Larry’s Diary, Week Three Hundred And Two

Monday

Good morning, peeps, from a dull and grey Downing Street. The mood here today is quite good because Legohead is away again. It’s amusing how every time there is a problem at home, he finds an urgent need to go abroad. This time it’s Egypt, where he wants to bask in Trump’s glory of getting a Middle East agreement to release the living hostages. However, Trump is in Israel, where all the real action is, and he is addressing the Israeli Parliament. I hope Trump squashes him when he next sees him.

The slimy Bridget Phillipson was interviewed on TV yesterday morning and tried to big up the Government for its part in the current Middle East deal. But it is my understanding that, according to Marco Rubio, they were a hindrance rather than a help. He says Legohead set back, and nearly collapsed, the negotiations when he recognised Palestine as a country. Is that what Phillipson meant when she talked about the part he played?

Today, the Commons is back in session and the collapse of the infamous Chinese spying trial is certain to come up. In fact, I hear the Tories have tabled an urgent question, but whether it is debated is up to it being accepted by Mr Squeaker. I somehow expect that we will not get to the truth of just why the Government backtracked on the previous Government’s agreement to supply the information necessary to prosecute. But it won’t stop the speculation.

The rumours I hear in the corridors of power are that that well-known pirate, Morgan McSweeny, is about to walk the plank. I haven’t seen him around for a couple of weeks now and I have heard he has fallen out with Legohead. That is strange, because he and Legohead were as close as two cheeks on the same arse. The pirate has apparently still been involved in some meetings, but he has only done so via the internet, and then by voice only. Apparently, they have fallen out on several things, including the money he raised for Legohead’s leadership campaign and didn’t declare to the electoral authorities, and his good friend, a Peter ‘the Prince of Darkness’ Mandelson. It has also been suggested that McSweeny was behind a campaign against Brexit Party candidate Michael Heaver during the 2019 European Parliament elections.

Today would have been the 100th birthday of Margaret Thatcher if the great lady were still alive. Maggie is the most important female politician this country has ever had, and it is a close fight between her and Winston Churchill as to who was the greatest politician ever in this nation and the longest-serving PM of the 20th century. RIP, Baroness Thatcher. There is a big celebration tonight and every single one of the living cabinet ministers who served under her will be there. That will be some do.

Here is another anniversary taking place today. It is 175 years since the Royal Navy first placed an order for what became the iconic matelot’s black hat with the ribbon around it bearing his ship’s name, as famously seen for many years on the front of a packet of Player’s Navy Cut. Over the years, the design of the hat has changed and, for most matelots, it is now mainly white. But for submariners, the iconic black cap has recently been reintroduced.

I had to chuckle this morning when I heard the rumour doing the rounds of Number 10 that Legohead has decided on a new blame strategy for the country’s disastrous economic position. Apparently, after 15 months in power, blaming the Tories is running out of traction. I hear the new attack line is to blame Brexit, and particularly Nigel Farage. I can’t see Nigel taking such rubbish sitting down. He will simply say the truth. We have never fully left the EU, and until we do, we will continue to have problems. But last year’s disastrous budget is the biggest problem and mainly to blame.

Tuesday

Good morning, everyone. Summer seems to be finally over, as it’s another of those grey and miserable mornings here in London. Why is it that whenever the Government gets under a little pressure, Legohead disappears abroad? This time it’s the Chinese spies in Westminster, and he has found it convenient to pop over to a ‘Heads of Government’ meeting in Egypt. Absolutely typical.

I watched the Donald speaking to the Israeli Knesset yesterday morning and, my, did he look bored. He had to sit through some long speeches, getting up several times to applaud people who I’m sure he had no idea who they were. But when he eventually was allowed to speak, he was continually interrupted by long and loud applause. I note that he mentioned many people and countries that helped, but Legohead didn’t get a mention.

I hear that Egypt has just received the first of its second order for French Rafale fighters. They originally ordered 24 back in 2015 and they were all delivered by 2017. Back in 2021, they ordered another 30 and, for some reason unknown, this time it has taken four years for the first one to be delivered. Although, I suspect it might be because they are now popular with nations that don’t want to buy Russian and have been refused American F-35s. Egypt falls in this category, as do the likes of Indonesia and the UAE. But what is interesting is that the unit price paid by Egypt is 45% less than paid by India.

