Larry’s Diary Week Twenty Eight


Good Morning merry readers, I had a lovely peaceful day yesterday, but things were a bit hectic down in Streatham High Street. Another madman went on a stabbing spree in the name of “religion”. Fortunately, he was shot dead by armed police who had been following him, thankfully no one was killed. It seems he’d just been given automatic release after serving only a third of a prison sentence for a terrorist offence! The police weren’t happy that he’d been released early on licence and had him under surveillance by an armed team. They were pretty sure that he was going to do something, they were right. This morning I heard Bozzie and Dom chatting. It seems that Bozzie is going to announce a change in the law to ensure terrorists serve more of their sentence. He got on the phone to Pretty Patel (who names their daughter Pretty?) to tell her to get her lot busy on the changes. Bozzie has sacked the women in charge of the COP26 conference, taking place in Glasgow later this year. It seems people had been complaining about the lack of progress in organising the conference, that she was very rude to her underlings and that she was very difficult to work with. In the end I hear Bozzie got fed up with everyone complaining, so he sacked her. Of course, she’s not happy and is threatening to take it to law.

Bozzie had earmarked today for a big speech in Greenwich, laying out what he wants from a trade agreement with the EU, however, the EU had also earmarked today as the day they laid out what they want from any trade deal. Both had intended to start their speeches at 11 o’clock but the EU changed their time so they were an hour earlier. Barnier came out with all the expected stuff, he said that the UK must agree to a “level playing field” and would only get a trade deal if they agreed to let EU boats into UK fishing waters.

Greenwich Looks Quite Nice
“Greenwich Naval College” by J1M_C4MP3ELL is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 

Bozzie said that he wanted a Canada type deal, allowing free trade between both sides, but he wouldn’t be accepting EU rules and ECJ adjudication on disputes. He said that if he couldn’t get a Canada deal he’d go for an Australia type deal. I don’t think the reporters understood that this was Bozzie’s little joke;  Australia don’t have an agreement; they trade with the EU on WTO terms. Talking of Australia, I can’t help but think we should be getting on with making deals with all those Commonwealth countries that we abandoned when we joined the EU Just think, we could have loads of Maple Syrup, Vegemite, Rum and Jerk Chicken.


Over my breakfast Felix (tuna flavour today) I listened to Bozzie, The Little Otter and Dom chatting about plans to bring the ban on conventionally powered car and vans forward by five years. I wanted to shout at them “what about the electricity required and the number of charging points” but I’m only a cat. Anyway, it seems they’re floating the idea that all sales of new cars, vans and hybrids that aren’t fully  electric will be banned by 2035. The British car makers weren’t impressed as they normally work on a 10-year replacement cycle. This would mean having to replace all the models they make in one cycle, rather than the two cycles they were working on. The German motor industry is in a worse position than the U.K. makers. At the moment 20% of all German made cars are sold in the UK and most of the German industry is behind the rest of the world with electric cars, only VW have plans to replace all their models.

I mentioned COP 26 yesterday and the boss being sacked. Today I hear the Wee Krankie has tried to muscle her way in by suggesting that she should take over the role. After he stopped laughing Bozzie told her an emphatic NO. Talking of our Hibernian friends I understand that the Teashop is getting worried that he will be out on his ear next week, as Sinn Fein are still leading according to the Irish opinion polls. The only thing he has going for him is that Sinn Fein isn’t standing in all constituencies meaning they  can’t win the forty odd seats they need to form a Government. They’d have to be in coalition but neither of the two leading parties will join in one with them.

The Teashop Looks Worried
“EPP Summit, 20 June 2019” by More pictures and videos: is licensed under CC BY 2.0 

A story coming out of the EU gave Bozzie a good chuckle. At the last meeting of Ambassadors, the one from Croatia showed her poor grip of the English language by saying “Thank you, Goodbye and Good Riddance” to Sir Tim Barrow, Sir Tim laughed it off. I think the EU are really delighted we are leaving, apart from the loss of our contributions. Finally, today I hear that the Government has given the green light to a new railway service.  A new passenger line is to link Aylesbury, Milton Keynes and Bedford. Upgrades to existing lines that currently carry freight will allow this to happen. The route used to have a passenger service 50 years ago, it’ll soon have 2 trains per hour in either direction, good news for residents of the area.

