Larry’s Diary, Week Two Hundred And Seventy-Six

Monday

Good morning, and what a beautiful sunny morning it is. It’s nice and warm, and there is a clear blue sky, quite appropriate for my 18th birthday. Legohead is off to an immigration summit he is hosting in London this morning with representatives from 40 other countries. With over 7,000 illegal immigrants coming this month alone and 35,000 since Legohead came to power, I don’t think this summit is going to go very well.

The police have been out in force this weekend arresting people for the most woke reason. Firstly, a couple had the audacity to ask their SEND daughter’s primary school if they had followed the rules and advertised the post of the school’s new headmaster. The school banned them from setting foot on the school premises and told them that if they needed to communicate with the school, they should email it. The school then complained to the police that they were being harassed by the couple, who were sending them numerous emails. Six police officers turned up and arrested the couple, who were held in custody for 8 hours before being released. Five weeks later, the police said there was no case to answer.

I see the first of Babcock’s Type 31 frigates, HMS Venturer, was out and about this weekend carrying out the builder’s sea trials off the north Cornish coast. The ship is a bit behind schedule and still needs quite a lot of fit-out work completion. The second ship, HMS Active, is due to be floated out any day now. These two ships are due to be handed over to the Royal Navy next spring, while the construction of the third ship, HMS Formidable, has started. Won’t it be nice for the Royal Navy to have some new frigates?

News on new aircraft orders this morning. Firstly, Taiwanese airline China Airways has signed a final order for 10 x A350-1000 planes that were first announced back in December. The aircraft leasing company BOC has placed orders for planes with both Airbus and Boeing. They have ordered 30 x Boeing 737 Max 8 and 70 x Airbus A320neos, a very good day for Airbus and a decent day for Boeing.

The Italian shipbuilder, Fincantieri, has announced an order for two new cruise ships for Marella Cruises, the British cruise brand of TUI UK and Ireland. There is not much news available about how big the ships will be when they are delivered in 2030 and 2031. As yet, there is no cost or name, even what sort of propulsion they will have, but I guess it might well be LNG.

I read that Labour MP Taiwo Owatemi has claimed £900 in her parliamentary expenses for the living expenses of having her Cockerpoo, Bella, stay in her London flat. The Coventry North West MP has her main home in Coventry and rents a second home in London. She pays £2,340 a month in rent and is allowed to claim the whole amount under the IPSA rules. But she asked her landlord if she could have Bella live with her when she was in London. The landlord said yes, but it would cost her an extra £900 in ‘pet rent’. Of course, the MP was quite happy to pay that as she could reclaim it all from IPSA, as it is within the rules. I wonder how many other MPs are claiming extra for a pet.

It hasn’t even started yet, but there are problems with the FIFA World Club Cup. The South American club León of Mexico has been thrown out because the competition rules ban any owner from having more than one club in the competition, and they are owned by Pachuca, who also qualified. It looks like the replacement team will be the winner of a playoff between Los Angeles FC and Club América. León is appealing to the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS). If they fail, the winner of the playoff will join Chelsea, Flamengo, and Espérance Sportive de Tunis in Group D.

Tuesday

Good morning, everyone, it’s another lovely morning this first day of April. Well, that is weather-wise; it certainly isn’t financially. Today is an awful day for just about everyone with gas up, electricity up, water up, council tax up, road tax up, TV licence up, passports up, broadband up, mobile phones up and employers’ National Insurance up. I wonder if anything is going down.

Laughable news this morning: the Border Force Director of Small Boat Operations, Duncan Capps, has said that it is impossible to stop the small boats. I wonder if he has told Legohead because he says he is going to do it by ‘smashing the gangs.’ I wonder how long Capps will last in post with that kind of view.

The major parties have all announced the start of their council election campaigns, with most of them being quite sensible, if hypocritical. But I had the misfortune to see the Limp Dump leader’s effort, where he and other supporters were riding hobby horses around a field and jumping over 6-inch-high fences. I really don’t know what it was supposed to symbolise, but whatever it was, it was cringe-worthy, with people cheering every time he cleared a fence. The best bit was when he knocked down one of the minute obstacles and the idiots still cheered.

