Cruising to the Canaries – Part Two

Day 5 – Wednesday, Funchal, Madeira

I awoke just after six; it was still dark, so turned over and went back to sleep for another forty minutes. This time it was grey and grotty, and I could see the pilot boat heading our way, so I knew it was nearly time to think about getting up. By quarter past seven I was up and dressed and watching as we came into Funchal Dock, turned on the spot and went astern into our allotted spot.

As it’s a port day, the restaurant opens for breakfast at half past seven instead of eight o’clock. I suppose it was 07:45 when I got down to the MDR for breakfast and, joy of joys, there was no queue. I was led to a sharing table and was quickly tucking into my square toast while waiting for my orange juice, Rice Krispies and mushroom omelette. An interesting chat round the table this morning.

Now it’s back to the cabin to update my cruise log and do a bit of reading. It’s book number three now. It’s an early snack lunch as my panoramic coach tour departs at 12:30. I will report later. Another lovely morning sitting in the sun reading my book and it’s another Jack Reacher. I really should make a count of how many people he kills or maims.

I had a hot dog for a snack lunch before heading down to the gangway to disembark and got in the queue for the coach at 12:20 just as asked in the Horizon Daily. Oddly, the first coach doing the tour was just pulling out and I was fifth from last arriving despite being ten minutes early! I know the people of Madeira are proud of Cristiano Ronaldo — it was here is his house and here is the hotel he owns and here is the museum about him, here is the house where he lived as a child, here is the hospital he was born in — it was too much.

First stop was at the famous sea cliff, the highest in Europe, and it was quite high, but with wonderful views along the coast. There was an open grid flooring viewing platform jutting out over the cliff and a glass floor in one part looking down on the pebble beach 358 metres below. Quite spectacular, but the topic of conversation back on the bus was the man collecting 50 cents to use the toilets!

On to another viewpoint high up above Funchal with views over the town and our ship way down in the port. Then on to the final stop way up in the mountains at a hotel, gift shop and ice cream parlour overlooking the valley of the Nuns. Here we were served Madeiran cake and biscuits and a choice of tea, coffee or Madeira wine. If you wanted, say, coffee and wine, the waiter collected an extra 2 euros. It was a very narrow, windy road up the hotel with sheer falls into the valley below; I wouldn’t have liked to have driven that road in a car, let alone a bus.

Back on board about 30 minutes before the “All Aboard” time of 16:30 but busting for a drink of something cold, so my first stop was the poolside bar for a bottle of Doom Bar and to watch as we slipped out of the harbour giving a fishing boat a big blast of the ship horn as it got in the way. We headed out to sea before turning south. I believe we have about 290 miles to do overnight to our next port, so we will be pushing it.

Just a nice casual evening tonight, no getting dressed up. I decided to go traditional tonight and start with tomato soup. Then a sirloin steak with chips, mushrooms, carrots and a huge helping of peas that would have done three people. One end of the steak was a bit chewy but the flavour was good. One of my table companions had crispy tofu and rice, not something I would have ordered; halfway through the meal he found an enormous piece of clear plastic buried under the rice. Unsurprisingly, he made a complaint and the head of our section of the dining room came over to apologise and offer a bottle of house red in compensation. It was refused with the words, “You are not going to fob me off with a £12 bottle of house wine — I could be in Tesco for £6.”

We had a series of people, slowly getting more important, turning up to apologise and upping the ante to a bottle of champagne, which my companion still refused, saying, “I have two bottles in my cabin fridge; I don’t want any more.” I don’t know how it ended as I had finished my meal and headed off for a nightcap, but apparently the plastic was traced to a broken safety cover on a bit of machinery in the kitchen. I have a feeling someone’s arse will be kicked pretty hard. No update on ‘Plasticgate’ tomorrow as the victim and his wife are eating in the Beach House Restaurant tomorrow evening.

