Larry’s Diary Week Three

Larry, the early days – Image by Sheila Shafer-Roberson from Pixabay


Another week and Brexit is still all I’m hearing as I get stuck into my Breakfast (not sure what this is, I suspect it might be some cheapo stuff from Lidil as they had to send an office boy out for emergency supplies when Saturday’s home delivery got messed up). Yesterday they chatted about Labour Leaver MPs and prospective candidates. They said that Party HQ had sent out bundles of leaflets saying that Labour was in favour of another Referendum and would campaign to remain and that loads of Leavers had threatened to burn the leaflets rather than use them in leave seats. Seems like fun to me.

The Saj has ordered the minting of a new Brexit 50p coin to mark leaving on 31st October. Apparently some stupid Limp Dump parliamentary candidate has said she will refuse to use the new coins. Personally I couldn’t care less as I don’t use money, my human slaves buy everything for me, but if it makes them happy then they can use some to buy food and cat toys. I hear Amazon have a nice range of fish pillows scented with Catnip.

The Blonde one wants to show he is getting tough on crime by expanding on his announcement that he’s going to hire 20,000 more police. Dom made a couple of suggestions; more stop and search, as that had worked in London when the Blonde one was Mayor and rolling back on remission so that prisoners don’t get out when they’ve only done half their sentences. This led to a discussion on how to house the extra prisoners and the Blonde one said “I know I will announce extra prison places”. When Dom said “how much, how long and where”, the Blonde one said “don’t ask me that’s the Home Secretary’s problem” and shouted for someone to get Priti. We had a big meeting this morning so that the Blonde one could tell people about his criminal justice plans. The Lesbian in charge of the Met was invited,  I wanted to give her a good scratch but they shoved me in a back room just before she arrived, more’s the pity.

The talk today is that the Guardian says the Tramp will try for a Vote of No Confidence in the second week of September, probably on the 9th. If he wins the Blonde one will have two weeks before a second vote. If the Tramp wins the second vote then there will be a General Election probably in November, after Brexit. The Tramp is worried that he still doesn’t have enough votes to win, as he can’t bank on Tory Remainers out numbering Labour Leavers. The Blonde one had a chat on the phone to the the God King President this afternoon. I hid under his desk to try to listen in, but I couldn’t hear much. The only thing I can be sure about was that Brexit was mentioned several times and the Blonde one was happy.
Lots more visitors today, Carrie and the Blonde one held a Reception for workers from six Hospices. Why do I always get shoved in a back room when nice ordinary people visit?


Back to listening to the radio while eating breakfast, it’s still that cheap stuff, how can they feed this to the Chief Mouser? Carrie likes to have LBC’s Nick Ferrari on but he’s off today, lots of moans about the stand-in chap. I hear that the US wants to do a series of small trade deals rather than one big one and there is a new poll out that says 54% of people back the Blonde if he closed down Parliament to stop Remainers halting Brexit on 31st October. The Blonde one seems happy today.
It’s quiet, the Blonde one has gone to visit an old prison in Leeds where he is being shown a scan of a prisoner who had hidden a Kinder Egg full of contraband up his arse. Some of the senior Minister are in the US chatting about post Brexit Trade Deals. The sun is out so I have been snoozing in the shade, it can be a bit warm in the sun when you wear a permanent fur coat. The only other interesting things that I have heard are that an order is about go out pulling our people out of regular meetings with the EU and that SPADs have been banned from accepting invitations to Lords for the Test Cricket. I wonder if Lords have a vacancy for a “Chief Mouser”, I quite fancy the idea of working there if the Tramp were to move in, loads of open spaces to patrol and I could watch the Cricket for free.


As usual the radio was on while I had my breakfast (when is this cheap stuff going to run out). An intriguing opinion poll out this morning shows that 80% of MPs think that they have been elected to exercise their own judgements even if it goes against the opinion of the electorate. On the other hand, 63% of electors think that MPs should act on the wishes of their constituents even when it is against their own opinion. I think a lot of MPs are in for a shock come the next General Election.
It seems that the poison Dwarf, otherwise known as the Speaker, has been showing his bias over Brexit, promising to stop a no deal Brexit. Months ago a House of Commons report said that he was guilty of bullying HoC staff. Since then he has relied on Remainers to keep his position, in return he has constantly supported their side of the Brexit divide. Another one who will be lucky to survive an election.
The Blonde one has been on Facebook answering questions from the public in what he called a public Prime Ministers Questions. Did I get on screen? I was creeping around the office trying to get on camera. I understand that it was a good job that the questions answered had been preselected as many of those submitted were extremely rude! Mind be did call some of the Remoaners traitors and collaborators! That Irish Bloke called the Teashop has been on the phone, moaning again. On Sunday he phoned up asking the Blonde one to a meeting, but got a short answer he didn’t like. He has been back on again, asking the same thing but I heard the Blonde one saying “look Mr Verruca, I already told you no until you agree to remove the Back Stop”.
The Blonde one was sat at his desk giggling while he was composing an e-mail to Tory party members. Carrie asked what was so funny and the Blonde one said he was going to ask people to help send the Tramp back to his allotment to tend his Marrows. I don’t think it was that funny.