Right time for dinner and my cat basket, I only hope it’s not tuna again, once a day is enough for me.


As usual it’s breakfast with the radio, me listening to it and Bozzie at the same time. Two stories made him laugh out loud this morning. Firstly, there was a man complaining that due to EU rules he couldn’t call the cheese he made in the Cambridgeshire village of  Stilton by the name of “Stilton”. Under EU naming rules Stilton can only be made in Leicestershire, Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire. I wonder if this will change next year when we are fully out of the EU. The second story was about my rescuer, that nice man David. As an ex PM he’s entitled to an armed security guard. It appears that one of his guards left his gun in the toilet on a plane they were on. The next passenger to use the facilities had a bit of a surprise and handed the gun over  to a stewardess. She returned the gun to the guard but other passengers weren’t very happy and the pilot locked it up until the flight was over. My rescuer seems to not have much luck when it comes to leaving things behind. He once left his eight year old daughter Flora in the pub.

That Cheese Looks Mouldy To Me
“Stilton-20160227-4” by martindelisle31 is licensed under CC BY 2.0 

Talking about David, there’s a story going around that he was approached to take over as boss of COP26 but he turned it down, as has someone called William Hague, I don’t know him. The same person said that Gove is also in the frame, but I’m not so sure; from what I hear Bozzie’s going to appoint a minister to do it in next weeks reshuffle.

Lots about terrorists and criminals on the radio too; firstly there’s a bit of a row about an extradition flight to Jamaica which is scheduled to take 50 Jamaican citizens home. They’ve all served more than a year in prison for a serious crime. The usual suspects, like Lammy, are saying it’s racist to deport them, but he’s missed the point that under a law passed by the last Labour Government any foreign citizen sentenced to a year or more in prison is automatically deported. Although many of these criminals have lived in Britain for years, and many came here as children, they have never bothered to apply for British citizenship, hence they have to go. Would Lammy have been complaining if they’d been white Americans, Australians or Germans? No, he’s making a fuss simply because they’re black. Bozzie is planning to introduce the new bill in the Commons to keep terrorists in prison for more of their sentences. It’s fairly urgent because some are due to be released shortly and they want to alter the law before that happens.

The other big news today wasn’t unexpected, the God King President has been cleared of all impeachment charges. On the first charge they voted 52-48 and on the second charge they voted 53-47. Now he can get down to campaigning properly. Finally for today I hear that the £35 Asos off the shoulder dress that Tracy Brabin wore when she asked a question at the Despatch box is selling very fast. Despite getting loads of criticism for wearing an inappropriate dress, the public obviously like it.


The big news on Breakfast Radio this morning is about the Scottish Finance Minister who’s resigned, the day before he was due to present his budget. The Scottish Sun has broken a story about Derek Mackay bombarding a 16 year old boy with 100’s of inappropriate text messages, including calling him “cute”. Mackay had been tipped as a future successor to Wee Krankie, well he’s properly blown that now. What is it with the SNP and a sex scandal, Alex Salmond is up in court soon.

Will He Still Be Smiling In Court?
“20160201 Alex Salmond liburua (59)” by EAJ-PNV is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 

I read today that 500,000 EU residents haven’t yet applied for the right to stay after the end of this year. 3,000,000 have already applied for either settled status, or if they haven’t been in the country for 5 years, pre-settled status. Of those processed only 7 have been refused, the applicants all had serious criminal convictions. I understand that Bozzie is prepared to bury the hatchet with some Tory Remoaners. He’s said to have offered peerages to Ken Clarke and Phillip Hammond. He’s also said to have offered one to Ruth Davidson but she’s still an MSP. She’d either have to resign or wait until the next Scottish election. MORI has run an opinion poll on the four remaining Labour Leadership candidates. Keir Stoma came top of the poll and was considered the most Prime Ministerial. Nandy Pandy came second, Lady Nugee third and Rebecca Wrong Daily, the darling of the left, came last. As I said last week I think Lady Nugee won’t make it on to the final ballot as she still has a lot to do to get enough nominations from CLPs.

