Question Time 12th May 2022
Suella Braverman (Conservative)
Shabana Mahmood (Labour)
Geoff Norcott (Comedian)
Miatta Fahnbulleh (Economist)
Sebastian Vettel (F1 Driver)
QT Review is proud to announce that, in a first for the BBC, white people are massively over-represented in tonight’s Question Time programme coming as it does from Dianne Abbott’s multi-cultural Londonistan constituency. Not only has La Bruce (chair) managed to find two white panellists in the parish of Hackney, but one of them is even English!
First question, with the cost of living continuing to increase, when is the right time for the government to intervene. They already should have, answered Shabana Mahmood (Labour). They should already be doing something for ‘our’ country, she added for the benefit of those viewing by satellite link in Pakistan. Disgrace, disgrace, she said a few times before adding ‘windfall tax’.
Having previously boasted about voting Tory, Geoff Norcott (comedian) claimed before the left-leaning Hackney BBC audience, while his knees knocked and he turned yellow, that at the last election he’d spoiled his ballot. He then outlined a set of conservative suggestions to lower people’s household expenses by cutting taxes, especially the Covid emergency 20% rate of VAT.
Mockney accented South London Draftsman’s son Geoff Norcott is a teacher turned writer turned comedian. His unique selling point is he votes Conservative, voted Brexit and has entertained the troops in Afghanistan. He is currently partway through a tour of the likes of Huntingdon Performing Arts Centre, Melrose Corn Exchange and Norden Farm Centre for the Arts. Tickets still available, possibly unlike his book Where Did I Go Right? How The Left Lost Me which flies off the shelves, being a mere 82,265 places behind the Marquis de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom in the Amazon best sellers chart.
Switzerland and Monaco resident Sebastian Vettel said the same questions were being asked in Germany. Where do we source our energy? Dependent on Russia. What should we do? A lot of these questions should have been tackled a long time ago, he rightly concluded. He referred to so-called renewables as ‘peace’ energy.
Suella Braverman (Conservative) defined this a global rather than a British problem. She called Shabana disingenuos. There already is a package of measures to help people. She listed them. Suella managed to define a type of person who is better off than last year. There were too many caveats for this reviewer to list. The audience laughed at her. A windfall tax wouldn’t raise enough money to make an impact on prices.
Suella Braverman, not her real name, was Christened Sue-Ellen Cassiana Fernandez. One of the Middlesex Fernandez’s she was educated privately at the Heathfield School, Pinner, now known as the Northwood College For Girls. Annual fees, £19,500.
Ms Bravemann graduated from Queens College, Cambridge, before completing a master’s degree in European and French law at the Pantheon-Sorbonne University in Paris. She practised law until becoming MP for Fareham in 2015 and has risen to be Attorney General.
Miatta Fahnbulleh (economist) said Suella was just making the numbers up. It was Miatta’s turn to make something up, magic insulation which costs nothing to install and reduces energy usage to zero. The Tories are unforgivable, she concluded to applause.
A single mum spoke from the audience. I think she said she wasn’t better off. The house’s rents is so high. One hesitates before mocking a heavily accented attempt to speak English, so we must move on. Someone else had a single daughter and step-child on the south coast. Their energy costs had quadrupled. A pattern is emerging, accompanied by a solution. Get married. You’ll have twice the income and the same energy costs.
Suella told us there were loads of ‘funds’ and hinted that you’re only hard up if you’re too thick to find them. She suggested energy meters, without mentioning they don’t save any energy but merely remind us, minute by minute, how poor the cost of energy is making us.
Not acceptable, said Shabana.
Do you think the government is doing enough? Asked Miatta, quite aggressively.
Suella was against, tax, tax, tax.
You could have fooled me, Love. At QT Review HQ we’re taxed to death, and by a Tory government and a Tory council.
Incidentally, in the unread comments below QT Review HQ’s un-read reviews, Puffins often pine for a review of the Marquis de Sade’s dirty book. I have tried to read it, but it’s beyond disgusting. Having said that, there is an accompanying DVD available, in a plain brown envelope from a post office box in Amsterdam. One feels obliged. Watch this space.
