Larry’s Diary, Week Two Hundred And Fifty-Eight

Monday

Good morning and welcome to another week of my tales. It is very grey again here in Westminster but at least it’s not raining. I made the mistake of stepping on the grass this morning and gosh was it wet. Legohead was up very early this morning as he was flying up to Scottishland to a meeting of Interpol. He is to give a speech on fast-tracking people smugglers through the legal system. Only problem is he has to arrest them first and they are mainly based on the European mainland, so he’s got fat chance of arresting them.

This morning, I read that the French have announced that they have developed a new version of their Exocet (Flying Fish) anti-ship missile. Those of you who are old enough to remember the Falklands War will remember that Argentina had a few of the air-launched version, SM 39, and they were considered a huge threat to the fleet. In the end only the Atlantic Conveyor and HMS Sheffield were hit by them. The new version, the SM40, is submarine-launched and is said to be capable of taking out a big modern warship. I have no idea if this version is launched like a torpedo or from a Vertical Launch System. Apparently it is not yet in production but will be soon.

I understand in America they are trying out a new method of stopping people rushing the airport boarding gates. It seems that in the US people start queueing up at the gate as soon as the flight is called long before boarding is announced. This causes a problem because airlines like to load aircraft in specific orders for ease and comfort. First Class and mobility impaired first, then in blocks from the rear of the plane so that passengers do not obstruct others. Those queueing just block this system. In the US they are known to officials as ‘Gate Lice’ and the new system, being tested at some airports, will set off a loud klaxon when someone not yet entitled tries to board. Why don’t they just not let them board?

The Government wants to change the meaning of OBE (Order of the British Empire) to the Order of British Excellence because it says the Empire no longer exists. But there are a couple of problems I don’t think they have thought about. Firstly, it is not just the U.K. that dishes out OBEs, a lot of Commonwealth nations present their own nationals with OBEs. Secondly, when it was first presented it was said in the laws introducing it that it should exist in perpetuity, so it would have to be completely stopped and replaced, meaning new laws.

So finally, King Big Ears has decided to cut off the £1 million a year that Randy Andy has been getting from the privy purse. Randy Andy was removed by the old Queen from the active royals list. But as his mother’s favourite son, she didn’t defund him and allowed him to go on living in the 30-room Royal Lodge, Windsor with a 75-year lease. But King Big Ears has been trying to cut down the working royals and the amount spent so has been trying to get Randy Andy to move out to a smaller property more suited to a single man now his daughters have married and moved away. But Randy Andy has refused the offer of alternative accommodation of Frogmore Cottage, so King Big Ears has taken the nuclear option and cut him off. I wonder how long Randy Andy can hang on?

On Saturday I told you about the four racoons that had escaped from a zoo on the Isle of Wight. Well, I hear that two of the racoons were recaptured over the weekend, and a third this morning. That leaves only one of the four sisters out there still being sought by the drones and dogs being used. The zoo they escaped from is still warning people not to approach the raccoon whom they say is likely to be scared.

One thing that has amazed me over the weekend is the attack Dawn Butler MP has made on the newly elected leader of the Tories, Kemi Badenoch. Now one thing to bear in mind is that they are both black women, but Butler can’t believe the Tories have had the audacity to elect a black woman. She has accused Badenoch of being ‘white supremacy in blackface’. It seems that this bit of explicit racism is being ignored by Legohead, can you imagine the row if it had been a new black woman Liebore leader and a Tory had said what Butler had said? The answer from Legohead seems to be ignore Butler because she is stupid.

Tuesday

Good morning everyone and it is yet another grey morning. I really don’t know what to make of all the ‘U’ turns coming out of this government. Yesterday it was university fees, today smoking in pub gardens and Robber Reeves admitted that she had got it wrong back in June when she said she wouldn’t increase taxes. Well today is bonfire night and election day in the US. One of the good things about living in Downing Street is the lack of fireworks, but I suspect we might get some from the US election.

