Larry’s Diary, Week Two Hundred And Forty-Seven

Monday

Good morning happy readers today is a bit dull, but I am pleased to see there is no rain forecast until the middle of the night. So Liebore have announced they are going to introduce a new trade union bill that will repeal big chunks of the current bill that was introduced under Cameron. The idea is to make it easier to go on strike. Is it any surprise that over 50% of Liebore MPs are sponsored by the trade unions?

I hear a dangerous Ukrainian refugee arrived in Kent early on Sunday morning. This one is currently behind bars because it is a lioness from Kyiv. The three-year-old, called Yani, is said to be suffering from shell shock after a Russian missile landed close to her enclosure. She also suffered concussion but is thought to have recovered from that. The big cat was transported with a male lion, called Rori, by lorry to Belgium. Rori is expected to join Yani in the U.K. soon, as soon as a new enclosure is finished. Apparently, there are two more lions still in Kyiv and they will probably be coming here as well. Just what we need, four mentally disturbed lions.

This morning Russia announced that the third bridge over the River Seym had been blown up by Ukraine trapping a load of Russian troops between the Seym to the north, the Ukrainian border and forces to the south and west and the Ukrainian troops to the east. The Russians have been trying to build a pontoon bridge across the river to resupply their forces, but I understand there are few suitable places or roads. What happens next will be interesting.

It always amuses me when I read about someone changing their nationality so they can represent their new country at sport. Today I see that Matt Richardson, who won three cycling medals at the Paris Olympics for Australia, is to switch to Great Britain. His case is a little different to most as he was born in Kent and lived in the U.K. until he was nine, when his parents emigrated to Western Australia. Since then, he has been a dual Australian and British citizen so when he applied to cycling’s governing body the Union Cycliste Internationale to become a British cyclist he was successful. I wonder how he will get on with the rest of the British team?

I was delighted to hear that ‘protest flags’ are to be banned from the Last Night of The Proms. I can’t help but wonder what a ‘protest flag’ is? It clearly can’t be the Union Flag, and I guess the flags of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are OK. Last year Palestinian flags made an appearance and I rather hope they will be banned along with EU flags. The EU is not even a country and waving that flag is a clear political protest so it should be.

Terry’s have launched a new chocolate product to go alongside their popular Chocolate Orange. As a cat I am not a chocolate eater in fact it is toxic to cats as it contains caffeine and theobromine which are poisonous to us so I don’t know if this is good or not. Some people rave about the Chocolate Orange. But some people hate it, I suppose it’s down to personal preference. A couple of years ago they brought out a mint version for Christmas and I understand it went down rather well. This time round it’s just a plain milk chocolate ball divided into segments like the Chocolate Orange. I really don’t see why people will pay extra to buy milk chocolate in the shape of a ball when a bar is cheaper and probably more convenient.

I read that author and quiz show host Richard Osman has welcomed a new member to his household, Lottie the tabby kitten. Apparently, she was adopted from the RSPCA in Brighton and according to Osman hasn’t stopped purring and playing since she arrived. The family already has a adult cat called Liesl, but the pair have yet to meet. Well, I bet Liesl already knows there is a kitten in the house, she will have smelt it and sensed it. Cats know. I can see the fur flying if they don’t meet soon.

Tuesday

Hi folks, I told you the summer was over last week and there is definitely an autumn chill in the air this morning. I understand that the first coins with the new King head on them were issued yesterday. There are only 3-million-pound coins being delivered to Banks and Post Office to join the 15 billion already in circulation. So, it not very likely you will be getting one in your change anytime soon.

I saw a bit of Sniffer Joe on the TV giving a farewell speech to the Democrat Congress. He looked relieved to be gone and a bit invigorated. He didn’t make a lot of mistakes and even walked off the stage in the right side, but it was still pretty slowly. I must say I wondered what the doctors had pumped him full of to get that response and how much he will suffer later for it. But now I hear talk of Joe being impeached. Republicans have announced that he and his family have been paid $28 million from foreign agents and companies. This one isn’t over yet.

