Larry’s Diary, Week Three Hundred And Forty-Eight

Monday

Good morning, my happy readers. Well, another chilly morning, and I woke up to the central heating on again. I am very thankful to whoever it was who moved my cat basket next to the radiator when I got back from the vets. Lots of little stories for me to tell you this morning, many of which have emerged over the weekend.

I’ll start with trouble in France, where the French are doing what they do best, rioting. Usually, it is just in one city, like Paris or Marseille, but this time it is everywhere. A historic town hall is being burnt to the ground, and shops are being looted, all while the looters waved the Palestinian flag. Overnight, it has spread to Belgium, Albania, Milan and Lisbon. Macaroon was on French TV last night, telling the French nation that the problems were all the fault of the Left Wing and ignoring the obvious, that it was the Islamist immigrants. I worry that our police would be unwilling or incapable of handling similar events in the U.K.

This is the madhouse that Mascara Man wants us to rejoin at heaven knows what financial cost. I have heard that they want a “joining fee” and then an annual £40 billion payment. I had to chuckle when I saw the Czech PM, Andrej Babiš, on the TV saying he would welcome us back into the EU as they “need more money”. It is ten years since we left the EU, and we have been able to do a lot of things that would be impossible if we were in the EU. We have cut VAT on electricity, we have nationalised steel, and we are in the middle of renationalising the railways. Does he really think the British will vote to rejoin when all this is pointed out to the populace?

I always thought that the BBC had a left-wing bent, and two stories in the media confirmed this at the weekend. Firstly, I learned that, for ten years, BBC Verify has had Home Office interns embedded in it and has consequently been pushing the Home Office’s left-wing line. The BBC says it will stop, but it has been going on for ten years. Don’t tell me they have only just discovered this.

The second BBC story is rather similar. Its education website, BBC Bitesize, has been pushing lefty propaganda. It has a game on the site that is pushing immigration and climate change. The game has cartoon characters asking questions about topics like illegal immigration and awarding positive points for supportive views and negative points for holding what it considers the wrong views. It’s no wonder that an additional half a million people a year are refusing to pay for the TV licence.

Here is another little snippet I learned over the weekend. Do you remember when Shabana Mahmood was appointed as Home Secretary and she promised to deal with the vast numbers of illegal immigrants gaining a “right to remain” in the U.K.? When someone arrives here on a visa, they can claim an indefinite right to remain after being here for five years. Mahmood wanted to make that 15 years. However, she has now been Home Secretary for two years, and the Liebore Left has mounted the case against that plan. So, what has actually happened? In those two years, over 200,000 immigrants have been granted indefinite leave to remain, which allows them to claim the same benefits as someone born here without having made the contributions.

With all these things going on this morning, Mascara Man has come up with another one of his cheapskate initiatives. This time, it is to give local authorities the power to fine people £100 for littering, vaping and playing loud music on public transport. I must admit that I am sure there are already bylaws against these things that are rarely enforced. So, councils will now be empowered to employ someone to enforce these rules. Not a job for a little old woman or man. I wouldn’t fancy their chances of collecting fines.

Tuesday

Hi folks, another wet and chilly morning outside, and nice and warm by my kitchen radiator. I want to correct what I said about 200,000 people being granted indefinite leave to remain in two years. Well, I got it wrong. Mahmood made the statement about making it ten or fifteen years to get ILR at last year’s Liebore Party Conference, so that’s just over a year ago. And the 200,000 figure was up to 1 July this year, so it is almost certainly a lot more three and a half months later.

The big news this morning is all about private car parks and customers having to be given ten minutes’ grace before being issued with a Parking Charge Notice. There will also be a £100 cap on parking tickets. I get the distinct impression that we have a Mayor of the U.K. now who is dealing with stupid things like fining people who drop litter on trains and ignoring the economy, immigration and defence spending.