Do you remember the Indian Boeing 787 that crashed into a building shortly after take-off earlier this year? Investigators are still looking into reasons, but I read that the recovery of the ‘black boxes’ has led to some new paths. Apparently, as the plane made its take-off run, the lights and electronic instruments were flickering, engines stuttered, and the RAM air turbine automatically deployed. This would normally indicate power problems, and that is being investigated but is proving difficult to nail down. However, the lawyers for the families killed have discovered that several 787 operators had reported water leaks in the aft battery space to the makers and the FAA years ago, and nothing had been done. The symptoms suffered by the plane that crashed match those caused by wet batteries.

To change the topic completely, I learn that vineyards across the country are reporting a fabulous harvest of high-quality grapes. In fact, I read of several that are reporting that grapes were ready as early as late August, as much as two months earlier than normal. On top of that, the crop is well up on last year, which wasn’t a bad year, and I hear many reports of double last year’s weight, with at least one saying they have harvested 600 tonnes against last year’s 300 tonnes, with their harvest complete six weeks earlier than normal. I wonder if English wine will be cheaper this year. I expect not.

The Guardian has splashed a story saying that Reform have abandoned a manifesto pledge to make billions of pounds’ worth of tax cuts. What a ludicrous story. Reform are not the Government, so whatever they said in last year’s manifesto is obviously not going to happen. Then you must remember that Liebore have been in power for the last year and a quarter and have so messed up the economy that no old manifesto could possibly stay relevant. I bet that not a single British party stands on the same manifesto as 2024 when the next election comes around.

I read that Boris Johnson expressed his opinion on Legohead’s input to the Middle East hostage crisis deal yesterday afternoon on ‘X’. He said it was as much use as a fart in a gale, and I agree with him.

Wednesday

Hi folks, another grey morning here at Number 10, brightened only by the TV continually showing the Donald giving Legohead the cold shoulder at the Leaders of Nations conference in Egypt. It was lovely seeing the Donald standing mid-stage, inviting leaders who helped come one by one onto the stage and posing for photos shaking hands with them. It was notable that Legohead was way down the list. And then, after the ceremony, Legohead was skulking at the back of the crowd and the Donald looked around and said, “Where is Great Britain?” Legohead put up his hand in what was close to a Hitler salute and came forward. At which point, the Donald shook his hand, said a very brief hello, and turned away, leaving Legohead to skulk back to his position at the back.

Another bad set of economic figures has been announced, and it offers no relief at all for Robber Reeves. Firstly, the unemployment numbers are up and the vacancy numbers are down. Then the one thing that Liebore has been leaning on, increasing wages, has reversed and the rate dropped in August. It is all going wrong for Liebore.

I see that the Donald has decided that he wants to end the Russo-Ukraine war next and has hinted that he will supply Ukraine with Tomahawk cruise missiles if the Russians once again prevaricate. The Tomahawk is the USA’s premier land attack missile with a range of over 1,000 miles. The Donald says the Tomahawk would be a game changer. But I wonder, as back in August Ukraine revealed its own homemade Flamingo cruise missile that has double the Tomahawk’s range and payload, making all Russian infrastructure west of the Ural Mountains a target. Ukraine would be unlikely to turn down the offer of Tomahawks, but they are already producing a Flamingo every day and say that will be 10 a day by the end of the month.

I learn that Sky is having problems with its coverage of darts matches. It is having to cut out the crowd noise and rely on the mics on the caller and the announcer and hope the crowd noise is indistinguishable. Why, you may ask? Well, the answer is simple. Dart crowds have a new favourite chant of ‘Keir Starmer is a wa…er.’ It’s not that Sky disagrees, but that the word that rhymes with anchor is not liked by Ofcom. Legohead is so obviously unpopular among the people of this nation.

While on the subject of sport, I learn that Christian Horner, having settled for a fortune after being sacked by Red Bull, is in talks with Ferrari about becoming their team principal. Every time I read about Horner’s payoff at Red Bull it seems to have gone up, and the latest I hear is they have paid him £110 million. If I had received that sort of money, you wouldn’t catch me working ever again. I wonder if Horner really wants to work at Ferrari, an F1 team that has a bad reputation to work for, and have tried to recruit him at least twice before. I think he is just playing the game of driving up the amount one of the other teams he is said to be negotiating with is offering.