The Russians have a bit of a problem with their Su-57 jet fighter. It’s supposed to be a 5th-generation stealth fighter and the Russian equivalent of the American F-35. But it is failing on several levels, and when it has been evaluated in international competition it has fallen well short of the F-35 in its stealth ability and the computing power of its avionics. But the biggest problem it has is its reliance on Western components for its computers, electronics, radar and engine management systems and the fact that these have been on restricted list for over two years now because of the Ukraine war. So far very few have been made none have been exported. Compare this to over one thousand F-35s that have been produced and that the production rate is being upped to 20 a month by the end of the year while Su-57 production seems to have stalled at 20 production aircraft.

Yesterday there was an Interpol meeting in Scottishland, Liebore announced that they were going to spend an additional £75 million on drones to help ‘smashing the gangs.’ This will be in addition to the £75 million they have already committed. This is a pathetic amount of money in the face of such a huge problem. I see this policy is going terribly, with another 400 people crossing on Sunday alone. I am not going to hold my breath waiting for the policy to work.

The owner of the Premier League football team Nottingham Forest, Evangelos Marinakis, has been refused an appeal against his five-match stadium ban. But what did he do that was so egregious that he got a five-match ban, did he punch someone, no he spat on the floor near a referee. Not very nice I agree, but I see players doing the same thing, and a lot worse, every game.

One of Legohead’s policies at the election before last was to remove university tuition fees. He talked about how he had benefited from going to university for nothing and that everyone should be able to be treated in the same way. Well, that has changed pretty quickly, the same promise disappeared from the last manifesto. The Secretary of State for Education, Bridget Phillipson, stood at the dispatch box yesterday evening and announced that fees were going to go up by 3.1%. The story was that fees were to go up by inflation. I thought inflation was down to 1.7%, yet another Legohead Lie.

There is what is claimed to be a unique football league in Bristol. All the teams in the four divisions of the Bristol Downs League play matches on bordering pitches in the 442-acre open parkland of the Clifton Downs. The matches all kick off at 2 o’clock on a Saturday afternoon with what is effectively a home match for both teams. There are 41 teams in the four divisions with more than 1,500 registered players and 400 matches a season. It must be a bit difficult working out which pitch a spectator is going to watch a match on.

I hear that the drivers of emergency response vehicles, like police cars, ambulances and fire engines are on the verge of being made an exception to the law banning drivers from using handheld devices. The reason seems to be that whoever specified the Airwave Tetra and Emergency Services Network devices didn’t think about the law banning the use of handheld devices because the handsets have a ‘Press to Talk’ button. It would be a little expensive to replace all the new handsets, so the government is talking about taking the cheap route and changing the law to allow the users of Airwave Tetra and Emergency Services Network devices to use them without committing an offence.

Wednesday

Hi folks, my feeder rushed in early this morning and put the radio on before he even washed up my personalised cat bowl ready for my breakfast Felix. It was tuned into Talk Radio and Mike Graham was chatting to Nigel Farage. Slowly I realised that Trump was on the verge of officially winning. Apparently, if you take what the American TV channels are saying he has p*ssed it, but officially he was still a little bit short. However, he was leading in most of the rust-belt states that were just about all that was left to come. So far in not a single county in any state that has declared has the Camel got more votes than Biden did four years ago. By the way, the Camel went to bed early leaving several thousand supporters waiting to hear her speak.

What Nigel Farage said on the radio was very interesting. He was asked if he would be willing to take an official post. Although it wasn’t specified, it was implied that he could be the ambassador to the US. Farage said he had no intention of taking any official post. He said he was elected as MP for Clacton and he was not going to abandon them, but he would work behind the scenes if asked. Who else in the U.K. can guarantee that Trump will take his phone calls?

With The Donald as the president-elect, it has rather dropped Legohead and all the other Lefty politicians and commentators up to their necks in the mire. If Legohead wants a trade deal and decent relations with the new Trump government he is going to struggle with Lammy as Foreign Secretary after some of the things he has said about Trump. I’m not sure that Legohead has the brains to realise that though. I wonder how soon those 200 party officials who went over to help the Camel will be coming home?

One of the best things this morning is all the woke lefty tears, not in the States, but over here. The likes of Emily Maitlis who was so upset she was swearing on live TV. ‘Jobby’ O’Brian, Rory Stewart, Carol Vorderman, Sad Dick, and Alister Campbell were all busy tweeting last night about how the gormless Camel was going to win by a landslide. This morning, they must suck it up.