Day 6 – Thursday, Santa Cruz de La Palma

La Palma is not an island I have been to before, so a new experience for me. After our fast run from Madeira, we chugged into the Cruise Terminal at Santa Cruz at about 08:30, around 15 minutes ahead of schedule. I am on a “Panoramic Tour” leaving at 09:30, so I had my MDR breakfast a little earlier this morning. As it’s ‘port day’, the MDR opens for breakfast at 07:30 and I was there shortly after. The girl on reception tried to fob me off with a table for two “as it might be a long wait” on a sharing table. I insisted on a sharing table, and I was shown to a six. Only seconds after I had sat down did a couple arrive and moments later another couple.

It was not quite my usual breakfast this morning — square toast, orange juice, Rice Krispies and tea — but I then had two poached eggs, mushrooms and hash browns, and jolly good it was too. I was down for the coach trip at quarter past nine and I still wasn’t on coach number one. At 09:30 we were still two passengers short, so we waited five minutes and then left without them.

La Palma is a small volcanic island and had its last eruption in September 2021, some 75 years after its previous one, and lasted 84 days. The island is apparently the tip of a volcano jutting out of the sea and the original volcano is a couple of million years old but in recorded history there have been many eruptions since the island was discovered in 1492. The first being in 1495, the eruptions have mostly followed a line from the original eruption south, enlarging the size of the island. Although the 2021 eruption was on the west side of this line and 17 separate lava runs ran down the slope to the sea, destroying over 2000 homes. But fortunately, the lava was moving very slowly and there were no casualties.

The islanders have found that by putting about a foot of topsoil on a flattened lava flow makes an excellent way to grow bananas and send about 8 million bananas a week to Spain. The EU has banned the export of these bananas to other EU nations as they are apparently too small! But they can’t ban them being sent to the Spanish mainland, it is the same country.

The eastern slopes of the volcanic mountains that run the length of the island are covered in rainforest. The mountains force the prevailing wind, blowing westerly in off the Atlantic, up forming clouds that dump their rain on the east of the island. To the west they have many more sunny days, and this was exactly the weather we experienced. As the coach came out of the 3km-long tunnel through the mountains, the trees changed to pines and it was a clear blue sky and the temperature was about 5° warmer.

We stopped at an information exhibition place and Botanical Gardens; the gardens were rubbish and the only interesting thing in the exhibition was a relief model of the island where we could see the road we had taken and all the different volcanos. The model was a bit out of date as the 2021 volcano was missing!

Then it was down to the west coast seaside town of Tazacorte. Nothing much there except a black sand beach. The nearest lava flow from the 2021 volcano missed the town by about two miles. But the weather on that side of the island was fabulous, a tip if you ever go to La Palma on holiday. Next was a short photo stop for pictures of the new volcano, which is still steaming, and its lava runs. The final stop was a small village that didn’t seem to have much going for it apart from the biggest supermarket on the island.

Finally, it was a quick run back to the port and a queue to get on the ship because they are now insisting that everyone goes through a metal detector arch, which means phones and small change have to be x-rayed and takes an age. By now I was gasping for some liquid refreshment, so it was a quick hotdog and a bottle of Doom Bar. Did I mention the Doom Bar on board comes in pint bottles? Time to retreat to the cabin to update this log and maybe 40 winks.

Although the ship is getting a little old and showing it here and there, mainly the carpets, there is plenty of hot water, especially when everyone is getting ready in the early evening. I have been on ships where it runs lukewarm at busy times. The only thing I don’t like is the shower curtains. The newer ships have cubicles, and they are much better than a shower curtain that you have to be so careful about. If it is not entirely within the shower tray, the floor gets flooded.

Down to dinner and I am on my own tonight as my table companions are eating in the Beach House this evening, one of the premium restaurants you pay extra for. I don’t mind eating on my own; the waiters serve me quickly and are very attentive. Asparagus spears in a hazelnut sauce with shavings of carrot and radish. Very nice, although sounding a little odd. P&O mixed grill for mains: lamb cutlet, small steak, herby sausage, chips, peas, mushrooms and grilled tomato. Outstanding, and almost as much as I could do to finish it. Dessert was key lime pie in chocolate pastry and the waiter brought me two scoops of vanilla ice cream. I finished with a cup of tea before making for the Metropolis for a nightcap.

