Question Time 3rd November 2022
The Panel:
Chris Philp (Conservative)
Peter Kyle (Labour)
Stuart Rose (Asda)
Zany Minton Beddoes (The Economist)
George the Poet (Spoken-word artist)
Venue: Horsham
George The Poet, not his real name, isn’t called George The Spoken-Word Artist either but insists upon it in the guff that comes with QT. George Mpanga, one of the Middlesex Mpangas, enjoyed a selective educated at the exclusive Queen Elizabeth Grammar School in High Barnet. Not unlike his grandmother Joyce Mpanga, who attended Makerere College in Kampala, one of the best universities in colonial Africa, before studying at the University of London and becoming a Ugandan cabinet minister. Despite the tremendous benefits of living in the colonies and the mother country, previously George has described the British Empire as ‘pure evil’ while omitting to mention that his Queen Elizabeth alma mater was founded by Robert Dudley, the 1st Earl of Leicester, partly on the proceeds of slavery.
After grammar school, George attended Kings College, Cambridge where he read Politics Psychology and Sociology.
In 2018, while ‘chilling outside his parent’s house’ Mr The Poet was stopped by the police and asked for ID. Rather than clench both fists in the traditional style and scream, “Do you know who I am!?” George replied, in the modern way, “Look me up on wiki.” Unimpressed, the constabulary handcuffed him, put the Great Writer in a van and strip-searched him. Rather than promise not to be cheeky again, George hailed The Guardian and told them,
“[this] should be an education for anyone who doesn’t understand the toxic energies that are quietly spread throughout our community by state actors.”
Doesn’t rhyme, George.
The first question was, is it now too late to avoid a long recession next year? The longest since the 1930s chimed in La Bruce (chair). Too late, agreed Stuart Rose, the headwinds of cost looked gruesome at ASDA, plus the forthcoming budget which is going to be ‘bad news’.
Chris Philp (Conservative) wanted to get the ship on an even keel. Some of the financial statistics are back to where they were before Mrs Truss’s ‘ambitious’ mini-budget. What can be done, he wondered? Make life a bit easier with the energy price cap, 5p off fuel duty, increase the minimum wage and reverse National Insurance rises. I feel richer already! I’m sure you do too.
Zanny Minton Beddoes (The Economist) thought fellow globalist Rishi Sunack to be competent. She blamed not-so-globalist Mrs Truss for the mess and suggested taking money off pensioners by ignoring the triple lock. She managed not to blame Brexit. Very strange.
Here’s a fun fact. Rishi Sunak’s California home on Ocean Drive, Santa Monica, California, is on the same street where Stan Laurel lived. One’s a comedian who went to America to get rich, and the other was Oliver Hardy’s partner.
Peter Kyle (Labour) blamed the last 12 years. There is a lack of resilience. He tried to compete with my fun fact – forty-four percent of people in Northern Ireland have no savings. He wanted a government that would put people first.
Regarding the triple lock annual increase in pensions, an audience member noted pensioners had had a raw deal in recent years as low-interest rates had effected the income from their savings.
George The Poet saw another round of austerity on its way for the ‘uncelebrated’. He wanted to tax the people who need to be taxed. More tax on people who are better off, no less. Grammar school boys? Cabinet minister’s grandsons? Cambridge graduates? Send a big cheque, George, put it in the same envelope as La Bruce’s, Stuart Rose’s and Zanny’s.
Chris wanted us to be tax competitive in order to bring tech companies here. Zanny had spotted a gap. The most able to pay should pay a bit more. Do we fill the gap by cutting spending or increasing tax? She mentioned pensions again. But taxing the rich doesn’t raise enough, nor does a windfall tax, she claimed. That leaves you and me, Puffin. I’m feeling poor again already.
Peter Kyle was keener on a windfall tax especially upon those accidentally making a fortune because of the war in Ukraine.
Grammar school boy Chris Philp hails from south London, is Conservative MP for Croydon South and the son of a former UKIP candidate and academic. A graduate of Oxford University, he took a First in Physics before becoming a management consultant and being elected to parliament in 2015.
Peter Kyle (Labour) has a doctorate in Community Development. He is the MP for Hove and is openly ‘gay’.
Stuart Rose, not his real name (Stuart Alan Ransom-Rose, Baron Rose of Monewden), began his education at St Joseph’s Convent School in Dar es Salaam where his father was an Imperial civil servant. Stuart was then privately educated at the £30,000 a year Bootham school in York whose old boys include drag artist Lady Bunny. Following an administrative position at the BBC, Stuart became a management trainee at Marks & Spencer rising to be, after holding top jobs elsewhere, CEO and Executive Chairman of M&S between 2004 and 2011. In the interests of equality, his salary rose to £1.13 million per annum at Marks and Sparks. The 73-year-old is of Russian descent, his original family name being Bryantzeff. Still in business, he is currently chairman of ASDA.