Tranny alert!!!! ‘Miss’ Matty asked the second question but this reviewer was too busy hammering the tranny alert klaxon to hear what it was.
Suella had been distracted too, so started talking about the EU instead. Bureaucracy, checks, the Northern Ireland protocol had produced a border between Northern Ireland and the mainland. This is damaging. Matty had his/her say again. It felt like he/she/him/her was ‘living in a multiverse’. You’re telling me, Pal.
Miatta blamed Boris rather than the EU and the Southern Irish, despite the fact that both of them hate us and have tried everything they can, for as long as anybody can remember, to make life difficult for us.
A catfight between Suella and Miatta followed. The mind’s eye drifted from fingernails and teeth at a Bulgarian gipsy camp towards jelly and swimsuits before a video camera.
Shabana Mahmood, one of the Warwickshire Mahmoods, is the enriched MP who ludicrously receives 80% of the vote in the enriched constituency of Birmingham Ladywood.
It was not always so. Previous Birmingham Ladywood MPs have included Puffin’s favourite Clare Short and Liberal Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain who, in the 1924 General Election, scored a suspicious victory over Labour Party candidate Sir Oswald Mosley by only 77 votes.
Ms Shabana copes with the cost of living crisis by receiving money for nothing. Curry King Lord Noon is a donor as are the Friends of Bangladesh and Nexus Schools. Tipu Sultan donates as do Icarus Pharmaceuticals and various commercial entities connected to the All-Party Parliamentary China Group. Also giving bigly are the trades union dinosaurs at USDAW, the shop worker’s union.
Previously, the Birmingham MP caused a local store to close. Dozens of protestors, led by Shabana, missing the chance to raise their objections to North Korea, Saudi Arabia or Russia, occupied a Sainsbury’s as part of an anti (careful now) ‘Israel’ campaign.
At a pro-Gaza rally, while echoing a particular type of fellow socialist from a different era, the grammar school girl (King Edward VI Camp Hill School for Girls) encouraged a boycott of
Jews Israeli products.
The Lincoln College, Oxford, graduate (also the alma mater of fellow panellist Miatta Fahnbulleh) is Labour’s National Campain Co-Ordinator. Her duties, no doubt, include ordering the beer and curries for by-election work sessions while trying to keep growling Angela Rayner under control during the quiz.
In a press release last week, Ms Mahmood said she was sickened by what she referred to as the ‘Tory Misogyny Scandal’. More needs to be done to change the culture so misogyny is no longer allowed to take place, she thundered while omitting to mention the burka, veil, forced marriage, female genital mutilation, ‘honour’ murders and first-cousin marriage.
Sebastian wasn’t familiar with the details. We were missing the bigger picture. This was the consequence of ‘Get Brexit Done’. Switzerland and Monaco resident Sebastian told us that German people don’t understand the push for Brexit. He said we were in a mess of our own making to which the Londonistani audience applauded.
Shabana blamed Boris and then defined a ‘landing zone’ that would solve 80% of the problem. There was also a ‘red flag’ regarding the lowering of food standards.
Why not cut food standards? We could import cheap food from outside the EU. Consumers can decide for themselves what they eat. This would cut food prices and give struggling places like Sri Lanka another export market. Shall we call it the QT Review protocol? I think we should.
A cockney person, possibly the only one left, to total silence, suggested telling Southern Ireland and the EU to get lost.
Question three. Is Europe safer now that the Nazi’s old allies in Finland are wanting to join NATO?
Miatta saw this as an escalation taking us back to the Cold War. The priority should be the Ukraine, not in NATO but involved in what is likely to be a lengthy war against Russia. She suggested regime change in Russia – sort of.
As did fellow panellist Shabana Mahmood, Miatta Fahnbulleh graduated from Lincoln College, Oxford, her degree being in Politics, Philosophy and Economics. Miatta is one of the Royal Tonbridge Wells Fahnbullehs, privately educated at nearby £30,000 per annum Beechwood Sacred Heart School. Part Liberian and part Sierra Leonian, Ms Fahnbullah has never had a job and spends her time on ‘research and policy’.
