Always Worth Saying’s Question Time Review

"The best English speaking news programme anywhere in television" - Frank Luntz (stroke victim)

Question Time 24th June 2021


Robert Buckland (Conservative)
Jon Ashworth (Labour)
Caroline Lucas (Green)
Kate Andrews (The Spectator)
Victor Adebowale (NHS Confederation)

Venue: London

Question one. Is it not double standards to allow UEFA dignitaries and sponsors to attend Euro football at Wembley without quarantining?

Jon Ashworth agreed. Jon had been to the Cup Final to see Leicester City win but had been tested before they would let him in. I wonder what the questions were?

“Are you from Leicester?”

“No, Salford.”

“Do you live in Leicester?”

“No. London.”

“What you doing here then?”

“Leicester City Football Club donated two cup final tickets to me and a hospitality package worth £898 because I’m the MP for Leicester South.”

Jon said ‘sodding’ restrictions as though he was down in the hood with the gangstas. We should not be complacent, he added.

Jon Ashworth is the Shadow Secretary of State for Health. As this is Jon’s fifth appearance on QT in the past year, Puffins will be familiar with his biography, and that of his vile wife, which is detailed here.

Keys points being, Jon is a PPE wallah who has never had a job outside of leftie politics and his wife, Emilie Oldknow was mentioned on 198 pages of the Labour Party’s anti-Semitism report. After which, she left the Labour Party HQ in disgrace, was awarded a CBE and gained cushy employment with a trades union.

Kate squeaked that it was hypocritical. Kate was being taken as a fool. Footballers can kiss each other but it is against the law to kiss Miss Andrews.

A QT50 panellist noted Welsh supporters have been turned away from Amsterdam, unlike the Danes who were welcome. Another lady didn’t understand the rules beyond there being one rule for them and another for the rest of us.

It’s a trade-off, decided Bruce. Why not just be honest with us, she asked of Robert Buckland.

Robert had asked questions about what was going on. The UEFA panjandrums will be kept in a kind of hotel quarantine, bussed about the place and kept away from other people. Robert had an eye on hosting the World Cup in 2030. This isn’t a jolly, he claimed. Oh, the agony of being kept in a five-star hotel before an executive coach ride to the expensive seats, and the £898 hospitality, at Wembley.

Mr Buckland is the Tory MP for South Swindon, Secretary of State for Justice and Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain. Robert is a privately educated Durham University graduate who has pursued a career in law and politics.

It’s Barbara Castle all over again, said Caroline. Dear God, Blackburn Rovers in the nineteen sixties. As bad as that? No, Barnard Castle all over again. Breaking the rules Dominic Cummings style, accompanied by a Government red carpet. It’s dangerous, more people close together. She blamed the Deltans, who have brought their variant here. Double standards, it stinks.

We need clarity, communication and caution, added Victor. This could be a super spreading event. The NHS was already under a ‘black alert’, Victor noted, as only Victor would be allowed to. Only 37% of Londoners have had their vaccine doses.

Victor Adebolwale, properly titled Doctor the Lord Victor Olufemi Adebowale MA, Baron Adebowale of Thornes in the County of West Yorkshire, Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire has perused a very profitable career in the non-profit sector. A comprehensive QT Review biography of Victor can be read here which includes a two hundred word addendum listing some of Victor’s quango-land appointments.

Millionaire Victor, one of the West Riding Adebolwales, is currently a high panjandrum himself at the NHS confederation.

Kate said, though she chose her words more carefully, the NHS is one never-ending ‘black alert’. Caroline decided that vaccination wasn’t the way out. Something else had to be put in place – test, trace and supportive isolation.

Question two was a complicated one about green and amber varients in the 167 countries that flights have arrived from in recent months.

Kate squealed about the double standards. Government people have been out and about, G7, Carbris Bay, and she was locked in at The Spectator. She’d had her first jab (no) and was very excited that she was about to get her second (stop it).

