Question Time 13th January 2022
Simon Hart (Conservative)
Jess Phillips (Labour)
Daisy Cooper (Liberal Democrat)
Isabel Oakeshott (GBNews)
Danny Sriskandarajah (Oxfam)
If mention of Jess Philips, Labour MP for Birmingham Yardley, reminds gentlemen Puffins of a dose of the clap, they may be suffering a post-traumatic flashback to the BBC’s 2021 Cervical Screening Awareness Week. During this, in what one suspects was a futile attempt to de-stigmatise the genital wart, Ms Phillips spoke of the embarrassing unwanted weeds in her own garden. Perhaps having bothered the upper part of the wheelie bins beside the fire exit of a Yardley nightclub, she felt qualified to talk of her own infected lower parts to prevent others from being “lumbered” with “emotional baggage”.
In her spiel, she forgot to advise people to change their behaviour and accept responsibility for the consequences of their own actions. Preferring to wag a stickie finger at the laws of nature, grammar school girl Jess noted, “The fact that it is mostly women dealing with the fall out is simply not fair.” Any sympathy one might have had for Ms Philips’s condition quickly evaporated upon her use of the phrase “women and people with a cervix.”
If Ms Phillips is the hot mercury injected down your private part in a rusty merchantman sickbay off a South Moluccan harbour, after a hasty and regrettable “can my baby have your blue eyes” port of call liaison inside a nipa hut (in return for two marbles and a battery), then fellow panellist Isabel Oakeshott is the pretty nurse sympathetically administering it.
Likewise, as Ms Phillips is the sound of broken glass being passed at a urinal in a rat-infested public lavatory after a stag weekend in Amsterdam, La Oakeshott is whispered prayers from an altar of Venus above the rolling hills of Arcadia. Far from the atrophy pista of Birmingham Yardley, one imagines Isabel’s secret as warm firm marble sitting between dome-shaped verdant mounds above an Attican valley. Not so much Jess’s French lesson in an upstairs room of a shared Bayswater bedsit (before a cracked wash hand basin), more the knowledge of all ages administered by the silken tongue of Isabel Euphemia the muse, while one refreshes in the tepidarium.
A relative of Mathew Oakeshott, Baron Oakeshott of Seagrove, Isabel Euphemia Oakeshott (not her real name) was born in Westminster and educated privately at £42,000 a year Gordonstoun in Moray before graduating in History from the University of Bristol. Isabel’s career has been in journalism, writing and television. Her ex-husband, £20,000 a year Magdalen College and £33,000 per annum Dragon School Old boy Nigel Rosser, is also a media professional. Together they were directors of Rosser Communications, now known as Diamond Ink Ltd, the vehicle into which Ms Oakeshott’s fees are tax-efficiently paid.
Isabel currently appears on GBNews where her money earning slot can be viewed on Fridays at noon.
After separating in 2018, her present partner is Richard Tice. A former pupil of £40,000 a year Uppingham School, Richard graduated in Construction Economics and Quantity Surveying from the University of Salford after which he joined the family property firm, Sunley Group, founded by grandfather Bernard Sunley. Sound on Brexit, Mr Tice comes across as a good type. OU, the publication of record for old boys and girls of Uppingham school, reminds us the future Reform Party big wig abseiled 198 ft down the side of London’s Westminster Tower in 1978 to raise funds for the MacIntyre learning disabilities charity.
As an aside, and as a sign of changing times, it’s noticeable that as well as Yorkshire and Norfolk dinners and a London over-60s lunch, Uppingham have dos in Dubai and Hong Kong. Common.
The first question was from Fleu who, in a very unladylike manner, suggested Prime Minister Mr Johnston be executed by falling on a sword. Jess Phillips, while rattling through a carefully worded set of special advisor administered catchphrases, called the prime minister a liar. But a problem emerged. In a sparse, socially distanced audience there wasn’t the intensity of a Nick Griffin or an American ambassador on 9/11 witch hunt. Bruce tried to muster a one person bear pit by constantly pointing at and interrupting Simon Hart (Conservative). Mr Hart tried to add to Mr Johnson’s apology between interrupts.
Ms Bruce opened it to the audience, but there wasn’t enough of them. It was like watching a crowd of 150 souls at a Scottish third division football match booing a gormless referee who can’t hear them. Perhaps surprisingly, La Oakeshott wanted Johnson to resign too. Standing on the railway sleepers at the popular terrace, Daisy Cooper (Liberal Democrats) wanted him to not only go but be arrested by the Metropolitan Police.
What is it about LibDems ladies and giant teeth? Both Murina Wilson (Twickenham) and the goofy but strangely attractive Layla Moron (Oxford West and Abingdon) have been well tickled with the big ivory stick. Also blessed with better choppers than Genghis Kahn’s mounted Special Axe Brigade (Pathfinders), is Daisy Cooper LibDem MP for St Albans and the party’s spokes’person’ for health, wellbeing and social care.
