Larry’s Diary Week Six

WorthingGooner, Going Postal

Monday

Forget all this Brexit stuff, the big news of the weekend was that it looks like Bozzie Bear and the Little Otter have adopted a rescue dog. Not any old rescue dog, but a Jack Russell with a misaligned jaw that’s been abandoned by a Welsh Farmer because he couldn’t sell it. They were supposed to be getting a puppy but this unnamed dog is 15 weeks old. Well, I’m the Chief Mouser and that stupid mutt at number 11 has had to accept that I’m pet Numero Uno around here. This new dog will have to fight for the number two slot with that thing called Bailey that looks like a sheep.

Yours Truly

Yesterday Monsieur Barnier said that the Back Stop will not be removed from the Withdrawal Agreement. This frog is a bit of a weirdo. Everyone tells me that the WA is dead so what does it really matter. Dom says the more Barnier witters on the better, it means No Deal is more likely. Dom also wants to know how blocking a no deal Brexit will work if the EU don’t offer us an extension to article 50, or if they did offer one and we said “No Thanks”. Will Parliament legislate that we must extend Article 50? It would give Bozzie a perfect excuse for a General Election.

This morning the TV is full of that Mr B Liar, the ex warmongering PM, telling everyone that they need another “Peoples Vote”. This is very discriminatory. Why should any vote be limited to people, why not pets? We have just as much right to voice our opinion as any other citizen of the UK. I think I should start a “Votes for Cats and Dogs” campaign, we have a lot more intelligence than some politicians and ex politicians, I bet B Liar can’t catch Birds and Mice or herd Sheep. Thinking about it a bit more I would also extend the Vote to any Bird that can talk. I have heard many Parrots talk more sense than B Liar.

Then I hear another doozie, the Tramp’s mate, Mr MaoDonnell wants to steal people’s second homes. He’s already announced plans to tax your garden, to steal the Railways, Electric and Water Companies, to give shares in companies to workers and a financial transaction tax. Is there anything that Labour will leave untaxed or in the hands of the public? Labour obviously want a demand economy, I have been watching TV and demand economies always fail in the end and many turn to a profit lead economy as the only answer, just look at the USSR and China, even Nazi Germany, for failed demand economies. The Dog arrived this morning, carried up Downing Street in a cage by people in pretty cerise t-shirts, but it’s being kept away from me. I wonder if the cage is to save Bozzie from being bitten? No name or official position for it yet, but this Chief Mouser is still number one and I can’t wait to put the mutt in his place, a clawed nose works wonders.

New Dog

I happen to catch Politic Live on the TV, those Remainers really are nasty people. Why do they invite that little boy Owen Jones on, is he old enough to appear on TV without his Mum? All he does is lie, shout, moan and talk over everybody else. Perhaps I could give him the same treatment as the new mutt, he wouldn’t look so good with a scratched nose. Not like that nice Blonde lady from the Brexit Party, she was so nice and calm and polite. I would love to curl up on her lap, she can stroke me any time.

That Nice Blonde Lady

One of the underlings grabbed me this afternoon and took me to meet the dog. What sort of a name is Dilyn? It barks with a strange accent, I suppose it’s Welsh. I struggled a bit so that I would be put down and I could get at him, but they hung on. The dog didn’t seem to realise what was going on, I think it might be a bit thick. Someone said that it has been living in a home with a cat to get it ready for me. Well I hope that cat pointed out that cats come before dogs in the pecking order of life. Bozzie and Dom have moved on to the next step of their Brexit plans. They have threatened to suspend the whip and throw out of the party anyone who doesn’t vote for the Government if there is a No Deal vote this week. Well I wouldn’t want to be whipped so that bit can’t be too bad but I do like a good party. Dom says that if they lose the vote he wants a General Election but it would need the Tramps support and the Tramp might not want to vote for it because he might lose. Bozzie hasn’t made his mind up yet but there is going to be a special Cabinet meeting this afternoon. I will have to see if I can creep in. Tonight and Tomorrow should be interesting.