Kate Andrews is the economics correspondent at The Spectator. Kate was privately educated at the $20,000 a year Christian Heritage School in Trumbull, Connecticut, and the nearby $48,000 a year Greens Farm Academy. School motto, ‘Quisque pro Omnibus’ (‘Each, to or for, by with or from all’). After High School graduation, Miss Andrews attended our very own University of St Andrews where she took an MA in International Relations and Philosophy.

During her time as a student in Scotland, Kate was a Blind Mirth Improv ‘Comedy’ Group member. ‘Improv’ being an abbreviation of ‘improvisation’, a genre of humour that involves unfunny American performers laughing at themselves in front of a silent audience.

In her own performance, Kate was tasked to improvise being the world’s worst undertaker and the world’s worst chimney sweep.

Her YouTube immortalised attempt at being the world’s worst comedian needed no improvisation.

As a chimney sweep, a much younger, svelte and refreshingly low cut Miss Andrews, performed in a silly squeaky voice impenetrable to middle-aged male reviewers and anything not a dolphin or a bat.

Fortunately, by a miracle of modern technology, YouTube’s automated closed caption computer subtitle robot was able to have a stab at, “I really should start above ground.” Cue graveyard levels of applause. Despite being as funny as a badly improvised funeral, Miss Andrews persisted. However, even the bot drew a blank with her four seconds of world’s worst chimney sweep riff.

After graduation, Kate became the rectum assessor at the University of St Andrews. Excuse me, that should read ‘Rector’s Assessor’. Or maybe not, as her next employment was on the scheduling team of ‘Mitt Romney for President’. After helping Mr Romney to lose the 2012 US Presidential Election, Miss Andrews became a staffer for former professional wrestler and Republican senatorial candidate Ms Linda McMahon, helping her lose to National Rifle Association ‘F’ rated Democrat, Chris Murphy.

Not to worry, Ms McMahon picked herself up off the canvas, eventually becoming chairwoman of America First Action, through which she was able to contribute $83,000,000 towards Donald Trump’s 2020 second presidential election victory.

Meanwhile, Kate Andrews was back in the UK, working her passage at the Adam Smith Institute before being appointed to The Spectator (Andrew Neil’s other, less wobbly than GB News, organ) in 2020.

I wish panellists would stop saying things like ‘double jab’. Robert rambled on about who could and couldn’t travel.

“Kate hasn’t been double jabbed,” said Bruce.

“Some people can’t be jabbed,” responded Robert.

“Not old enough?” wondered Bruce.

Please stop.

When Robert mentioned, “A double jab position”, your reviewer turned the sound down.

“Double jabbed health workers,” said Jon, just as I turned the sound back up again.

QT50’s Derry Donna felt uncomfortable about the rich having one thing and the rest another. Haves and have nots. Off we went with the jabs again. I rubbed my hands over my ears and took a close look at Donna, no longer distracted by her cat being dragged down a blackboard voice. She had the big eyebrows, white powered features and bright red lipstick. She also had a splash of blue about her cushions. Has QT Review got Donna all wrong?

Victor hasn’t booked a ‘oliday and he wasn’t going to book a ‘oliday. There should only be a green list. The Detlans were spreading really quickly, and Victor had discovered another good reason to stay in Wakefield, a new foreign tribe called the Delta Plus.

Caroline wanted to come back to the dangers of the virus. It’s not fine to be doing overseas travel. She wanted children to be vaccinated rather than going abroad and coming back bringing a virus.

Caroline Lucas (not her real name) is the Green Party MP for Brighton Pavilion. In the interests of equality, Ms Lucas was educated privately at the £40,000 a year Malvern College.

In the interests of trust between the different peoples of the world, Malvern insists upon a £13,318 deposit being paid upfront by parents from outside the EU (refundable after the pupil leaves school) plus a ‘£400 administration fee’ regarding their child’s Tier 4 visa. Subsequently, an annual charge of £180 is required to keep the said visa in a biscuit tin beside the Bursar’s golf clubs.

One almost feels grateful for having been dragged to a threadbare boarding school, full of forces brats, in the middle of a council estate.

Convicted criminal Caroline (breach of the peace during a 2001 CND sit-in at Faslane naval base) studied at the University of Exeter and the University of Kansas. I hope she swam to Kansas instead of using one of those CO2 emitting aeroplanes?