So Lammy has once again shown how duplicitous he is. The Tottenham Turnip has been having a disastrous trip to Israel where the Prime Minister has refused to meet him. On the day Israel forces recovered the bodies of six Israeli hostages he had a meeting with the leader of the Palestinian Authority. But before the meeting he removed a badge supporting the freeing of the hostages which he has been wearing on the trip to curry favour with the Israeli public. Freeing the hostages is the Government policy so who gave him permission to remove the badge? Is he aware that the Palestinian Authority are the enemy of Hamas who have been known to throw PA politicians off roofs in Gaza.

Yet more problems for Boeing are emerging, this time with the much-delayed Boeing 777X. The plane model has been flying test and certification flights and recently a routine inspection revealed that an engine mount had failed on one of its test fleet’s engines. So, the fleet of four test aircraft have all been grounded and this event is bound to delay the delivery of the plane to customers still further. The plane was originally due to enter service back in 2020, but this has currently slipped to 2025. I wonder what the customers of the 481 on order think and how much they will demand as compensation for late deliveries?

I thought that Liebore told us that Great British Energy was going to save bill payers £400 per year. But I must admit I haven’t yet heard how or when. So, if this is true why are we being warned the energy bills will be going up in the autumn? The current word is that bills will go up by 10% in October to an average of £1,714 pa. So once again we have been lied to by Liebore. Have they told us about a single true thing since coming to power?

Another 700-plus illegal immigrants arrived by small boats at the weekend when the weather was favourable. The Tories promised to ‘stop the boats’ and clearly failed. Now the new Liebore policy of ‘smash the gangs’ has done absolutely nothing to do any such thing. Before the election Liebore told us they were prepared for office and would hit the ground running. Well, we are now getting on for seven weeks in and they have done virtually nothing except to stop the possibility of sending illegals to Rwanda.

Shares in BT fell this morning on the news that Sky was negotiating with City Fibre to move its customers to them where BT Openreach doesn’t yet reach. City Fibre currently passes 3.8 million homes and expects to expand to 8.1 million in the coming years. Apparently, they already pass 1.3 million homes in rural areas not served by Openreach so Sky making a deal with them makes sense as it is currently, as it is pushing hard to get subscribers to upgrade to fibre.

Wednesday

Good morning people and it’s similar to yesterday weather wise here in London, it was nice and sunny when I wandered through the garden this morning. When I got back to the kitchen I found my Felix was waiting for me with half a dozen cat treats on the top, that’s new. The rostered feeder had disappeared but had left the radio on. I learnt some interesting things, who knew we deported 28,000 people last year, we gave Kuala Lumpur hundreds of thousands of pounds to fix their traffic problems and Bosnian war criminal Radovan Karadžić who for some reason is imprisoned for life on the Isle of Wight, is suing us because they won’t let him have a computer in his cell. It’s a mad world.

Could Liebore have shot themselves in the foot over the Winter Fuel Allowance which they claim cancelling will save £1.4 billion? Their answer to the howls of pain from pensioners is that it will only affect the rich as it will still be available to the poorest pensioners who claim some additional benefit, Pension Credit. PC is considered a gateway benefit as it opens the door for people to claim other things like a free TV license and Housing Benefit. The problem the Government seems to have overlooked is that it is estimated there are around 850,000 pensioners entitled to Pension Credit who don’t currently claim it. If they all did, it would add around £3.8 billion to the PC bill alone. Clearly, Robber Reeves hasn’t thought this one through.

For the third time in three months Britain’s biggest hotel operator, Premier Inns, has had to amend an advert for its rooms. Back in May the ASA ruled that an advert for £35 a night rooms had to be changed when the operator of 800 hotels in the U.K. admitted that only a tiny minority of rooms were available at this price. Then in July, Premier agreed to change the advertising line that those booking early got the cheapest price when it wasn’t always true. Now I hear the ASA has ruled on a complaint from a couple that said they couldn’t find a room anywhere at the advertised lowest price of £45 a night. Once again Premier Inns said they were only available at ‘selected hotels’. Now they can only advertise this rate if the advert saying the rate is only available at selected hotels includes a link to those hotels. Will they ever learn?

