Larry’s Diary, Week Three Hundred And Thirty-Eight

Monday

Good morning, my happy readers. It was getting hotter again this morning when I went out. I hear it is building up to Thursday being the hottest day of the week and then getting cooler again. I wonder if the forecast can get it right.

I have a complaint. Someone has been telling me porky pies. Mascara Man is back from his holiday, he only went abroad for a week! But there is some good news, he is off on a “listening tour” of the country. So, he should only be here in an emergency. But I bet he doesn’t go to any constituency that has voted for Reform or Brexit. It will be all visits to working men’s clubs in Liebore constituencies. He will boast he has heard what people want, but he will only have spoken to his own supporters. I wonder if this is his pre-November election tour.

It was dead calm in the Channel over the weekend and the official number of illegal immigrants was 258 on Saturday. The official numbers for Sunday aren’t out yet, but I hear the unofficial numbers are well over 700, including over 230, a new record in a single “mega dinghy”. So, 950 came in over the weekend, but Mascara Man says it is all in hand and Liebore’s plan is working.

The murder of Anne Widdecombe gets increasingly strange. Late on Friday, it was announced that the team investigating her death had reopened the case of the arson attack on Nigel Farage’s house, where a firebomb was put through his letterbox. It seems they have discovered evidence linking the two crimes. Counter Terrorism Police say they have referred themselves to the IOPC over a line of investigation that was identified in the Farage case at the time but was not pursued. This begs the question as to whether a timely investigation would have spared Anne Widdecombe, and why the Farage investigation was dropped.

It was International Cat Day yesterday and no one here seemed to notice, or if they did, they ignored it. As far as I was concerned, it was just a normal Sunday, three bowls of Felix, a stroll around the estate and lots of naps. No one offered me a cat treat, only the usual people said hello and gave me a stroke, like the policeman on the front door. I am a very disappointed cat.

The guidance on trans people and single-sex spaces like changing rooms and toilets was confirmed last week, and several councils, including Haringey, and the NHS are saying they are not going to comply. Well, I wonder how long it will be before someone takes them to court to enforce the law. I see that J. K. Rowling has said that if anyone needs help with a legal case, they should contact her Women’s Trust.

I read that a third group has entered the race to run high-speed services between London and Paris through the Channel Tunnel. Until recently, one of the big problems has been where to stable the trains needed to operate the service. Virgin have been able to plan services starting in 2030 because they have been granted permission to use spare capacity in the yard where Eurostar stable their trains at London’s Temple Mills Depot. Once that agreement was made, they ordered 12 new Avelia Stream high-speed trains made by Alstom in France.

The latest operator is Trenitalia France, a subsidiary of Ferrovie dello Stato Italiane (FS Group), the Italian state railway. The group is currently building an €80 million facility at Maisons-Alfort Pompadour, just outside Paris, to store the vehicles, and the 19 trains they have ordered from Hitachi Rail will be stabled there, as will the trains they use on their current services in France. It looks like Trenitalia France are planning to start running through the Channel in 2029.

Tuesday

Hi folks, it’s still getting hotter here in London, and I don’t like it. Mind you, I don’t like it when it’s freezing cold either. I understand Mascara Man is in Derbyshire today and will be talking to the press. That will make a change, but I suspect the questions will all be from his friends at the Mirror or the Guardian, so no questions about small boats or the economy.

A strange announcement from Angela Rayner’s Housing Department this morning. A department official tells the media that a solution has been found to the will-they, won’t-they release of the PC Harper killers, and they won’t be released. Well, that is the position this week, but we have been there before. Then we were told it was impossible to single out these two killers from the others found guilty of manslaughter. But oddly, we will have to wait until Parliament reconvenes to find out what the solution is. Oh, I nearly forgot, what has Housing got to do with prison releases?