In the likes of Belgium, the Netherlands, Finland, Ireland, Slovenia and Italy, they have stopped minting 1- and 2-Euro cent coins and have started rounding cash purchases to the nearest 5 cents. It’s a little different if you use a credit or debit card; you will still be charged the odd cent or two. Now I hear that some other EU countries are to join in. Now Spain, France, Germany, Portugal and Austria are considering following suit. I think it’s just a good way to make more money. I wonder how long it will be before someone wants to do the same thing in the UK and we lose the 1- and 2p coins. We already lost the 1/2p back in 1984.

I read that in the US, there is a bit of a problem facing the builders of Small Modular Reactors. Most of the makers have designed their reactors to use ‘high assay low enriched uranium’ (HALEU)-based fuels. These are currently being produced through an electromechanical process to extract uranium from used nuclear fuel that is then mixed with lower-enriched uranium. There is only one source of this fuel in the United States, and this year it will produce just 900 kilograms. The projection is that the USA will require 50 tonnes a year by 2035. The only other global maker of HALEU is Russia, and the US can’t buy it from them as it is a banned import since the Russia-Ukraine war. In the UK, Rolls-Royce have opted for a British-based fuel, uranium dioxide, enriched to no more than 4.95% uranium-235, which is a good reason for going with the British company.

Yesterday, the Planning Committee of the Scottish Borders Council refused planning permission for a temporary lattice anemometry mast up to 90 metres high on land south of Deanburnhaugh in Hawick. When the decision was announced, both councillors and people in the public gallery applauded. The mast was wanted by a company who is proposing to build 42 wind turbines on the site. The plan was to use the mast to research conditions for the future wind farm. However, the plans ran into a lot of objections, mainly over fears for local wildlife including golden eagles and osprey, so it looks like this wind farm is not going to proceed.

Today, being 1st April, there have been a number of April Fools in the press today. Apparently, the RAF have mislaid several of its F35 stealth jets because it just can’t see them. To celebrate its 25th birthday, the London Eye is to go on a world tour. Heathrow Express have launched a new train, based on Henry the Hoover, to vacuum leaves off the track. A rooftop bar is to open on the Elizabeth Tower, to be called the Big Bong rooftop bar. Finally, there is to be a Formula One Grand Prix series in the London suburbs including Croydon, Pinner, Wandsworth, Islington and Pinner. In Croydon, this car will have to stick to the 20mph speed limits; in Wandsworth, it will be a night race around the one-way system and the local McDonald’s Drive-Thru will be the pits; and in Islington, the pits will be operated by Gail’s Bakery and every driver will get a free oat milk latte.

Wednesday

Hi folks, it’s another brilliantly sunny morning but with a cool breeze. Today is what the Don calls ‘liberation day’, the day on which he announces his tariffs, who he is imposing them on, what he is imposing them on, and what rate he is going to charge. Unfortunately, the announcement isn’t until 21:00 hrs tonight and I will have retired to my cat basket by then, so I expect I will talk about them tomorrow.

The possibility of new train services to Europe has taken a step forward, the Office of the Rail Regulator confirming that the East London Eurostar depot has space to store additional trains. This was probably the only thing holding back the likes of Virgin Trains from confirming they want to run services from London to the likes of Lyon, Cologne, Frankfurt and Geneva. It has already been announced that there is spare capacity at St Pancras, on HS1, through the Channel Tunnel and on EU High-Speed lines.

I am astounded that 20 Labour MPs have written to Legohead to try to get him to back a new international airport in Mirpur, Pakistan, to make it easier for their constituents to travel to Kashmir. The international flights currently land in Islamabad, a three-hour drive away. One of the leading campaigners is Zarah Sultana, Labour MP for Coventry South, who voted against the third runway at Heathrow, saying that in the midst of a ‘climate emergency’ it is ‘reckless, short-sighted and indefensible’ to expand the airport. However, in her world, it is okay to build a new international airport 5,000 miles away in Pakistan.

