Larry’s Diary, Week One Hundred And Fourty

Monday

Good morning everyone the cat is back. I have been enjoying not writing my dairy while my scribe has been on the high seas and I’m looking forward to reading his cruise diary. Anyway, it’s back to work this morning with all the news from Westminster that is fit to print, and some that isn’t. I will skip over the occurrences of the last couple of weeks, except to say that Farage coming back has upset the apple cart. The other parties have turned on what the BBC insists on calling a ‘far-right party’, showing just how scared they all are of them. By the time you read this, we will have a new government and I expect to see Legohead, and maybe his cat, in the flat. I think I might become a haughty cat and ignore him, what can he do? Send me off to retirement, I think I would like that.

An election always throws up some interesting stories, this morning I read that in the event of a bad Tory defeat (a certainty) there is going to be a leadership battle. The interesting question is who will be left of the current hierarchy who could lead the party. The current favourites seem to be Badenoch, Tugendhat and Patel, if they survive. However, the article I was reading said forget Patel as at five feet she is too short to be a national leader! Surely you only have to look across the channel to Frogland to see a country can have a shortarse in charge.

It has emerged this morning that Boeing has finally reached an agreement to repurchase the Spirit aero business that it floated off several years ago. The all-share deal values the company at $4.3 billion. The deal has been complicated by Spirit manufacturing several parts of the Airbus A350 and A220 and this having to be worked out with Airbus. Spirit will be selling its plants in France, Belfast and two in the United States for a nominal $1, while at the same time receiving $559 million for taking on the factories which are currently losing money. The plant in France and one in the US manufacture fuselage sections for the A350. The Belfast plant makes wings and fuselage sections for the A220, while the remaining plant in the States makes the engine pylons for the A220.

The results of the first round of the election in France have been very interesting. It seems there has been a major swing away from the Macaroon party mainly to the right-wing Rallye National but also to the left-wing grouping that includes the Communists. Much of the media in the U.K. labels the RN as far right but the New Popular Front, which includes the Communists, is not called far left. Under the French system if one candidate in a constituency doesn’t get 50% there is a runoff next Sunday. However, 76 candidates reached this target and are already elected, 39 who are RN who only had a total of 88 MPs last time around.

I see that the recent satellite photos of the Russian tank storage depots show that around 2,000 T80 tanks have been withdrawn from them. The Russians have been mainly using their T72s in the war with Ukraine, but the attrition rate has reportedly been very high, and they have used up what was in storage. The main difference between the T72 and the T80 is said to be the first is diesel-powered whilst the second is turbine-powered. The word is that the T72 was favoured because of its ease of maintenance. But are we now going to see the T80 entering the war and I wonder what effect it has on battles?

I was intrigued to read that yesterday’s Reform Party rally at the NEC Birmingham was viewed by over 300,000 people over various internet platforms. All was going well until veteran politician Ann Widdecombe appeared on stage and said the undeniable fact that there are only two genders. It was then that Tic Toc cut off their carriage of the event. Apparently this statement offended the views of the Tic Toc moderator, and the plug was pulled on their transmission. Reform threatened to take Tic Toc to court over electoral interference and 30 minutes later the live stream was restored. Is there no end to which the media will go to try to stop Reform? I would love to see a few of the media giants trying to defend their political bias in open court. Could we see a court ruling that the election has been interfered with and is null and void?

For the second time in recent weeks, I see that three horses of the Household Cavalry have escaped from their handlers and charged through the streets of London. Fortunately, this time none of the horses were seriously injured, although reports say one slipped over and slid along the road before getting up and carrying on running. It seems that three horses were being led along the street when they were spooked by a bus and ran off. One horse was recovered in South Eaton Street and two more carried on until stopped on Vauxhall Bridge. Is this now going to be a regular event in central London and something for the tourists to look out for?

Tuesday

A very good morning to you all and it’s lovely and sunny out there. The Rich Boy was up early this morning and off out to goodness knows where on his ‘campaign trail’. Mind you, he was a little happier this morning. With only two days before the elections, three opinion polls out this morning show that the Liebore lead has fallen by 5%. It’s still 15% but that is better than it has been. I wonder if it’s because the ‘don’t knows’ are beginning to decide who they are going to vote for?

I always thought that Legohead had no idea how he would run the county, now I am certain. In an interview yesterday, he said that as PM he wasn’t going to work after 6 pm on a Friday evening. Just because his father was a toolmaker who probably worked Dolly Parton hours (9 to 5), he seems to think being PM is similar. What will he do if there is a sudden work crisis arising at 9 o’clock on a Friday, will he put it on the back burner until 9 am on Monday when he clocks on? I wonder how much this has to do with his wife being Jewish and the traditional Friday evening family dinner and not working on Saturday.