I understand that Legohead loves a freebie. He has just enjoyed four free tickets to one of Taylor Swift’s Wembley concerts that were worth £4,000. But I do find it a little strange that according to the MP’s register of interests the tickets came from the FA. I suppose it’s not a complete surprise as we all know Legohead is a Gooner and has enjoyed £18,500 worth of free tickets there in the past. Then I hear the Ginger Growler had £2,230 worth of clothes from UK brand ME+EM at the end of June. The man Liebore love to hate, Nigel Farage, earns £97,928 pcm from GB News, but that is not a freebie, he works for it doing his TV show.

In Guernsey, a supermarket worker called Kevin Parsons has just completed 40 years working for the same company. By way of celebration, he was presented with a long service certificate and a tropical-themed mural for his home. But instead of a bonus of a month’s salary which you would be awarded in most companies, the island’s Alliance supermarket chose to award him 40 sausage rolls. But not all 40 at once, no that would be too much, he is going to get one sausage roll on each of his next 40 workdays. How mean can a company be?

I must say that I had a little chuckle when I learnt that Jeremy Clarkson has announced the new name of the pub he has purchased that is near a well-known local dogging spot. The locals have known the pub as the ‘Windmill’ but Clarkson decided he wanted a new name for a new venture. So he has come up with a new name for the pub-restaurant and it will open as The Farmer’s Dog.

I hear that a post box in rural Northumberland has been taped off as unavailable since early July because of what the Post Office calls a ‘Wildlife Infestation’. It seems that snails have been crawling into the box in the village of Adderstone and eating the mail. I think we should all be sorry for the villagers as this is not the first time they have had a problem with their post box. About a year ago it was stolen and apparently the Post Office were a little slow in replacing it. I suppose you can expect nothing more from the snail mail.

Thursday

Hi peeps, well as we get nearer to the August bank holiday the weather is going downhill and it was chilly and wet when I wandered through this mess of a collection of buildings to get to the garden this morning.

Times must be hard at Manchester United as I hear that they have introduced cost-cutting measures that some people might consider harsh. One measure is to halve the number of free match programmes given to corporate customers and boxes. I guess that means a box for 12 will now only get six free programmes. Imagine you are a big corporation who invite some of your best clients to a game how do you sort out who does and who doesn’t get a programme? I’d send an underling out to buy the extras and then buy a box at Manchester City next year. The other saving is to stop giving lunch boxes to staff working at games. This is just petty. These people have to eat, so will now have to bring in their own food or buy expensive food in the ground, instead of getting the equivalent of a supermarket meal deal, a sandwich, a snack and a drink. I hear those who complained were told they could eat the leftovers from corporate buffets.

For those of you who like dogs, did you know that Arsenal has a chocolate Labrador who lives at the women’s team training ground and is universally loved by the team? Winnie is made an enormous fuss of by the players and is often to be seen being patted and stroked. Apparently, many other women’s teams are quite jealous and wish they had a team dog, and the Arsenal Ladies are often asked about Win by opponents.

I hear that the wokerati’s favourite paint maker, Farrow and Ball, has been told by the woke that they need to rename their paint colour called Dead Salmon No 28 as it is not vegan friendly. This really is a joke as it is a complete misunderstanding of the name. The salmon part refers to the colour, a shade of pink, which is quite common amongst paint makers. It is the ‘dead’ bit that seems to raise the hackles. But ‘dead’ is another term for ‘matt’ in the paint world and just describes a non-shiny finish. I understand no one is complaining about gloss or eggshell salmon finish. F&B market all sorts of ‘dead’ colours, in fact there are nearly 300 of them, are they going to have to rename them all?

In my occasional reporting of my fellow working cats, today I offer the story of George the station cat at Stourbridge Junction in the West Midlands. George is a handsome ginger tom who started to visit the station years ago but was adopted full-time by the station staff when his owner emigrated to Australia and couldn’t take him with him. George is now a West Midlands Railway Senior Mouse Catcher and has his own website that sells merchandise with his image on to pay for his keep. George also gets lots of visitors who bring him more cat treats and toys than he can use. I understand he donates the surplus of his gifts and money from his website to less fortunate cats than him.