Fifteen British and French groups have combined to launch a legal challenge to the Anglo-French ‘one out, one in’ agreement in the French courts. Among other things, they claim that the agreement breaches the French Constitution. While telling you about the problems with the agreement, I see that 25 of 26 asylum seekers returned to France have written a letter to The Guardian complaining that they are ‘living in difficult and unsafe conditions.’ One of the returned asylum seekers is no longer in France and his whereabouts are unknown.

The Afghan asylum seeker who posted a video on TikTok threatening to shoot Nigel Farage has been sentenced to five years in prison. The stupid thing is that he could be released in 18 months, as he has already been on bail a year, after which the Government will have to decide whether they want to accept his asylum claim or to eject him back to Afghanistan. At the moment, we have no returns agreement with Afghanistan, so even if we reject the asylum claim of someone who has just served a five-year sentence and has 17 convictions in Sweden, what do we do with him?

Thursday

Hello folks, gosh, was it chilly when I went out earlier. I suppose it is even more noticeable as the heating seems to come on here most mornings now. My, was Legohead upset after yesterday’s PMQs. He was stamping his foot and banging doors. But things aren’t any better this morning, with the latest growth figure for August out earlier. The initial numbers showed tiny growth of just 0.1%, but so did the numbers for July before being revised down to minus 0.1%. What odds the same thing happens for August?

Yesterday, there was another one of those MRP mega opinion polls that are supposed to be more accurate because they ask more people and predict the results in each seat individually. This one gave Reform a massive win by taking 445 seats, with Liebore as the official opposition with just 73 seats, Limp Dumps on 42, and the Scottish Nazis on 41. But the Tories would have just 7 seats. Of course, this is based on an imaginary election today, and there are nearly four years to go before the country must go to the ballot box, so a lot of things could happen in the meantime.

The Western nations, like the UK, who have bought heavily into the F-35 for their fighter aircraft, have a bit of a problem with reliability. Admittedly, the plane seems to be very capable when in the air, and a match for Russian and Chinese aircraft. But the plane has a terrible record of availability. Even the USAF report that only about 60% are ready to fly at any time. Part of the problem is that the plane is highly complex, probably more so than any plane in history. But a decision was taken at the design stage for the aircraft to self-diagnose and report its problems to a central computer, which will then organise the delivery of any necessary spare parts. This idea might work well for the RAF if we had a central store of spare parts in the UK, but this just isn’t the case. The computer that dispatches the parts is based in the USA. For example, just look at the British F-35B that was stuck in India, or this week’s story of the first delivery flight of F-35As for the Belgian Air Force. Four took off from America, but only three arrived in Belgium, as one went U/S and is stuck in the Azores.

The Royal Mail has once again been fined for not making its delivery targets in 2024/25. This time it has been fined £21 million, the third largest fine it has ever received. In the period in question, it only delivered 77% of First-Class mail and 92.5% of Second-Class mail on time. This is well short of its 93% and 98.5% targets. Mind you, I had a good chuckle when I read that Ofcom said the fine should have been £30 million, but was reduced by 30% because the Royal Mail admitted its failings. The problem with fining the Royal Mail is that they simply pass the cost on to its customers by putting up the cost of postage.

I was interested to read that P&O have just released the ship’s itinerary for winter 2027/28, and they are swapping over the positioning of two ships, Iona and Britannia. For the past few winter seasons, Britannia has been doing seven- and fourteen-night sailings out of Bridgetown, Barbados, where it alternates every weekend with Arvia. If you watch TV, you can’t have failed to have seen P&O advertising its Caribbean fly-cruises. Well, the adverts appear to have paid off, as Arvia’s sister ship Iona, the two biggest ships in the fleet, will be operating out of Bridgetown and Britannia will be sailing to Europe and the Canaries out of Southampton. This will give P&O an additional 1,360 passengers a fortnight out in the Caribbean. I bet the charter airlines who are contracted to fly the passengers out are rubbing their hands together.

In 2021, Cheltenham Borough Council installed an air source heat pump to supply the heating for The Burrow’s Pavilion in Leckhampton. The pavilion is used mainly by Leckhampton Rovers Football Club, and they have found the ASHP is undersized, is incapable of heating the pavilion properly, and costs £6,000 a year to run. The club would like the ASHP replaced with a new, properly sized one which would only cost £1,500 a year to run, but the council says the club will have to pay. I wonder if the council have investigated whether the heat pump is meeting its specifications.