The Government says that for any policy to proceed, there must be 100% Cabinet agreement. During World War II, Winston Churchill’s War Cabinet consisted of just eight ministers, so getting a consensus opinion was difficult, but not impossible. Mascara Man has a Cabinet with 28 members. To my little cat brain, that shows why he keeps flip-flopping on things and has yet to get anything more contentious than returning the bus fare price cap to £2, having been increased to £3 by Legohead.

I learned today that the wife of Jonathan Powell, the National Security Adviser of the United Kingdom, is a supporter of both Hamas and Palestine Action. Sarah Helm, who is a journalist, posted on X last week, saying, “God help us authors who support Palestine and Palestine Action.” Does she not know that Palestine Action is a proscribed organisation and supporting it is a criminal offence? The Metropolitan Police were very quick to say they were aware of the post but had decided to take no further action. Now I hear that Powell is considering retiring. Well, he is 70 years old, so that is an easy way to sweep the mess under the carpet.

Transport for London has a problem with the escalators at Angel Station on the Northern Line. One of them failed a bit back, meaning it had to be taken out of service for a while. The work on the 35-year-old escalator revealed it was in a poor state of repair and really needed to be replaced. But an inspection of the other two found that they, too, need replacing, a process that takes a year per escalator. The question now is, do they close the station for a year and replace all three at the same time, or do they replace them one at a time, hoping that they can keep one going up and one going down? But will they last long enough to allow this plan to work? The station has about 12,000,000 passengers using the escalators a year, so if the station shuts completely, there could be a lot of disgruntled people.

There are two private members’ bills in the Commons tonight. Both of them are very likely to be defeated by Labour backbenchers, as both are attempting to ban common Islamic practices. One is to ban first-cousin marriages, which are normal in many Islamic countries but have been shown to lead to children with birth defects. The second bill is trying to close a loophole in U.K. law. For years, we have banned polygamy, but it seems that if a man has married several wives in a country that allows it, he is allowed to bring them into the country, and in some circumstances they can claim benefits for their multiple wives. The second bill is trying to close this loophole. The Liebore Party relies heavily on the Islamic vote, so I can’t see either of these bills progressing.

Just a quick bit of personal news. My operation scar is looking good, and I have avoided getting an infection. But the best news is that my fur has started to grow back. It’s not a lot yet, but it is definitely growing, and hopefully my scar will disappear soon. I have turned down the offer of the loan of a wig from Prince Harry. I didn’t think a ginger patch on my side would have looked very good.

Wednesday

Good morning, all. Terribly wet and windy this morning, so much so that I crossed my legs and waited until it abated a bit before popping out. You will be delighted to learn that I only got a bit damp and dried off quickly in the warm kitchen. Bad news for Mascara Man this morning, with the September inflation numbers out, and it has risen to 3.5%, which is bad enough on its own, but the September figure is the one used to fix next year’s benefits. The Chancellor is going to have to find the money.

In addition, the Government borrowing numbers were also released, and, as expected, it is bad news, too. Last month, they spent £24.5 billion more than they took in. The spending included £10.9 billion in interest alone, as they have borrowed more. Now the interest payment will go up again next month. I learn that government borrowing has now passed £3 trillion. I do wonder how long Liebore can continue on its spending spree.

One tiny piece of better news was released this morning. The Government has finally signed off on the Jackdaw gas field in the North Sea. I guess the owners have been doing lots of preparatory work, as our climate-change-supporting Energy Secretary, Miatta Fahnbulleh, has been pondering the decision. It will apparently be pumping gas into the network later this month, and there are only ten days left. The Government has said that it won’t mean cheaper bills. I really can’t understand the Government’s economics. If we take a tax from the producer and we don’t have to buy gas from Norway, the Gulf or the United States and pay to have it transported from abroad, it must be cheaper and more reliable.

