Larry’s Diary Week Nine, Animal Prison


I had a lovely day yesterday, it was so nice and peaceful here in Downing Street with Bozzie and the Otter away. I didn’t see Dilyn all day, I wonder if he is in Animal Prison (otherwise known as Kennels). The stand-ins remembered to feed me on time and they even left the TV’s on in the offices so I could watch the comedy that is the Labour Party Conference.

Before he left for the UN meeting Bozzie was getting a bit worried about his flights being cancelled. Dom explained to him that he was flying on an RAF plane and not with Thomas Cook!

WorthingGooner, Going Postal
Not Bozzies Plane – Image by robertescu from Pixabay

Still no Dilyn to torment this morning, but my food was in the bowl on time so not complaining. This Stand-in has found some brand I have never heard of before, called Meowing Heads. I got ‘Surf and Turf’ flavour today, not at all bad for a change, I wonder if they do a Chicken flavour, I would quite like to try that. As you know it’s my all time favourite.

The morning news is full of the overnight collapse of Thomas Cook and the Labour plans to close down Private Schools and grab all their assets. Dom was talking to one of the underlings this morning and was wondering how the state system would cope with incorporating 615,000 Private pupils into a public schools system that was currently struggling to find enough places already. Dom also queried if it would be legal to confiscate all Private school assets; he said if the Tramp got into power he’d stay in the EU and then the ECJ would stamp on that plan.

I hear that the Limp Dump MEPs have written to Mr Drunker begging him not to do a deal with Bozzie. I think they could look stupid if Drunker was true to his word and it was possible to do a deal before Halloween. But on the other hand they risk being seen as facilitating Remain if he agrees. In this case they stand the risk of upsetting the voting public who blame them for not Leaving.

I watched some of the Labour conference on the TV until I got bored with seeing fat women with funny coloured hair pushing mad schemes. I thought Bozzie’s mob were divided, but watching Labour at internal war was really amusing.

Well I’m off in search of the stand-in food girl to see if I can sweet talk her into putting evening feed out early. It’s a big day tomorrow with the Supreme Court verdict due and I want to get my beauty sleep in so that I can be up early to get my mouse Hunt done before Breakfast. That will let me find a spot to watch the result on one of the TV’s in the offices. Those Humans are so gullible, they think I’m asleep under a desk and really I’m fully alert watching what is going on!


As intended I woke up early, ready to go on patrol before breakfast. I needed to pop into the garden because as you know I hate using the litter tray. I stuck my nose out of the cat flap and it was pouring down outside which left me with a dilemma, getting wet or the litter tray. Well I shot down the garden as quickly as if I were chasing a pigeon and found shelter under the big tree to do my business. I was just as quick coming back and only got a little bit wet, but I spent the next ten minutes sorting out my fur because like most cats, I hate getting wet.

Then did my morning mouse hunt around the offices, but there was nothing to be seen, so I went off to see if Breakfast had been put in my bowl yet. I found the stand-in girl heading for the kitchen so I rubbed myself around her legs and gave a few meows. Well you never know she might put a bit extra in my bowl.

After breakfast I went down to the office to get in my viewing position. I must say I was a little disappointed when that little grey-haired old lady ruled against Bozzie, I’m beginning to quite like him, I’ve always been a Leaver. The Poison Dwarf was on TV announcing that Parliament would open at 11:30 tomorrow, the miserable little sod was smirking from ear to ear. I hope he comes round here so that I can give him a good scratch.

WorthingGooner, Going Postal
Mr Speaker – Image by David Mark from Pixabay

I’ve found out what has happened to the Mutt. He’s been staying with his new best friend Bailey in the No 10 flat. It seems that they have moved his sleeping cushion down there to make him feel at home. Dogs are so needy! Just so long as I get my food bowl filled twice a day I’m happy.

Well, the good news is Bozzie is coming home early from New York and should be back in the morning. I never thought I would say this but I have missed him and the Little Otter, even that stupid mutt, it has been a bit too quiet around here. It will be nice to see him tomorrow, I might even rub myself around his legs in greeting.


Bozzie’s RAF flight from New York is not due to land until late morning and I hear he is going straight to the HoC, so I have no idea what time I will see him here. In the meantime the stand-in is doing a good job of getting the food in my bowl at meal times. I quite like this meowing head stuff I have been eating lately, especially the “Paw Licking Chicken” flavour.

WorthingGooner, Going Postal
Still Not Bozzies Plane – Image by SnottyBoggins from Pixabay

It’s been very wet in London again this morning so once again I only popped quickly into the garden. I’ve taken up my position in front of one of the office TV’s so I can see Parliament on TV, I saw that the Poison Dwarf was back to being his normal pompous self and started off with a question from a fat Scottish Remainer woman. He then continued to call a stream of Remoaner MPs to ask questions.

Bozzie made a statement in the HoC this evening and from what I saw he was on top form. He upset a lot of Remoaners, which can only be a good thing. Then he upset the Poison Dwarf by walking out. The best was still to come as the Mogg was also up. He has a great way of taking The Mickey out of opposition questioners without them realising it. He doesn’t get ruffled and continues in his own quiet way, making his points and putting down idiots in such a charming way that they are squashed.

Well I’ve had a long day so it’s time to curl up in my basket.


I was up at my normal time, I’d finished breakfast and been on one of my regular patrols before Bozzie was up. I think he was very tired after this trip to New York and then having to do a three hour session in the HoC. It was no wonder he got a bit ratty with some of the questions he was asked and walked out during a Point of Order.

