Car Crash Campaigns

Brown tendering his resignation to Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace
Number 10, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

I know it’s a bit Clive James with the alliteration for a title but don’t worry, it won’t be anywhere near as witty as Clive was.

I was chatting to my daughter, you know she’s now at the County Council and has been on the receiving end of a lecture about the purdah they endure during an election campaign.

The subject turned to car crash campaigns, specifically the 2010 one where James Gordon Brown, aka the Caledonian Cyclops, was doing an outside broadcast when there really was a car crash near where he was standing. It kind of summed up his rubbish campaign. He also did the bigot thing with a lifelong Labour voter. The man was a disaster all round. CallMeDave didn’t have to do that much to win. The tears of laughter were rolling down our faces,

At the time we were talking the news had the sight of Ed Davey (LibDum leader in case you are not sure) going down a water slide on what looked like a massive inner tube. This came after him falling off a waterboard in the Lake District and cycling down a narrow street with what seemed to be a no cycling sign. Tears of laughter were flowing even more.

Roland Rat kicked this all off standing in the pouring rain at an unadorned lectern in Downing Street. His Savile Row suit was doing a reasonable job of keeping his shirt dry. Since then his, and his Party’s, campaign has been on the back foot, He has produced new policies from a top hat like a magician, trouble is none of his MPs and even Ministers had a clue what he was going to spring on them. Little wonder they are all keeping a low profile. Various theories were put forward about the Rat in the rain. One was that it was a Party matter so he was not given the fig leaf of his badge of office nor could he use the media suite. I am not an expert.

Even Labour’s campaign has suffered. They should be setting the agenda considering their position in the polls yet here they are and it is all about Miss Diane and whether or not she will be allowed to stand for her throne (seat seems so inadequate) again. She has been in her element playing the victim card. The boy Jones has put his oar in and determined that all the people Keith is banning from standing are pooftahs. Trust him to bring bum banditry into it. And there was the rest of us thinking it was all about getting rid of Corbynistas. Are all Corbynistas homosexual ?

In 2015 we had that image of Ed Militwat gurning furiously as he tried to eat a bacon sarnie. Was that also the time when his brother was pictured with the banana. I just can’t remember.

In 2005 Michael Howard was haunted by the “something of the night” comment from Widders. This did not help him against Mr Smoothie Tony “Satan” Blair.

In 2001 we had baseball hat wearing and “14 pint drinker” Billy bumboy Hague up against Satan Blair. Notwithstanding Hague wiping the floor with Blair every week at PMQs, he got nowhere. This may signal something about how important PMQs really are.

In 1997 we had old “back to basics” John Major against the new boy on the block, Satan Blair and his Things can only get better. That song could well be the anthem for every General Election in history. The Major administration was riddled with sleaze, the story of him bonking Eggwina only came out after the election though the false story about him bonking the cake maker was a mere distraction.

In 1992 John Major almost single handedly saved the Tories thereby proving you can fool a majority of the people but then again, he was the WEF choice.

I have been around a long time, the first election I can remember was the 1964 one when the much maligned Alec Douglas-Home narrowly lost to the shyster Harold Wilson. Every campaign throws up a few howlers but nothing like we are seeing these days and it is only getting worse.

It is my humble opinion that every year the quality of our politicians sinks. Maybe the nature of politics has changed. More and more activists, every word scrutinised and blame apportioned where none is due. Maybe Mandelscum was right when he said we live in a post democratic world.

I am sure I must have missed so many car crashes, I hope puffins will mention those they can remember in the comments, not that anyone will read them.

© well_chuffed 2024