I read that the test disposal of the nuclear-powered submarine HMS Swiftsure is nearing completion at Babcock’s Rosyth Yard. The Royal Navy has 23 retired nuclear-powered submarines in floating storage waiting to be scrapped, seven at Rosyth and 16 at Devonport. The normal process is to prepare the boats’ hulls for storage and then defuel the reactor. All seven in Scotland have been defuelled, but only four at Devonport have, because the rules about handling the process changed and a new facility has had to be built. Some of these boats have been in storage waiting for nearly 40 years. Of course, Swiftsure has a PWR1 reactor, so it looks like its successful dismantling will prove this route for the 12 boats with similar reactors, but the rest have PWR2s and will need another test case. It is estimated that each submarine will cost over £100 million to decommission.

I have just delighted in watching a Lefty Liebore MP squirm when caught out telling a lie on TV. The chat was about the mega-boat crossing the Channel yesterday with 230 people on board. As a deflection, he said the second-largest crossing was 165 on a single boat three years ago, in July 2023, when the Tories were in charge. He added that Robert Jenrick and Suella Braverman were in charge then, and they are now with Reform. When it was pointed out that the second-largest crossing of 165 was two weeks ago, not three years ago, he doubled down, insisting he was right.

I see that another Type 31 frigate has been rolled out of its construction shed. This time, it is Poland’s first ship of the type, and it was rolled straight onto a submersible barge so it could be taken out into deep water and floated off. Unlike the Royal Navy-bound ships, this one was rolled out complete with mast, rudder and propellers. The ship is the same basic ship as the UK ships, but it is better armed and aimed at fighting rather than being a jack of all trades like the British version.

Tomorrow evening, there is going to be a partial solar eclipse, and it has got the electricity suppliers worried. It seems that an electricity supplier is scared that a solar eclipse could cause a major dip in the power coming from solar panels. Consequently, they have asked households not to use washing machines and dishwashers during the eclipse. I can see the logic, but have they thought this one through? Only half an hour after the eclipse ends, it is sunset and the panel output will drop to zero. Why can’t the PTB just start up whatever they do at sunset a bit early?

Yesterday, Ukraine said they launched 380 drones at targets in Russia. Every day, they give out the number of drones launched and a list of targets hit. Yesterday, it was two oil refineries, several air defence systems, a tanker and various other things in a list of about 30 targets hit, and there is film from Russian sources of burning refineries. The idea is that swarms of drones overwhelm the Russian defences so a percentage get through. But an official statement from the Russian news agency TASS claimed that Russia had shot down every single one of the 456 drones that entered Russian airspace. That is 120% of the number claimed to have been launched. Someone is not telling the truth.

Wednesday

Good morning, all. It’s still getting warmer and I am still not a happy cat. It’s even too warm for Mascara Man and he is holding a Cobra meeting to discuss the weather. He is not having a meeting to discuss the economy or the Channel invasion. These are things he can control if he has the mind to, but he can’t control the weather.

Another new idea by MM. He says everyone must share the burden of housing the small-boat invaders and take their share, particularly the middle class. The dopey fellow has got it the wrong way around. We should be stopping them arriving, not spreading them into the more expensive living areas. That 230-person boatload that arrived early on Monday morning is going to cost us nearly £30 million this year, according to the media. We have now had more than 3,000 arrivals since MM came to power, and instead of growth in every postcode, we will be having HMOs full of illegal immigrants in every postcode.

I love the emerging story about The Donald switching planes after the G7 meeting at Ankara. Apparently, the US Secret Service had heard a whisper that Iran had a plan to attack Air Force One on The Donald’s way home. So, the Secret Service played the old Switcheroo. There was the Government 747 on the tarmac and all the ceremonials took place before The Donald climbed up the air stairs and stopped at the top and waved. Then he walked onto the plane and a sliding door was closed behind him. He then walked across the plane and out of a service door onto a food delivery truck that whizzed him off to a standby plane, a US Government Boeing 757. The plane took him to a USAF base in England, where he switched onto the “new” 747 Air Force One, given to him by the Government of Qatar, for the flight back to the US.

