Question Time 11th July 2024
The Panel:
Peter Kyle (Labour)
George Freeman (Conservative)
Sian Berry (Green)
Camilla Cavendish (Journalist)
Venue: Colchester
Following the general election and its attendant cadre of new MPs, QT Review HQ is disappointed to announce the presence of only one Westminster new girl on tonight’s QT panel – more of whom later. Apart from herself, it’s the same old, same old. Puffins hoping for an Iqubal, Shokat, Adnan, Ayoub or even a Jeremy on tonight’s QT will be disappointed.
Out of those five new Hamas MPs (oops pro-Palestine independents), it’s Jeremy Corbyn (Islington North) who enjoys the biggest constituency vote share. Himself and Iqbal Mohamed (Dewsbury) are both more popular among their voters than the other branch of Hamas was among their constituents in the last Palestinian elections in 2006.
In a disappointing election night for Labour, leader Keir Starmer saw his St Pancras and Holborn share of the vote slashed and his majority reduced from 27,000 to 11,000. UK-wide, Labour only polled 34% of the vote, with their support in England falling compared with the disastrous 2019 general election.
After achieving less than two and a half times more votes than Reform UK, Labour should only have 12 seats. But, in a disappointing night for democracy, the abstentions won with 40% of the electoral roll but no seats and Labour were returned to power after 14 years with a majority of over 170.
Having mentioned some newcomers, QT Review HQ is obliged to nod towards some departing QT regulars. Bouffanted ex-BBC waste of space John Nicholson, once feared in every boy’s school in Ochil and Perthshire, lost to Labour’s Brian Leishman in the new seat of Alloa and Grangemouth.
A competition within the commentariat ensued to encapsulate the enormity of the loss to public life. Your humble reviewer’s submission of ‘Like voting Dick Emery out of 1970s Saturday night TV schedules’ came (rightly) behind a winning entry from The Scottish Daily Mail – ‘Like voting the Queen Mother out of Balmoral.’ *Snarf*
Back in England, over-present Jon Ashworth has made 14 QT panel appearances. During the most recent, he waxed lyrical about his multi-cultural constituency of Leicester South. One day he might attend a Diwali, the next day, an Eid. The carefully selected BBC audience clapped like seals and whooped.
They’re not clapping now. Besides the religious festivals of hostile constituents, Jon might also be advised not to attend his own count as the aforementioned Shockat Adam overturned John’s 22,000 majority and took the seat for Hamas.
The new girl is Sian Berry, MP for Brighton Pavillion, where she succeeds another QT regular, Caroline Lucas, now able to spend more time with her family who live in America. In order to save the environment, no doubt Caroline will swim there.
Cheltenham-born posh Grammer school girl Sian is a graduate of Trinity College, Oxford. A daughter to two grammar school teachers, the 50-year-old (her birthday being last Tuesday) is a former co-leader of the Green Party and councillor in London’s borough of Camden. Upon graduation, Ms Berry worked as a medical copywriter for large pharmaceutical companies before moving into the charidee business in what she describes as an ‘ethical temping agency.’
A published author, Sian scribed a series of ’50 Ways To’ books. Puffins familiar with Ovid’s ‘Ars Amatoria’ or the carvings at Khajuraho, will be disappointed to read this series refers to 50 different ways to help the natural world by being greener. For instance to travel greener, shop greener or make your house and garden greener.
As an indication the likes of Ovid and the chiselers of Madhya Pradesh understood their human nature better than Ms Berry, ’50 Ways to Be a Greener Shopper’ sits at 1,036,041st on the Amazon best sellers list. A disappointing 996,629 places behind the worldly Marquis de Sades’ ‘120 Days of Sodom.’
Elsewhere on the panel, Peter Kyle is the Labour MP for Hove and Portslade, a neighbouring constituency to Brighton Pavillion. After graduating from the University of Sussex with a degree in Human Geography, International Development and Environmental Studies, Peter took a doctorate in Community Development before a tour of non-jobs in charidees, promotions, advisory etc, before entering Parliament in 2015.
A keen LGBTQI++ type, Peter’s interest in young people led him to be Chair of Governors at the Brighton Aldridge Community College, Chief Executive of Working For Youth and of The Body Shop’s Foundation’s Children on the Edge project.
In a ‘The Gay UK’ interview, Mr Kyle boasts of a school in his constituency having a ‘gay group’ and another having won a Stonewall Award. Yuk.
George Freeman has served as the Conservative Member of Parliament for Mid Norfolk since being elected to the House of Commons in 2010. At the recent general election, his majority was reduced from 22,000 to 3,000.
The 56-year-old (his 57th birthday is tomorrow) was educated privately at Radley College and Girton College, Cambridge, where he earned a degree in Geography. Before entering politics, he worked in various roles within the biomedical and agricultural industries.
It’s a shame we don’t vote for journalists. If so, we could be rid of the over-present Camilla Cavendish. Not her real name, Hilary Camilla van Steenis, Baroness Cavendish of Little Venice of Mells in the County of Somerset, is a journalist with the Financial Times. Her ladyship attended £21,000 a year Putney High School before graduating from Brasenose College, Oxford, in PPE.
After a brief career in management consultancy, the 55-year-old became a London media-political bubble lifer with a spell as head of David Cameron’s Downing Street Policy Unit thrown in.