The developer, Landsec, has pulled out of a £1.5 billion redevelopment of Lewisham town centre. The plan included 1,774 flats, a new shopping mall and accommodation for an additional 661 students in a 23-storey block. It was all signed off by the Liebore council back in January this year, and all was going well until a Green council was elected in May, which had different ideas. The plan was to split the project into six phases over the next ten years. The problem here is that, to start the first phase, Landsec needs to own the land being developed, and Lewisham Council has refused to issue the necessary compulsory purchase orders, effectively bringing the whole phase to a halt. Landsec has now put the whole project on hold. I wonder which party they will give a big donation to in May?

I really don’t understand what is happening to our Navy. Last year, the Government decided to take the Marine Assault sister ships HMS Bulwark and HMS Albion out of service to save money. The two ships were on the asset list at £235 million and £195 million. Bulwark is worth more, as it has been more recently refitted. The two ships were put up for sale, and Bulwark has been sold to Brazil. I understand Albion is alongside in Devonport and is being used as a source of spares for Bulwark. I suspect that it is now not worth much more than its scrap metal value.

I must say I was disgusted to learn that there is a “Palestinian Poppy” on sale this Remembrance season. The traditional red poppy is sold for just one thing, an act of remembrance for those killed defending this nation. The very idea of selling a rip-off version, supposedly to benefit the Palestinians, is a travesty. I understand that it was designed by an NHS doctor. I wonder how safe a Jewish patient is in his hands.

Today is the 60th anniversary of the Aberfan disaster. I was not alive at the time, in 1966, but I have read about it. It was a horrible event, where a coal waste tip, lubricated by heavy rain, slid down a hill and engulfed a primary school. 116 children were killed in their classrooms, together with 28 adults, a mix of teachers and local people whose houses were buried. I was delighted to see that the King, Queen and Prince William all visited Aberfan today and took part in a minute’s silence at 09:15, the time of the disaster.

Thursday

It’s a good morning to you, my friends. Gosh, did it rain overnight! I was woken up in the middle of the night by the rain battering on the kitchen window, driven by the wind. It was horrible, and we must have had a month’s rain in a single night. Is it filling those depleted reservoirs yet?

The Government’s Energy Secretary reluctantly approved the Jackdaw gas field a couple of days back, but has now followed it up by saying she is minded to refuse permission for the Rosebank oil field to be developed because a lot of its oil would be exported. This is a mad political position. This country is skint, we have a national debt of £3 trillion, and we are throwing away billions in tax revenue on a political whim. But it gets worse. I hear the Government plans to spend the tax billions that will come from Rosebank on “Net Zero Projects” and not on helping to pay off our debts. One other little thing, the Energy Secretary attracted the ire of Mr Squeaker yesterday by announcing the Jackdaw decision in Aberdeen and not in the House of Commons.

In a post on X, Reform’s Zia Yusuf says that the party has reported ITV, its board and investigative journalists to the police over several things related to ITV’s recent investigation into the party. If proven, some of the allegations are quite serious, including a female journalist altering her passport to evade Reform’s employment checks. According to Yusuf, both altering a passport and lying to gain employment are offences that can attract a 10-year prison sentence, and the board of ITV must have known, or should have known, what was happening. This could be worth watching.

The Type 45 destroyer HMS Dauntless has recently been pictured out on exercise with Ukrainian mine sweepers. Keen naval observers have spotted what appear to be small vertical launchers on the ship’s port and starboard sides. Analysts say that, whatever the devices are for, they measure approximately 2 metres by 1 metre. The speculation I am hearing is that they are for counter-drone UAVs, a very interesting development. We have been working on drones with Ukraine for some time and have agreed to produce them in the UK, and it is believed that counter-drone UAVs are one of the products. It does not take much imagination to suspect that our MoD is making use of battlefield-tested equipment.

The trouble Manchester City are in seems to have just got worse. The Government’s financial regulator, the Financial Reporting Council (FRC), has announced an investigation into the club’s audited accounts. This could be an enormous problem for Man City because, if the FRC finds problems with the audited accounts, that is a criminal offence and not an offence against football regulations, and they could face huge financial consequences. It also opens the door to the Independent Football Regulator, which has the power to rule that the club must be sold. Then there is the likelihood of an HMRC investigation into underpaid tax, and FA investigations into “off-the-books payments” to managers and players. Last but not least, there is a UEFA investigation that could rule Man City unfit to hold a European licence to play in European competitions.