The Machinists Union strike at Boeing has finally been settled with the workers getting a 38% increase and a one-off $12,000 bonus. Only 59% voted to accept the offer but it was a majority, and the union formally accepted the offer. So, the union hasn’t achieved the 40% they wanted but it was damn close. I hear that employees will start returning to work today but the return is likely to be spread over a week or more. I suspect that Ryanair is happy as they have a huge number of 737 MAX aircraft on order and many of them are long overdue. I wonder how much Ryanair is chasing in compensation?

I hear that the first US election results in, were for the tiniest constituency in the USA, Dixville Notch, New Hampshire, where the voting population is just six. The polling station opens at midnight on polling day and only stays open until everyone has voted a few minutes later. The count is then made and the result announced immediately. For the record, it was a tie with three votes each. All six voted for Biden last time around. I doubt those six votes will make a lot of difference when added into those cast by the states just over one million voters.

I read that the USA is to be hit by a rare November hurricane this coming weekend (that is the weekend before you read this story as my diary is always a week late). The hurricane season in the Caribbean and the Gulf Coast normally ends in October, but this year there is a late tropical storm in the Gulf of Mexico, and it is picking up intensity. This storm is much further west than usual and is expected to bring flooding to Jamaica, Cuba and the Cayman Islands before hitting the coast of Louisiana, maybe even Texas. I told you that two P&O Cruise ships had departed for the Caribbean at the weekend. This storm should be well out of the way by the time they reach Barbados.

Thursday

Hello friends, it’s grey and drizzling this morning. I enjoyed the first Kemi PMQs, she certainly has the measure of Legohead. There were some lovely, barbed questions in there that made me chuckle. Legohead was worse than ever, he didn’t answer a single question fully, just picking out a tiny bit and giving a scripted answer. I think scripts should be banned and all the questions and answers should be off the cuff or memorised.

As the dust settles on the US general election the true position of Trump is emerging. Not only has he won the ‘Electoral College’, but he also won the ‘Popular Vote’ and it looks like both the houses of Congress, the Representatives and the Senate. On top of that the majority of the Supreme Court judges are Republicans. I suspect he is not going to have much of a problem getting any of his policies into law. Stand by for screams from the woke left.

I hear that a record 600 police were sacked and banned in the England and Wales in the year to last March. That’s one hell of a lot of bad coppers, about 0.5% of the total force and up 50% on the previous year. The word is that it is going to be even higher next March. What is it about being a rozzer that attracts so many wrong‘uns? Is it that it gives them power over ordinary people? But the screening process can’t be very clever if that many have got through it.

On Tuesday I told you about the Russian Su-57 fighter aircraft. Today I hear that it has made its first appearance at an international air show, the Airshow China 2024 in Zhuhai. The Chinese have been revealing the plane’s poor finish and have published numerous stills and videos showing the awful workmanship. The finish simply isn’t that of a 5th-generation stealth fighter. Every raised screw head and misalignment of panels will reflect radar and increase the plane’s visibility. The F-35 is said to have the radar return the size of a cricket ball and has a virtually seamless smooth finish. One of the things that drew particular comment from the Chinese was a panel on the tail that was held in place by a selection of screws, some slot-head, some Phillips and some hexagon-head. Are sanctions biting that hard that they are short of matching screws?

The more I hear of Red Ed Millipede’s plans for getting to Net Zero by 2030, the more amazed I am at his utter stupidity. His latest pronouncement says the Government’s net-zero blueprint means firms and households will have to be more ‘flexible’ about when they use electricity. This, he explains, means that households may have to be restructured as to when they can use electricity. You may not be able to boil your kettle, cook your dinner or charge your electric car when the wind isn’t blowing. What lunacy is this? The Tory plan of Net Zero by 2035 was bad enough, but this shows that bringing it forward five years, as per Ed Millipede’s revised plan, is just impossible. Why does Legohead give this idiot any credence?