As ever, the dullard in the family is sent to Question Time. As every Puffin knows, Camilla’s husband’s great-uncle was Cornelis Gijsbert Gerrit Jan van Steenis, a director of the National Herbarium of the Netherlands and after whom both Leiden’s Cornelis van Steenishof Street and the Rubiaceae Steenisia is named. Beat that, George the Poet’s relatives!
***
Speaking of all things multicultural, Puffins who don’t read the unread comments won’t be aware I’m having trouble at the opticians. Banned from daily disposable contact lenses after wearing each set for months at a frugal time, I was given an eye test for monthlies.
As any visitor to their nearest high street realises, the first thing those travelling to many an African or Asian deserted rural settlement will see is a sign saying, ‘Gone away, forward mail to a provincial English Specsavers.’ During the appointment, my optician was a Miss Noor.
One of the Rawalpindi Noors – a travelling gentleman of a certain generation doesn’t need to be told, it’s all in the shape of the nose – I felt obliged to recount one of my rambling tall tales of derring-do from my previous ripping-yarn life more interesting.
After listening in stony silence, and somehow managing to remain straight-faced after a cracking punch line involving a Pakistani cricket captain, the Mahjuadeen cash and cash in Karachi docks and a burning camel, she replied while twisting her wrist,
‘Or clearer with the second lens?’
Oh well, now I know how Jon and John feel.
***
Question one was about the new government’s housing plans in the light of anticipated nimbyism and labour shortages. One and a half million homes will be built in five years, with Starmer promising a bulldozer through the regulations. There will be targets, frameworks and assertive powers – like in Mao’s China. Towns will be built for the first time in a generation – like in Stalin’s Russia. All this is according to Comrade Peter Kyle.
La Bruce made herself useful and read out a list of projects the three politicians present had opposed. Ah. That’s different, responded Peter, those houses weren’t appropriate. Expect much, much, much more of this evasive nonsense across the next five years.
George objected to large commuter estates on the outskirts of towns being built with no extra facilities provided. Nobody mentioned the three top reasons for the housing crisis: immigration, immigration and immigration. When Siam came to speak, Fiona Bruce had a list of projects, including a solar farm, which the Greens had objected to.
No one explained how we’re going to buy these houses while being taxed to death, nor how it fits in with Net Zero. Presumably, these will be rabbit hutches with noisy, expensive heat pumps and no space for a car.
Camilla wanted an empty room tax-break to encourage (force?) older people into smaller properties. Oops. Spoke too soon. Camilla then did mention immigration and the rising population. We have to have that debate, said Camilla, before the rest of the panel moved rapidly on. Sian wanted rent controls. That will kill the private rental sector, Sian. The present regulations, sans rent controls, already are. De-regulation = more rental properties.
Question two was about full prisons. Excuse me? There’s no such thing as a full prison. Keep on packing them in. Are there any full prisons in Central America or South East Asia? I don’t think so. Would you like to be in one? That’s what I call deterrence.
George decided only a third of prisoners should be in jail. Why are so many people attracted to crime and the short-term hit of drugs? Human nature, George, hence the need for harsh punishment.
Peter Kyle talked about tough choices and difficult circumstances inherited from the Tories. The suspicion being, the tough choice taken will be the easy way out of releasing prisoners early – after serving only 40% of their sentence.
An ex-con spoke from the audience. He couldn’t find a job, so had gone self-employed. He thought prison was the wrong place for some kinds of prisoners. Camilla thought the situation was even worse than it appears to be, regarding the privatisation of the probation service and long delays to court cases.
What about the victims?
Sian went to the other extreme and said that the criminals who harm you are the victims – of poverty, of austerity. The ex-con, Wayne, was patronised and over-praised by both panel and audience, who seemed to think that bad things can be prevented by saying and thinking nice things. Wayne hadn’t been in jail, he’d been in a holiday camp. No matter what it was, Wayne, try the same trick in El Salvador and see what happens to you.
A gentleman in the audience blamed public-private finance contracts used in place of government bonds. These had enriched the likes of Black Rock and Larry Fink. Peter was in favour of the public-private finance ‘landscape’. Because it disguises the level of government debt, he forgot to add. Peter did mention the victims. They should be ‘in the lead’. What does that mean?
This time around, the panel really didn’t mention the immigration, immigration and immigration contribution to the problem.
Fiona held her hand up as if a Medieval Pope and called the proceedings to a halt. Although it wasn’t her ‘usual fare’, she was going to give something three or four minutes. A lady in the audience asked, and I paraphrase, why does Boreth Wokegate, who threw a cup final against Italy for Nike Black Lives Matter and has done everything he can to squeeze the life out of a generation of decent England Wendyballers, get so much criticism?
Sian had been following the footy but wasn’t an expert. Her family are, and they give Wokegate a hammering – until the last-minute goals go in. George talked up Southgate. He’s not too big for his boots and deserves praise. A gentleman in the audience talked truth to power. Ouch. Southgate is criticised as he has been blessed with a generation of exceptional players and lucky draws, and he’s fluffed it. Peter doesn’t follow football, so we shall ignore him. Camilla felt sport was over important and predicted a loss on Sunday and increased ‘savagery’.
Next question, is voter loyalty a thing of the past? Yes, said Camilla, which is healthy. Having read the first half of this review, she concluded first past the post system is an argument for proportional representation. She urged the Labour Party, with its undeserved big majority, to govern for the benefit of the whole country. Fat chance of that on the day Milliband banned new North Sea drilling while simultaneously the wind farms were producing only 15% of our electricity.
© Always Worth Saying 2024
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