Norway became the first nation to receive its full complement of F35 jets when it took delivery of the last two of its order for 52 aircraft. But all is not happy with the American plane. Its maker, Lockheed Martin, has been making aircraft to the Technology Refresh-3 (TR3) standard since the summer of 2023, but for over a year the American Department of Defense refused to accept them as the software had not been fully tested. When they started taking deliveries once again, it was with the proviso that testing of the software would continue, but the planes could be used with it until testing is complete. However, operational testing is not expected to start until the summer of 2026, some three years after it became the build standard. At the moment, the USAF is reporting that only 53% of its fleet is available for operations due to all sorts of issues, including a lack of spares, that all spares come from one central depot, and there are also serious problems with the jet’s engine.

Gatwick Airport has just changed the rules on putting liquids and gels in clear plastic bags and putting them with electronics like phones and tablets separately into those trays to be x-rayed. It seems they have finally got their new machines in place (I believe they had to strengthen the floor). So, you can now leave liquids (up to 100ml) and your electronics in your cabin bag when passing through security. Gatwick has joined Birmingham, Bristol, London City, Luton and Southend, which have already adopted this change.

The Chemring Group subsidiary, Roke Manor Research, has just been awarded a £251 million contract by the Ministry of Defence (MoD) to lead a major multi-year missile defence research effort, known as the Science & Technology Oriented Research & Development in Missile Defence (STORM). STORM is a six-year programme to link the airborne and missile defences of the nation, with the aim of protecting us against advanced threats, including ballistic missiles, hypersonic glide vehicles (HGVs), hypersonic cruise missiles (HCMs), and hybrid threats. I am pleased to see that the programme is to start immediately, but why is it going to take six years?

Do you remember back in March last year when Humberside Police raided a funeral parlour in Hull? Today, it has been announced that the owner, Robert Bush, has been hit with 64 charges. They are 30 counts of preventing a lawful and decent burial, 30 counts of fraud by false representation, two counts of theft from charities, one count of fraud and another of fraudulent trading. What I don’t understand is how the police said there were 254 victims in total, of which 172 had been affected by fraudulent trading of funeral plans. So why were there only 64 charges?

Thursday

Hi everyone, a nice morning again here in London. It was a little misty at first, but it soon burned off and now it is nice and sunny. Mind you, it is still a bit breezy but a little warmer than yesterday. I didn’t see Legohead before my Felix Beef, but I heard him. Gosh, was he moaning and using language that offended an old cat like me. Apparently, an orange man had mucked up his financial planning and he wasn’t very happy.

So, the Don decided to put a 25% tariff on all imported cars. As we mainly sell very expensive cars, like Rolls Royce, Bentley, Jaguar and Range Rovers to the US, if someone still wants one I expect they will still buy it. Otherwise, it is 10% across the board for the UK on products, but there doesn’t seem to be any tariffs on services. The EU has been hit with 20% across the board tariffs, which makes me wonder if someone in the EU thinking of building a new factory will build it in Britain and be able to ship to Europe with no tariffs and to the US with half the tariffs if they built the factory in the EU. Thank God we left the EU.

Two of my previous stories seem to be coming together. With Canada looking to drop their order for the American F35 because of the US imposing trade tariffs on Canada and looking for a short-term solution with an order for a different jet like the Eurofighter, Gripen, or Rafale. I hear we have come up with a long-term solution. We have invited Canada to join the consortium developing the GCAP sixth-generation aircraft. The three current nations in the consortium, the UK, Italy and Japan, are apparently open to other countries joining the group. I have already told you about the likes of Saudi Arabia and India being in discussions; now I hear the consortium is open to Canada joining them.

Yesterday, the OBR warned that if the Don put 10% tariffs on our exports to the US, it would wipe out the growth it said would come from the Robber Reeves spring statement. Now that 10% tariffs have come to pass, will Robber Reeves need to have an emergency budget to try to get a bit of growth back into the system and avoid a recession?