France’s Gravelines nuclear power plant has a problem. The station has six 900 MW units and currently three are shut down. Units 2, 3 and 4 are offline, unit 1 is on 50% load as a protective measure, unit 5 is undergoing its regular maintenance and only unit 6 is working at 100%. The reason why the units are shut down and one is at 50% is a giant swarm of jellyfish, which is threatening to block the cooling water inlet channel from the sea. A similar thing happened last year and caused the total shutdown of the power station. As a precaution, the station’s owner, EDF, has installed rotary drum filters on top of its grid filters to try to keep the cooling water flowing. It looks like they have only been partially successful, so I wonder what is next.

This story is a bit confusing, but I will try my best to explain it. The English Walking Football Association (WFA) and the Federation of International Walking Football Associations (FIWFA) are in the middle of a dispute. The dispute has become so bitter that FIWFA have banned the English WFA, who are reigning World Champions in four categories, from taking part in November’s European Championships in Spain. But what is the dispute all about? Well, it seems the WFA began discussions with the Football Association last year over establishing closer ties to help grow the sport, and FIWFA weren’t happy. FIWFA said in their WhatsApp group that a group of referees had left the WFA to join the international organisation. The WFA said this was untrue, and FIWFA demanded the WFA withdraw their response. When the WFA refused, they were banned. I suppose you could say it’s all kicked off.

Yesterday, Transport for London started using facial recognition cameras at Tube stations. They said it followed successful trials by the Metropolitan Police using mobile vans in London. But was the trial successful? I hear that the Met scanned some 500,000 people and made just one arrest. Unfortunately, the match the computer found turned out to be a false positive, so in effect the trial was an utter failure, as it detected precisely nobody.

I see that the Chinese COMAC C919, the Airbus A320 is due to make its first international flight today, with a two-hour hop from Beijing to Ulaanbaatar, the capital of Mongolia. Well, they say it’s international, but modern Mongolia is heavily reliant on China. I told you the story of how the Chinese took an Airbus A320 to bits to see how it was made and have put together what we used to call a “Chinese copy”. But one that is vastly inferior, with higher seat-mile costs, less range, and made from many old Western systems. The Chinese have the aim of breaking the Boeing-Airbus duopoly, but no serious Western airline is going to purchase the C919 instead of a Boeing 737 MAX or an Airbus A320neo. The only thing going for the Chinese aircraft is that it costs less, but it will cost a lot more to operate, and they don’t have a spare-parts distribution system.

Thursday

It’s a good morning to all my readers. Today is supposed to be the peak of the current heat wave. I certainly hope so, as it is getting too warm for me. So, the Cobra meeting on the hot weather yesterday concluded that there should be a ban on disposable barbecues, as a number have been responsible for wildfires. But a lot more didn’t cause fires. I think the meeting had been drinking Cobra beer.

So, not only have 8,000 illegal immigrants now crossed the Channel in small, and not so small, boats since Mascara Man became PM, but over 80,000 have arrived since Liebore came to power just over two years ago. And MM doesn’t seem to be doing anything about, or even talking about, stopping the boats. Now he says we must all take our “fair share” of migrants. I wonder how many will be moving into Downing Street.

Today is the Clacton by-election. You might remember, this is the one that Liebore, the Tories, the Limp Dumps and the Greens are scared to stand in. Instead, it is billed as Nigel Farage vs Count Binface, and all the lefty media have been pushing people to vote Binface. He is a lefty comedian, but they won’t tell you that. But it doesn’t seem to have turned the opinion polls, with Farage shown to be leading on 71%. But it is the bookies who seem to have got the right idea, as they have Farage at 100 to 1 on to win. That means that if you put £100 on Farage to win, you will win £1.

It’s all change at Brighton’s Amex Stadium this coming season. Piglets Pantry, who have supplied the meat pies sold at the stadium for the past 15 football seasons, have given up the contract. It seems that they have not been able to make it pay, so a new local Sussex pie maker has taken over. From now, Higgidy Pies will be supplying four pie flavours as well as sausage rolls.

