The Party’s Over, It’s Time to Call it a Day

Croxj, Going Postal — *The author as a young boy.*
© Croxj 2025, Going Postal

It never entered my mind that I would be doing this job for… checks retirement date …more than 15 years…

It was around March and Mrs C. was working at the school as a dinner lady Welfare Assistant when the then Head Teacher, Mrs Clarke, asked her, ‘Our current Caretaker, Linda, has just lost her husband and is not sure whether she’ll continue, do you think Croxj is up to it? We’d like a bloke with some DIY skills…’

Mrs C. ‘I can but ask…’

I was, at that time, as all good actors say, ‘resting’… but why not? It’s just across the road and Master C. was still there and… I knew most of the staff.

I went in to see Sammy… I was basically a shoo-in, but it all depended on their present incumbent… a couple of weeks later she’d decided to stay on… ho hum.

And then, at the beginning of July, Mrs Clarke informed me that Linda was going to retire but so was Sammy and the decision would no longer be hers…

It wasn’t until the following September that the school advertised the position, I applied… what have I got to lose?

On to the interview… The new Head Teacher, Mrs Milligan, Chair of Governors Paul, whose eldest was in the same class as Master C., and Debbie as a member of the Parochial Church Council. It’s a CofE church school… and Debbie and me had worked together on the School Friends Association……

As they say, ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who.’ And indeed, I was appointed as, to give it the official title… Site Supervisor 1…

The last time I was a ‘1’ was when I played in goal for my High School and we won the Inter School Cup nearly 50 yrs ago.

I found out that since the start of the school year, the year sixes emptied all the bins and they’d called in a retired caretaker to give the school… mmm… an open-both-doors-and-let-it-blow-through sort of clean.

13th October 2010 I turn up and am given two bunches of keys… ‘Here you go, the gold keys are external doors, the silver keys are internal doors… crack on!’

On entering the caretaker’s, my, room for the first time, I was faced with the daunting task of finding out what was for what. Coloured cloths, coloured mops, all sorts of 5 lt tubs of… who knows what… There were two hoovers, an upright and a Henry, a buffing machine, complete with every colour of buffing pads, rubber gloves size 6… yeah, they’ll fit my hands… 2 boxes of swing-bin liners, hoover bags… a set of drawers with all sorts of stuff in them.

If I could remember it all I’d go on and on.

One of the TAs said to me, ‘Best of luck sorting out all the keys…’ I opened a drawer and there was a multitude of coloured tags… silver keys were sorted.

Then on with the cleaning… I started hoovering with the Henry, but it wasn’t picking up, I decided to change the bag. Lifting the motor off I was confronted with the sieve being covered in fluff, on lifting that the main chamber was full, the bag having split… nobody had changed the bag for months; once changed, away I went. I’ve been hoovering the school with a Henry ever since; I’m on my third.

There was a list of destructions on ‘How to Clean’ the school and at first I followed it religiously but everything was taking longer than time allowed. Not helped by the lack of cleaning beforehand. I raised my concerns with Mrs Milligan and, with Paul’s help, they allocated me an extra hour a week. That really did help.

But, in all honesty, it took me the best part of 2 years to really get on top of it all and get into a routine.

When it comes to it, what one does today is what one did yesterday and what one will do tomorrow, with slight variations, depending on circumstances.

My room sits on one side of the Hall and, when standing in my doorway and going right to left, are the staffroom, staff toilets, secretary’s office, entrance, Head’s office and an opening towards Classes 1 and 2 in the right-hand corner. Class 1 have their own toilets, Class 2’s are just through the opening.

Opposite is a door which leads to the ‘Link’ corridor, which has another door for Class 2 on the right and a door for the ‘Group’ room on the left and an outside door at the end. This also doubles as a stock room for pens, pencils, paper, resources… etc. etc.

Looking towards the far left-hand corner of the Hall is an opening for Classes 3 and 4 with a corridor between them and a shared cloakroom; at either end are the Key Stage 2 toilets, girls first and, at the far end, boys.

In the near left-hand corner is a doorway to the Library which gives access to an extension holding Classes 5 and 6. When going through either Class 5 or 6 there is a door in their bottom corner, giving access to a shared cloakroom with an outside door. What I call the ‘back’ door.

Between the Library and, on my side of the Hall, is the Servery and Kitchen. The Servery contains all the tables and chairs for dinner time/events.

I hope you’ve got the picture…

Originally my room used to be outside Classes 1 and 2 but, when we had the old, old boiler changed for a smaller, more efficient one, I commented on the wasted space in its room and the possibility of moving me into it. It was done, this also gave the Head’s room more space too.

This changed my ‘angle of attack’. I used to start with Class 1 and then work round anti-clockwise to Class 6 and then on to the Staffroom etc. But now I start with Class 6 and go clockwise, ending nearer to ‘home’.

The job really starts in the afternoon, when the kids have gone home, barring their clubs. The morning is about finishing off.

First up… empty all the classroom and toilet bins.

Hoover everywhere, starting with Class 6.

Clean the toilet sinks and pans and mop them.

And…