I find it interesting that the illegal immigrant found guilty of threatening to kill Nigel Farage and sentenced to five years in prison also got a concurrent sentence of eight months for entering the country illegally. Now, what I find strange is that we have had nearly 37,000 people enter Britain in the same way (a small boat) this year alone, and he is the only one I know of to be charged. I understand that this crime has been on the statute book for years, but no one has the guts to use it, probably because we don’t have the prison capacity to lock them all up. But the answer is simple: build some big detention camps somewhere nice and remote and arrest the boat people as soon as they set foot in the UK and whizz them straight to a magistrates’ court, where they must be guilty as none have a visa. A five-minute hearing per boatload, and straight to detention. From what I read, the maximum sentence is four years, with automatic deportation afterwards. But as a magistrate can only give a maximum of 12 months, that will have to do, provided they are deported.

Friday

Hi everyone, a bit grey this morning but today it is very chilly. Late last night, it emerged that supporters of an Israeli football team are to be banned from attending their team’s Europa League match with Aston Villa next month. The ban follows a campaign by the local MP, who was elected on an independent pro-Gaza ticket. I must say that it appears to be an anti-Semitic move, and it has caused a massive row. I wonder what overseas meeting Legohead can disappear to.

Boeing managed to deliver 55 aircraft in the last month, taking their total deliveries so far this year to 440. They appear to have been celebrating, but they were still outproduced by Airbus, who delivered 73 aircraft. Boeing has delivered 440 aircraft so far this year, while Airbus has delivered 507, over a month’s production ahead of Boeing. One company that will be a little relieved will be Ryanair, who received 10 Boeing 737 Max aircraft from its much-delayed order. Ryanair have been complaining for ages about late deliveries and how it has hit their bottom line. Mind you, the new planes have missed the summer season, when airlines make most of their earnings. We are now in the shoulder season, when airlines begin to scale back operations, readying for the winter timetables.

What has become of the child grooming national inquiry? It is four months since the Liebore Government were very reluctantly pressed into announcing one. Today, we seem to be no nearer one starting than when it was announced. The official reason is that they can’t find a judge willing to chair it. I think they don’t want it to happen, as it will expose all the people who sat back and did absolutely nothing, and perhaps the most guilty were Liebore councillors and police officers. I can’t blame judges not wanting to take the chair. They are likely to be under so much pressure to water down the findings that it makes the job almost impossible.

I see that the licence holders for what is now the UK’s largest oil and gas field have reapplied for permission to drill production wells. The field lies off the west coast of Shetland in what is called the Atlantic Margin and is subject to some awful weather. I understand the exploration rig was able to withstand 100-foot waves! Texaco were the original licence holders, and in common with its naming convention of the time, named it Rosebank after a whisky distillery. The ownership has passed through several hands, and it is now owned by Equinor (40% and operator of the licence), Suncor (40%), and Siccar Point (20%). The licence was awarded in June 2001, and the second of three exploration wells drilled in 2006 hit oil that flowed at 6,000 barrels a day from a deposit 80 feet thick, 9,000 feet down in 1,100 feet of water. It was initially believed that at least 240 million barrels of oil and gas could be recovered. That has now been more than doubled to 500 million barrels. The green lobby has fought to stop the field producing oil and gas, and a Scottish High Court judge placed an injunction on the company producing anything from the field until a comprehensive environmental assessment, including its climate change impact, was completed. That brings us to 2025, and as a new production licence application has been made, I guess the company thinks they have cleared the environmental assessment hurdle. It’s not as if we don’t need our own oil and gas.

For those of you addicted to the old programmes and films put out by Talking Pictures (and I know many of you are), I have news of its rival, Rewind TV, that is available on Sky Q (but not Glass or Stream) and Freeview. They are launching a new slot called ‘After Hours’ and will be showing several programmes said to be too risqué for ‘normal TV’. This will include Russ Meyer’s Fanny Hill, Mary Millington’s True Blue Confessions, and two Kenny Everett specials that have never been shown on British television. Of course, I will not be able to see them. Legohead would never allow such ‘cheeky’ programmes on any TV he controls.

I hear that one of the growing trends in theft is the stealing of EV charging cables, particularly from garage forecourts, supermarket car parks, and cars charging on their owners’ drives. The thieves seem to have noticed that now we have 1,000,000 EVs on our streets, they are nearly always left unattended while charging, making them vulnerable. Why are thieves interested in the cables? The answer is very simple. Each one contains around £20 worth of scrap copper. I can only see this getting a lot worse as more EVs appear on our roads and thieves catch on to how easy it is.

