Larry’s Diary Week Eleven

Monday

Up early to go on vermin patrol before Breakfast. I understand Bozzie’s off to visit yet another hospital, this time in a place called Watford. I really don’t know how many hospitals he’s visited since he moved into No 10 but it’s a lot. I must admit I always equate human hospitals with animal vets. Bozzie seems quite happy to visit them but they have to put me in a cage when I visit a Vet. Before I chat any more about today’s news I saw in one of yesterday’s newspapers that the Poison Dwarf was being suggested as a GNU Prime Minister. Well my jaw nearly hit the floor. How could anyone believe that the Little Remoaner could ever unite anything! I had to laugh this morning when the Little Otter read out what purported to be a Diary written by Dilyn the Mutt from today’s Daily Mail. Surely people know that he is too young to write and unlike my Diary it is obviously all made up! Mind you, it did start off by saying that I, Larry the Chief Mouser, was the Boss. If the truth be known Dilyn is becoming a randy little Mutt and is too busy chasing Bailey around the No 10 Garden. The Saj has had to pull him off her several times.

The Climate Extinction Rebellion mob are out on the streets of London today. They’re making a lot of noise by banging drums at the end of Downing Street, giving me a headache. I wonder if I can get out there and scratch a few. I just heard someone say that there have been 125 of them arrested so far this morning, I say they should all be locked up in the Tower of London. A few whoops coming out of the offices sent me scampering in to find out what was going on. The Scottish High Court has thrown out the case that the fat Scottish woman brought to try to force Bozzie to write a letter asking for a Brexit extension, as per the Benn Act. Tomorrow they are supposed to rule on whether they can write a letter on Bozzie’s behalf. Seems a bit pointless if they won’t make him write one.

I understand from listening to whispers in the offices that Bozzie and Dom have decided to pull a Statutory Instrument they were going to lay before the HoC tomorrow. The SI would have kept the UK State Aid rules in line with the EU’s rules. But if we leave the E.U. at the end of the month there is no need to keep in line, in fact it would be of huge advantage to Bozzie if he could give compensation to any business badly effected by Brexit. As the Tramp doesn’t like the E.U. rules he is unlikely to make a fuss. It’s a miserable drizzly evening here in London. I ventured out for a while and got my fur wet, which I hate. I think I’ll go and sprawl next to a radiator until my food appears and chuckle at all those Extinction Rebellion lot getting wet.

Tuesday

Lots of stinky people slept in tents in Whitehall last night. I crept out of the cat flap in the middle of the night, leapt over the garden wall and peed on a few tents and was back in my basket in double quick time. I hope they liked the present. If they’re still there tonight I’ll do the same thing. I understand that the Police cleared Westminster Bridge in the early hours. They pretended to go home and the stinkies went to bed in their tents only for the Police to come back around midnight and clear them out. Today the Stinkies have been begging for food. It seems that by their blocking the roads it’s made deliveries to shops in Central London difficult and many have empty shelves. I had to chuckle when I read that many of them had been visiting McDonalds for a quick burger. Not very green, but if you’re hungry it’s any port in a storm.

Bozzie had a Brexit phone call with Mrs Merkin. I thought it went quite well as I didn’t hear anyone shouting. On the radio this morning they’re saying that Mrs Merkin is not very happy with Bozzie’s leaving document and has said the E.U. won’t agree to it, this would mean us leaving without a deal. She’s reported as saying that the Back Stop had to remain and that Northern Ireland would have to remain in the E.U. for ever. Bozzie wasn’t very happy and suggested that talks were on the verge of collapse. Straightaway the Left-Wing papers claimed that Dom was responsible for the leak. This is typical of these papers, trying to blame Dom for everything and anything.

There is not much Brexit news about today, it all seems to be about the Stinkies. I see this afternoon that the Police have resorted to a section 14 notice which will allow the arrest any of them that don’t follow instructions to move to a defined area in Trafalgar Square. At about 3:30 the number arrested had reached 471, I bet that will go up rapidly. Bozzie had a visit this afternoon from the EU Parliament President, (just how many Presidents does the E.U. have) I think they said his name was Sasol, but I understood that was a South African Oil Company! It was difficult for me to understand what was going on because I don’t speak Italian and unlike Bozzie I don’t have a translator whispering in my ear. I think the gist was that he was another one telling Bozzie that the only deal that the E.U. would do was if they could annex Northern Ireland. Late this afternoon Bozzie had another phone call with Teashop. They seemed to me to have a reasonably convivial conversation. Afterwards they said that they both still wanted to strike a deal. Somehow I don’t think that’s likely to happen.

Wednesday

I had a bit of a lie in this morning as the street has been cleared of Stinkies and I didn’t have to leave them any presents. It seems to be another one of those not very busy days for domestic politics. However Bozzie is planning an emergency meeting of Parliament on Saturday 19th October. This is unusual because MPs are typically very lazy and don’t like to work on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. This reason is that this date is just after the E.U. Summit and I think he wants to be prepared just in case the E.U. agree a deal. The Scottish Court said there was no need for them to rule on whether they had the power to authorise someone to send a letter to the E.U. asking for an extension. They said they would consider it again if Bozzie didn’t send a letter, but as yet he hadn’t done anything wrong. This seems to have pleased both sides. One of the Newspapers says that the E.U. is about to concede that Northern Ireland would be able to unilaterally withdraw, after a number of years, from a new Irish back stop if Stormont agreed. The DUP are not very happy with this as the Irish Nationalists in Stormont would block leaving for ever.

