build a train depot, procure trains, recruit train crew and then train them, produce a timetable and integrate it with the existing services already running on bits of the line. Finally, there is a row with the union over the one-man operation of the trains. It all sounds very typical of trains in the UK. Now I hear the aim is to start services with the December timetable change. We will have to wait and see.

I told you a bit back about Sweden giving 16 of its older Saab Gripen C/D planes to Ukraine, the C is the single-seater and the D the two-seater. Ukraine also placed an order for 16 new Gripen Es, the current production model. To coincide with the Farnborough Air Show, Sweden has announced that it is to acquire an additional 12 Gripen Es to take its total to 72. The word I hear is that the Swedish Air Force felt the gift of 16 of the older models left them a little short, and the 12 purchases are to make up for the loss.

I mentioned it the other day, but when a minister leaves their job, whether by resigning or being sacked, they are entitled to a severance payment of nearly £17,000. This was paid to both Louise Haigh and Angela Rayner. It seems that now they are both back as ministers there are calls for them both to pay the money back. However, I understand that it is down to the individual, as there is nothing in law about recovering the money. Somehow, I think hell will freeze over before we see any of that money returned.

Monday was a bit of a busy day for your Cat reporter, and I must apologise for not bringing you this story earlier. I hear that Canada has done what it was talking about and joined the GCAP project. It is not a full partner but an observer and will pay nothing into the programme. It will, however, allow it to see some of the secret design specifications and performance data and put it near the head of the queue of customers.

I hear that on Tuesday evening an easyJet flight from Tenerife to Liverpool returned to Tenerife after a brawl broke out 30 minutes into the flight. The reports I read say that around 10 people were fighting and taking no notice of the aircrew. I understand that the Spanish police met the 186-seat plane and people were removed. The plane then resumed its flight to Liverpool without any more trouble.

Friday

Hi everyone, only sunny periods when I went out this morning. I must say I rather like waking up on a Friday morning to Mascara Man being missing. Apparently, he intends to work from No. 10 North every Friday. Now I am happy with that. I wonder if he will stay at his Manchester home for the weekend or head to Chequers. Just think of all those lovely expenses he can charge for all that travel.

I had a good belly laugh when I heard about Parrotgate. Stella Creasy tweeted (I can’t bring myself to say X’ed) about an escaped parrot in her local park, saying it was definitely a parrot and not a parakeet. Apparently there are 50,000 parakeets in London, and this was one of them and immediately recognised as such by hundreds of tweeters, who started posting pictures of supposedly lost animals. A picture of a fox as a lost dog, a picture of a hippo as a lost guinea pig. Creasy lost her mind and couldn’t see the funny side.

Wingnut Ears Lineker has, along with 120 other multimillionaires, written an open letter to the Government asking to pay more income tax. I’m not sure why, when the top 1% of earners already pay 30% of all income tax. The irony is that Wingnut Ears fought HMRC, and won, over a claim for £4.9 million. If he wanted to pay more tax, he could have paid the money to HMRC and not fought the case. By the way, if you want to pay HMRC extra tax, they have a department you can contact and make a donation to, but you must give them a week’s notice.

I hear that the Burmese pythons that have become resident in south Florida, from the Keys to north of the Everglades, appear to have established a breeding population further north in Charlotte County. The snakes are not believed to spread naturally but to have been deliberately introduced into the area either by the dumping of pets or their escape from captivity. Once the pythons establish a breeding population, it is apparently very difficult to clear them from the area. One good thing is that the pythons do eat alligators.

For those of you who are F1 fans, I hear that, with the introduction of a new hybrid engine specification coming in this season, the powers that be have turned their attention to what will replace it and when. The “when” is a little easier to answer than the “what”. The aim is for the next engine to be introduced in 2030 or possibly 2031. But what I hear about the “what” is the most interesting. I am hearing we could go back to V8 engines, yes, those that made a magnificent noise, which motor racing fans loved. The only thing is that they would run on sustainable motor fuel, so it could be acceptable to the green lobby.

Last week a video appeared on the internet of a white man being assaulted by a gang of black men, with the white man being knocked to the ground. As he stands up, he is smashed into a shop shutter by a WPC, who allowed the black attackers to walk away. The white man was charged, and the police asked for the video not to be circulated. Fat chance. If I have seen it, so have millions of others. Interestingly, the Crown Prosecution Service has said there is not enough evidence to proceed, and all charges have been dropped. It seems that two black men have subsequently been arrested and have been issued with police cautions. It all looks very biased to me.

