A list of fings wot annoy me would be a very,very long list indeed. But we have to start somewhere. So, in the spirit of a New Year, New Slate, how about – Government & Media……………….
Stop saying ‘broadest shoulders’ when what you really mean is ‘anyone stupid enough to work for a living’.
Stop changing the names of the awful ideologies you are forcing on the rest of us to make them sound somehow ‘nicer’.
Stop saying its ‘irregular’ immigration. It’s ‘illegal’ immigration.
Stop saying diversity and inclusion’. It’s discrimination and bullying.
Stop saying ‘gender affirming care.’ It’s lopping bits off healthy,but vulnerable children.
Stop exporting rich people and importing poor people. A nation full of only the poor does not, as you imagine resemble Switzerland Wakanda. It resembles Sudan.
Stop using our wages to fund a lifetime of benefits, free healthcare, and legal aid for any chancer asylum seeker who turns up in a dinghy.
Stop HS2. It’s an eighteenth century solution to a twentieth century problem, which you are failing to build in the twenty first century. HS2 is a bit like Naga Munchetty . We don’t want it. We don’t need it. We don’t like it. And it’s a total waste of our money. We have Zoom & Teams now, and everyone works from home. Or in the case of the public sector, pretends to.
Stop squandering our nation’s wealth on nonsense like Net Zero, DEI, GB Energy (even its £350K a year boss admits he has no idea what it’s for), £100m bat sheds, and whatever other stupid money burning idiocy Ed Miliband has dreamt up this week.
Stop dillydallying on Heathrow’s Third Runway (first approved in 2009, FFS) and start building it today. And if de Pfeffel & Swampy’s blue haired Nan want to lie down in front of the bulldozers then so be it. Pilots will just have to work around a bumpy runway.
Stop wasting all your time coming up with ever more creative and innovative ways to tax wealth . While spending literally none of your time thinking up ways to create it in the first place.
Stop blaming all your stupid decisions on stupid Tory decisions.
Stop pretending your silly, made up, ‘fiscal rools’ are anything but self serving confections. As ridiculously bogus as Rachael Thieve’s own fake CV.
Stop pretending that the OBR can make evenly vaguely accurate predictions about the state of public finances in five, ten, or even twenty years time. The OBR was created fifteen years ago in 2010. Since then it has never made even a twelve month forecast which proved to be correct. Not one. Ever. The most fiscally responsible thing the OBR could do is abolish itself. At least then it would have finally managed to find a way to save the country some money. And while you are at it abolish OFCOM. The Department of Culture Media and Sport. And the Arts Council.
Stop going on about Britain’s ‘International Reputation’. We literally could not give a monkeys. We’re Britain. We don’t need to care what other countries think.
Stop pretending ‘disagreement’ is a synonym for ‘hate’. Stop pretending free speech is hate speech.
Stop using the term ‘hate speech’. And stop using ‘misinformation’ to describe facts you don’t want to hear, and opinions of which you haughtily disapprove.
Stop putting people in prison for Facebook posts. Stop employing ‘elite’ squads of police officers to read people’s Facebook posts. In fact, officers, before you read someone’s Facebook post, ask yourself this one simple question. ‘Am I this person’s Mother ?’ If the answer is ‘No’. Then step away from the keyboard & plate of doughnuts. Go and catch a shoplifter instead.
Stop letting the BBC pretend it is the national broadcaster of a country almost exclusively populated by sad but kindly Palestinians, greedy landlords, women in hijabs, disabled cake bakers, overworked doctors, ‘trans allies’, and drag queens.
Stop telling us that wearing a sombrero is an unforgivable act of cultural appropriation but a pink spiky haired undergraduate with obligatory nose ring and unresolved daddy issues hanging a keffiyeh round its neck is a courageous, righteous, & worthy act of solidarity.
Stop telling people that holding 99% of the same views as the literal King of GB&NI makes them some kind of anti-establishment rebel. You’re not fighting The Man. You are The Man.
Stop wasting Parliamentary time and tax payers’ money desperately trying to bring in special laws to make it illegal to criticise Islam. Because frankly, there is an awful lot to criticise.
Stop the police from trying to ‘contextualise’ phrases like ‘From the river to the sea’ and ‘Allahu Akbar’.
Stop calling Mothers protesting outside hotels full of illegal migrants ‘Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar Right’
Stop trying to make ‘the Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar Right’ habben. Because the way you are going, you might just manage to make the Faaaaaaaaaaaaar Right habben.
Stop the police bussing in masked & tooled up Antifa thugs to take on Mothers at migrant hotel protests.
Stop making official police vehicles look like actual clown cars. And talking of clowns,
Stop Ed Davey from ever getting on even one more waterslide.
Stop stomping around the world like Billy Big Bollox. Calling out Vladimir Putin like you’re Zelensky’s embarrassing drunk girlfriend in a Friday night Verwood kebab queue. Despite our borrowed nukes, Britain is no longer a military power. Not really. We have more people in prison than we have men in the British Army. And three times as many “asylum seekers” as soldiers. So stop preening like it’s 1945. You are just embarrassing yourself. And us. Just stop it.
Stop paying the French, and the EU, hundreds of millions of pounds each year to take our fish, and send us all their illegals.
Stop paying our enemies to take our islands away.
Stop printing money.
Stop pretending that it’s not in the public interest to investigate why our Prime Minister’s home was firebombed by three Ukranian rentboys. Trust me. The public are very interested indeed.