Two interesting stories have emerged from the EU Parliament in Brussels this afternoon. Brexit Party MEP Rupert Lowe had a row with a European Commissioner over what the E.U. intended to do to stop Dutch fishing in British waters post Brexit. She refused to answer, instead saying it was a question for Michael Barnier. Then the President of the E.U. Parliament said in the chamber that he had been in discussion with the Poison Dwarf about how to thwart a no deal Brexit. This enraged the Brexit Party who wanted to ask questions which he refused to take.

Right that enough for today, I wonder what’s for dinner.

Thursday

A lot of banging about in the kitchen woke me up this morning and told me Bozzie was off on another trip. Just so long as they don’t forget my breakfast while I’m off on my morning constitutional. Bozzie had gone when I got back in, but I did hear he was off to the “North West” to meet the Teashop on “neutral ground”. I expect to hear more about this later. Now the important news of the day. The Ocado man has just left a delivery on the kitchen worktop. He’s a very nice man who talks to me. He told me he had a cat at home and rubbed me under my chin, I couldn’t help purring. I did a quick inspection of the delivery and found fresh cat litter (boo), dog food (more boos) and loads of Felix, including my favourite chicken (cheers). But what is tofu?

I hear on the radio that the Stinkies have moved on to London City Airport where they are being arrested at one a minute. With 900 having been arrested over the last couple of days I wonder where they are putting them all. They even tried to march a giant pink octopus down Whitehall this morning. I heard the police ‘kettled” it. Are they having it for lunch?

It turns out Bozzie was off to the Wirral to meet the Teashop at a big Hotel. The meeting went on much longer than anyone expected and they put out a joint statement at the end. They said that they had had good talks and that they can see a path to an agreement. I have heard someone say that they’ve gone back to basics and have been talking about a free trade agreement rather than the Withdrawal Agreement that’s so problematical. Both teams have gone back to their respective Governments to talk further but have promised to stay in close touch. Steve Barclay was supposed to be going to Brussels this morning for more talks but they were cancelled after the EU’s intransigence earlier this week. The talks have been hastily reinstated for tomorrow and Steve will be back on the early morning Eurostar.

Friday

Well it’s Felix in my cat bowl this morning, but beef not chicken. Still it’s pretty good and I don’t intend to leave any to snack on as I caught the Mutt sniffing round my bowl last night. I’ll have to go begging round the offices later! This morning the MSM is full of Bozzie’s talks with the Teashop. Most of them seem to be happy that things might be moving to an end. Steve is in Brussels for Breakfast talks with Barnier, I guess we’ll be hearing a bit more later. At the moment what is actually being discussed is being kept under tight wraps but the speculation is still on an FTA . I see the Tramp got himself in trouble yesterday when he was answering questions on his party’s child support policy. Someone asked how much it would cost and he didn’t know. He tried to look it up on his laptop but couldn’t find an answer. Next he tried to phone a friend and still didn’t get an answer. Has he been taking lessons from the Abbotpotamus?

Steve’s meeting with Mr Barnier lasted quite a long time but afterwards he said nothing to the assembled press pack. Barnier, however, muttered some nonsense about Brexit being like climbing a mountain, then went off to talk to representatives of the remaining 27 countries. Later he announced that they were now going to have some serious discussions with us. About time they got serious. Bozzie wants to keep the discussions secret and not reveal what they’re discussing, I wonder if the E.U. will agree to keep them secret? I’ve been keeping my ear to the ground today to try to find out what Bozzie’s plan really is. They’re keeping it quiet though, I reckon only a few of the cabinet know what’s really going on. What I can say is that Bozzie and Dom have been walking around today with grins like my Cheshire cousin. I’m off to find out what’s for tea, probably the rest of this morning’s Felix beef.

Saturday

I like weekends in Whitehall as they are usually quiet. They give me a chance to wander around the estate and check everything out, but I understand that next Saturday Bozzie is going to have a sitting of the HoC. Now I hear that if Bozzie manages to get a deal with the E.U. he will get the HoC to vote on it. Will this get him around the Surrender Act? There was another Opinion Poll out last night that put Bozzie’s lot 13% ahead of the Tramps mob. People were also asked who they’d prefer as PM. Bozzie is on 41% and the Tramp on 21%, which rather pleases Bozzie. Mao the Marxist was interviewed by that bloke Campbell, you know the one who got thrown out of the Labour Party for voting Limp Dump. He was asked if the Tramp would resign as Labour Leader if he lost the next election. He said “yes” and so would he. He also said that the next Labour Leader should be a Lady. He favoured someone called, I think, Rebecca Mong Daily. That made Bozzie and Dom laugh, as they called her things like gormless and brainless and said “Bring it on”.

Ah it’s Sunday tomorrow, my day of rest. See you all next week.
 

© WorthingGooner 2019
 

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