I am loving the continued lefty meltdown both here in the U.K. and in the States. If the Donald is “literally Hitler” then I fail to see why the Camel failed to beat him. Could it just be that she was a worse candidate than him? In fact, even a worse candidate than Sniffer Joe. I had to laugh when I read that Sniffer went to bed at nine o’clock on election night, that was even before the polls closed in many regions. But the lefties don’t seem capable of realising that they lost not because Trump was wonderful but because she was much worse than him. And gosh, why did it take her so long to make a concession speech, the rumour is that they were waiting for her to sober up.

Airbus has finally delivered the first Airbus A321XLR (eXtra Long Range) a single aisle narrow-body aircraft that can fly over 8,000 miles. The first aircraft was supposed to go to Aer Lingus, but due to a pilots’ pay dispute the owners of Aer Lingus, IAG, has redirected the plane to another group company, Iberia. The plane is designed to fly on what is called ‘Long Thin’ routes and in particular this will be on the Madrid – Boston route once crew training has finished. It is yet to be discovered how passengers will like such long flights on a single-aisle aircraft.

Friday

When is this run of depressing grey days going to end? I woke up to yet another one this morning, but at least it’s not raining. I just want to see the sun again before the temperature drops too low to enjoy it. As the days go by I see more and more reports of Government ministers having said all sorts of nasty things about the Donald. Yesterday the likes of Wes Streeting and the Ginger Growler joined the ranks. Is there a single Cabinet member who doesn’t have Trump Derangement Syndrome? I think Legohead is going to have a very difficult relationship with the Donald.

Last year at Diwali, the Rich Boy knew exactly what to do, as you would expect from a British Hindu, and in an understated ceremony lit a candle outside Number 10 for the Festival of Light. This year Legohead has tried to outdo the Rich Boy by holding a No. 10 reception for prominent British Indians. However, he has managed to upset many of them by serving meat at the do, most Hindu are strict vegetarians, and he doubled the mistake by serving alcohol. Although Hindus do drink alcohol, most restrain from doing so during Diwali. Perhaps he should have hired the Rich Boy as a consultant?

I hear that the deal done with Mauritius over the Chagos Islands is likely to be in trouble because of the US presidential election. Trump’s view of having a huge US military base on an island owned by Mauritius is very different to that of Biden who it is said was happy to push the U.K. towards the deal. With the deal not yet signed and Trump in the White House from January, he has the opposite view to Biden. Legohead will want to get on the right side of the Donald, and I can see the deal collapsing.

I see the German Government collapsed yesterday after the chancellor, Olaf Scholz, sacked his finance minister and paved the way for a snap election, triggering political chaos. Christian Lindner, the finance minister is a member of the Free Democrats (FDP) party. While Scholz is a member of the Social Democrats. I understand Scholz says he intends to carry on running a minority government with the Greens and then put a motion for an election before parliament on 9th January and hold an election in March. I wonder if he will last that long as two other FDP ministers have also resigned? Yet another party, the CDP, is leading in the opinion polls and intends to push for an earlier election. Any got any popcorn left after the Trump election?

I heard an interesting thing this morning, Liebore seems to have shot itself in the foot over stopping Winter Fuel Allowance to all but those claiming Pension Credits in an attempt to save about £1.5 billion. I hear that applications for Pension Credits are up by 152% meaning a cost to the Government of around £700 million in extra WFA payments. But if you get Pension Credit you also open up pathways to other benefits. For example, you can get Council Tax benefits which can get up to 100% discount. Then there is Housing Benefit or Mortgage Benefit, Warm Homes Discount on your fuel bill, free TV License (over 75’s only), free eye tests, a discount on glasses or contact lenses and free travel to and from hospital appointments. This is all likely to cost a lot more than the projected £1.5 billion saving.

I hear of an elderly litter picker in the West Midlands who has just been fined by Walsall Council for littering. Alan Davies, from Aldridge, is part of a team that goes out daily to pick up litter from hot spots. On this occasion Mr Davies forgot his walking stick and a bag containing his kneeling cushion. A passing council crew picked up the stick and bag, then traced Mr Davies through his car registration number. He was then fined £150 for littering. Davies tried to contact the council by phone but found it impossible. It was only the press talking to the council that got them to rescind the fine and return his possessions.

