Larry’s Diary Week Four

Larry, the early days – Image by Sheila Shafer-Roberson from Pixabay


People were a bit uptight yesterday. It was supposed to be a good day, with the announcement of the order being signed to repeal the European Communities Act, but that got overwhelmed by the Sunday Times printing a leaked Brexit document. Dom was livid. When Bozzie had first had moved in to No 10 he had gathered civil servants and told them anyone who leaked documents would be sacked, he thinks this is someone testing him and that it might be an old document that has been superseded, but if he catches the leaker they’ll be in trouble. Gove has been told to get out there and tell everyone who will listen that it is in fact a superseded old document.

The God King President and Bozzie Bear have been having regular phone chats and have agreed to meet in private before the G7 meeting in France next weekend. They have also agreed to meet in London in December when the President will be over here for the NATO meeting. I think they must get on well together. I have also heard people discussing Holiday. They were saying that the Tramp does things on the cheap. This summer he and his wife flew on the cheap airline Wizz to Cluj and toured Romania. On the flight he met a number of Celtic officials going out to a match and blagged tickets for them both in the Directors box.

Bozzie Bear has written to Donald Tusk telling him to scrap the Irish Back Stop. Listening in I get the impression that they want Tusk to say that it would be impossible so they can blame EU intransigence for forcing a No Deal Brexit. Dom and Bozzie were chatting this afternoon and decided to “rattle a few cages” by announcing the end to Free Movement when we leave the EU. Jolly good think too, I don’t want all those continental Cats coming over here with their Rabies.


I hear lots of things I am not supposed to when I’m eating my Breakfast, tucked behind the fridge where no one realises I’m listening. This morning someone called Abbott was on the Radio talking about Free Movement. Dom said she was so fat that her movement was anything but free! She was complaining that 2,000,000 EU citizens still had not signed up for Settled Status. Bozzie said “they have had plenty of opportunity, is it our fault if the lazy foreigners can’t be bothered to apply”. Anyway we will still be letting in holidaymakers and the only thing I heard Bozzie say was to order Border Force to stop EU criminals coming into the country, something we can’t do while still members of the EU. In the same interview the Abbott also said that she would campaign for Remain in any new Referendum. When it was pointed out to her that the official Labour Policy is to re-negotiate a leaving Agreement and have a Referendum on that, she repeated “I shall be campaigning for Remain”. Will she be in trouble for campaigning and voting against Labour Policy? They chucked out Alister Campbell for that.

Dom rushed in waving a letter from Mr Tusk shouting “they have fallen for it”. It seems the EU have written back saying the the Back Stop must stay. This is exactly what they wanted as it lets them squarely blame No Deal on EU intransigence. Bozzie Bear has told Stephen Barclay to get on and tell the EU that Ministers and Officials will not be attending EU meetings from the beginning of September. He and Dom reckon that it’s all part of ramping up the pressure on the EU. The Little Otter is getting a little nervous now that she will be accompanying Bozzie Bear to meet the Queen at Balmoral. They will be attending a barbecue and the Otter is a bit worried just what will be served. Bozzie said she was not to worry as he was sure that it there was anything she didn’t like she could always dump it in the shrubs!


Everyone was up early this morning as Bozzie is off to Germany to meet Mrs Merkin. I rather fancied a trip out so I tried to hide in his bags. Unfortunately he found me and chucked me out. Oh well, I’ll just have to put up with looking for Bailey and watching him cowering in a corner when he sees me.

I caught the tail end of a conversation about last weeks electricity failure. Bozzie and Dom were not happy about the unreliability of wind and solar power and were discussing what to do. They wondered whether fracking could be the answer but thought that the public would not wear going flat out on that. Dom said “Aren’t we pushing money into Rolls Royce for mini nuclear reactors, why not go done that route”. Bozzie loved the idea and said; “How about we check out if they are going to work then announce a programme to build a chain to support the Northern Powerhouse, it’s a win win”. Dom wanted to make sure it would work before an announcement and they agreed to check it out and pencilled in an announcement in early September before the Tramp can call for a VoNC. Sir Oliver Letwin has announced that he will not stand for Parliament at the next election, I suppose he now feels free to vote against Brexit without any repercussions such as deselection.

Dom has been telling everyone that the krauts are now convinced that we will be leaving with no deal and that they think Bozzie is wasting his time talking to Merkin. He went out of the room muttering “I do like it when a plan comes together”. The Tramp is going all out for his GNU by calling a meeting of all opposition parties plus some Tory backbenchers. His timing is not very good considering that there was an opinion poll out today asking who was the most popular person to lead such a Government. It turns out that the Tramp only had the support of 15% of those who wanted a GNU. That old buffer Ken Clark was the favourite but he only got 25% support and 45% anti! Seems that The Remainers are totally split.

Dom has been wondering if Mrs Merkin is beginning to crack on Brexit as it has been reported that she has suggested to Bozzie that he comes back in 30 days with suggestions for an electronic border in Ireland. Well I’m more interested in what’s for my tea, I think I’ll go and see what’s in my bowl, then I can go and curl up for a snooze on the Sofa while Bozzie is still out!


Bozzie is in Paris today with Mr Macaroon and Bozzie has told him that he will not be building a hard border in Ireland. Macaroon says he will do anything to protect the EU and will not renegotiate the WA, so it looks like it’s back to No Deal.

I hear that two of the ex Tory MPs, Nick Boles and Dame Caroline Spelman, have turned down the Tramps invitation to an all party meeting to discuss his ideas for a GNU. Boles wasn’t very happy that the MSM got to see the invitation letter before those invited, so he did the same thing with his reply and released it to the media before sending it to the Tramp. In his letter he says that he could never support a Government of which the Tramp was Prime Minister even if it was only for a Temporary period. Talking of the Tramp he has had to cancelled a 4 day trip to Africa to make time for his meeting. Life is tough.