Regular readers will be unsurprised to hear Daisy has never done anything. After public school (£34,000 a year Framlingham College, Ed Sheeran’s alma mater), horse-faced snob Ms Cooper was a perpetual student of law before eventually becoming a LibDem volunteer. Whereupon, she was part of the leadership-bid team of the successful but woeful Jo Swinson who subsequently announced she would be prime minister after the 2019 general election but then lost her seat. Beyond that, Ms Cooper has done nothing but spend your money through pointless quangos such as the Commonwealth Eminent Persons Group.
While we’re on the topic, the oddly alluring, nay, near irresistible, Miss Layla Moron even wears a spare set around her neck.
Talk of LibDems obliges one to out them as racists and closet Nazis. Since the party’s formation in 1859, there has never been an elected black Liberal or Liberal Democrat MP. Some have defected to the party but been thrown out as soon as they faced the voters.
There have been more blacks in the Klu Kluk Klan and the Nazi Party. Nineteenth century Liberal statesman and former prime minister William Gladstone benefitted bigly from slavery and was anti-abolition. The last Liberal prime minister, David Lloyd George, worshipped Hitler.
Simon wanted to be helpful, and was hoping that enquiry head Sue Grey would be helpful too, by perhaps investing in buckets of whitewash.
Ms Phillips disagreed and questioned the integrity of the report. Her own and the panel’s sanctimonious humbug ignored trougher Steven Kinnock’s visit to his trougher parents, Corbyn’s ‘rule of six’ busting dinner party and Starmer’s very own beers with Labour Party workers. Not to mention the London media bubble’s Kate Burley and Beth Rigby’s rule-breaking birthday party. Neither did any of them mention the null hypothesis – that the rules were too strict to start with and Downing Street employees had been closer to doing the right thing.
Simon Hart has been Conservative MP for Carmarthen West and South Pembrokeshire since 2010 and is the current Secretary of State for Wales. Mr Hart grew up in the Cotswolds and was privately educated at Radley College (pay your fees in advance, school suggests, and possibly avoid inheritance tax) and the Royal Agricultural College. He has worked as a chartered surveyor and been in the TA. Keen on the Countryside Alliance, Brexit Delivery Group, fox hunting and the culling of badgers, Mr Hart threatens to be an actual Conservative. As further confirmation, he benefits financially from the donations of the Landsker Business Club, a secretive dining club whose members (if any) are not known to the public and therefore donate anonymously to the MP.
Leg work by the nation.cymru website suggests Landsker Business Club is Adrian Lort-Phillips, a decedent of Viscount Cobhamand (whoever he was). Upon further inspection by your humble reviewer, Adrian turns out to be a Shrewsbury School old boy (£40,000 per annum) and former BBC and LBC reporter who is currently a property developer in Wales with a communications sideline of,
Delivering message development, copywriting, marine and hostile environment filming, crisis communications training and interview training.
In 2007, Adrian entered the Plymouth-Bankjul car rally challenge, a twenty-four-day 4,000-mile adventure, in competition with 200 other vehicles, all of which had to have cost less than £100. On finding out about her husband’s plans, wife Rachael Hicks bought an old Range Rover and raced him to the Gambian capital. Message to the QT team. Why aren’t interesting people like these invited onto Question Time instead of the present small army of leftie quangocrat bores that we’re all sick of?
Speaking of quangocrat bores, if I may quote myself from a previous edition of QT Review,
Danny was born in Sri Lanka but educated in Australia before enlisting as a Rhodes scholar at Magdalene College, Oxford. After completing his studies, Mr Sriskandarajah became a civil society professional and engaged in a Cook’s tour of globalist vehicles such as the Institute for Public Policy Research, The Royal Commonwealth Society, CIVICUS et al, many of which have connections with Puffin’s favourite George Soros.
In his presentation, Danny had the gall to use words like “trust”, “humble” and “judgement” while representing bent Oxfam.
Something else that has been commented on throughout the week is the effect of the coronavirus pandemic here. To say that we have one of the worst records in the world is absolute crap. Although no consolation to those who have lost loved ones, according to Oxford University’s Our World in Data, even excluding small islands and city-states, Britain has only the 27th highest global death rate from Covid, much better than the likes of Italy, Belgium, the USA and Poland.
The second question wondered of the future of Prince Andrew. Simon refused to comment. The sparse audience, armed with face masks instead of pitchforks and torches, struggled to be excited. Partway through the tepid responses to this scandal, and a tepid edition of QT, I began to wonder if The Powers That Be lock us down and stop us from gathering in numbers to keep us from forming a mob and lynching them? Am I the last to realise?
Perhaps to prove the point, Bruce reminded us, “The Queen can do what she likes with her own money.” La Oakeshott fawned before Her Majesty (that’s the Queen, not Fionna Bruce). The monarch has behaved impeccably, suggested Isabel, except in the way she’s raised her children one might add.
© Always Worth Saying 2022
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