I read that in Scottishland they have begun to test the overhead electric power on the recently electrified East Kilbride line. The section, 22 km long and running between East Kilbride and the new station at Hairmyres, has seen a test train running so that engineers can be certain the overhead cable is performing as designed, in readiness for a full electric service starting with the new December timetable.

Saturday

Good morning, people. Another grey, miserable, chilly morning. At least I had Felix Chicken in my bowl, and for the first time in ages, the feeder gave me a few cat treats. Why can’t they all do that? Ed Millipede must be livid this morning as I read that the North Sea Transition Authority has confirmed that there is an additional 1.1 billion barrels of oil in existing oil fields, on top of the already proven 2.9 billion barrels. In addition to that, there are another 5.3 billion barrels of ‘contingent reserves’, where they know there is oil but it needs a little work to establish the exact amount. But there is a third category, where oil companies believe there is yet more oil and gas, up to the equivalent of 15.8 billion gallons of oil equivalent. But Millipede has banned the exploration for this, claiming that the North Sea was almost out of oil and the ban would have little effect on production. I’m not so sure this is true. Worldometer says we have five years’ worth of oil reserves left if we just used our own proven oil finds without importing any (which we do, as our oil is high quality) and without the new finds.

Late on Friday, the news broke that Prince Andrew has given up the use of his titles. He will still be legally the Duke of York and a Knight of the Garter but has agreed not to use them. The problem is that it would need an Act of Parliament to remove them, so it seems the King has agreed to let them lie unused. He remains a Prince because he was the son of a monarch and it is impossible to remove that title. I bet we don’t see much of him now. He has already been banned from attending the family gathering at Christmas. Fergie is no longer the Duchess of York, but his two daughters will remain Princesses as they are the granddaughters of a monarch.

This week’s Find Out Now opinion poll was a bit different to recent ones. As usual, it had Reform way out in front on 32%, 15% in advance of the second-placed party. But for the first time in months, Liebore was in third place, 2% behind the second-placed Tories. The Greens were also on 15% and the Limp Dumps were on 12%. Translated into seats, Reform were on 434, Tories on 31, Liebore on 38, Limp Dumps on 57, and the Greens on 19. This is a strange prediction where several parties manage to get more seats than parties with a larger share of the vote.

I had to laugh when The Donald announced that he had a two-hour phone call with Poo Tin about ending the war with Ukraine. The word I hear is that Poo Tin was reluctant to meet for more talks, but The Donald told him that if he didn’t agree to talks, he would sell a couple of thousand Tomahawk missiles to Ukraine. The Donald says Poo Tin didn’t like the idea and has agreed to a meeting next month. I hear that the last summit meeting finished early when Poo Tin gave The Donald a two-hour lecture on how Ukraine belonged to Russia before The Donald cancelled the planned lunch.

After talking about it for a long time and being pressed very hard by the trade unions, the German Government has signed an order for another 20 Eurofighters, bringing work to the German, British, and Spanish makers. The order follows on from a recent order for 25 planes from Spain and 24 from Italy, ensuring production will continue until at least 2034. These new aircraft are what is known as Tranche 5, the most advanced version with numerous improvements, including its radar and avionics.

I hear that Airbus has received a substantial order from the Abra Group, who operate airlines under the Avianca and Gol Linhas Aéreas brands. The order is for 7 × Airbus A330neo and 50 × A320neo family aircraft (which are an exercised option). This takes the total number of A320s on order to 138, the first of which is due to be delivered this year. Apparently, the decision which of the two airlines will get the additional aircraft will depend on conditions at delivery, going to whomever needs them the most at the time.

Word reaches me from Russian-held Crimea that Russian air defences have shot down one of their own Russian Su-30SM fighter jets on Thursday night, Friday morning. I hear the air defences were engaging a Ukraine drone attack when the incident occurred. This follows the Moscow air defences shooting at and narrowly missing a civilian airliner coming in to land in the city the day before. Apparently, the plane was mistaken for a drone. Thankfully for the passengers, the air defences were not very accurate.

Well, once more that’s me done for the week. It’s not very nice here in London today, but I think it is probably warm enough to try a snooze on the windowsill. If it rains or is a bit too cold, I can always come back indoors.

Chat to you all next week.
 

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