That Supreme Court Judgement

Ah feel pure soarry fer that Borash Johnston c**t. Tha poor bastert’s goat anuff oan his plate bein’ prime menashtah an’ aw that sh*te withoot some judge c**t pure gie’n him it tight.

Ah mind tha time ah foon masel oan tha wrang side ae a court rulen that wis jiss pure pish an’ aw, so ah ken whit he’s goin’ throo.

A couplae yeers ago ah hod tae gie evadansh against some schemey wee c**t ah liftet ootside sentral stashun fer puntin’ street valium tae aw they hameless fannies whit hing aboot there.

Tha wee sh*te pure danayed tha hale hing an’ went oan trial at Gleska sheriff court.

So ah’m cawed up tae tha witnass boax tae gie mah evadansh an’ iss aw goin’ awright until a hov tae look in mah notebook.

Tha proasacutah asks me if ah spoke tae wan ae they hameless c**ts at tha time aboot them buyin’ pills fae tha c**t in tha doack.

“Aye,” ah says. “Ah’ve goat a wee noteae tha coanvashashun en mah book. Tha daft c**t said he bought three pills fer a poond aff tha wee sh*te.”

So ah foond tha page fae that day but ah couldnae f**kin’ read et, could ah.

Tha proasacutah asks me if thass a proablam. Ah’m undah f**kin’ oath so ah hov tae tell tha c**t that truth.

“Aye there is a f**kin’ proablam,” ah says tae him. “Ah mind ah wis eatin’ a egg an’ square slice doubler at tha timeae tha inshadant. It wis pure f**kin’ magic, but tha grease mustae aw pure run doon mah hond an smudged mah writen cos ah cannae read a f**kin’ hing oan mah pad.”

Onway, the shearaff wis a right c**t aboot et, Telt me mah evadensh wis unraliabull an’ gave tha wee drug dealen bastert an abaloot discherge.

Ah cannae f**kin’ help et if Polis Sco’lan dinnae gie us notebooks wi’ paper whit turns tae pure sh*te if grease gets oan et.

Onyway, that Boarash Johnston c**t should jist get hissel doon tae Wuthaspunns fer a mexed grill an’ six pintsae tennunts like ah done tae cheer masel up eftah mah court case. Yeez cannae f**kin’ beat et.
 

© DH 2019
 

Audio file