Letter from Stafford, Two

Reader Stephen, Going Postal
Michael King, Jr, 5’3” modern hero.
President Lyndon B. Johnson and Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr,
Yoichi Okamoto
Licence CC BY-SA 2.0

Wayne stopped by last night to tell me his interwebs had been cut off for being in arrears, and he wanted to use mine to download some documents from his barrister regarding child custody. He’s not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but he’s good enough with computers to have altered his school grades enough to win a diploma. Anyway, it’s hard when you’re a young man not to give in to the lust, and sure enough, he stuck his john thomas in a crazy girl and put her in the family way. Naturally this rang up dollar signs in her eyes and now she’s suing him for child support – as if her former beau who works at a tire store can meet her expensive demands. Fortunately, she has a history of nuttiness and I’m hoping he can get full custody.

In actual fact I knew Wayne was asking for some money, and it’s almost Christmas. I pity today’s 20 somethings for they attended vastly inferior schools from my generation. Today’s schools are all about critical theory, deconstruction, and White self-loathing. Naturally, it’s touted by the system as boosting self-esteem, but only for thickos of a more tawny persuasion. Physics, chemistry, writing and arithmetic seem to be totally absent from the curriculum. In fact the GED (good enough diploma) features nothing beyond 5th grade. And even so, half the test-takers flunk. Schools have deteriorated to the point of being little more than 13 years of taxpayer-funded meals. Frankly I can’t imagine who’s going to run the farms and businesses that society needs to function.

The grapes were harvested from the vines, and the precious nectar collected in several 6-gallon buckets. Yeast and bentonite were added, and the concoction stirred briskly and thoroughly with a drill. Sometime later I stuck a hydrometer into the batch only to find the alcohol content disappointingly low. I never attempted wine-making until this year, and I failed despite following YuToob instructions meticulously, but what I ended up with was grape beer, which, if you pour a pint of it will leave the drinker legless for about half an hour. Better than last year’s batch of vinegar. Chalk it up as a good year. 100% natural and no added sugar. Shortly before Christmas I shared a bottle with Skip who had given me planting tips 10 years ago. His take was the wine had not been properly racked which explained the yeasty palate, but overall he was impressed with my first effort into oenology. Yes, I’m a hobby farmer working a whopping half-acre of Ruburbia. Six rows of Norton vines which require defense from deer, foxes, and worst of all – robins. I use nets all stitched together, but the shape needed changing, because it was increasingly difficult to remove them post-harvest. So I switched from double curtain to letting the vines only grow from the bottom wire since fruit only comes from new growth. Let’s see what happens when spring rolls around in three months.

Some folks may ask: why bother? Well, it gives me something to talk about at cocktail parties over explaining the intricacies of mechanical contracting and building codes. And television watching raises my blood pressure with all that woke silliness. And it’s mostly sponsored by Bignose Pharma.

Today is the holiday which we Virginians used to refer to as Lee-Jackson Day, but has devolved into MLK day instead. A few years ago the War-shington, DC City Council was meeting to discuss budget concerns, and during the course of that January 15 meeting the token ghey cracker complained about the niggardly budget he had been asked to work with. Well, as you can imagine all aytch-e-double-hockey-stick broke loose – which should have been expected when a dozen 63-IQ politicians are involved. So, happy niggardly anniversary, puffins! The most shocking thing to me about all that was that a majority diverse city was even doing any work at all while celebrating their latter day saint.

D.C. aide in ‘niggardly’ flap will return to City Hall
Mayor now says he acted too hastily

February 4, 1999

“I think ultimately the good that can come out of this is that through this discussion, we can all understand each other better” – David Howard

WASHINGTON (CNN) – A white aide to Washington Mayor Anthony Williams who resigned after using the think ultimately the good that can come out word “niggardly” in a conversation will be returning to city government, ending a flap over what critics derided as political correctness run amok.

On Thursday, saying he acted “too hastily” in accepting David Howard’s resignation, Williams offered Howard his job back as director of the Office of the Public Advocate. Howard agreed to come back to city government, but he has asked the mayor to find him a different job.

“While it is important for a mayor, or any leader, to act decisively, make bold decisions and create a sense of urgency, it is not always necessary to act hastily” said Williams, who was elected mayor in November. On January 15, Howard used the word “niggardly” – a synonym for “stingy” – in a conversation with two aides. Eleven days later, he resigned as rumors were spreading that he had used a racial epithet.

But let’s discuss that 5’3” modern hero, shall we. First of all his given name is Michael King, Jr. His revrum daddy one day proclaimed himself Martin Luther King, and sonny would henceforth be M.L. King, Junior. While studying for a Doctorate of Divinity at Boston University (University of Georgia must have been too hard to get into), King plagiarized the thesis of a P.L. Boozer practically word for word typos and all. His handlers were aware of this, but were too cowardly to expose him for fear of racism. The whole thing got “pushed under the carpet,” and was “move along folks, nothing to see here.”

Then began the snivel rights agitation throughout Dixieland which, naturally was organized by the usual suspects: New Yorkers. The famous Letter From Birmingham Jail was penned by one Stanley Levison, probably because King didn’t know who to plagiarize. As time plodded on King gained fame, respect, notoriety, and celebrity and enjoyed all of the perquisites that came with it: booze, reefer, cocaine, whores – preferably White, wife-beating, and a meeting with President Johnson. All of this was proclaimed by Rev Ralph Abernathy, one of his closest allies. The FBI monitored King and his communist cronies by tapping his phones and filing salacious reports from tipsters. The FBI files were sealed for 50 years after 1968, which meant they would be made public in 2018. However, President Trump failed to do so, most likely because the very same FBI was actively involved in trying to remove him from the White House. A pity. But I’m comforted by the gospel verse: you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.

© Reader Stephen 2023