A couple of weeks ago I told you that there could be more orders on the way for the Eurofighter Typhoon. I told you that Germany had finally agreed that they could be exported to Saudi Arabia. Now I hear that in addition, BAE, a member of the Eurofighter Consortium, is negotiating for the sale of around 150 of the latest version of the plane with Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Spain and Poland. Many of those countries also have F-35s and want to also have an alternative aircraft so that all their eggs are not in one basket.

Saturday

Good Morning my happy readers and it is yet another grey morning in Downing Street. I see we are still waiting for the final result of the US election. When they have voting machines that read the papers automatically and add up the numbers I really can’t understand why it takes them so long. Not a single area seems to have counted one hundred percent of votes and Arizona has only counted 80% and has still to declare days after the vote. Most have counted 99% and have declared a result because that 1% won’t make a difference to the winning candidate. It’s not like that here and we count by hand.

Now that Legohead and the family is living here and at Chequers, I hear that his house in Kentish Town is on the rental market. The four-bedroom terraced house is mortgage-free, is valued at £2 million and should bring in £2 to £3,000 per month in rental. That’s a nice little earner, I wonder if he will declare it in his Parliamentary expenses as he lives rent-free in No 10?

Today’s animal escape is about 40 monkeys that have got out of a laboratory in the US. The Yemassee Police Department in South Carolina is out searching for the troop using thermal imaging cameras. The Yemassee Police have advised local residents not to approach them if they see them and to shut all doors and windows. In the meantime, they have put out baited traps. How they got away is not stated, they might have just escaped but I suspect they might well have been released by animal rights activists. No news on what type of monkey has escaped but the company’s website say they have cynomolgus, rhesus and capuchin monkeys. I wonder if they have stuck together or are now in smaller bands.

In Easton, Norfolk, the parish council has a bit of a problem, they have run out of money. They urgently need a council meeting to discuss the problem. There is only one big problem, they have sacked the parish clerk to save money. Without the clerk they can’t hold a meeting, and they need a meeting to appoint a new clerk. I really don’t know how they are going to get themselves out of this problem of their own making. You really couldn’t make this up.

If you are a rugby league fan you will have heard of Rochdale Hornets who have been around for many years. A few years ago they were relegated from the top division and have been stuck in the lower reaches of Division One for a while now. Now I hear they have a cash flow problem for next season. Some time ago rugby league changed to a summer sport so we are currently in the closed season. The club chairman has just issued a statement about season ticket sales for next season. So far they have only sold 41 season tickets, but another 13 season tickets have been issued to under 16s who get them free. I can’t see the club surviving on that level of support.

Did you see that the FCDO has written to private schools requesting that they consider offering the children of British diplomats a discount on their school fees? In the letter they say that numerous diplomats have expressed concern over the increase in fees due to the imposition of VAT on them by the Government. But in a statement it says the request to consider a reduction has nothing to do with VAT. If you believe that you will believe anything. This is another case of unexpected consequences; the children of many diplomats and the military are often at private schools because they can offer boarding facilities while their parents are overseas or moving about the U.K. These people sometimes get paid an allowance for private education for their children. I suspect the FCDO has just realised that they are going to have to up the allowance, something the government has not budgeted for, hence the request for a discount. If I was running a private school I would reply FO and I don’t mean Foreign Office.

In Crowborough a nearly derelict two bed freehold bungalow, with a garden and garage has just been sold at auction. The guide price for Pooks Cottage was £250,000 and, as usual, for a property in this state the auctioneer started the bidding under this amount. But just like on ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ a bidding war erupted. Two hundred and ten bids later the hammer came down at £485,000. But why would anyone want to exceed the guide price by so much? It seems that the bungalow sits on a plot of 0.36 acres within walking distance of the town centre making it prime land for development. It is expected the buyer will apply for planning permission for either a 5/6-bedroom luxury house with a big garden or 2 x 4-bedroom houses with a small garden. Either way the selling price could reach £2,000,000 offering the purchaser a nice little earner.

I’m done for another week and although it’s dry out there it’s not very nice. It’s a bit chilly out there so I’m going to snooze in one of the rooms that Legohead hardly uses, like the Thatcher Room. It’s not the same in there since he moved her portrait, but I like it. The forecast for tomorrow is sunny, dry, and chilly. I might be be able to snooze on the windowsill then if I can get in the sun. Chat to you next week.
 

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