I heard a Liebore Minister on the radio boasting about how the Government had reduced energy bills by £245 since coming to power. This is the politics of the madhouse. It is looking solely at the times when Ofgem announced a cut in price and ignoring when it went up. In its manifesto, it promised to reduce energy bills by £300 a year but has failed miserably, as energy bills have actually increased by £387 since they came to power.

The Royal Navy has stated a requirement for eight Type 26 frigates to be in place by 2037. It now looks increasingly unlikely that they will be able to achieve this. It seems that the Norwegian order for five Type 26 frigates is not just going to be tagged on to the end of our order. We are going to switch two of the boats destined for the RN to Norway. So, through no fault of its own, the RN is likely to miss its target.

Friday

Hi everyone, very wet and windy this morning. Absolutely pouring with rain, so much so that I took one look out of the back door and decided I would rather use the hated litter box. I have been thinking of renaming Mascara Man the Invisible Mascara Man, as he is hardly ever seen here. However, I see he has materialised on a recording of Celebrity Gogglebox. What made them think he is a celebrity?

The Government sent out the Health Secretary yesterday to issue a warning to households to prepare for a disaster caused by an unfriendly nation hacking our internet and causing a three-day interruption to food supplies. They suggest that everyone should stock up on supplies. They specifically mentioned tinned tuna and chickpeas, bottled water, toilet paper, cash, batteries and a wind-up radio. That’s all well and good for people, but they seem to have forgotten us moggies. Why have they not warned people to stock up on cat food? My Felix comes in nice pouches and keeps for ages, so I urge you to think about your pussy.

I learn of big problems on Ashfield District Council in Nottinghamshire. The leader of the council has been found guilty of nine charges of fraud and has resigned as leader and also from his party, the Ashfield Independents, and will sit as an unaligned independent until sentencing. Over the past few days, loads of the Ashfield Independents have resigned and are now sitting as independents. This means that the Ashfield Independents have 18 councillors, the bare minimum needed to retain control of the 35-seat council. The Tories have a single councillor and Reform have three. The remainder are unaligned independents. This seems to be one worth watching, especially if Councillor Jason Zadrozny is sentenced to a prison term long enough to force a by-election.

I hear that there is a video circulating on the internet in which a man deliberately spits on the statue of murdered MP Sir David Amess. The statue is in what was his Southend constituency, where Amess was stabbed to death in 2021. It seems that the spitter videoed himself to get clicks. I rather hope that the Old Bill knock on his door very soon and that the clicks he gets are those of handcuffs locking.

Here’s a nice bit of trivia for you. This weekend it is the United States Grand Prix at the Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas. One of the favourites to finish on the podium is Kimi Antonelli, the current championship leader. However, there is a little problem, as Antonelli is only 20 years old and the legal drinking age in the US is 21. So, he can’t take a drink of the traditional bottles of champagne awarded to the first three finishers. I understand that the Formula One organisers have come up with a solution, and if Antonelli is in the top three, he will receive a bottle of sparkling rose water. I can think of nothing worse.

I have a rather strange cat story for you this weekend and, unsurprisingly, it comes from the United States of America. A cat rescue project in Greenville, North Carolina, has decided to halt the adoption of black cats until after Halloween. The Feline Freedom Society says that many people think that black cats have long been associated with superstitions and stereotypes, and it does not want people adopting a black cat for Halloween and dumping it directly afterwards. So, if you want one of the black cats on its books, you will have to wait until the 1st of November to pick it up.