Tuesday

Looks like it’s going to be a difficult day for Bozzie. He was looking at a draft of the proposed bill that the remoaners want to introduce tomorrow. That is if the Poison Dwarf lets them vote on taking charge of tomorrow’s order paper. He wasn’t happy. He pointed at one clause and said to Dom “This is madness, they want me to accept, within 2 days, any extension to article 50 that I am offered. What if they offer 50 years?”. Dom grunted and frantically turned pages in legal books while muttering “We shall see, we shall see”. Spreadsheet Phil appeared on the TV this morning and Bozzie held up Dylin so he could see him and said “Kill, Kill”. I don’t think the mutt understands English because all he did was lick Bozzie. Someone needs to teach that mutt English, either that or Bozzie is going to have to learn Welsh. I wonder what ‘sit’ is in Welsh. They had PL on at lunchtime and Sam the Gimp was on, so Bozzie tried the “Kill” instruction again. The Little Otter warned him he better be careful or the dog might become racist and attack black people. She said it would be a disaster if he attacked one of the black people in the cabinet. She is obsessed with that bloody hound and treats it like a baby, as Dom said “We shall see”. Bozzie has gone off to the HoC, I might try to watch some of the events if I can find a TV with it on. I wish I could work out how to turn a TV on and how to change channels, it’s a real pain having to watch a wrong channel or a blank screen. They have a little box with buttons on it that they push, I must get hold of it and experiment but I fear my paws are too big.

Wednesday

The most important news today is that Dylin seems to get on OK with The Saj’s dog Bailey and so far he has accepted the superiority of the feline species but we shall see, I’m not letting my guard down. Now to the more mundane. When Bozzie came in last night I was curled up on the sofa with the Little Otter. We heard him coming ages before he entered the room, stomping as he came, shouting at people and banging doors. The Little Otter whispered to me to take care as he was obviously in a bad mood having lost the vote on the opposition taking control of the order paper. I slipped into my spot behind the sofa. He was ranting about the Tramp, Scottish Nazis and someone be called “that daft bint” who I later gathered was the leader of a party called, I think, the Limp Dumps. But he saved his worst for the “Traitors” from his own party who voted against him. He grabbed the phone and told The Chief Whip to withdraw the Whip and throw them out of the Party. He told him not to mess around and to do it immediately and yes he knew it was late. He then phoned the Party Chairman and told him to get on with selecting new PPCs for the traitors seats and told him not to forget the “bastard who crossed over to the Limp Dumps this afternoon”. He said if the local party associations didn’t like it to “tell them tough”. By then he had calmed down a bit and even stroked me before he went to bed.

That Daft Bint

This morning there was a bit of better news for Bozzie. The Judge in the Scottish case where 75 people were asking for the proroguing of Parliament to be stopped threw it out, saying that it wasn’t a legal case but a political one. The good news didn’t last long as the commons passed the new bill that would force Bozzie to go crawling to the EU, it will now go to the Lords. They also didn’t pass his request for a General Election. Bozzie was very rude about the Tramp and used a four letter word. I decided to hide behind the sofa again as I expected a repeat of the previous night.

Thursday

Bozzie has been chatting with the Tramp, or as I heard him called yesterday, the chlorinated Chicken, and I think they have agreed to something. It has been said that Bozzie will let the Lords pass the Surrender Bill, if the Tramp agrees to an early General Election. Maybe I’m putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 but I hear that there is to be another vote on a General Election on Monday.

Chlorinated Chicken

Bozzie has a busy day lined up today. He has some high levels meetings today in Downing Street with Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahou and US Vice President, Mike Pence. Mr Netanyahu was a bit of a surprise as he was supposed to have been going to India this week but cancelled at the last minute. He phoned up and asked to come and see Bozzie, I wonder what he is cooking up, or is it just that his wife likes the shopping better in London.

Mr Net Something or Other

Then, after he had that meeting with Mike Pence I heard him say that although he wanted a comprehensive trade deal the NHS wasn’t part of it. He also said that he wasn’t keen on “that chlorinated Chicken” but I don’t know if he was referring to the food or the Tramp.