I read that Rolls-Royce PLC have added a new string to their reactor bow. They are now developing a much smaller nuclear reactor, which they are calling their Advanced Modular Reactor (AMR). This is a lot smaller than the 470 MWe Small Modular Reactor, at under 50 MWe. The idea is that it could be used by power-hungry industrial or military sites. For example, it could be used to power an AI data centre, a military base or a green hydrogen plant.

On Sunday, the opening set-piece match of the football season is due to take place. The annual match between the champions of the Football League and the FA Cup winners usually takes place at Wembley and is a sell-out, with both Arsenal (Champions) and Manchester City (FA Cup Winners) receiving 50% of the tickets. But this year Wembley has been booked for a concert, and the game is to be played at the Principality Stadium in Cardiff. Arsenal quickly sold out their 50% ticket allocation, but Manchester City have returned half their allocation. Rather than having a 75% full stadium, the FA offered the tickets to Arsenal, who snapped them up and have sold them. Consequently, Sunday’s match will be played in front of a stadium filled with 75% Arsenal fans. I hear that this has prompted Great Western Railway to add an additional three trains to the 18 they had already scheduled to run from Paddington to Cardiff for Arsenal supporters.

News out this morning that a record number of students have been accepted onto university courses so far this year, up by 3% on this time last year. But didn’t MM say he wanted fewer people to go to university and more to do apprenticeships and get a technical education? That’s going well then.

Friday

Hi everyone, it’s still warm but not quite so warm as yesterday. That was a nasty train accident down in East Sussex yesterday. There were a couple of odd things I noticed in the reporting. It was the rear of the train that came off the rails, and the track behind the train seemed to have been buckled. Surely, if the track had expanded and buckled due to it being a hot day, the front of the train would have come off the rails. So, was something wrong with the track that was exacerbated by the front of the train passing over it?

The result of yesterday’s by-election is in, and no one will be surprised that Nigel Farage won with an increased majority and an increased share of the vote, on a reduced turnout. It seems he is very popular in Clacton. Of the 34 candidates, 32 lost their £500 deposit as they each got less than 5% of the vote. So, that little lot will help towards the cost of the election. Is there a case for increasing the deposit in parliamentary elections to something that will stop joke candidates? It is already set at £10,000 for the London Mayoral elections.

Does the Ministry of Defence know something that they are not telling us? They have just given a contract to a company to add additional sirens to the air siren system in RAF Akrotiri and Akrotiri village, as it is within the Sovereign Base Area. The £800,000 contract is to supply, operate and maintain the additional sirens for five years. One thing that is a little different is that the additional sirens will not be hard-wired in fixed positions but will be mobile, so they can be rolled out as needed. Is this an admission that the current system is inadequate?

In a recent military exercise in Germany, the Ukrainian soldiers comprehensively beat a US unit. Apparently, the Ukrainians “killed” the Americans and wiped out their stores using drone forces, to the extent that the exercise had to be restarted, with all the “dead” Americans and their destroyed supplies reinstated. It seems that the Ukrainians have had to learn very quickly from the war with Russia, but the American forces aren’t learning.

I have read a very interesting story from Sweden, where there has been a recent change in the law regarding pet cats. It is now illegal to leave your cat alone at home for a long time, as it is not good for their emotional health. The law now says that a cat’s person must interact with them at least twice a day. It’s all well and good passing laws like this, but I don’t know how the law could be enforced. Who do the cats complain to, and what is an interaction? Is it saying hello and putting out a fresh bowl of food and water when the person comes home from work?

The Indian Air Force has released a Request for Proposals for up to 60 medium transport aircraft. The Air Force needs to replace its 100-strong Russian Antonov An-32 fleet, which has been in service for over four decades and is fast needing replacement. I understand that there are three aircraft in the competition, and they are all larger than the An-32, which explains the fewer planes in the RfP. The three planes are the Airbus A400M, with a lifting capability of 37 tons, Embraer’s C-390M Millennium and the C-130J Hercules, which can carry over 20 tons. Despite its much bigger size, the A400M can operate from a rough strip. The Hercules is already in service with the IAF, so that might be an advantage, but many air forces, including the RAF, have replaced them with A400Ms. The C-390M is the only jet aircraft.