A story from Scottishland is next. A Glasgow museum has removed all its Egyptian mummies from display for a very odd reason. Apparently, under the law, because they are the bodies of people, they needed to have given permission to be put on display while they were alive! As that was roughly 4,000 years ago, that is hardly possible. What idiot drafted that law? Clearly, not someone who was much of a thinker.

Saturday

Hi, my friends. It was dry when I popped out first thing, but it was after breakfast, when I was about to go out into Downing Street on my first patrol, that the heavens opened, so I will do my reporting in the hope it blows over. Bad news today for Liebore, with another of their MPs having the whip suspended. This is yet another fraud case, and it sounds mighty familiar. Perran Moon, the MP for Camborne and Redruth, is accused of taking Covid bounce-back loans, not paying them back and then collapsing his business. At the moment, it seems the media is not being very forthcoming on this story. But hey-ho, it is only another Liebore investigation. If it had been a Reformer, it would have been leading the news.

This business of Thomas Markle being accused of having nasty photos of children in his home in the Philippines seems to be taking a few odd turns. If we go back a little, Markle senior was living in the Philippines and was taken ill, and had a leg amputated. He is now in a home in Florida. Markle senior’s son, Thomas Markle junior, has alleged that he has removed boxes of sex photos of children from his house in the Philippines. On Friday, Meghan Markle claimed that in 2018 she was told by the Metropolitan Police that they had received a letter tipping them off that he had these photos, and this was why she banned him from the wedding. Today, it seems the Metropolitan Police are saying they are not, and have not ever, investigated Markle senior. Senior denies ever having had child photos and says he has not been anywhere near his Philippines home in three years. Furthermore, he claims that Junior has been stealing money from his bank account after he cut him off. This story is getting murkier and murkier, and it seems one, two or even three of those involved are telling porkies.

I hear that Norwegian Cruise Line’s newest ship, Norwegian Luna, is suffering from “propulsion problems” and has had to cut out a port on its latest seven-night cruise out of Miami. The ship is expected to return to Miami on schedule, but as yet there is no word on what the problem is or whether it can be fixed in time for the next cruise to depart on schedule. I bet there are a lot of worried passengers booked on the next cruise.

Back in June, all five of the Royal Navy Astute-class attack submarines were tied up in port and not at sea. However, we apparently don’t have a problem with the boats. The problem is said to be that we only have two bases capable of servicing nuclear submarines, Devonport and Faslane. But there is a second contributing factor: our Vanguard-class missile boats have first call on the facilities. Maybe we should be looking at increasing our capacity to handle our nuclear fleets. Rosyth and Portsmouth would make sense.

In addition, it does seem that the dismantling of our old nuclear submarines could be about to take a step forward. The project has been stalled because the facility to remove the reactors from the old submarines at Devonport was deemed not to meet legal requirements. I hear the dry dock used has been upgraded to meet the law, and a licence is on the verge of being granted. Once a reactor is removed, the hulk can be towed to Rosyth for final disposal.

I hear that the village of Piddington is to sue the Government over the asylum seekers’ camp proposed for the village. This is over the Government’s failure to look into the protection of badgers, bats and great crested newts on the site. It will be interesting to see if the villagers win. It will prove that the wildlife has more rights than the people. If the villagers lose, I hear they are looking at suing on a criminal basis, claiming that they are being treated worse than most of the country.

My last story of the week is about the American freight airline Atlas Air. As you no doubt know, next month is Movember, the month in which many men grow a moustache for men’s cancer charities. Atlas Air has decided to join the campaign this year by adding moustaches to three of its Boeing 747 freighters. The moustaches are hairy, and I wonder how they will get on when air at nearly 600 mph is rushing over them. By the way, I have a permanent full set of whiskers.

That’s me done for the week. You will be pleased to hear that my stitches have healed up nicely. But I am still not happy to have a bald patch. My fur is definitely growing back, but it is very slow. At this rate, it is going to be years. It’s still pouring with rain out there, so I think I will sleep on that big chair in reception. They have a big log fire there, and it is toasty. Chat to you all again next week.

 

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