Larry’s Diary, Week Three Hundred And Thirty-Two

Monday

Good morning, my happy readers, the cat is back. It’s been an eventful few weeks while my scribe has been stuffing his face on a cruise. When I last wrote a column, Mascara Man had just been elected as an MP and the PM was Legohead. Now my sixth PM is a lame duck, and he has laid out the timetable for the next PM. The world tells me it is bound to be Mascara Man, but the competition for the next PM hasn’t even opened yet.

So Rolls now have the world’s biggest order book for Small Modular Reactors, with 3 in the UK, 6 in the Czech Republic and 3 more in Sweden. As the Rolls SMR is said to cost between £2 billion and £3 billion a reactor, depending on the site, this is a substantial order book. Let’s call it £2.5 billion a pop. For 12 units, that’s £30 billion. I see Rolls say they have only bid for 3 projects and have won all of them. The US says it has the most orders for SMRs, with about 30, but this is spread between six or seven makers and, as yet, Rolls have not bid for one there.

I read that while I have not been writing my column, Airbus have taken several big aircraft orders. China Eastern Airlines placed an order for 25 x A330neo and Scandinavian Airline Systems have ordered 18 x A330-900 and taken options on 10 more. What is good about these orders is that each plane uses 2 Rolls-Royce Trent 7000 engines built in Derby, and the wings are built in North Wales.

I hear that Stellantis is about to revive a brand name that died 30 years ago. Apparently it is being used on some Fiat Pandina prototypes and, although no different to the other prototypes, these cars are using the Tributo Autobianchi branding to keep the trademark alive. Tributo Autobianchi was created in 1955 as a joint venture between Bianchi, Pirelli and Fiat to produce small cars. The brand was quietly dropped in 1995, but the trademark remained with Fiat and it became a Stellantis brand when Fiat became part of the group that also owns Peugeot, Citroen, Opel, Vauxhall and Jeep.

I read that, at long last, Lockheed Martin have cleared the MBDA missiles Meteor and Spear 3 to be carried in the internal weapons bay of the F-35B. As they are two of the RAF’s primary weapons, this is of great importance to us and the Italians. To keep its stealth characteristics, the F-35 normally hides its missiles in its weapons bay to keep its shape clean. Of course, the plane can carry additional weapons externally, in what is known as “Beast Mode”, but it is then not stealthy. The Yanks have been rather slow in clearing the carriage of these two missiles as they are not used by the US military.

It may be the end of June and the beginning of July, but in the Rocky Mountains of America they have a winter storm warning from Idaho to Wyoming, with winds gusting up to 55 mph and 16 inches of snow. The weather is expected to improve tomorrow, with no more snow and the wind dropping, but the temperature is expected to be around 20 to 30 degrees below normal for the time of year. I suppose that it’s just the weather balancing itself out. We get it extra hot and the Yanks get it extra cold.

I see Mascara Man wants to create a northern Number 10 if he becomes PM. I hear that it’s really all about him not wanting to give up his home in Manchester and live in the Downing Street flat. So rather than commuting like anyone else would, especially when he could easily put a helicopter trip on expenses, he expects a duplicate No. 10 to be set up in Manchester. If he thinks I am willing to move to Manchester at my great age, he’s got another thing coming.

Tuesday

Hi folks, in No. 10 Legohead seems a lot happier now he has announced his resignation as PM, but he is still not as nice and jolly as some PMs have been. I think he can’t wait to be free of the job. I wonder if he will be satisfied returning to the back benches. Most ex-PMs don’t stand at the next General Election and go away to some high-paid job or join the lecture circuit. Mind you, he has such a nasal voice and boring delivery, I’m not sure he would make much money on the after-dinner speaking circuit. Still, he has his MP’s pension, his minister’s pension and £115,000 a year in expenses, supposedly to pay for a private office.