Awarded a doctorate by the LSE in 2005, Dr Miatta is other defined in the QT guff as an ‘economist’. In reality, she is a George Soros shill installed as Chief Executive Officer of the George Soros funded New Economics Foundation. Astonishingly, her doctoral thesis, The Elusive Quest For Industrialisation in Africa: a Comparative Study of Ghana And Kenya, c1950-2000, appears to be out of print.
Sebastian said he had lots of Finnish friends. From his mansions in neutral Switzerland and neutral Monaco, he felt the pain and suffering of the Ukrainian people.
Sebastian Vettel is a 34-year-old Formula One driver who races against Puffin’s favourite Dame Louise Larbalestier-Hamiltion (not her real name) in a global money-spinning Virtue Signalling Holier Than Thou Grand Prix competition.
As you know, kneeling Dame Louise is signed to Black Lives Matter while Sebastian is part of Team Environment, Human Rights and LGBTQI++. Trying too hard to take Dame Louise on the inside, Sebastian wears a ‘Same Love‘ rainbow T-shirt while kneeling before races. *vomits*
A December 2021 issue of The Race reminded readers,
You’ve seen Sebastian Vettel the activist, the F1 driver wearing the rainbow t-shirt in support of the LGBTQ+ community, the green proponent who helps build bee colonies, who tidies up litter in the stands post-race, who advocates equality of race and gender. He sees a planet in a climate crisis and a sometimes very unjust society – and he wants to talk about it and inspire action around these issues.
Although cagey about his private life, QT Review can reveal that, in the interests of equality and an equitable distribution of wealth, German Mr Vettel divides his residence between low-tax Switzerland and no-tax Monte Carlo. His $7 million Swiss Thurgau Canton home is pictured here. Note, from the snow on the ground and lack of snow on the roof, to help the environment Mr Vettel skips on insulation while turning the central heating to full.
Logistic providers DHL give an insight into Sebastian and Formula One’s eco-friendly fight against carbon emissions.
- On average, each team ships the equivalent weight of eight elephants per race.
- DHL cargo travels almost 132,000 km over the course of a season, in up to six or seven Boeing 747 cargo planes per event.
- Up to 300 trucks head from race to race.
Last year, during those 132,000 carbon dioxide billowing kilometres, Sebastian trousered the money in not so social justice aware Saudi Arabia (where women weren’t allowed to drive until 2018), Qatar (where no legislation is in place to prohibit slavery), Bahrain (Jewish population in the 2007 census: 36), Abu Dhabi (where adultery is a criminal offence) and tolerant, liberal, enlightened and progressive Azerbaijan. On those particular profitable trips, the ‘Same Love’ top remained safely in a DHL packing case.
In the crowded grid of Question Time hypocrisy, Sebastian Vettel sits in a well-earned pole position, festooned in the outsized Nish Kumar victory laurel and holding two magnums of Nadhim Zadhawi Champaign.
Global Britain seems to be selective when deciding who to support, said an audience member. Erm, so do Sweden and Finland, Love, study your 20th-century history.
Sebastian blamed Brexit again. He was getting on my tit. He was getting on La Bruce’s too. Having cribbed my prep again, she referenced his gas-guzzling F1 driving and called him a hypocrite. He admitted he was but, with dollar signs showing in his eyes, hid behind not being perfect.
Suella had been to Ukraine. It is atrocious what Putin is doing. Finland has historically been neutral. Have they Suella? Sure about that?
At that point, I had techno trouble. The page I bought up with a nice photo to link to of Adolf being pally with the neutral Finns ran lots of advertising scripts that clogged the Mac.
Order was restored as Geoff said he never wanted anything with -gate attached mentioned again and Sebastian blamed Boris. Presumably the issue was Beer and Party Gates. A hysteric in the audience blamed Boris and wanted him to go. ‘Frankly, it’s a joke’.
Suella tried to draw a line under Boris. The hysteric interrupted, to applause. The Boris Derangement Syndrome was high. Shabana exercercied her Borisphobia. Despite the fact that they’ve both been accused of the same thing, she squealed there was no equivalence between Johnson and Kier Starmer.
One almost hopes the fat, useless, Communist Turk lasts forever, just to annoy the Britain hating mentalists in the parish of Hackney and their unhinged allies in the Londonistani media bubble.
© Always Worth Saying 2022
The Goodnight Vienna Audio file