Upon returning to Exeter she completed a PhD, her thesis being entitled, Writing for Women, a study of woman as reader in Elizabethan romance. Haven’t read it myself and, ironically, a study of readers amongst the philistines at Amazon’s shows nobody else has either, as the excitement between Caroline’s covers has received no ratings and no reviews.

Caroline is married to Richard Le Quesne Savage, an Oxford graduate and former Warwickshire county cricketer. In the interests of equality, Richard was privately educated at the £40,000 a year Marlborough College.

In the interest of equality of opportunity, Richard teaches English at the £37,000 a year Ardingly College. In the interests of harmony between the different peoples of the world, Ardingly touchingly charges £50 an hour to teach ‘English as an additional language.’

Incidentally, since we were at war with Bin Laden in 2001 and chaining yourself to a fence at Faslane might hamper the fire brigade’s response to “an offence of arson in the royal dockyards”, does Ms Lucas tick the boxes required to be executed for high treason?

The Lucas-Savage’s have two sons, one of whom is an academic in Berkeley, California. Hope he’s a good swimmer.

According to the House of Commons member’s list of interests, Ms Lucas’ donors include the George Soros funded lobby group Best for Britain and Mark and Margaret Constantine, owners of £544 million a year turnover Lush cosmetics.

In 2019, Lush received Ethical Consumer’s worst possible rating for supply chain management because of its subsidiaries in the environmentally friendly, high wage worker’s paradises of Saudi Arabia, Russia, Kazakhstan, Thailand and Pakistan.

Also in 2019, the Sunday Times Rich List estimated Mr and Mrs Constantine to be worth a cool £440 million. When not donating to Ms Lucas, the Constantines busy themselves with a cosmetics empire that includes a chain of retail outlets, many of them at airports.

Question three was about the low rate of convictions for rape cases in England and Wales. Off we went again. Bruce highlighted an exchange in Parliament and instructed us to take offence at it. Boris had said to Starmer, “You jabber and we jab.”

Robert said he had apologised for the comment and highlighted the difficulty of taking victim’s phones from them.

Victor said it was shocking and unacceptable and a result of cutting resources. “Pouring water off oft bukit and expecting them to put out bigger fire.” He wanted safe spaces for women, hostels and men to be educated. Cases take too long to prosecute, said a lady in the audience.

QT50 Dale asked, “What about men? I’m a gay man, we all get raped.” Dale self-defined as being angry. Women rape men, claimed Dale. Bruce contradicted him. Regarding domestic violence between men and women, more men are victimised than women but men don’t report it, continued Dale. Bruce panicked and at this point, one suspects, a carefully worded contradiction was inserted into the programme, after the initial recording, as the BBC trod its minorities narrative knife edge.

It feels like rape has been decriminalised, said criminal Caroline. The survivors are put on trial. She wanted to stop the ‘digital strip search’ of taking victim’s mobile phones. In other words, keep evidence from the defence. She wanted an end to juries, or for juries to be ‘educated’. And she wanted to re-open historic cases. In other words, keep on re-trying suspects until they’re found guilty.

The next question was about banning junk food advertising before the 9 pm watershed.

Victor, one is forced to observe not himself a stick insect, thought this would help to reduce junk food consumption. Food banks are an accepted part of the landscape these days, not a good thing. We have to tackle food poverty.

Robert Buckland is not a size eight.

A small step forward, thought Caroline, that should apply to all platforms, including the likes of TikTok. Junk food can be cheaper and it fills you up quicker. Food poverty is a social justice issue that requires a strategy.

Kate wanted more education, to teach people how to cook, but not to stop people from eating what they want to eat. The Government shouldn’t be picking and choosing individual products that can and can’t be advertised on TV. It’s very rude to comment on a lady’s weight, but I would be neglecting my responsibilities if I didn’t point out that Kate isn’t quite a bean pole. On the other hand, no matter how overused they may be, she does have those perfect American teeth.

© Always Worth Saying 2021

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