I read that Bozzie’s dad Stanley is being blamed for the cancellation of a flight, much to the annoyance of other passengers. But the full story is not quite that simple. Stanley flew on a British Airways flight from Malaga to Gatwick. As the plane crossed the Channel, the pilot announced that a plane was stuck on Gatwick’s single runway, and they were going to circle to see if it could be cleared. 20 minutes later the pilot announced that they were going to land at Heathrow where they could take on fuel while waiting for clearance to make the short hop to Gatwick. On the ground at Heathrow the pilot announced that anyone, without hold baggage, could get off there. Stanley and two others grabbed their cabin bags and made their way to the front of the plane where a set of airstairs had been brought. The three passengers stepped onto the platform at the top of the stairs but were not allowed to go down as there was no transport to the terminal available. Then a row broke out as the authorities said they were not allowed off because the flight was due to terminate at Gatwick. A woman on the platform kicked off, and as a solution the authorities changed the flight’s destination to Heathrow. So, it wasn’t Stanley who caused the onward flight to Gatwick to be cancelled.

Another change of heart by Legohead today, the man who said that 99% of women don’t have a penis, meaning that 1% do! He has now announced that no trans men (men who claim to women) will be allowed to use ladies’ toilets. Why can’t Liebore be consistent with their trans story? One shadow minister says one thing, and another says exactly the opposite. Could it be that they don’t want to upset the trans lobby and risk losing their votes? I saw a Liebore activist on the TV this morning calling anyone who didn’t want trans men in ladies’ toilets transphobic. What utter rubbish.

A huge order for Airbus has been announced this morning. The Philippines based carrier Cebu Pacific has placed a Memorandum of Understanding with Airbus for 152 x A320 family aircraft. The deal is for 102 x A321 and 50 x A320 and is priced at $24 billion at list prices. However, with an order of that size they will have negotiated a much-reduced price. Cebu already have an all-Airbus jet fleet so the order going to Airbus, and not Boeing, was hardly a surprise, as the cost of introducing a new make of aircraft into a fleet is very expensive. A new aircraft type normally means new training for pilots, cabin crew and mechanics, a well as a huge stock of spare parts. Airbus have tried to tackle this by ensuring that only a few hours training is required to swap between its various models, making them particularly attractive to anyone who has any other type of Airbus in their fleet.

I read that four more makers of TV sets have signed up for the Freely streaming service to add to the two that were available at its launch. The original two were Hisense and Bush and to that has now been added Toshiba, Sharp, Panasonic and Metz. Freely are claiming that the service is the replacement to Freeview, but that is not 100% true. The new internet-based system currently only offers BBC, ITV, Channel 4 and Channel 5 in all their various forms, while Freeview offers numerous other free-to-air broadcasters. It looks like Freely is making progress, but it won’t be a true replacement for Freeview until it offers an equivalent number of channels.

Rupert Murdoch’s Fox Corporation has announced that it is to launch its free Tubi video streaming service in the U.K. At the moment, not many details are available but are due to become available on 25th July. It is said that over 20,000 films and tv shows will be available on the service that is currently viewed by 80 million in the US. It is said it is going to be available on many TV platforms and web browsers and will be supported by advertising. The service doesn’t make its own content but has agreement with several content makes such as Disney+ and Lionsgate.

Wednesday

It is a bit strange this morning, it’s a bit grey and cooler than yesterday, but at least it is dry. The Rich Boy raced off early again, in a desperate attempt to get an extra vote or two. Personally, I think he is wasting his time, I am ready for a new boss here in the Street. I can hardly believe it won’t be Legohead, at least he is better than the Tramp would have been.

I see Sniffer Joe, having initially blamed his awful performance in the debate with Trump on having a cold, has now blamed jet lag. This story is that he was fatigued by having been flying off to various meetings around the world. But is that plausible considering that he was flying on Air Force One with a complete bedroom suite? However, he had been back in the US for over two weeks and spent the last week before the debate locked away in Camp David being trained to answer likely questions. But we all know the real reason he was so useless was that there was no teleprompter allowed and he couldn’t read the answers. Perhaps we should rename him Jet Lag Joe.