Bozzie made an announcement about one of his favourite things today, buses. I have to wonder if he was a bus spotter as a child running around the garages noting down the bus numbers in his Ian Allen books. I digress, the announcement was that the government is to make £50 million available in grants for operators willing to replace existing buses with new electric ones. I understand a new double decker electric bus costs about £580,000, about 3 time the cost of a conventional one. This £50 million is part of the £170 million already announced for bus improvements. It was also announced that £30 million is to go on service improvements and £20 million on trials of “on-demand” services. I wonder what the remaining £70 million is earmarked for?

An Old Electric Bus
“1939 Leyland K2 Class electric trolley bus” by sv1ambo is licensed under CC BY 2.0 


Pleased to see that it was Felix chicken in my bowl this morning. The Mutt likes it though, I had to give him a swift right paw to stop him getting to it first. That’s the only advantage of tuna flavour, the Mutt doesn’t like the fishy smell! Whilst eating I was, as usual, listening to the radio. I heard a couple of things about the Labour leadership contest. Rebecca Wrong Daily has come up with a couple of new policies. She wants to introduce a law allowing workers the right to not take phone calls from their bosses outside working hours, I didn’t know there was a law saying they had to take them? Why can’t people just turn off their phone or look at the display and ignore calls? Later in the day she announced a pledge to support all and every strike. In my view this is just plain stupid. All Leader and Deputy Leader candidates are being allowed access to Labour Party centrally held membership data, so that they could canvas for votes. I believe that Labour Party rules actually state that this data should be available to candidates; however the party’s decided that it’ll charge each candidate £5000 for the privilege. This has upset some of the candidates for Deputy who don’t have the backing of big unions and consequently are running their campaigns on a shoestring. The infamous Tracy Brabin dress is up for sale on eBay. With 6 days to run on the auction bids have already reached £2,000, not bad for a dress that originally cost £35. All proceeds are going to Girl Guiding.

It’s the Irish general election tomorrow and Sinn Fein, the political wing of the IRA, look like being the big gainers, even if they can’t form a government. The Irish have a very complicated method of voting. A number of candidates are elected in each constituency. A quota is then set and second preference votes from those elected are reallocated to candidates who don’t reach the quota. In addition, the  preference votes of those candidates at the bottom, who are eliminated, are also reallocated. This can result in many rounds of counting, consequently the count won’t start until Sunday and the final result might not be known until Tuesday or Wednesday.

Sinn Fein Leaders Celebrate
“Sinn Féin President Mary Lou McDonald and Vice President Michelle O’Neill” by Sinn Féin is licensed under CC BY 2.0 

Bozzie has announced the new Ambassador to the US. It is to be Dame Karen Pierle who is the ex UN Ambassador. She was described as “fantastic” by the GKP when she was at the UN so he should be very happy. She replaces Sir Kim Darroch, who you may remember upset the GKP when his cables back to the UK were leaked to the press. These cables were very critical of the GKP, which made him very unhappy.


Today the MSM is full of stories that next week Bozzie is going to give the green signal to HS2, but there will be some provisos, including a review of the second phase which will take the trains on from Birmingham to both Manchester and Leeds. This is likely to upset quite a lot of backbenchers whose constituencies the tracks will pass through. I wonder if Bozzie will throw them a sweetener of some sort to keep them onside.

Will It Really Commence?
“HS2 – The Journey Starts Here – sign on Fazeley Street, Eastside” by ell brown is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 

In the Labour Leadership contest Corbyn’s own CLP have backed Kier Stoma for leader and Angela Crayon for deputy. I bet this has upset Corbyn as he’s said to have seen Wrong Daily as the continuity Corbyn candidate. Today’s hustings have been postponed because Keir Stoma’s mother in law is critically ill in hospital following an accident. The other candidates have agreed not to canvass this weekend. There was a row at a Hustings last night between Lady Nugee and Rebecca Wrong Daily. It seems that Wrong Daily had been trying to prove how down with the people she was by telling the story of how she had ordered in pizza when working late in the Commons. Nugee jibed that she was a tough old bird and that she didn’t need pizza when she worked late. Wrong Daily replied “miaow”, which, me being a cat I can translate for you as “f*** off”. The latest news on the Brabin dress is that bids on eBay have reached £13,000.

As I headed to my basket I heard that the exit poll in Ireland is predicting a three way tie between Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin, with the latter probably having gained fractionally more first preference votes than either of the others, but not enough to win outright. I wonder if we’ll be any the wiser when I communicate with you, my faithful readers, on Monday.

© WorthingGooner 2020

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