WorthingGooner, Going Postal
House of Commons – Image by Dan Johnston from Pixabay

I watched Geoffrey Cox and The Mogg at the dispatch box yesterday. I thought they were both excellent, but no one gets one over on the Mogg, his put downs are often so subtle that those on the receiving end are unaware of it.

Today I’ve again been in the offices watching Parliament on TV, the opposition are in full deflection mode. They were owned by Bozzie, Cox and the Mogg yesterday and knew it, but couldn’t admit it. So today all they wanted to do was moan about the “language” Bozzie used. They totally ignore their own side shouting people down and yelling “liar” at the top of their voices. Things were a little bit more peaceful today, I was a bit disappointed, it’s always more fun when everyone shouts at each other.

Bozzie and Dom were not very happy when the vote went against them over the adjournment of Parliament for the Tory party conference. The Limp Dumps have had theirs; the Labour Party have had most of theirs, but to vote against the Tories having theirs just seemed petty.

Now it’s time for dinner, I wonder if it’s back to the old food now Bozzie is back. After which I will have a snooze and see if I can wake up in time to creep onto the sofa to watch QT.


I was up late last night watching QT on the TV. The only one I liked was that Brexit Party bloke Reckless, he nailed it. Anyway, I was still curled up asleep when Bozzie came into the kitchen this morning and I jumped when he poked me. He muttered “Thank God, I thought you were dead, the people would never forgive me if a pet died on my watch”. That got me thinking about the British people, are they really more bothered about me than Brexit. I would like to think they are, but if Dilyn or myself were to pop our clogs Labour would exploit it for weeks. They would have to be careful; the people still hate Cherie Blair for getting rid of Humphrey. I have even heard that Alastair Campbell drugged him before that photo of him in Cherie’s arms was taken.

While eating my Felix (yes it’s back), I heard Dom and Bozzie chatting about John Major’s speech yesterday. Dom was saying Major had found yet another loop hole in the Benn Act and Bozzie was saying he might write to him and thank him for suggesting another way to leave with no deal.

Bozzie also suggested to Dom that he should report that Hull MP to the Labour Party for using threatening language. He can clearly be heard say “I want you dead in a ditch” on his own video so he can hardly deny it. The MP plainly initiated the confrontation and did all the ranting and finger waving while Dom remained calm. Dom said it would be a waste of time as Labour would do absolutely nothing.

Bozzie went off to visit another hospital this morning. This time it was the Princess Alexandra in Harlow. He was announcing a new £200 million investment in the hospital and it was reported that he was cheered and clapped by both staff and Patients. I wonder if he will be able to get his head through the door tonight.

Steve Barkley has been in Brussels today for talks with Michel Barnier. I hear he thinks a deal is “doable”. We shall see.

The Ginger headed Scottish woman, who looks like one of the Krankies, today suggested that the Scotch Nazis could back the Tramp for PM in place of Bozzie. I have decided that if he moves in here I am going to run away. I think going back to the Battersea Cat and Dogs Home would be preferable. He can get his own scabby cat to deal with the mice and rats on the estate. I bet it’s never seen a big Black Rat and would have no idea what to do, unlike me, a South London Street fighter.

WorthingGooner, Going Postal
The Alternative PM – Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

All this talk of Rats has reminded me it’s time for my evening patrol, dinner and bed.


Listening in again this morning I heard another theory as to how Bozzie is going to leave on the 31st despite the Surrender Act. Grievous wrote in a paper this morning that Bozzie and Dom are trying to ferment riots so that they can declare a state of emergency and suspend the Surrender Act. Dom and Bozzie found this hilarious and agreed that it was another idea from the Remoaners they would bank for the future, alongside a suggestion this morning that they could tie the SA up in the ECJ. Bozzie said let’s do them all at once, which made Dom chuckle even more.

The Tramp is coming out with more ludicrous ideas every day and every one of them involves spending more and more tax payers money, or perhaps borrowing it. Today he wants to do away with Universal Credit but I can’t work out what he wants to replace it with. So far he wants to spend more on the NHS, Education, and the Welfare State. He wants to Nationalise the Railways, Water and Electricity. He wants to force people to sell second homes and to grab the assets of Private schools after removing their charitable status, then there is free nursery places for toddlers, free prescriptions and free personal care for the over 65s. Add in his plans to force petrol cars off the road in a new green deal, I despair. Thank goodness that my annual stipend is tax free.

WorthingGooner, Going Postal
Back to the 50’s Railways – Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

I did hear today that the Tories are talking about a new animal welfare act. Well I have to admit to a vested interest in that. I’m happy with them banning people from keeping monkeys as pets and bringing in new rules limiting the transport of animals but I am a bit iffier when it comes to micro chipping all cats. I’m worried it might hurt. I hate going to the Vet, if I get a sight of the cat basket I’m off down the garden and up the big tree.
Well having Bozzie and the Little Otter back in No 10 didn’t last long, they’ve both gone off to Manchester for the party conference and I’m back to the stand-in feeding me. I guess Dilyn will be back in the No 10 flat so I’m in for a quiet weekend. I wonder if Bozzie will have to rush home for a VoNC.

Tomorrow is a big day Politically. Bozzie is on The Marr Show, the Conference starts and the Sunday papers always rake something up. Unless something really special happens I’ll chat to you again on Monday.

© WorthingGooner 2019

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