I have been reading about the plan that Royal Caribbean International have for its newest ship that it will be putting in to service later this month. Their current biggest ship, Icon of the Seas, arrived in January and has been sailing a series of seven-day cruises out of Miami. As I have mentioned before, cruises out of America tend to be shorter than in Europe because Yanks get a lot less holiday than Europeans. Subsequently, RCI have been able to keep the Icon at nearly 100% occupation which makes them a lot of money. But the new ship, Utopia of the Seas, will sale to a different pattern. I will do a three-day and a four-day cruise out of Florida every week meaning that passengers can try the new ship for three days, four days or combine two cruises and make it a seven-day cruise. In the U.K. we often consider such short cruises ‘booze cruises’ as they don’t tend to go very far and attract people who want to party. Will this be the same in the US?

I have seen reports on the internet that while at the D-Day ceremonies in France last month, the First Lady of Ukraine purchased a new Bugatti worth millions of Euros, and an invoice was shown. Now I read that the invoice was a fake and that Bugatti has said categorically that it has not supplied a car. Now the incident has been investigated and I read that the report originated on a fake website claimed to be run by Russia. The reason for the fake seems to be to try to stir up trouble with the US by claiming the money for the car came from US aid. I wonder if the story was fake or if the story that the story was the was a fake was a fake?

A tale reaches me from Worthing where I here that a Tory councillor has been attacked while putting up a poster supporting the Tory candidate in the general election for the seat of East Worthing and Shoreham. The councillor was treated in hospital for a head injury and is now understood to be recovering. The police have arrested a 63-year-old man from Sompting on suspicion of affray, criminal damage and assault causing actual bodily harm. I can understand that people are a bit fed up with the Tories but not to attack someone physically.

Five years ago, Joey the Tuxedo Cat went out into a stormy night in Bournemouth and didn’t come back. Two weeks ago, his owners got a phone call from the local branch of Cats Protection to say they had just been asked to scan a cat and it was their Joey. Apparently, Joey had wandered about three miles and had been found by an old couple sheltering in their garden shed the morning after the storm. They had taken Joey in and looked after him for the last five years. All through Covid and the death of the old lady, the cat had kept the old man company until he was taken into a hospice for end-of-life care. It was then that the old couple’s family took the cat for a scan, revealing his real owners. Apparently when taken home Joey went straight back to his favourite chair.

Last week the very last shipment of coal was carried by train from the Port of Immingham to Ratcliffe Power Station. The shipment was the final train load of 1,650 tonnes of 500,000 tonnes of imported coal was enough to keep the 2,000 Mw power station going flat out for 8 hours. Ratcliffe is the final coal fired station in the U.K. and is due to close in September this year. So, it’s goodbye to coal generators which were the backbone of the UK’s generating system for many years. We will now be heavily reliant on the highly subsidised and intermittent solar and wind generators that nearly all political parties tell us we will be using in future and will save us money. I only wish they would tell us how forcing the bill payer to pay to subsidise renewals is saving them money.

Thursday

Morning all. Well, it’s finally arrived, it’s election day and the Rich Boy is at rather a loose end. Having spent the last five weeks canvassing like mad, he can’t do anything to influence things today. His missus has told him he might as well clear out his office and start clearing the flat but to be honest, he never did have much of his own stuff here as he often used to go home to his old place. I hardly ever saw his girls who were actually quite sweet. I suppose I better try to learn all about Jews now and become a Kosher Cat.

I have been reading that the Ukrainians rather like the Challenger 2 tanks we gave them, they are well protected with good armour, powerful engines, very accurate guns and modern electronics. But they have one problem, like the American Abrams, they are very heavy. Some say too heavy, as they have problems operating in the mud that exists between the frozen ground of winter and the baked ground of summer and they sometimes need to be given a helping hand by another lighter tank. One that seems to be able to cope better with the mud is the Polish PT 91 Twardy. Admittedly it is basically an old Russian T72, but the Poles have upgraded it with reactive armour and a more powerful Polish engine. But it is 20 tonnes lighter than the Challenger and tends to not get stuck so often.

I hear that the international fusion reactor (ITER) being built in France has finally got its last giant magnet in place. The project was originally supposed to be ready to work in 2020 at a cost of $5 billion but has missed those targets by miles. It has already cost $22 billion and is not expected to fire up for at least another 15 years and cost at least another $5 billion. The aim is to eventually produce electricity from fusion, the same process that happens naturally in the Sun and other stars. The magnets at the heart of the ITER are intended to retain molten plasma, in a ring donut shape, at several million degrees centigrade. I rather suspect that I will be long gone and forgotten before this project produces any power.