It’s a big day for Legohead today. He is announcing the new spending for the Ministry of Defence. Over a year ago now, he had the requirements from the Armed Forces to meet the NATO contribution, and they said they need an extra £28 billion per annum. I don’t think he can find that much money without cutting benefits, and the left-wing backbenchers will not let that happen.

I read that BT have a long-term aim of concentrating all their business in the UK and have come to an agreement with the American telecoms provider Verizon to put their international arms into a joint venture company. The two companies will both own 50% of the company and, because BT has a bigger international business, Verizon will pay BT £658 million. The final business is expected to have a turnover of around $5 billion per annum.

I read in the Spectator that the Treasury has what it calls a diversity problem. In other words, they don’t have enough black people working there. They have analysed the problem and concluded that the reason is that too many black people are failing the maths paper in the Civil Service exam. So, the answer is to scrap the maths exam. The result will be a lot of people at the Treasury who can’t add up. I suppose this is in line with having a Chancellor who can’t add up.

I see that 83 illegal immigrants are to be put in 21 brand new £250,000 houses up in Shropshire. The government is boasting that it is closing immigration hotels, and this is the result. They are putting them into houses that were meant to be “social housing” for local people in need. The Home Secretary says that social housing should not be used in this way, but her comments have not been acted on. The immigrants are still getting the houses.

Well, Legohead has made his speech in a warehouse somewhere in the Midlands. He has announced his plan to give the MoD just £15 billion of the £28 billion they need, and even the £15 billion is not fully accounted for. As I understand it, the previous Defence Secretary and Defence Minister resigned because the settlement was just £14 billion. Legohead has found an extra billion by scrapping a number of road schemes, but there is still an unfunded £5 billion black hole in the settlement, which is for the next PM and his Chancellor to fill in the next Budget. Has Legohead set a trap for Mascara Man?

As a result of the defence spending announcement, it seems that we are not going to build the planned Type 32 frigates and Type 82 destroyers. But we are going to build 11 AUKUS submarines, the first steel for which is to be cut next year. Instead of the frigates and destroyers, we are going to build four mother ships for drones. I wonder how many Russian torpedoes it takes to take out those poorly armed mother ships, as opposed to a proper warship. There is one tiny bit of good news for the Navy. The under-armed Type 31 frigates are all to be equipped with Mk 41 VLS cells and the Naval Strike Missile. There is one small problem. The five ships have only been designed to take the VLS, and it has not been fitted to the first two ships that have already been launched and are in fit-out. I question whether the third ship is too far into production to include the American-designed VLS cells. So, I suspect only ships four and five will be built with VLS systems, and the first three will need to be retrofitted. The other bit of good news is that Babcock manufactures the Mk 41 for the Americans.

Wednesday

Good morning all. Legohead is going around No. 10 this morning like a dog with two dicks, muttering about how he has put one over on Mascara Man. I assume this is a reference to him creating this £5 billion black hole. I must say it is a change to see him smiling.

This morning Ofgem has announced that energy prices are to go up by 13% for the next quarter. According to them, this will be around another £220 per annum per household with a dual-fuel account. They are blaming the war in the Middle East as the reason, but then they always find a reason. Do you remember how Ed Millipede promised a £300 cut in energy bills when he was campaigning in the last General Election? I know we all knew he was telling porky pies, but he hasn’t even managed to stop the prices from going up. How does he get away with it?

A leader of the Rotherham rape gang who was found guilty of 30 counts of rape is coming out of prison on Thursday. The Pakistani paedophile has been stripped of his British nationality but can’t be deported to Pakistan because of a loophole in the law. Apparently, under a 1970 Act, we can’t deport Commonwealth citizens who arrived here before 1972. So the old paedo will be free to attack British children again from Thursday.

News this morning that the IOPC is to investigate the two police officers who arrested Henry Nowak for gross misconduct. They handcuffed him, refused to believe that he had been stabbed and let him bleed to death. I’m not too sure that the problem lies with the arresting officers. I think the problem lies at a higher level. It is the senior officers who have brought in a woke DEI policy where an Indian complaining that his turban had been knocked off takes priority over a person saying they had been stabbed, who should be facing a gross misconduct investigation.

