Richard Townshend, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Nicholas Hugh Brown, known as Nick, born in 1950 in Kent is the object of much speculation, none of it good.
He went to the University of Manchester and worked in advertising for Proctor and Gamble. He later moved into the trade union world with the GMB, shades of Crayons and Presclott. In 1980 he was elected to Newcastle City Council and in 1983 was elected as MP for a Newcastle seat. In 2024 with slightly rejigged boundaries the seat was won by Mary Glindon, another harpie from the Labour Party. Her judgement must be suspect, she supported the nonentity Owen Smith in his failed attempt to replace the Tramp in the 2016 Labour Leadership election.
After Satan Blair’s 1997 victory Nick was appointed as Deputy Chief Whip followed by a move to the Ministry of Agriculture and all things rural. This move was seen by some as a demotion and was probably caused by his close support of the Caledonian Cyclops. He had acted as unofficial campaign manager for the one eyed jock during the Brown/Blair leadership struggle.
Payback came when the Cyclops moved into Number 10 and Nick was appointed Chief Whip. In 2009 in as sure a case of poacher turned gamekeeper you could find Brown (Nick that is) was appointed to investigate the legitimacy of expense claims by Labour MPs between 2004 and 2008. His own expenses at the time were £15 below the maximum allowed.
Now down to the nitty gritty. In September 2022 Brown was suspended from the Labour Party following allegations concerning an event that happened 25 years previously. None of the allegations have ever been made public. In December 2023 he resigned from the Labour Party protesting at the unresolved disciplinary process. He further announced he would not be contesting his seat at the next election which happened in 2024 when the very useless NikNak got his backside handed to him on a plate. Those are the facts as officially presented.
As background in 1998 Nick came out as gay just as the News of the Screws was about to publish the story. At the time he said “The sun is out and so am I”.
Two years after his resignation we are no closer to finding out anything about the disciplinary process and nothing at all about these allegations. Social Media abhors a vacuum and speculation has been rife about what he had been up to in the late 1990s.
The rumours of a super injunction abound though nobody is allowed to even mention it. It may or may not be true. As far as what he was up to, if the rumours are to be believed pass the sick bowl. There are hints of rent boys damaged beyond comprehension, colostomy bags and not a word from Nick, Labour, the PM or any authorities. The only certain thing is it has been hushed up and our dear leader wishes it to remain that way.
© well_chuffed 2026