Day 7 – Friday, Santa Cruz de Tenerife

Today, my birthday, I awoke at about 06:45 to find we were already alongside the cruise terminal in Santa Cruz, the capital of Tenerife. My trip today leaves at 08:30, so I had better look smart and get washed and dressed if I want any breakfast. No point in waiting for my normal MDR breakfast as I would miss the trip. So, I must suffer the buffet this morning. I hate the place; it is so busy and hard to get a table. Anyway, I found the Rice Krispies and milk and saw some lovely looking slices of melon, so I grabbed a few bits for a change.

Of course, both hands are full, so I need to find a table and spy two ladies leaving a four and a girl swooping in to clean the table, so I dive in. But I need to get a drink to wash down my pills. Orange in one hand and mug of coffee in the other, I just get back in time to get a table clearer to put my cereals and melon back. He apologised profusely saying no one was at the table. I said, how can I be here and also getting a drink, when I’m on my own and there are no trays anymore? He had no answer to that. I might drop a note to P&O asking why they whip away a meal that was clearly not yet started.

I got on the 08:30 coach at 08:15 and it was almost full, only crappy seats left. Four got on just after me and the courier announced we were waiting for two more who didn’t arrive until gone 08:30, puffing and blowing from rushing. I think they were lucky the coach hadn’t gone. First stop was a man-made beach, twenty minutes to take a photo and gaze at sand imported from the Sahara. Half the coach spent the time queuing up at the two unisex toilets.

Then it was off over the mountains to the far side of the northernmost bit of the island. As we climbed the road got more and more narrow and twisty and turny. I understand we climbed to about 2,000 feet before, like yesterday, we went into a tunnel and out into the green rainforest on the other side. Then it was down to a coastal village on the far side and 15 minutes at another beach. This time black sand and not a soul to be seen on the beach or in the village where all the bars and shops were shut. Apparently swimming from the beach is not recommended and as we were leaving, the Red Cross lifeguard was arriving.

Next stop was in a village restaurant where there was, on long tables, bottles of water and wine. There was also bread and cheese. Of course, you could buy a beer or coffee and many did; I just drank the free water as the wine was undrinkable. Oh yes, another queue for the toilets, this time only the ladies; the gents had three urinals and no queue! The final stop was a viewpoint up in the mountains in the rainforest at about 1,000 metres above sea level. The view was of a mountain in the distance with snow on the top.

Back to the ship by a different route via the town of San Cristóbal de la Laguna, built on the bed of a dried-up lake. Then a quick sprint on the motorway and back to the ship bang on one o’clock. But we had to go through Spanish port security. This time it was x-ray everything metal including phone, watch and belt before passing through the arch hanging on to my trousers for dear life.

Back to the cabin before I went for lunch and there is a birthday card signed by the captain awaiting me. I nipped up to the poolside grill for hotdogs and a bottle of Doom Bar, but gosh it’s getting warm out in the sun. The first time on this cruise that it has been too hot to sit on the balcony. So, I retired to my cabin to type up this morning’s adventure, only to be woken up by the phone ringing. Reception wishing me a happy birthday.

I was down for dinner just as the doors opened and was brought a menu within seconds of sitting down. The starter was a toss-up between tomato soup and gravlax, and the gravlax won and was delicious. Then it was roast lamb for my main course and that was excellent. Amongst the desserts was crêpes Suzette so I had to try that, it was actually quite good even if the orange segments were mandarin oranges, but I’ll give them 8 out of ten. The Epicurean gets 10 out of ten for theirs, but they flame it at the table. As usual I had a cup of tea after my meal, it is quite a decent brew, before heading to the Metropolis for a nightcap.

Day 8 – Saturday, Gran Canaria

So, the second week of my cruise begins. I always find the second week seems to pass more quickly than the first. Today we are docked in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria which is in the extreme northeast of the island. We are moored alongside a half-built cruise terminal which the courier on today’s trip informed us would make Gran Canaria the biggest cruise port in Europe when it was finished. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Southampton has five such terminals and most weekends they are all in use.