Is Mascara Man delusional? I saw a bit of him in the back of a London black cab where he was saying how well his announcement of No. 10 North had gone down. Well, it is true, the announcement was loudly applauded by his invited acolytes. But, strangely, he took no questions, so he had no real idea what people thought. I have listened to lots of conversations around No. 10 workers, not the politicians but the ordinary people like the cleaners, secretaries and tea ladies, and not one thinks it is a good idea.

Yet another big problem for CalMac. Its latest roll-on, roll-off ferry, the Turkish-built MV Isle of Islay, is going to have to be dry-docked to fix a problem with its bow door. At the moment, due to a hinge fault, the bow door is unusable, and the ship is having to operate in a single-ended mode, meaning that it is currently a roll-on, back-off ferry. This problem has arisen just 15 weeks after the ferry went into service and needs to be fixed now while the ship is still under warranty.

I hear that Transport for London is on the verge of ordering 36 new trains for use on the Bakerloo line. Although the number of trains to be acquired is the same as the number now in operation, they are far more modern and computerised than the 53-year-old stock currently being used. Consequently, the trains need a different kind of maintenance, and it seems TfL is already looking at work on refurbishing the train depots at Queen’s Park and Stonebridge Park and is attempting to acquire extra land at both. The new trains will be based on the trains currently being made for the Piccadilly line at the Siemens Goole factory.

Thursday

Hello folks, as it was an early kick-off in Atlanta yesterday, I watched the football and was delighted England won, even if it was a huge struggle. Then that dopey Legohead went and posted, “It’s coming home.” Gosh, did the British public slag him off for that. It was wonderful.

I told you a while ago that Rolls-Royce had signed agreements to make its SMR reactor pressure vessels in the Czech Republic and South Korea, as it concluded some time ago that nobody in the UK had the ability to make them. There are two ways to make a reactor pressure vessel. It is either forged from a single huge ingot or made from three or so forged cylinders with a domed head and base that are welded together. The single forging is considered the best method, as welded seams must be handled very carefully with special welding materials made of the same metal as the cylinders being welded. However, there is only one huge press forge in the Western world, and that is in Japan, and it can produce only four vessels a year. Consequently, most reactor pressure vessels are made by welding, and when welding together 200 mm thick, 3 metre diameter cylinders in a vacuum, this is not easy. Multiple passes of filler material must be laid down and checked in a process that can take a year. But I hear that Sheffield Forgemasters have just completed the welding process on a full-size test vessel in just 24 hours using an electron beam process that creates its own local vacuum and melts the cylinders into each other, so there is no filler metal required. I understand the test vessel was 100% successful and there were zero weld defects. Is this the way forward?

I see that SAAB has signed a deal to supply 16 new Gripen E fighter aircraft to Ukraine, worth $2.4 billion, with delivery planned for 2029 and 2030. However, Sweden is also giving Ukraine 16 used Gripen C and D aircraft that are ex-Swedish Air Force. All Gripens will be supplied with both the Meteor long-range missile and the IRIS-T short-range air-to-air infrared missile. The long-range Meteor is required to drive back the Russian planes that are lobbing glide bombs at the Ukrainian front line, to a position so far back that the glide bombs are useless.

I hear that the female Liberal Democrat leader of Cambridgeshire County Council has announced that the council will remove any England flag being flown during the World Cup. Apparently, the Cross of St George is divisive, political and not neutral. Can’t the stupid woman see that it is she who is being divisive? How is the flag of the nation divisive, but the flags of the other countries in the United Kingdom are not?

In the 1940s and 1950s Spain was desperate to increase its timber industry and chose the Australian eucalyptus as it was very fast-growing. Many were planted commercially and small landholders were encouraged to grow their own small plantations. Now, all over the north-west of Spain there are large eucalyptus forests, and the government has realised that the eucalyptus is a scourge. The native wildlife can’t use it and the trees deplete the land of its natural minerals. Consequently, the Spanish have banned the planting of any more eucalyptus trees and are encouraging landowners to cut them down and replace them with native trees. Why do these foreign imports rarely go well?