Apparently, the Indian Air Force is struggling with its air-to-air refuelling fleet. It currently has 6 x Ilyushin Il-78 tankers, but they are said to be not very reliable, with an availability of less than 50%, and getting spare parts out of Russia is very difficult under the present conditions in Russia. So, what are India doing? They are wet leasing an old American KC-135 Stratotanker, which is being replaced in American service but is more reliable than the Il-78. They are also negotiating a wet lease of an Airbus A330 MRRT from the French Government. It is an open secret that India has long wanted to buy 6 x A330 MRRTs after evaluating them against the latest version of the Il-76, where they could deliver more fuel to more planes at a longer distance and were more reliable. Not only that, but they could also transport people. The only problem was that the Indians didn’t have the necessary $2 billion to buy them.

Early this week, it was announced that the Puma Helicopter was being withdrawn from RAF service after a trio flew a farewell tour of RAF bases over the last weekend. Now I read we have given ten of the old helicopters to Ukraine. I suppose it is cheaper than scrapping them, to let the Russians do it for us.

The EU has got itself into a fine pickle over Rye Whisky. Back in 2003, they signed an agreement with Canada that said only whisky from Canada could be called ‘Rye Whisky’ because at that time no whisky maker in the EU distilled whisky made from rye. But in the intervening 20-odd years, quite a few now do, and the rule has never been enforced, having been forgotten by both the EU and Canada. But someone has suddenly found the old regulations and they are now to be enforced. However, under the regulations, any whisky made in Canada can be called ‘Rye Whisky’ even if it isn’t made from rye, while EU whisky made from rye can only be called ‘whisky’. Daft, isn’t it?

Friday

Good morning happy readers, it was a little dull when I woke up, but it soon became sunny and warm. I see we have reached Legohead’s 5th anniversary as the ‘Great Leader’ of the Liebore party. He has been a disaster as PM, but I can say that if the PM had been his predecessor Corbyn, I hate to think what a state the country would be in today.

I heard a strange little tidbit this morning. Apparently, the most hated cabinet member in the government amongst the public is Red Ed Millipede, and I can quite understand why. But amongst Liebore MPs, he is the most popular. This just goes to show that Liebore MPs are not representing what the British people want. We just don’t want Net Zero.

With the government slapping luxury car tax on electric cars costing over £40,000, many manufacturers have trimmed the sales price to just under £40,000. Vauxhall is perhaps the most obvious, having reduced the price on every EV it makes to under £40,000. If they can do that to every car they sell today, why didn’t they do it before now?

Despite the planners recommending a refusal, the Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander has granted Luton Airport permission to expand. The airport wants to add a new terminal building, additional taxiways and to add to its perimeter. All this is aimed at increasing its capacity from 18 million a year to 32 million a year. With the closure of the nearby Vauxhall van factory, it must give hope for employment to some of those who were made redundant. Apparently, the airport will employ an additional 11,000 people when the expansion is complete and bring an extra £1.5 billion a year into the local economy.

I know not very many of you Puffins like women’s football, but I feel I have to report that it looks almost certain that the United Kingdom will be awarded the 2035 Women’s World Cup Finals. Under the rotation rule, the 2035 finals are due to be held in Africa or Europe following the 2031 finals in the US of A. The reason I say that the UK is almost certain to be awarded the finals is that they were the only valid bidders when applications closed on Monday. It will have to be confirmed by a FIFA Congress vote. Although official venues are still to be confirmed, it is likely that the majority of matches will be played across England, with the final at Wembley.

I read that Royal Caribbean has been looking for new ways to make money from its passengers. Passengers on Royal Caribbean ships are each allowed to bring a single 750ml bottle of wine with them when they first board, but no other alcohol is allowed unless purchased on board. I hear that passengers are being told that the only place they can consume that wine is in their own cabin. If they take the wine anywhere else, like the dining room or a public room or space, they will be subject to a $15 dollar ‘Corkage’ charge. The only exception to this is for loyalty club members, who are often given a free bottle of wine or Champagne on boarding. These bottles are now adorned with an official ‘Corkage Free’ sticker and may be drunk anywhere on board.