A man fishing for barbel in the River Trent has landed a giant 48lbs fish which was declared extinct in British rivers over 30 years ago. The fish was a sturgeon, and without realising it, the fisherman broke the law by landing it. Under ancient laws all Sturgeon in British water belong to the Crown and catching them is illegal. Under the law that is still in place – live Sturgeon must be returned to the water and it must be reported to the Marine Management Organisation (MMO), Cefas and Receiver of the Wreck, which acts on behalf of the Crown in relation to “royal fish.” 

In Russia, civil aviation has a big problem because of what is probably the only Western sanction that is actually biting. When the war with Ukraine started, 80% of the civil airliners in Russia were either Boeing or Airbus and the 20% of indigenous aircraft contained many Western parts including avionics and engines. Like in the US, internal flights are very important because of the vast size of the country. In addition, over 500 of the Western planes in Russia at the outbreak of the war were leased from Western leasing companies. I understand that 76 leased planes were out of the country when the war started and were impounded and returned to the leasing companies. But Russia immediately re-registered the remainder of the leased planes as Russian and banned them from leaving the country for fear of them also being impounded. But of course, the sanctions have hit the supply of Western spare parts, and despite a trickle of spares coming through the likes of China, Russia’s solution has been to cannibalise some jets for parts. This has, of course, led to an increase in ‘incidents’, such as runway overruns as they try to save brakes and stop using only thrust reversers.

Have you got your marmalade sandwiches ready, I hear that the new Paddington Bear movie, ‘Paddington in Peru’, is due to be released in the autumn. The third film in the franchise will see the late Queen’s favourite bear visiting South America to be reunited with his Aunt Lucy. I must say I rather like these films, they are a bit like pantomimes, because they operate on two levels. First, there is the adventurous cuddly bear for children and secondly for adults a lot of innuendo and double meaning. I am looking forward to it reaching TV as I can’t go to the cinema to see it.

Yesterday, Jet Lag Joe hinted that he was thinking of standing aside in the presidential election, but this was quickly poo pooed by his family and White House insiders. At this late stage it would not be easy to replace him, although not impossible. But in truth what could the Democratic Party do if he did step down or deteriorated so badly he couldn’t continue? In the second case it would be President Camel Harris until the election and the pressure would be on to let her run at the election, but they would have to find a new vice president. As for the first option, I don’t think it will happen as his wife is the power behind the throne and she won’t let him quit, she loves the status and being the First Lady gives her too much. Perhaps the best thing for the Democrats is for Joe to lose the election and then they have four years to sort out who they want to run for President.

Friday

As I write this, the Rich Boy is doing his final packing and preparing to head to the Palace to hand his resignation to the King after the general election result went much as expected. I am not sure what to expect when Legohead arrives as PM, he might not want me, and I might be kicked out. We shall see.

I think I got a bit of a taste of what is to come in Downing Street this morning. It was pouring down with rain, and they wouldn’t let me in. Is this the way to treat the Chief Mouser? I am a state employee and I deserve much better treatment. If this is the way I am to be treated under a Liebore Britain, I think I might just jump before I am pushed. Is there anyone out there who would like to adopt a beautiful, friendly old cat in his retirement?

I am a little surprised to see some of the results, particularly the results in Leicester. Liebore suffered a couple of shocks here, losing Leicester East to the one Tory gain of the night and Leicester South to a pro-Palestine independent. The fat Jonathan Ashworth, shadow cabinet member, lost a Liebore majority of over 22,000 here. Then in Islington North, the Tramp managed to hold on to his seat as an independent. Of course, the Reform Party have polled very heavily and only got four seats so far. In fact, they got more votes than the Limp Dumps who at the time of writing has 71 seats. I predict we will be hearing a lot about proportional representation in the coming months.

The story of the missing 19-year-old Joe Slater, in Tenerife, has taken a very interesting turn. The story being pushed by the British press was that he was an innocent in Tenerife to attend a music festival on his first holiday away from his family. But it now appears that the story that is emerging is much darker. The local police have been reluctant to talk to the British police who could have told them that Slater had had a conviction for attacking someone with a machete and in sentencing the judge had alluded to drug dealing. The two people Slater left the festival with were 20 years older than him and one had received a nine-year prison sentence for drug dealing. Immediately after being questioned by the Spanish police, they left Tenerife. And now it emerges that in one of his last phone calls, Slater told a friend he had stolen a £12,000 Rolex and was trying to sell it. There is a lot more going on here than the media were initially telling us.