Unsound on Brexit, Stuart was also chairman of the “Britain Stronger in Europe” lobby group during the Brexit referendum campaign. However, he was little used after messing up his first press conference by insisting that leaving the EU would increase our wages.
Zanny Minton Beddoes, not her real name (Susan Jean Elizabeth Mallaby) is yet another Economist wallah. Introduced by La Bruce as the ‘world-renowned’ Economist for some reason. As editor, in the interests of equality, the 55-year-old was on £455,000 per annum in 2019. Her father is Major S. W. Minton Beddoes, Lord of the Manor of Minton Hill in Shropshire. Her husband is journalist and writer Sebastian Christopher Peter Mallaby, an old Etonian and son of a former ambassador to France and Germany. Sebastian graduated from Oxford with a First in History. Zanny was Educated privately at £37,770 per annum Moreton Hall School, and graduated in PPE from St Hilda’s, Oxford.
A fully paid-up globalist, Ms Beddoes has previously advised the Polish Ministry of Finance, has held a position at the IMF and is a regular contributor not only to Question Time but to CNN, the BBC World Service and the American Networks.
It’s not only the Economist’s Zanny who is a regular on QT. Gerald Lyons featured on the 23rd of September and Anne McElvoy on the 30th, as the BBC packs the panel with Remainers and Globalists.
The next question was about MPs on reality TV shows, a reference to former Health Secretary Matt Handcock being hired by Celebrity Jungle.
Chiss Philp thought such things shouldn’t be allowed and pointed out that Handcock has had the Conservative whip removed. Peter Kyle agreed and was hurt because, as a dyslexic, Mr Handcock was donating part of his fee to dyslexia charities. The audience gave Mr Handcock a good kicking. A lady asked, how do we get rid of him? Vote him out in the telephone vote, Love, after voting him in to eating kangaroo genitals.
George thought it was a mess and ridiculous. La Bruce wondered about other second jobs for MPs. Zanny thought being on reality TV was less bad than MPs being paid lobbyists.
It doesn’t pass the smell test, announced Stuart. Being in fast-moving consumables one assumes his Lordship knows an out-of-date rotten egg when he smells one.
The next question referenced an immigration system in crisis.
The Home Office isn’t doing the best job with the applications. Words like ‘scourge’ and ‘invasion’ were devoid of a global context, declared George. Peter Kyle had a solution, supporting people in their home countries including through military action in places like Afghanistan. Erm. He doesn’t watch the telly or read the papers does he. Peter also wanted people processed more quickly when they come here. Bruce asked about numbers. He said he wouldn’t say. In reality, the Labour Party are in favour of mass, uncontrolled, unlimited immigration, partly because they hate us and partly because they think they are importing Labour voters.
Stuart Rose wanted the illegal immigrants to be used as cheap labour, perhaps in supermarkets? He was in favour of mass uncontrolled immigration too, from the Huguenots to the Syrians. We have a duty to import cheaper labour to increase the profits of supermarkets. He blamed Brexit, especially regarding cheap labour required to pick food for supermarkets.
Zanny was in ‘violent agreement’ and blamed it all on Brexit too. Illegal immigrants want to escape the EU and come here because of the disastrous effect Brexit has had on our country. It doesn’t make any sense, Zanny, just admit you hate Britain and British people and would rather be surrounded by foreigners.
Chris thought the illegal immigration was out of control but offered no solution. There is a rapid return system to expel people back to Albania, involving legislation that the Labour Party had voted against. Thing is, the Albanians just claim to be victims of modern slavery in their own country, without any evidence, and then they are allowed to stay.
George pretended none of this was happening.
The final question was about the World Cup and the ‘appalling human rights’ record of the Qataris. Peter Kyle thought fans should go but politicians shouldn’t. It is a non-political act to support your team. Stuart Rose agreed. George didn’t understand and said a hundred unaccompanied illegal immigrant children have gone missing from hostels here.
Gays shouldn’t hide, declared Chris Philp. Did I miss a question? It’s a non-issue said a tinged gentleman in the audience. He’d heard a Qatari official say all were welcome as long as they respect local traditions. It is a different culture over there. A tinged lady said she was a football supporter. I didn’t have the subtitles on but did she say she was keen on LGBT QPR I++?
In the easiest question ever posed on Question Time Zanny asked why Qatar had been given the World Cup in the first place? The money, sweetheart, sackfuls of it. Despite that, she thought it was OK to host the tournament there and to go to it but while you’re over there stand up for the liberal values that Britain has. Mass uncontrolled immigration? Taxing us to death? Brexitphobia? Having boardroom Lords on millions while others can’t afford heat and food? Robbing pensioners? Undercutting British wages with cheap refugees from abroad?
The Qataris will be the ones who are appalled.
© Always Worth Saying 2022
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