The French-Moroccan start-up car manufacturer NamX has revealed its first production car. It is the hydrogen-powered SUV they have designated their HUV (Hydrogen Utility Vehicle). The makers claim the HUV will have a range of over 950 kilometres on a single fill of hydrogen. The car is designed with a tank that contains 5 kg of hydrogen and six 0.5 kg capacity cartridges. The claim is that the car can be refuelled in just five seconds by swapping the cartridges. The car is available to pre-order right now for a mere €95,000. However, I see a big problem, the lack of hydrogen filling stations in the UK.

Saturday

Morning, my friends. It’s still dry here in London. No rain for ages. It’s a bit dull and not too hot. It’s what I call cat weather. So, all this bull about the numbers crossing the Channel in small boats being under control has fallen apart in the last couple of days, with nearly 700 rocking up in two days. It seems that the weather in the Channel hasn’t been suitable for crossings, but as soon as it is, they come in their hundreds. The thing recently has been the use of bigger and bigger boats, with up to 165 on one, which has allowed the PTB to say the number of boat crossings is down.

When she lost her job as Housing Secretary, Rayner was paid nearly £17,000 in compensation. Now, seven months later, she is back in the same job. It has been suggested that she should give the money back, but the Ginger Growler says no. If a worker is made redundant and gets their job back seven months later, they don’t have to pay back statutory redundancy pay. But if the employer has made an enhanced payment over and above the statutory amount, it can reclaim some or all of the extra money, subject to contractual arrangements. Now, what the Ginger Growler got wasn’t redundancy, but compensation for the loss of her ministerial post. I wonder what the contractual position for this is. Mind you, I suspect she used the money to pay off the HMRC money she owed.

So, Axel Rudakubana has been moved from prison to Broadmoor Psychiatric Hospital. The prison authorities say that Rudakubana is impossible to handle in prison, hence his transfer to Broadmoor, where he can be treated with strong drugs. The authorities have said that it is unlikely that Rudakubana will ever be released, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he has responded to treatment and is being released. One other point, I understand that keeping someone in prison costs less than a third of the cost of a secure psychiatric hospital like Broadmoor.

Here’s a bit of a shocker. Scientists have just produced a paper that shows our spate of heatwaves is likely the result of our cleaner air. It seems that removing dust and pollution from the air causes more sunlight to reach the ground and make it warmer. I have just watched a mad scientist on the TV, you know the type, big bushy beard, shorts and sandals, saying the reduction in air pollution saves 250 lives a year. I really don’t know where these numbers come from. No one has “died from air pollution” on their death certificate. Additionally, everyone has to die eventually, so I really can’t see how anyone can claim a saving of 250 lives a year. I wonder if anyone is recording excess deaths due to the heat?

I hear a big new development in Canary Wharf has been granted planning permission. The scheme involves the demolition of a 17-storey 1990s office block. It will be replaced by a 54-storey mixed-tenure residential tower, which will include 544 homes. It is a real mix of home types that are to be built. In total there will be 544 new homes and 266 aparthotel rooms. Some of the homes will be for rent, some will be social housing, some will be for co-living and, of course, 266 will be serviced apartment rooms. The scheme will also provide more than 3,100 sq. m of publicly accessible open space in a three-storey podium building, including new Dockside Garden and Community Garden areas, almost 200 sq. m of community space and 430 sq. m of retail floorspace. Then there will be a gym, a cinema, a swimming pool, shared kitchens and lounges for residents. It all sounds rather expensive.

Sometimes I think it is impossible for anyone in the world to be worse at infrastructure projects than the United Kingdom. You only have to look at HS2 for an excellent example. But I have just heard about a road project in Greece that has finally opened, just 16 years late. The final 46 km section of the E65 motorway was supposed to take just two years to build but instead has taken 18 years. I read the delays were due to technical and financial complications. In other words, they ran out of money.

I see Iran is upset that Mascara Man has allowed the Donald to once again use RAF Fairford as a base for bombing the country and is threatening to attack the UK, saying that RAF bases and the Royal Family are legitimate targets. I doubt the IRGC has planes capable of hitting the UK. They do have missiles, but again I somehow doubt they have the range to get here. But what does worry me is that Iran has been sending infiltrators into the UK on those cross-Channel rubber dinghies. An army of Iranian young men could already be in the UK and, with an embassy in London, they could easily be armed via the “diplomatic bag”.

That’s me finished for another week, and it is still warm here in the Street. I am off for my nap on my favourite windowsill, as it’s not too hot. Chat to you all again next week.

 

© WorthingGooner 2026