Sad Dick Khan, the Mayor of London, has this week announced something which anyone who has an iota of intelligence would have seen coming ages ago. He has said that from Christmas Day next year, Transport for London will impose the £15 London congestion charge on all low emission vehicles entering central London. This means that EVs that can currently pay just £10 a year to drive into the London Congestion Zone will have to pay the same amount as everyone else. Obviously, this shows that TfL is looking to milk the motorist as hard as possible to fill its empty coffers.

Apparently, it was chaos at Heathrow’s Terminal 2 this morning with the terminal cleared and passengers being kept on planes that have just landed. What was the problem, was it caused by the first incoming Liebore administration for 14 years? Apparently not, it seems someone spotted a suspicious parcel, so the building was cleared. Somehow I suspect someone left their packed lunch in the departure lounge and they are now halfway to India or Pakistan and now will have to eat the airline-supplied lunch instead of their curry sandwiches.

My final thought for the day on the performance of Reform and the Tories at yesterday’s election. In nearly 100 of the seats won by Liebore, Reform came a strong second. If the numbers polled by the Tories and Reform were added together, Liebore wouldn’t be in power. But I don’t think a merger is likely to happen. But what I can see happening is some disillusioned Tories jumping ship and joining Reform UK. I will start the discussion by throwing the name Suella Braverman into the pot.

Saturday

Good morning people, it was very quiet here overnight, yes there were people in the office, but I understand Legohead went home to Islington to be with his 15-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter who he wants to keep out of the media. I understand the kids have been pushing him to get a puppy. Well, if they do get one they better not bring it here as I will just have to educate it in who is the boss in this place.

Gosh, I thought the Tories had a load of crap in the last Cabinet, but you only have to look at some of the lightweights in the new Liebore one to realise that the country has gone from bad to worse. We have a Foreign Secretary who thinks that Marie Antoinette won a Nobel Prize, that men can grow a cervix and thinks the next president of the United States is a Nazi. The Deputy Prime Minister became a single mother at sixteen, dropped out of school and has no dress sense and the Home Secretary wants to let every boat person into the country. But one of the biggest surprises of the Cabinet must be the passing over of Emily Thornberry as the Attorney General. She was widely expected to get the post as she had shadowed it for years but instead someone called Richard Hermer KC has been appointed. The pro-Palestine lawyer is not even an MP and will have to be fast-tracked to the Lords. I wonder if Lady Nugee will be thrown a minor position or has she been dumped?

I see the first controversy of the new government has already kicked off with the Health Secretary saying that the NHS is broken, and it will need to use private hospitals to get back on track. If a Tory Health Secretary had said the NHS was broken he would have been in immediate trouble with the Liebore MPs and the NHS doctors. But he is a Liebore man, so saying it is OK, and no one says a word. As for using private hospitals, isn’t that what is happening already?

After I had finished my diary entry yesterday Reform UK won their 5th parliamentary seat. I had heard that in the seat of South Basildon and East Thurrock things were close in the overnight count. The Reform candidate had a lead of 120 over Liebore who demanded a recount. After the recount, that found errors in both directions, a full second recount was required, and the candidates and counters were sent home until 2 pm yesterday afternoon. Well, the second recount still put James McMurdock 98 votes ahead, so Liebore gave up.

As I write, there is still one seat in Scotland to declare. It seems they cannot reconcile the number of votes cast with the number of votes issued. It wouldn’t matter too much if fewer votes were counted than had been issued, some people might just have not put their votes in the ballot box. But I understand the problem is the other way around, there seemed to be more votes in the ballot boxes than were issued, which could indicate someone was on the fiddle. I wonder if there will have to be a re-run of voting in that seat?

In the USA, today is National Fried Chicken Day. All the main fried chicken sellers, like KFC and Popeyes, have special offers for the day. Even those vendors who only sell a few chicken-based things, such as Burger King, have offers on their chicken burgers. What a pity that it doesn’t happen here as well, I would love the people in the office to indulge in a big KFC party tonight.

The new House of Commons meets for the first time on Tuesday, and this could prove a little inconvenient for Legohead and several of his cabinet ministers as he is due to fly to Washington for a meeting of NATO. Why you might ask. Well, before any MP is allowed to speak in Parliament they must first take the loyal oath. If anyone speaks before taking the oath, they face an automatic £500 fine. But this does make me wonder if those five Islamist MPs will take the oath of allegiance to the monarch. The seven Sinn Fein members don’t take their seats because they won’t take the oath.

That’s my first week back done, and it’s been nothing if not interesting in Whitehall. It’s not very nice here today, it’s chilly and showery, just like every day since Liebore took power! It’s going to have to be an indoor snooze this afternoon. Chat to you soonish.
 

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