Liz Truss has today signed a continuity Trade Agreement with South Korea. This means that trade with South Korea will continue on the same terms as now when we leave the EU, and lays the ground for a new agreement when we leave. We now have similar agreements with 38 countries.


The kitchen staff are rushing around madly this morning as I hear we have a special guest coming for breakfast. It’s gone very posh today, no CoCo Pops, bacon Sandwich and tea in a chipped mug for my human slave. Bozzie has invited Prue Leith to eat with him so they can talk about her heading up a Hospital Food Initiative. Good job it’s a nice sunny morning as breakfast is to be served in the Garden. I wonder if I could get her to look at my cat food while she is here.

The Tramp had a good whinge this morning about the fires in the Brazilian Amazon. He called on the Brazilian President to do something but didn’t say what! He had another big problem in that NASA put out a load of Satellite photographs showing that the fires were not as bad as reported. In fact the fires are less than the average.

The lefties have been getting upset today because Bozzie has told the dross who have been taking advantage of the good weather to illegally cross the channel that the U.K. would return them to France. They seem to think that we should accept anyone who turns up on our shores and claims asylum. They forget that the illegal immigrants should have applied for asylum in the first safe country they landed in.  Are they admitting that France isn’t safe! I suppose that the Yellow Jackets will tell us that it isn’t not for it’s own people, anyway.

What is it with Labour MPs (or perhaps more accurately ex Labour MPs)? I hear that disgraced Sheffield Hallam MP Jared O’Mara has been arrested for Fraud by South Yorkshire Police. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person!

Bozzie had another Telephone chat with the God King President this evening. I curled up and pretended to be asleep in his office so that I could hear the conversation. Didn’t do me a lot of good though as it’s hard to understand what’s going on when you can only hear what one person says. It was clearly a good natured chat with lots of laughter and ended with Boris agreeing the detail of the meeting before the G7. Well that seems to be it for today, I’m off on a quick patrol round the estate before bedtime, looking for rodents, birds, the Foreign Office Cat or that bloody dog Bailey!


Up early again this morning so that Bozzie can prepare for his trip to the G7 in France. At least I’m still getting a decent cat food for breakfast, I think the human slaves got the message that I didn’t like that cheap muck when I kept leaving a bit in the bottom of my bowl and then begging for table scraps. It’s not like me to not finish my food!

Bozzie and Dom have decide the NHS is definitely off the table for any trade deal and that we will keep the current rules and regulations regarding Animal Welfare and Food Hygiene, effectively ruling out Chlorinated Chicken and Hormone Beef. This might help with EU discussions. I heard them discussing a strange story this morning before leaving for Biarritz. It seems that the Tramp has been considering dumping a Trade Deal with the US in favour of one with Cuba. What sort of trade he could do with Cuba is the question. Dom said we could send them lots of tourists, turning it into a Caribbean Benidorm. But what could Cuba offer in exchange? Bozzie said “I known Corbyn wants loads of Cuban Doctors for the NHS, Cuba has the worlds lowest patient doctor ratio”

Bozzie and Dom’s plan to blame a “No Deal Brexit” on the EU or France or Germany or all of them is gathering pace. They have even come up with a new name for Donald Tusk “Mr No Deal”, I wonder if it will stick. I heard a number of strange things today as Bozzie was being briefed before leaving for France. Firstly he was told to remind Tusk that if we left without a deal he will not get the £39 billion. Then he was told to tell Macaroon that he would oppose killing the Free Trade Deal with Brazil over the Amazon fires, as we believe in Free Trade. Finally he was given a long list of silly restrictions imposed by US on imports from the U.K. to raise with the God King President. These included Melton Mowbray pork pies, tape measures, cauliflowers, wallpaper, shower trays, English wine and railway carriages.

Just before I went to my cat basket to curl up for the night some of the SPADs were getting excited. It seems that three new opinion polls are out for the Sunday papers all giving Bozzie a lead over the Tramp one of 6%, one of 10% and the third of 12%. I may have to write a diary entry tomorrow, much against my normal practice, as there looks like there could be a lot going on.


It seems a little strange to be writing my Diary on a Sunday but things are definitely happening today. I have seen a picture of Bozzie and the God King President having Breakfast at the G7 and they appear to be getting on very well. The GKP has again been talking up a trade deal. Bozzie said that the US felt they could have a deal signed within a year. The GKP says the UK is losing the anchor around it’s ankle. Bozzie told Tusk that if it was a No Deal Brexit he could whistle for the £39 Billion.

Labour Shadow Minister Barry Gardener got a bit upset on TV this morning, when he was wittering on about how the Tramp was going to form a GNU. Sophie Ridge challenged him saying that Labour didn’t have the numbers and he was just pretending. Much to Gardener’s disgust she pointed out that the Tramp was so hated by other parties that he had no chance of becoming PM.

Then there was a Trade expert on LBC who said that all the things necessary to trade freely between Northern Ireland and the Republic without a hard border were already available and that a report had been written saying exactly how it would work. He said that the EU were not willing to read it, they just rejected it out of hand without saying what they felt was wrong with it. Couple of the best things I have heard this weekend were that following sheep walking down Whitehall the other day they are now going to be allowed to graze on Hampstead Heath for the first time since 1950 and that someone has stolen a model of Guy Fawkes head from a spike outside the London Bridge Experience. The thief was seen on CCTV walking off with the head tucked under his arm. I wonder if he went home on the Underground with it.

Well that’s it, I can’t be bothered to write any more, I’m off to the garden to lie in the shade and have a snooze while I wait for my evening feed. If anything else happens today I’ll write about it tomorrow.

© WorthingGooner 2019