Wow, the Blonde one was crying with laughter while I was eating my Breakfast this morning (the cheap stuff seems to be finished as it was back to Felix). Dom and him were saying that the Tramp was walking into the trap they had laid and was begging all the minor parties to make him Caretaker Prime Minister. Dom says the only thing he is capable of being a Caretaker of is Highbury Fields Comprehensive. I think they would love a General Election where they could claim they were the only party capable of Brexit, purged of Remain MPs, while Labour was offering another Referendum on Remain or Remain.
They aren’t very happy with Spreadsheet Phil at the minute as it’s beginning to emerge that he was not only denying money for No Deal preparations but was constantly whispering in Mays ear while colluding with the poison Dwarf and telling the EU we would accept any deal on offer. They will be pushing his local party to drop him as a candidate in favour of a Leaver.
As it is a nice sunny day I have been out on patrol. Wandering around Downing Street I spied some people leading six weird looking hairy animals down Whitehall. I learned they were sheep (I have never seen a sheep before). It was a stunt by some Farmers who want another Referendum. They said they were going to herd a flock of Sheep down Whitehall, I’m not sure that six on bits of string make a flock.

Someone has suggested to the Blonde one that he should write to the EU giving them 10 days to start serious negotiations. Failure to do so and we tell them we’re leaving on 31st August. I wonder if he is considering it.


Quite a lot of interesting things being discussed in No 10 this morning while I get stuck into my breakfast, wouldn’t they be shocked if they knew I was listening and writing a diary!
The Blonde one has sent the Saj on a day trip to Berlin to talk to the German Finance Minister. He has promised not to laugh at the state of the German economy and will be insisting that we will be out of the EU at the end of October so they had better start discussions it they want a leaving Agreement. He has also told Steve Barclay to get on and sign the order that repeals the European Communities Act on the 31st October. This will mean the end of European Law in the U.K. and bring into power the replacement European Union (Withdrawal) Act. Dom said this will show the Remoaners we are really serious about leaving.

That bloody dog Bailey tried to have a go at me and I retaliated. Stupid animal thought he could get the better of me, the Chief Mouser and incumbent pet. He got a bloody nose and ran away. There is only one winner and it’s No 10, we always win over No 11. I saw on Dom’s iPad that the Daily Express was running a survey on which people would prefer, a Corbyn Government or a No Deal Brexit. When Dom voted it changed to show the vote so far – 2% for Corbyn and 98% for No Deal, oh how he laughed. It seems that the Blonde one is being called “Bozzie Bear” by Carrie, seems appropriate, l might have to change my name for him. I must keep listening to find out what he calls her.


Today everyone is still talking about the Tramp’s plan to oust Bozzie Bear with a time limited, so called, Government of National Unity or as I heard someone call it a Gnu. The trouble seems to be that no one wants the Tramp as PM and all sorts of people are willing to stand but the Tramp won’t support anyone else. Even Grievous and Letwin don’t think that the Tramp could be the PM. I see that even that ex footballer who advertises Crisps is willing to stand.  I have found out Bozzie Bears nickname for Carrie. Today he has been calling her his “Little Otter”. Where that came from is anyone’s guess. The Tramps lot have come up with another wonderful idea, this time it’s to steal private property. They want to hand the keys of any shops that have been empty for a period over to start-up businesses and co-operatives. Owen Jones got a good kicking last night or so he claimed. He had been out celebrating his birthday with some of this friends and when he left the pub three or four men jumped him. Owen said the attack was “coordinated with military precision” and that his attackers were “far right”. I think he might be embellishing a little bit.

It looks like Bozzie Bear is getting ready for a visit to Paris and Berlin next week. The Saj reported back that the German Finance Minister is still not 100% convinced that we will be leaving the EU at the end of October. Bozzie Bear is going to talk to Macaroon and Merkel and convince them that he is deadly serious.
Well that’s another week done, I’m going to have my day of rest tomorrow.

© WorthingGooner 2019

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