Stop pretending a normal summer day is clear evidence of climate crisis/apocalypse/armageddon . See also a normal winter’s day being considered irrefutable proof of climate catastrophe.
Stop traumatising kids by telling them the World is about to end.
Stop telling people on minimum wage they need to hand over their hard won earnings to subsidise their rich neighbour’s £50K electric car or all the polar bears will die.
Stop making us drive everywhere at 20 miles an hour. It’s literally retarded. And don’t give me the ‘if it saves just one life’ crap. We had enough of that nudge unit nonsense rammed down our throats during the Covid tyranny.
Stop telling us we need Digital ID. Next you’ll be telling us we need a barcode tattooed on our forehead, and a webcam in our bathroom ‘to keep you safe.’
Stop pretending to be on the side of British industry. You have deliberately adopted energy, employment,and tax policies, which could not conceivably result in anything else but the evisceration of British industry.
Stop pretending you care about children’s safety while enthusiastically pursuing asylum and gender policies which have wrought genuine catastrophe on the nation’s children.
Stop treating the Pride flag as if it is more important than the British flag.
Stop flying the Pride flag.
Stop trying to make ‘Mpox’ happen. It’s Monkey Pox. You picked a funny name for an virus that affects a tiny percentage of the population. Tough luck. Now you’re stuck with it. And the funny name.
Stop trying to ‘raise awareness’ about things we’d rather not be aware of.
Stop pretending surgery can fix gay kids.
Stop pretending we need to fix gay kids.
Stop calling J. K. Rowling’s perfectly reasonable views ‘controversial’.
Stop telling us that the same identity groups whose only notable achievement is the ubiquity with which they have managed to insert themselves into our advertising, dramas, game shows, sit coms, news programmes, and the rest of the seal clapping media, are somehow the most ‘marginalised in our society’
Stop ignoring the genuinely most marginalised group in our society. White working class boys.
Stop treating men in women’s dresses as a vulnerable group which deserves special laws and oodles of public money. That’s like claiming special privileges for hot women in boob tubes.
Stop pretending there is something insidious, toxic, or weird, about late middle aged men who write articles on GP, fancying hot women in boob tubes.
Stop claiming that unless I ‘affirm’ the right of every skanky bloke in giant knickers to ogle my niece in a female changing room then I am somehow being ‘unkind’.
Stop claiming the female action hero was invented in 2019. You are not making a feminist point, you are ‘celebrating’ your own ignorance. I could reference Ellen Ripley (1979). But let’s keep it British. So instead I’ll go with Emma Peel (1965). And Boudica (The Olden Days).
Stop pretending that every single exhibit in every museum, every painting in every art gallery , and every statue in every historic city, is somehow linked to slavery.
Stop telling me my country was built on slavery. Stop literally never shutting up about slavery.
Stop telling me Britain is a nation built by immigrants. Which is about as historically accurate as claiming the pyramids were built by aliens.
Stop trying to make everything from Dr Who, to zebra crossings, gay.
Stop lying to us about literally everything, literally all the time
Stop trying to take us back into the EU.
Stop calling them ‘our European partners’. They hate us. Always have. Always will.
Stop telling us that flying the Palestinian flag is progressive. But flying the English flag is backward, divisive, and tribal.
Stop sending British children back home from school for wearing Union Jack dresses. But not sending Pakistani men back to Pakistan, for raping British children.
Stop pretending that somehow people being ill is a ‘cost’ to the NHS, that obesity is an unsustainable ‘burden‘ on the Health Service, but that health tourism, and cousin marriage aren’t.
Stop pretending the broken NHS can be fixed with moar money, moar immigration, and a wizzy phone app. It can’t. Let’s find a better system that works for patients not producers, (And no. Not the American system ‘where they take your credit card before they let you in the ambulance.’ ..*Yawn*..), and try that instead.
Stop demonising ‘ultra processed food’ as unhealthy. Sure. It is a bit unhealthy, but so, as we have already established, are stairs. And grapes. All you’re really doing is virtue signalling your disdain for the sort of poor-people-food you would never dream of the allowing nanny to feed to Ollie or Jemima.
Stop pretending eating meat is bad for you. It clearly isn’t.
Stop going on about your mental health all the time. I’m going to be brutally honest here. The rest of us find it incredibly boring. Here’s an idea. Why not try bottling it up occasionally? That worked well enough for previous generations. Why not at least give it a go? And if you do, please make sure not to tell us how you get on. Because we’re not in the least bit interested.
Stop pretending Covid came from bat soup and stop pretending you genuinely ever believed Covid came from bat soup.
Stop telling us that ‘your call is important to us’. When clearly, it isn’t.
Stop teaching kids that they live in a shitty, racist country called The Yookay.
Stop telling me that a culture which invented parliamentary democracy, television, the internet, and the fun sized Marathon bars, which once boasted the most expansive empire the world has ever known, is inferior to one which buries women up to their necks in sand and throws stones at them until they die, for the crime of allowing themselves to be raped.
Stop never shutting up about individual rights, but have an angry hissy fit when anyone suggests that individuals might also have responsibilities.
Stop telling us you want justice when what you are really demanding is privilege.
Stop demanding equality when you actually want advantage.
Stop insisting on your rights when what you really, really want, is to remove mine.
Stop gas lighting us. We know you hate us & wish us replaced with a more compliant, dependable & obedient servant class.
Stop doing these things, and a million other things just like them, and maybe, just maybe, we can start building a better Britain in 2026…………
© DJM 2026
