An obituary

Eduardo Unda-Sanzana, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

This may be a bit previous but we can all hope that the Tories and their disgusting party are merely on life support. The election was not quite the killer blow I had hoped for but they have had the stuffing knocked out of them. Losing seats with formerly over 20,000 majorities must be described as careless at best. The previous low for this party was 156 MPs in 1906, 121 is significantly fewer than 156.

One newspaper mentioned a Boris sized hole at the centre of the party. The latest news is that the Tories are detested and so is Boris. If it survives the Conservative and Unionist Party will need a change of name because it is neither conservative nor unionist. Brands are important, George Galloway just rediscovered that as his Workers Party went down in flames when up against Labour. If the Tories want to keep their party’s name then they will need to get rid of the LibDem entryists, shysters and chancers followed by a  repopulation with conservatives.

Having decided to step down as leader and spend more time with his family (his words, not mine) one of NikNak’s first actions was to appoint a new interim chief whip, namely the less than well known Stuart Andrew. This is so the Tories can hold Keith’s administration to account immediately. It is rather puzzling how having a chief whip can help in that respect. When Parliament resumes the little brown chap will be a laughing stock, even Keith will be able to swat him away like a troublesome fly.

There are also rumours that some MPs are pushing for former leader Ian Drunken Smith, aka the quiet man, to take over as caretaker until the leadership question is resolved. Some senior Tories think the party could go extinct and wouldn’t we all be delighted if it did. As a brand it will be worthless for years. If Labour imploded within weeks would anyone seriously think the Tories were any kind of alternative.

As The Sun reports on a bitter Tory blame-game there is now an at least 6 way fight to be the new leader. NikNak quickly stepped down as leader after spending six weeks saying he wouldn’t. Multiple effniks are vying to take over as leader but at least the sinister Norman Bates look-a-like Jeremy Bonus Hole has decided to step back. I think he was the dwarf’s handler and with no likelihood of a return to power anytime soon the WEF needs nobody in place. I trust none of Patel, Braverman, Badenoch or any of the others throwing their hats in the ring. Tugendhat looks like one of the LibDems to me. Other chasers of the poisoned chalice are Robert Jenrick, James Cleverly and Victoria Atkiins. “Not so” Cleverly didn’t exactly cover himself in glory at the Home Office but then few do at that god forsaken place.

There are also discussions about the length of time the leadership race should take. Some want it over and done with, Others prefer a more leisurely approach. They have got themselves in a right pickle. The 1922 committee runs the leadership show, Said committee is now rudderless with Graham Brady heading to the Lords and with only 121 MPs who exactly are the backbenchers who make up the committee. Presumably step one will be to sort out a new chairman. One of the reasons for getting a new leader in quickly is that Nigel Farage will step into the vacuum left by the apparent lack of an official opposition because the hindu dwarf will be totally ignored.

A mad rush to elect a new leader may not result in the best man or woman getting the job. It is debatable whether anyone of substance is left on the Tory benches, it was slim pickings before their annihilation in the polling stations.

Arguments are now beginning over the future course for the Tories. Some want more One Nation guff, others want a move to the right. The Grauniad thinks what went wrong was the Boris Johnson chaos and the Liz Truss mini-budget. They are forgetting the uncontrolled immigration, the abysmal level of competence and the perpetual whiff of corruption. The PPE scandals, the 30 odd billion wasted on track and trace (that deserves an inquiry on its own), the hundreds of millions wasted on the Rwanda fiasco for which the dwarf should be personally liable seeing as he was the only one who wanted it and knew it would never be used.

There are rumours some Tories want a deal with Nigel Farage. The leader of Reform UK would be well advised to let them sink into the dust and keep a sharp eye on who comes knocking at his door. 99.9% of the Tories are toxic and best avoided.

In what may be a first of many moment former Tory MP Marcus Fysh has resigned from the party saying “It’s dead, no chance of ever being electable again with its current non-Conservative composition”. He is going to move on as the saying goes. 

In what can only be described as deluded Greenpeace claim the Tory blue wall collapsed because of green issues. Said issues are Tory inaction on polluted rivers and beaches. Nobody likes to see pollution but as a reason for not voting Tory that is really clutching at straws. I have some vomit saved up for when Dale Vince starts crowing about how the country is turning green.

In the Express (I know !) Grant Shapps has been described as a Tory grandee as he helpfully explained that divided parties do not get elected. Former grandees must be rotating in their graves.

It looks like the pesky injun and his fellow incompetents have just about destroyed the brand Conservative. It is worth very little now and the hill it needs to climb for redemption may well be too steep. The ground work was laid by the fat Turk, the Sunak regime administered the coup de grace. Too many lies, too many false hopes and far too many disappointments have engineered its demise. All. we need now is for the same to happen to Labour.

© well_chuffed 2024