I hear that Wandsworth Council are not happy with the development of the Battersea Power Station site. When planning permission was originally granted 636 of the homes being built were to be for low-cost housing although this was later reduced to 386, around 9% of the total number of homes being built. Apparently, there are 13,500 residents of Wandsworth on the council housing waiting list. The odd thing is that Sad Dick says that 35% of a development in London should be low-cost housing so just how has Wandsworth’s agreement with the Battersea developer been allowed to get away with such a puny number.

It may only be August, but I hear Christmas products have already started appearing in some supermarkets. For example, B&M had a Pringles nativity calendar on sale for £10 which has little tins of various flavour crisps behind the numbered doors. But what is this I see, there are only 12 doors to open. I always thought that you started opening the doors on a nativity calendar on the 1st of December and the last on the 25th, Christmas Day. Now I make that 25 windows to open and the one to open on Christmas morning is often bigger and better than the others. How does that work with the Pringles calendar, even if you buy two there is nothing left to open on Christmas Day. What rubbish.

Friday

Well, it was another grotty morning when I woke up, grey, drizzling and very windy. The girl on the TV doing the weather last night said that it would be better by mid-morning, but I will see. I had a chuckle when I heard the cops had put out the photo of a dog that is on the run and they are looking for. I don’t know about you, but all the dogs of one breed look the same to me anyway, and the photo put out by the cops shows a rather cute dog. I know the dog is thought not have been involved in the death of a man but a wanted poster for a dog is a new one for me.

In the US of A, Ford has had a big change of heart over the production of a new electric SUV it was building a new factory to produce in Tennessee. The company was spending $1.9 billion on the factory and developing the vehicle. Instead, they will be concentrating on hybrids saying that the range of an EV is just insufficient for most people. In the U.K. the government is determined to force motorists into EVs from 2030 and are going to fine manufacturers for not selling their quota of EVs every year. All this in the name of climate change and Net Zero which only 11 of the 251 countries in the world have signed up to.

I have just been reading about a man trying to smuggle 121 stolen mobile phones from Switzerland into Italy. The man was on a train from Zurich to Milan and according to Swiss police had the phones, in batches of three and four wrapped in aluminium foil and then wrapped in a blanket in this luggage. The phones had all been stolen during Zurich’s Street Parade dance music festival, which was held in the Swiss city on 10 August. Unsurprisingly the man arrested was a 40-year-old Romanian and has been charged with receiving stolen goods.

In Bournemouth, ASDA have announced that its supermarket will only have self-service tills open at certain times of the day due to staff shortages. No manned (should that be personed?) checkouts will be available for the first hour of every day and for at least the last two, and up to four hours a day. I hate the idea of having to scan your own shopping and was delighted to hear that Morrisons had found that in general people hate them and were reducing the number they have of them. I have always thought that if you scan your own shopping you should get a reduction in its cost as you are doing the job for them and the supermarkets are saving money on staffing.

A flock of about 80 white storks has arrived in Cornwall for the first time since the Middle Ages. It is claimed that white storks were last seen in Cornwall in 1416 when draining of wetlands in East Anglia is believed to have led to their extinction in the U.K. However, they were reintroduced on the West Sussex Knepp Estate in 2016, and multiple chicks have been raised for the past four years. Apparently, these birds have come from Knepp and have flown West over Dorset, Devon and Cornwall and are expected to do a ‘U’ turn when they hit the Atlantic and fly back to West Sussex. As the storks get older they are expected to start migrating to Africa but returning to West Sussex each year for the summer.

Despite the country supposedly being broke and Robber Reeves pinching the OAPs Winter Fuel Allowance, I hear that Legohead is considering reinstating the cut sections of HS2. In some ways I can’t say I am really surprised because HS2 was originally an idea of the Liebore Government in 2009 and was continued by the following coalition government. I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit surprised to see HS2 being reinstated, it is the sort of daft thing they would do.

