Non-Alcoholic Pub Drinks

T & B - Tonic and Bitters. — T & B – Tonic and Bitters.

Let’s start with an apology. The title of this article alone will be enough to provoke a sudden and dangerous rise in blood pressure amongst many readers, and for that I am extremely sorry, but at the risk of getting a lifetime ban, and getting lots of blocks….. here is a fairly comprehensive list of non-alcoholic drinks available in public houses.

But before you reach for the block button, consider this: there may come a time when you order a non-alcoholic drink, or might even prefer to order a non-alcoholic drink in a pub.

Maybe you had so much to drink the night before that you can’t even face the hair of the dog.

Maybe your doctor has put you on a course of tablets clearly marked “DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL while taking this medicine”.

Maybe you have decided to, or have been asked to take a break from alcohol.

Maybe you are facing a long drive after leaving the pub.

Maybe (Heaven forbid) the wife, or husband even, has put their foot down, saying you’re not getting stuff done, and we can’t afford all that booze.

Maybe you are practising ‘mindful drinking’, the awful woke term for cutting down and having the occasional day ‘off’, or maybe (God forbid) you are even ‘sober curious’, i.e. thinking about your relationship with alcohol, and seriously considering sobriety.

You may even have gone to the pub with some Muslim friends, and decided to abstain from alcohol out of respect for their religious beliefs.

So if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to order a non-alcoholic drink for yourself, what would it be? Let’s go to the bar………. and the most obvious choices are:

Cola – regular, or artificially sweetened
Lemonade
Ginger Ale (ginger beer can contain around 0.5 percent alcohol and upwards by volume)
Fruit Juice
Bitter Lemon
Mineral Water – still or fizzy, possibly with a hint of fruit flavouring
Soda Water – water containing dissolved carbon dioxide gas
Cordial (i.e. lime, elderflower, blackcurrant, raspberry, cranberry, etc.) and Soda Water
Tap Water – complete with chlorine odour and funny taste
Energy Drink – a fizzy caffeine concoction
Alcohol-free Wine (first produced during the Prohibition era in USA)
Alcohol-free Beer (first available 1979) and Lager
Alcohol-free Cider
Alcohol-free Spirits
Coffee or Tea

And of course…. Mocktails (a term first coined in 1916). See brief list of mocktail varieties at the end of this article.

A temporary teetotaller should be able to find something acceptable in that list, although not all those items would necessarily be available in every pub. It’s also worth noting that some beers, wines, and ciders marketed as ‘alcohol free’ do contain a very tiny amount of C₂H₆O.

Once known as temperance drinks, maybe readers can think of other alcohol-free options, although I seriously doubt any readers of this blog will know anything about non-alcoholic drinks.

In my younger days, when I went to a pub, non-alcoholic drinks were the last thing on my mind, but I do vaguely remember seeing bottles of Malvern Mineral Water, Canada Dry, Britvic orange juice, and Schweppes tonic water on the shelf, with cola, soda water, tonic and lemonade available from draught via a bar dispenser.

My own personal favourite non-alcoholic drink, which is not on the above list, is a kind of souped-up tonic water (see main picture).

Many years ago, I asked a guy who had worked a lot in bars, what he could recommend as a non-alcoholic pub drink, and this is what he came up with. It’s been my first choice ever since.

I’ve always called it Bitters and Tonic, but after researching this article, I’ve discovered it’s more commonly known as Tonic and Bitters (T & B), which probably explains why I often get blank looks from bar staff on the rare occasions I order one.

The other day in a chain pub, I asked for a Bitters and Tonic. I had to repeat the name for the waitress, and then elaborated by saying ‘Angostura Bitters with tonic water, plus ice and a slice of lemon’.

Five minutes later, she returned brandishing a brand new, unopened bottle of Angostura Bitters – easily recognisable by its oversize label. I confirmed that this was indeed the stuff, and she eventually reappeared with a glass containing a few dashes of bitters, some ice, a slice of lemon, and tonic, accompanied by a half full bottle containing the rest of the tonic.

I suppose it would be helpful in future if I say T & B, rather than B & T, so I will endeavour to change the habit of a lifetime.

Angostura bitters does not contain (contrary to what many people think), any extract from the Angostura tree, but instead is a herbal concoction based on gentian, herbs, and spices. Made in Trinidad & Tobago, these aromatic bitters are used as a flavouring – in other words a few drops are added – usually to cocktails, and it is not normally ingested undiluted.

Having said that, the largest purveyor of Angostura bitters in the world is Nelsen’s Hall Bitters Pub on Washington Island, Wisconsin, which began selling shots of bitters as a “stomach tonic for medicinal purposes” under a pharmaceutical license during Prohibition in the United States.

This practice helped the pub to become the oldest continuously operating tavern in Wisconsin, and it continued selling shots after the repeal of Prohibition. The pub is said to sell 10,000 or more shots every year.

Personally, I have absolutely no intention of ever drinking the stuff neat. For one thing, it would take too long to squirt a decent quantity out of the bottle.

I do occasionally make a T & B at home, and I vary the recipe slightly by adding freshly squeezed lime or lemon juice, as follows:

Juice of one whole lime, or of half a large lemon
A few dashes of Angostura Bitters
A few ice cubes
Tonic Water (approximately 150ml)
Slice of lime or lemon

Delicious and refreshing!

And finally did anybody spot the ‘mistake’? Yes, T & B is not a non-alcoholic drink, because the bitters contain 44.7% alcohol, although of course there’s only a tiny amount of alcohol in a few drops.

The alcohol acts as a steriliser and preservative, enabling the bitters to last for about a decade before the flavour starts to change. It also acts as a solvent to dissolve the botanical extracts.

There will be several other combinations of liquid that can produce palatable non-alcoholic pub drinks that aren’t listed here, so maybe add suggestions in the comments? Even the names of any ‘mocktails’ not included in the brief list below.

Er, cheers!

Some Relatively Well-Known Mocktails