More news from Spain, and I wonder how long it will be before we follow suit in the UK. The Spanish traffic regulations are changing in October, and British visitors will need to take note. For instance, drivers will have to slow to 20 kph when overtaking a cyclist. For cyclists and personal mobility vehicle users, the wearing of a helmet will become compulsory, and motorcycle and moped users will have to wear closed-toe shoes and gloves. Taxi drivers will also have to wear a seat belt at all times, which they don’t seem to do at the moment. My scribe tells me that on his recent cruise there were a few British people on board with their personal mobility vehicles, and none had a helmet when the ship stopped in Spain.

Friday

Hi everyone, it’s a lovely day today with a nice blue sky and warm weather. I will be out on the windowsill just as soon as I have done today’s diary entries. I do rather like Fridays as it is the day when Legohead usually buggers off to Chequers. If Mascara Man does take over, he is promising to spend “some” days a week in No. 10 North. No news yet if it is going to be the back room of the “Rovers Return” or a chip shop in Wigan.

Some time ago I told you of the difficulties with the Franco-German FCAS sixth-generation fighter aircraft project, where French Dassault wanted to lead the project and have the lion’s share of the manufacturing work. Their idea of a cooperative project had Airbus, representing Germany, and the minor partner Spain getting the crumbs while making a major monetary contribution. In the end the Germans told the French where to go. It now looks like France, as usual, will do its own thing, but whether the French government can fund a solo project is another matter. Germany now has a few options. Sweden has an embryonic sixth-generation programme which they could join. They could also join the British, Japanese and Italian GCAP project, which is progressing and looks to have its funding in place. The GCAP partners have made it clear they are open to adding partners, and Canada looks likely to come aboard as an observer. Other countries believed to be interested in becoming full partners include Saudi Arabia and India. The other countries developing sixth-generation programmes are Russia, China and the USA, all of whom would probably be happy to sell a cut-back export version but don’t want a partner. The options for Airbus are not too good.

The captain of the NCL cruise ship Norwegian Viva was arrested in Corfu last night after a female passenger fell into the sea from the ship’s gangplank. It seems that a strong gust of wind pushed the ship away from the dockside, snapping at least one mooring rope. The result was that the gangplank fell into the sea, taking the female passenger with it. She was quickly rescued uninjured. The captain, from New Zealand, was charged with endangering life. My scribe tells me that virtually every ship he has sailed on hangs a net under the gangplank for safety. I wonder if safety nets don’t feature in Norwegian maritime rules.

On Tuesday, Runnymede Borough Council (RBC) announced on its Facebook page that BT had cut off its phone line and its emergency SOS lines for vulnerable people. Well, it seems they had somewhat jumped the gun, as it looks like they hadn’t been cut off, BT had suffered a fault. Later that day, RBC softened its stance, saying, “We are experiencing problems with our phone services.” I wonder if RBC will be investing in a few mobile phones for emergency use now.

Rolls-Royce has just held a round table to tell airlines about the improvements coming their way when their Trent XWB-84 jet engines undergo their next off-wing service at the Rolls-Royce factories. The main aim of the improvements Rolls-Royce has made to the engines was to improve the on-wing time between overhauls and reduce fuel consumption. The aim was to reduce fuel consumption by 1%, making a saving of about $500,000 per annum per plane for the upgraded Trent XWB-84 EP. However, real-life figures appear to be showing a fuel saving closer to 1.8%.

There were a whole heap of council by-elections yesterday, 12 I think, and it was mostly a load of holds. However, Reform managed three gains and the Limp Dumps one gain. But it was a real mixture of winners, and the single Labour hold of the night was only by 21 votes. So much for the Burnham Bounce.

