The Count Dankula Trial

DH, Going Postal
“Police Scotland” by Ninian Reid is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Ah’ve bin stuck oot in f**kin’ Airdrie aw days cos that Toammy Roabertson c**t’s hingin’ aboot the court an’ the chief coanstabul is pure sh*tin’ hissel’ that he might stert committin’ fer right hate crimes.

The boy’s boond tae be pure f**kin’ ragin’ cus his pal’s gettin’ the jayl fer puttin’ his raciss dug oan the intuhnet an aw that sortae pish an’ ah dinnae hink he’s the sortae c**t who’d be hoppy tae f**k oaf back tae inglund wi’oot tryen tae punch a wee Sco’ish derkie in the coupon.

Wh’av taken aw the yooshal precaushuns wha take when thas a pure resk o’ a right weng terrarest attock. That wee paki trensport minastuh wan’s bin taken intae protectiff custahdy an’ there’s a wall o’ steel aroon’ Gleska central mossk. Nae c**t wis even alood a f**kin’ lunch brek cus aw availabul oaffasah is moanaterin’ twittah fer far right hatret.

Wee Kenny suggestet sendin’ the dug yoonit tae Airdrie but the sarge pure ovahroolt in kess they aw’ get learnt how tae dae isslamafobic nazi soloots fae that wee Coont Droncula c**t’s dug ootside the court.

But ah nevah even goat tae see that Roabertson c**t efter aw. Ah wis sent tae guard the wee chinky takeoway in Airdrie in case he went pure radge an’ tried tae f**kin firebomb the c**t…Which wid be pure f**kin’ magic if it wisnae shut til hoff six. Wee Kenny’s guardin’ a paki newsagent aboot five meenuts awa’. The wee c**t pure knows fine f**kin’ weel ah’m pure greetin’ oan a couple o’ peanut buttah kitkat chunkies but the spiteful wee fud wilnae breng ony doon the road fer me. Ah f**kin’ swear tae goad ah’m gonnae taser that wee pikey c**t in the baws when ah get back tae the stashun.

© DH 2018