As we enter a weekend with Parliament being recalled to discuss something about Steel, it seems time to recall the last time I was near Scunthorpe while in the Army.
A slight bit of History first. To counter the Miners Strike, and Flying Pickets, Mrs ( God bless her) Thatcher, had deployed the glorious British Police, including the Metropolitan Police into the Hinterland to counter any insurrection against the people of Britain. It started in 1984, and ended in1985.
I had by that time been promoted to Lieutenant, and was back at a base in Lincolnshire. As a Lieutenant I was available to be the Orderly Officer, with responsibilities to include the mounting of the guard which included inspecting any prisoners in the Regimental cells. You were normally available if you had pissed off a Senior Officer. I was normally available for this important duty!
So dressed in my Number 2 Uniform, I walked up, inspected the guard, and designated the stick man. This was given to the best dressed man of the guard, which meant he got the evening off. Both of us by the way weren’t allowed to go on the piss though. As I Regularly was on 7 Nights Orderly Officer Duties, this rather curtailed my drinking.
From behind me I was aware of a voice saying ‘ There Won’t be a need for a Stick Man tonight Sir’. I turned round, and said ‘Good Evening Regimental Sergeant Major’ As he was one of the people who could crush me, and would, I waited for the next instruction.
Would you mind inspecting the prisoners next sir? said the RSM. So we went into the Guardroom, and into the Cell Block. Cell 1 Door was opened, and I was face to face with a soldier that I had seen for the last few days. I launched into our well practiced routine with me starting ‘ Good Evening Gunner X, any complaints?’ As I had the RSM behind me I expected and got none. Any new prisoners I asked? Oh yes, stated the RSM! Cell 2 was now opened, and I was now looking at a member of the Metropolitan Police Force, minus his Belt and shoelaces. I looked at the RSM, in some forlorn hope of guidance. ‘ Arrested for Drunk and Disorderly, Walking on my Grass when ordered not to, and there’s another three of these pricks in the other cells’ I couldn’t resist it. ‘ Any complaints?’ Turned round, pissing myself laughing, and exited stage left. I was followed by the RSM who stated that he was in negotiation with the Police Superintendent as to when the Police Officers would be released, and returned to unit, losing all their overtime.Happy Days.
© Captain Panick 2025