But first let’s talk about breakfast. Yet another trip to the dreaded buffet as it was an early excursion and I didn’t have time to eat in the MDR. I walked in and was delighted to find it was not quite as busy as yesterday. So, I went to look for Rice Krispies and the dispenser that was loaded with them yesterday; today it was full of muesli and that is only good to feed animals. So, I had to settle for cornflakes. That was one handful; on a plate in the other hand I managed to accrue fried eggs, bacon, mushrooms and fried bread. Next mission is to find a table which I managed without too much difficulty. A kind lady said she would keep an eye on it for me while I fetched a knife, fork, spoon and napkin, coffee and juice to take my pills.

The food in the buffet is quite decent, it’s just the fight to find what you want, and a table, that I dislike. That and the mob of people who seem to be wandering around aimlessly; the MDR is far more civilised. Halfway through my eggs and bacon the smell of burnt toast filled the air. One of the table clearers said, “It happens every morning, the toast machine jams and it comes out black.”

I was on the coach fifteen minutes before departure time and today I was on coach number one, and we departed five minutes early allowing the second coach to pick up the stragglers. A quick run along the motorway towards the south of the island and a short stop at Playa del Inglés to see the famous sand dunes.

They are now a protected area, and you aren’t supposed to walk on them, so it’s photos from a viewing point before it’s all back on the coach and further south to Puerto Rico, a purpose-built holiday resort in a valley running down to two man-made beaches. Not a place I would choose for a holiday, there are rows and rows of identical holiday homes lining the valley walls. Fortunately, it was only a viewing stop from an elevated position.

Back in the coach and on to Puerto de Mogán, not named after a person but one of the provinces of Gran Canaria. This quite a little resort built around another man-made beach, but this time there was originally a fishing village here. Now there is also a bustling little marina and still a few fishing boats. There are loads of shops, cafés, bars and restaurants and it was spotlessly clean. I enjoyed a café con leche in a seafront café waiting for the coach to leave back to the ship. We belted back along the motorway and arrived just after one o’clock. I was ready for a burger and chips and a beer.

I spent a nice lazy afternoon getting up to date with this journal and adding a bit to the latest Jinnie’s story before readying myself for dinner. It’s amazing how much better you feel after a shave, shower and change of clothes, and I do enjoy dropping the wet bath towel on the floor so it gets swapped for a fresh one. I wasn’t mad about tonight’s starters so I resorted to that good old standby, tomato soup, which I must say is reliably good. Next came roast shoulder of lamb with tiny roast potatoes, peas and carrots and, of course, mint sauce. I did see someone ask for and get mint jelly, a horrible concoction I understand favoured by our American cousins who don’t know what good food is.

For dessert I chose frangipani tart and custard, something that is invariably good on board, and I always have when it appears on the menu. I followed this with a decent cup of tea; I must say they do brew a nice strong cuppa on board and the waiter on my table has learned that I only want a dash of milk and no sugar. And so to the Metropolis for my nightcap. There is someone who performs there in the evening who is billed as a busker, which brings to mind someone with cymbals between their knees, a drum on their back and a mouth organ. Well, this guy plays a guitar and sings a bit like one of those chaps you see in a tunnel on the London Underground and is not bad.

Day 9 – Sunday, Arrecife, Lanzarote

A slow dawdle overnight to our next port of call which is not very far at all and can be seen from Gran Canaria. We appear to be docked miles out of town in the middle of a commercial port. The ship has laid on a shuttle bus for those who are not on an excursion and want to visit the centre of town, and it takes 25 minutes. But I am on another excursion this time to the ‘Mountain of Fire’ and I have heard good things about this trip.