The Virgin Voyages cruise ship Scarlet Lady is to depart from Greece on 5 July on a full ship charter called “From Athens to Venice”. The ship’s first call was to be the Turkish port town of Kuşadası. However, the Turks have just discovered that the ship has been chartered by an LGBTQ+ group and will have thousands of them on board. Consequently, the Turks, who are mostly Muslim, have banned the cruise from stopping at any Turkish port. Apparently, the passengers do not meet the “moral standards” and “family values” of the Turkish state.

Saturday

Morning my friends, it’s a lovely day in Downing Street from two points of view. Firstly, it’s warm and sunny, and then Legohead has gone to Chequers. I hope it’s a KFC party tonight while watching the footie.

I hear that the Ukrainian people have a new game. They use a VPN to go on the internet and log on to Russian “fuel finder” websites and say that the sites reporting they have fuel are out of petrol, and those that say they are out of fuel have plenty. The result is to frustrate the Russian people and make them drive around wasting what fuel they have.

I read that the Poles are in the final stages of negotiations for Airbus A330 MRTT airborne refuelling planes. The order would only have been for two planes, but the Poles have come to an agreement with Spain to negotiate for four aircraft, two for each nation. Spain already operates two of these planes, with a third on order. By buying four planes in a single order, they should cost less per aircraft.

Another story coming out of the Russo-Ukrainian war today is that Ukraine seems to have sent its first FP9 ballistic missile at Moscow. Moscow has been preparing for this eventuality for some time and has been building another ring of missile defence around the city. But to do this they have been withdrawing air defence missiles from places like Crimea and air force bases. The FP9 was intercepted over Moscow and celebrated by the Russians. But I suspect this was a bit of a double bluff by the Ukrainian forces. The Russians will feel justified in withdrawing air defences to protect Moscow, but Ukraine hit an air force base, damaging seven Russian Air Force jets.

Do you remember me reporting on the dispute, now settled, between Qatar Airways and Airbus over the paint finish cracking on its A350 aircraft? I have now read about what was happening and why Qatar was more affected than many other airlines. To understand what caused the cracking, I must first explain that the body of the A350 is made from a glass fibre reinforced material, over which was an expanded copper sheet with slits cut in it. The sheet was then pulled from the ends, resulting in a diamond-pattern mesh. This was applied to the body over the GFRM hull and acted as a lightning conductor. A smooth paint layer was then applied over the copper grid. The problem comes from thermal expansion. The metal and the paint expanded in the hot desert daytime air of plus 40°C and then contracted in the minus 65°C temperatures at altitude, while the GFRM neither expanded nor contracted. This caused the paint to crack and flake. The structural integrity of the plane was never compromised, that lies in the GFRM body. The problem was always superficial. The solution was to replace the expanded sheet with a sheet containing small drilled holes that flexes and does not cause the surface cracking.

A consequence of Red Ed Millipede’s crazy net zero plans is that the National Grid needs a massive rebuild to make it fit for purpose. The Grid was built to transmit electricity from power stations to the centres of consumption, like the big cities and factories. With the death of coal-fired power stations and the introduction of wind farms in the North Sea and the north of Scotland, many transmission lines are in the wrong place. New lines have to be built from where the wind power comes ashore to join the grid. The latest report I have read says we need to invest £89 billion in rebuilding the Grid. Guess who is going to be stuck with this bill.

The Matford Brook Academy in Exeter only opened in 2023, and its main building has never been used because of structural problems. I see the Department for Education has just announced that its problems are so bad they cannot be fixed and the building is to be demolished and a replacement built. The pupils have been using temporary buildings since the school opened, and it looks like they will have to continue to do so for some years yet. But I can’t understand how the building can be built with structural problems so severe that it has never been occupied. Surely a building needs planning permission and building regulations approval, and to get those, structural calculations must be submitted, checked and passed. Someone has made a massive and costly mistake.

That’s me finished for another week, and I am off for my nap on my favourite windowsill. I have enjoyed digging up some odd stories this week. Chat to you all again next week.

 

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