The Lockheed Martin SR71 Blackbird spy plane is probably the best-known product of the company’s famous Skunk Works, where top-secret black projects have been built. The plane was the result of a 1960s project to spy on the Russians by flying over them, higher and faster than any Russian interceptor was capable of. The plane was also one of the first to employ stealth technology and was visible to Russian radar for such a short time that even SAMs couldn’t home in on them. But now Russian planes are catching up and it is strongly rumoured that the Skunk Works has put a new generation spy plane, the SR72, into production. This black project plane is said to be designed to fly at Mach 6 as a minimum, and with the boost of a scramjet up to Mach 10 for short bursts. But unlike its predecessor, it is said to be designed to carry weapons which are expected to be hypersonic missiles. Although it has never been admitted the SR72 has been put into production, there are a number of secret production buildings at the Skunk Works, where it is believed 2,500 people are building something.

Saturday

Morning all, it’s a little damp this morning and not very nice, I shall have to keep my afternoon windowsill snooze under review. I hear that today is the anniversary of British troops taking Washington and burning down the White House in 1814. I somehow think that the Americans won’t be celebrating the anniversary, or even mentioning it.

In Japan there is a growing scandal over the powerful engines built for cargo ships. Initially, it was IHI Power Systems who admitted they had falsified the test of over 4,000 ship’s engines. This was mainly fuel consumption and exhaust figures so that the engines met the guarantees given to the shipbuilders who purchased the engines. Then Hitachi Zosen admitted that two of their subsidiaries had also been falsifying the test results and it affected 1,364 engines, just about every single one they have produced since 1999. Now they have been joined by Kawasaki Heavy Industries who have admitted that 693 of its engines have had falsified test results. I can see the Japanese courts being busy.

Do you remember me telling you about the proposed return of the popular Scottishland fizzy drink Moray Cup? Well, it went back on sale yesterday for the first time in seven years and there was a mad rush to get it from the maker’s cash and carry store. People were queueing up two hours before the shop opened and the queue grew so long the police had to be called to control it. People were buying three cases of 12 large bottles at a time, the limit to ensure everyone was served, and struggling to get them back to their cars. But many couples had turned up and were going round two or more times to ensure they had a carload. The drink was often bought in Scottishland chip shops and several of those buying the most were independent chippy owners who intended the drink to be on sale in their establishments last night.

I see it is a very busy weekend for cruise ships visiting Southampton this bank holiday. Every terminal was in use yesterday when there were five ships in port, today it is only four, Sunday is three and Monday, two. That’s 14 ships over the weekend and I predict the shops and taxi drivers are going to be very happy, with tens of thousands of visitors in town.

I understand that the British Challenger 2 tanks are said to have some of the best, if not the very best protective armour on any tank. The boast is that only one has ever been lost to enemy action. However, I hear that the Challenger 3 is to have a new type of armour that offers even better protection. Not much is known about the Epsom/Farnham armour destined for the C3 as it is top secret, only that it is expected to offer increased crew protection and survivability, over that on the C2.

The Czech company that has been producing inflatable models of Ukrainian military equipment has been displaying a new product, an inflatable F-16 in Ukrainian Airforce colours. It has already been reported that Ukraine had purchased a number of dummy F-16s from the US. Dummy military equipment is reportedly employed by both sides in the war with Russia in an attempt to protect the real equipment and to encourage the other side to waste expensive rockets and ammunition. Recently the Russians showed film of strike on an M270 MRLS, that turned out to be a sophisticated Czech dummy. Apparently, the dummies employ a silk-like material including metal fibres to reflect radar waves and heaters to give the same thermal image as engines.

For my final story of the week, I have the tale of a woman who was a long-term renter of an apartment in a block in Manhattan. The owners of the block gave her notice to quit, because she had three parrots and pets were against the rules. The woman took the owners to court because the rules allowed for ‘support animals’ such as guide dogs, hearing dogs, and emotional support pets. She claimed that the parrots were her emotional support animals and won the case. She was awarded $250,000 in damages and expenses and possession of the $500,000 apartment. I wonder if anyone needs an emotional support cat?

That’s me done for the day and as it’s now pouring with rain so my sitting on the windowsill is off. Anyway, I have decided to go and test the porter’s chair in the entrance hall to the old house. The chair used to be outside in the street and has a big drawer underneath which they used to put hot coals into to keep the porter warm. I don’t think they do that now, which is a pity as I would love to try it out and report back to you what it is like. Chat to you next week.
 

© WorthingGooner 2024