One good thing about this trip is that I don’t depart until 09:30, which gives me plenty of time to eat breakfast in the MDR and not have to suffer the dreaded buffet. At twenty-five to eight there was an almost empty dining room, and I was the first to be placed on a sharing table for six where I was quickly joined by two couples. I had what has quickly become my go-to breakfast: orange juice, tea, Rice Krispies, a mushroom omelette and, of course, square toast. I must say I enjoy my breakfasts on board.

No hurry to get down to the coach which was parked almost at the foot of the gangway. Very nearly a full coach, so much so that the last people on board, a family of five, had to find single seats spread out around the coach. The first stop is what the courier called an Aloe Vera museum. Not much of a museum, more of a stop to try to sell Aloe Vera products, even Aloe Vera plants. Needless to say, I wasn’t buying.

Then on to the lunar landscape of Parque Nacional de Timanfaya and Parque Natural de Los Volcanes which occupies about 35% of the island. The lava flowed from 17 volcanoes that all erupted over 100 years ago and all joined together to flow miles down to the sea. Although the surface is cool enough to walk on these days, you don’t have to go far down to find heat. We stopped at the visitor centre to see three ‘experiments.’ At the first, the demonstration was to show how hot the red gravel was just below the surface. The guide dug a spadeful of gravel from 3 or 4 inches below the surface and dropped a little into everyone’s hand. It was much too hot to hold for more than a few seconds.

The next experiment was to drop a dry bush into a hole perhaps 10 feet deep. Much to the delight of the little boy standing next to me, within seconds smoke and then flame were pouring out of the hole. We were told this was a ‘Hot Spot’ and it was 600° C at the bottom of the pit.

Onto the last ‘experiment’ where a number of pipes had been sunk in the ground. This time the guide tipped a bucket of cold water down a pipe and within two seconds a jet of water and steam erupted from the pipe. A most spectacular demonstration and amazing how quickly the guide stepped back after pouring the water.

It was then time to visit another souvenir shop and café before the coach was due to leave. There is also a rather nice restaurant attached to the visitor centre where the speciality is steak, barbecued over hot volcanic rocks. The bus set off on a circular tour of the lava fields and volcanos but after a while I was up to my ears in eruptions, dates, and sorts of lava. But from what I retained the eruptions started in September 1910 and lasted eight years. Eight towns and villages were destroyed but no one was killed. This was mainly because the type of lava here flowed very slowly, around 50 metres a day, and gave people the chance to get away.

Now it’s another sales stop, this time it’s called a ‘Volcanic Vineyard’. The fact that they can grow grapes here is a miracle. Apparently the lava never reached this area; however, the fields were all covered in gravel that shot out of the volcanos and was blown there by the prevailing wind. The farmers make depressions in the gravel down to the soil and plant a vine in each. They then build a lava rock wall in a semi-circle around the depression to protect the vine from the wind.

The moment I stepped off the coach I was in the strong wind, and I wished I had a lava wall around me to protect me. Into the winery and a sample of the white wine with a choice of dry or sweet. I don’t think I saw another try the sweet. The dry had quite a pleasant nose but tasted like it had been watered down. I wasn’t tempted to buy some.

Back on the coach and a run down the dual carriageway back to the ship and a late lunch. Today it’s another hot dog and chips and a nice cold beer. A nice easy afternoon getting up to date with Jinnie’s Story Book 9. I’m now 10 chapters in and the story is flowing. Once again everyone was back on board by the scheduled time of 17:30 and it was about 10 minutes before we cast off the ropes and the thrusters pushed us out from the pier and we headed out to sea, passing an old, battered fishing boat that the captain announced was a recently detained people smuggling vessel that had been intercepted bringing illegal immigrants from Africa.

Time for dinner and so down to the MDR once more. A quick scan of the menu and once again it was tomato soup for a starter. I nearly had a sirloin steak but at the last moment decided on a gammon steak with pineapple, chips and peas; memories of a Bernie Inn flooded my mind as I tucked in. I chose ice cream for my dessert, but both my dining companions had a banana split and said how good it was. A nice strong cup of tea before heading up to the Metropolis for a nightcap.

In Part 3 – A Change of Plan
 

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