You may remember that last week I told you about how Legohead went all the way to Yorkshire to make an announcement about railway funding in the North and his train being late. Well, he announced an extra £415 million in spending, a new station in Liverpool’s Baltic Triangle and Metro Trams for Leeds. Now I have looked a little closer at what was announced and can tell you that like most things with Legohead, this was all smoke and mirrors. This was the third time both the Baltic Station and Metro Trams had been announced, although both the previous announcements had been by the last government. As for the extra £415 million, that was new money, but it was added to £2.8 billion previously announced for what was Northern Powerhouse Rail to make it up to the amount needed to complete the project. The £415 million is buying nothing new at all.

Saturday

Good morning everyone, another lovely sunny morning here in London. I hear there is some news going to break later today about a Liebore MP. Apparently, he has been a naughty boy, but Legohead is still deciding just what the party is going to do and say.

The Swiss Government received their shiny new Bombardier Global 750 business jet in December last year as a replacement for the existing Dassault used for VIP transport. But the Swiss were in trouble from the moment it landed at Bern airport, 11 km from the city. Bern is the de facto capital, where the seat of government is. Unfortunately, it was immediately found that the hangar the old Dassault had been stored in was too small for the new jet. On top of that, the Bern runway is too short for the jet to take off at its maximum take-off weight. Consequently, the plane is currently stored and operated from an Air Force base 55 km away. On the plane’s first overseas trip, it took a minister to a meeting in La Paz, Bolivia. Unfortunately, the airport in La Paz is 13,000 ft above sea level, and the Global 750 is not cleared to land at this elevation. So, it had to land at a lower airport, and the minister continued by a regular jet service.

I hear that Ginge and Whinge are very happy that the infamous Megan ‘Jam’ sold out completely within 30 minutes of going on sale on the website. But what they didn’t mention was that there were only 20 pots of the very expensive preserve available. Oh, I also hear that the ‘Raspberry Jam’ can’t be sold in the UK as it doesn’t comply with our food standards for ‘Jam’. If it were available here, it would have to be called ‘Raspberry flavoured spread’.

Another silly story from the airline industry. A United Airlines B787-9 flying from Los Angeles to Shanghai was two hours out over the Pacific when the pilot realised his passport was back in LA. The plane returned to the USA, landing at San Francisco. Six hours later, the passengers were given a $15 food voucher. Of course, the crew were out of time, and a new crew had to be found. The same plane eventually landed in Shanghai some 12 hours late.

I’m pleased to be able to report the Harris Hawk that has been causing havoc in the Bedfordshire village of Flamstead has been captured. The bird had been sitting on top of a telegraph pole and swooping down on villagers’ heads, but for some unknown reason, it only attacked men. The hawk looks like it has escaped from somewhere, as it is wearing a Jess on its right leg. Apparently, the bird had taken to overnighting in a tree in the garden of a house owned rather apparently by a Mr Harris. It was Mr Harris who caught the bird by putting out a cage with some meat in it and slamming the door shut when the hawk was tempted by the food.

I suspect my scribe is not very happy as I see the Government has granted ‘Development Consent’ to RWE for the Rampion 2 Wind Farm off Worthing. I understand that if you look out to sea today, the skyline is dominated by the 400 MW Rampion 1 wind farm. The new farm will be partly behind the old wind farm and then level with it from Worthing coast as far along as Littlehampton and Bognor Regis. The original application was for 116 wind turbines, but the consent is for only 90. The new farm will be rated at 1.2 GW, and the power will come ashore at Climping Beach to the west of Littlehampton before being routed to the north of Angmering, crossing the A24 at Washington before cutting between Henfield and Partridge Green, before entering a new substation east of Cowfold. The power will then be fed into the Grid at Bolney.

I see that the Russian press is reporting that Britain is to spend £3 billion on a new aircraft carrier called HMS Prince Andrew. The reports say the carrier will be armed with new ‘Infinity’ jets and ‘Crayons’. I wonder where they could have picked up such a ludicrous tale. Well, it seems it was first published in a British newspaper on Monday, which just happened to be 1st April, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.

I’m done, and it’s still beautifully sunny and warm outdoors in the street, so once again it will be the windowsill for me today. I hear the forecast is good for another week, so keep your eye open for me when the cameras are out in Downing Street. That’s my kind of weather. Chat to you all next week!
 

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