The Government’s plans for banning zero-hours contracts seem to have come back to bite them in the bum. A government consultation document has pointed out that it is not just employers who like these contracts, employees, including students, like them as they can work when they want and are available. The document also says that a ban on zero-hours contracts will cost industry about £3 billion a year. It all sounds wonderful in a manifesto but has obviously not been thought through. Are we about to see another Liebore U-turn?

Saturday

Morning, my friends. Well, it’s still warm, but it’s not baking hot like on Thursday, and there is a little breeze, which is rather nice. I had a bit of a shock yesterday when the phone alert went off. I really don’t know why the Government thought they were justified in sending a phone alert to every mobile phone in the country. OK, we have had a lot of fires that seem to have been started by humans, but how the Government thinks that sending a message to people to tell them not to buy a portable barbecue is going to stop an idiot who wants to start a fire beats me.

This morning, the radio was on while I was eating my Felix, and the only story seemed to be Jason Arday, the black Walter Mitty professor who appears to have killed himself. The fox killer was on saying the media hounded him to death. I’m not so sure about that. I suspect that he was always in a precarious mental state and being found out as a fantasist was enough to push him over the edge.

In a recent interview, Mascara Man was asked what his favourite pastry from Greggs was. He replied, “That sausage, bean and cheese thing.” He was referring to the Greggs Sausage, Beans and Cheese Melt. But after that pronouncement, sails soared so much that Greggs have officially renamed it “That Sausage, Beans and Cheese Thing”. In addition, the digital screens in the shops are now reading: “The Sausage, Cheese & Bean Thing as eaten by our Prime Minister.” I wonder if they have sent him a couple of dozen. Personally, I would prefer a Steak Bake.

It seems that the new Mascara Man Government has bitten the bullet and admitted that the targets for 80% of new car sales to be zero-emission by 2030 and 100% by 2035 are just not realistic. The target for this year is 33% and is almost certainly going to be missed by a mile. The word I hear is that the 2030 target is likely to be reduced to 50%. The reason why is very simple, the car-buying public just do not want electric cars. They are too expensive and have too little range. OK, the available range is increasing, but the longer-range cars are mostly hybrids and are still very expensive. I suspect that a 50% target is still totally unrealistic.

Yevgeny Solntsev, the governor of the Russian Orenburg region, has posted on social media that the Orsk Oil Refinery has had to stop production. It was hit by Ukrainian drones for the third time earlier this week, and Solntsev says that the damage is going to take six months to fix. The problem is that the parts required for repairs would normally be imported, but with sanctions this is impossible, so the parts will have to be designed and manufactured by Russian industry. This attack alone has taken 6 million metric tons of refinery capacity off the market.

Divers exploring the wreck of a sailing barque found five miles off Dover have recovered 20 bottles of Guinness. But this is not just any Guinness, as the ship, Mindora, sank in 1864, making the stout 164 years old. But scientists and brewers have analysed the stout and are attempting to recreate the brew of the day. I wonder how different the Guinness of 1864 tasted compared to the Guinness of 2026.

I read that the Irish Republic has been trying to get puffins to populate the uninhabited Lighthouse Island, one of the Copeland Islands off County Down. Over the past few years, they have been trying to move pairs of puffins to the island, and for the past couple of years they have returned in the breeding season, but with no results. But this year, a puffling has been spotted on the CCTV, out of the burrow and being fed sand eels by a parent. I love seeing puffins, they are such funny-looking birds and look so clumsy.

That’s me done for the week, and as it’s still nice out there, I am off for my nap on my favourite windowsill, in its shady corner. Is Mascara Man going to put in an appearance next week, or is he still off on his “learning” tour? Chat to you all again next week.

 

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