Mr Pence

It was hardly surprising that Bozzie’s little brother Jo is quitting as a Minister and will stand down as an MP. He is a well known Remoaner and the real surprise was that he accepted a job in the Government in the first place, when Bozzie made it clear that his policy was to leave and that he would expect all members of the Government to follow that policy. Nigel Farage was on the TV again saying that an Election Pact with the Tories proclaiming a No Deal Brexit would make them unstoppable. I must try to keep my ears open to see what Bozzie thinks, so far I’ve heard nothing. But I did notice that in a new opinion poll out today the Conservatives were on 35%, 10 percentage points ahead of Labour. If you added in the Brexit Parties 11% it could make things interesting.

Friday

We all watched Question Time on the TV last night. It was monopolised by some shouting Scotsman and a big fat woman. Every time either one of them came on Bozzie booed. He was much nicer about most of the others although for some reason he kept calling the woman on the end “Bruiser”. He did laugh when the fat woman tried to explain Labour’s Brexit Policy.

The Bruiser

Bozzie was up early this morning as he was off to Scotland to talk to Farmers and then on to Balmoral to see the Queen and attend her annual Barbecue. I saw a picture of  him with a huge animal. I think he wanted to be as far away from Westminster as possible today, when the Surrender Bill was making it way through the Lords.

Bozzie and a Beast

I hear that the Surrender bill is going to be law on Monday. Bozzie isn’t very happy about it, he was moaning about the Tramp being a cheat, promising him one thing and then doing something else. There was a lot of plotting going on, I haven’t yet heard what Bozzie is going to do but I am intrigued to find out. It’s a bit quiet here this evening, the Little Otter has gone off to join Bozzie at Balmoral and most of the staffers have gone to the pub. I only hope whoever is tasked with feeding me remembers. I wonder if there will be anything for me to write about over the next two days.

The Otter in Aberdeen

Saturday

As expected there is not much going on today with the Humans in Scotland. First the important news, a couple of underlings turned up to feed me my Breakfast. I heard them chatting about some new cat food, a soup. They can stick that, I would rather have my normal stuff, preferably chicken flavour. That mutt Dilyn actually has a brother called Jed and it looks like there are plans afoot for him to come here on a visit from Wales. One of them is bad enough but two of them would be intolerable. I am just getting Dilyn to understand who is number one round here and they want to bring in yet another mutt, it’s just too much for a Chief Mouser to have to endure. I read that the traitors who have been voting for the Surrender Bill have been colluding with the EU in both its drafting and asking the EU for an extension. I also saw in a newspaper that the big money backers of the Tories and the Brexit party have told them to get together in an election pact or lose their funding.

Sunday

Two weeks running and I find I have to dictate a Sunday bit to my Gooner friend as it’s been a bit busier than anticipated. Late last night I heard that Ruddy Amber had resigned, another Remoaner I dislike, so as far as l’m concerned, no great loss. I’m more worried by the stuff I found in my bowl at Breakfast. I saw the tin and it said “with Tuna”. Well I quite like Tuna, but this stuff just stunk of cheap fish and didn’t taste of Tuna. My guess is that “with Tuna” means that if they have put the tiniest amount in they are telling the truth.

Ruddy Amber

I heard some Labour MP on the Radio this morning saying that The Tramp was going to call a Vote of Confidence in the Government on Monday, now that will be interesting. Then I read in a paper that Dom has told people that Bozzie is going to challenge the Surrender Document in court. I will take both stories with a pinch of salt and believe them when they happen. Back to telling the truth, Rudd said in her resignation letter that she was leaving the Tory party, but on the TV this morning she said she was not going to resign from the party. Goes to show you can’t trust a Remoaner. All the fuss about Rudd this morning seems to have obscured the prominent Jewish MP John Mann quitting as a Labour MP yesterday. The anti-Semitism row is just not going away as much as the Tramp would like it to. Talking of rows, what has happened to the noisy mutt Dilyn this weekend? It’s been very quiet around here. Right, that’ll do for now. I’m off for a snooze under the big tree in the Garden while it’s still warm enough.
 

© WorthingGooner 2019
 

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