Question Time 13th May 2021
Robert Buckland (Conservative)
Lisa Nandy (Labour)
Michelle Dewberry (GB News)
Paul Mason (Journalist)
Kate Forbes (SNP)
Never mind that, Puffins want to know about this humble reviewer’s teeth. As well as uncovering Mark Carney’s coking coal exports and Nahim Zahawi’s links to the Caribbean tax havens, my extensive research has discovered that, of the 35,000,000 inoculated with the Astra Zenica vaccine, 230 have subsequently developed toothache. I shall sue them as well as my dentist.
Mrs AWS tells me not to be so soft and that all of this is happening because I’m ‘elderly’. I shall sue her as well.
Meanwhile, the lady on the 111 emergency helpline tells me I have a ‘dry cavity’. What’s that got to do with my teeth? And how can she tell over the phone? Strange woman. Is the NHS the best in the world? The jury continues his deliberations while resting his swollen jaw on a pile of pills.
Question one, what is the point of the Labour Party?
Lisa Nandy (Labour) said the point was ‘to deliver’. Deliver antisemitism and never-ending electoral embarrassment? No, to deliver Lisa to parliament at four elections in a row. Plus green buses somewhere.
Ms Nandy is the Shadow Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs and MP for Wigan. Lisa’s father was a privately educated Indian Marxist retired race relations professional. Her grandfather, on the other side of the family, was the Liberal MP and Peer, Charles Frank Byers, Baron Byers, OBE, PC, DL. Lisa’s husband, Andrew Collis, is a public relations consultant for blue chip companies. Ordinary Northern folk!
Michelle Dewberry (GB News) hit the target. The Labour Party is obsessed with identity politics instead of the working classes. When you’re over the target you take flack.
I’ve been elected four times, Lisa reminded us, how many times has divisive Dewbs, formerly of the Brexit Party, been elected? None, replied Michelle and added that Labour had only won three elections in the past 40 years.
Paul Mason (Journalist) said Labour existed to turn working-class aspiration into a programme for government. He said the million-pound houses of his own South London was a working-class area. *Guffaw*. He called Michelle a racist and told us that the Labour Party had brought us weekends and Saturdays and Sundays off.
“Why’s it lost its appeal?” asked Bruce.
Mason cited the small towns that he and Lisa both come from (erm, they both live in London), “Left behind by 30 years of free-market economics.”
Grammar school boy Paul Mason is the Leigh born son of a lorry driver and a headmistress. Having graduated in Music and Politics from Sheffield University and lectured in music at Leicester University, he drifted into local journalism and rose to the BBC’s unwatched Newsnight.
Since then Paul has completed a Cook’s tour of leftie London fake news outlets and has been a home for every pointless and toxic left-wing cause while being wrong about everything. Having lived in London for thirty-three years, he is also in possession of (after the Mirror’s Kevin Maguire) the second most laughable London luvvie fake Northern accent.
In the interests of equality, tolerance and diversity, Paul was a member of an anti-semitic Facebook group called Palestine Live. In his defence, Paul insisted, “I don’t read, let alone endorse, stuff in the groups I follow.”
Of course not.
Likewise, his suggestion during the Labour leadership election that gormless, harmless (and rather pretty) candidate Rebecca Long-Bailey was one of the “misogynistic thugs of the Vatican” was challenged as being anti-Irish and anti-Catholic bigotry.
In reviewing Paul’s mighty but muddled work, PostCapitalism, The Guardian newspaper (for whom Mason wrote at the time), announced him “a worthy successor to Marx.”
Worthy of being buried in Highgate cemetery, preferably while still alive.
The good people of Amazon begged to disagree with The Guardian’s view of one of its own writers, placing PostCapitalism a disappointing 91,894 places behind the real Marx’s Das Kapital on the best sellers list.
However, PostCapitalism proved more popular with those who gain pleasure from inflicting pain (perhaps to give as a present?) by being a mere 85,361 places behind the Maquis de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom.
“What’s the point of it now,” asked Bruce? Social care, he suggested before waffling on about the places he and Nandy came from, AKA the posh bits of London. He called the Government corrupt and super-rich.
The Labour Party is good at complaining but useless at coming up with prescriptions, said Robert Buckland (Conservative). The Labour Party don’t know what they want. Mr Buckland is MP for South Swindon, Secretary of State for Justice and Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain. Robert is a privately educated Durham University graduate who has pursued a career in law and politics.
At this point, QT threatened to become interesting. Bigly triggered Nandy started pointing and called Mr Cameron’s present mild lobbying embarrassment ‘corruption’. She referred to the financial crash of thirteen years ago when, apparently, the people of Hartlepool (Lehman Brothers employees and Bernie Madoff investors to a man) lost out. Nandy forgot to mention that she and her party are paid lobbyists for the dinosaur trades unions.
“Don’t lecture me about ordinary people,” said Buckland,
“I will lecture you about ordinary people,” snapped Nandy.
“It isn’t a lecture,” a bespectacled and besuited Michael Palin might have intervened, “It’s a contradiction.”
Robert Buckland had been elected four times too, in a town full of ordinary people, Swindon. Who all talk like Benny off Crossroads, he might have added.
“Are you saying the people of Swindon are thick or stupid or wrong?” asked Robert, perhaps rhetorically.
Nandy got screechy and started pointing again.
“Are you telling me people in Wigan and Manchester and London are stupid for voting Labour?”
Robert said he had been to Hartlepool and spoken to people on the doorsteps. His tone suggested he therefore deserved a medal the size of a frying pan.
“I went to the Headland estate!” screeched Nandy. Perhaps worthy of a Nobel Prize, or canonisation?
They talked across each other. Boris was breaking promises said Nobel Laureate Saint Lisa of Nandy. Labour just talk to themselves, was the response from Robert Buckland VC.
A posh lady from the QT audience claimed to be working class because she had to work damn hard to cover her responsibilities. She called out Mason for saying “oatmeal latte drinking classes”, something that your humble and apologetic reviewer had missed in the crossfire. She then had a go at Nandy, who shook her head to remind us all that the voter was wrong.
Tony from the QT50 audience didn’t need to be lectured by someone from South London about Hartlepool. The Labour Party doesn’t listen to what people say. Labour lost Durham because of overspending on themselves by a Labour council.
Kate Forbes (SNP) spoke.
Nandy said it hurt. Can Keir Starmer turn it around? asked Bruce. “We can,” replied Nandy, which is Wiganese for, I can after I’ve stabbed Kier Starmer in the back. Nandy was given a big long uninterrupted slot to monologue in, suggesting the BBC agree with her forthcoming Labour Party speciality leadership challenge blood bath.
Why have a Remainer candidate in Brexit Hartlepool? asked Dewbs. Doesn’t it show contempt for the voters?
Lisa was sick of the labels. Especially, “Loooooser!!!”
Mason had missed the point completely and claimed that modern politics was all about identity, culture and values. No, it isn’t. It’s about practicalities, Paul, such as Brexit, vaccine and economic recovery after the pandemic. Listen to the voters! He referred to the Northern towns as ‘we’, from his metropolitan millionaire’s South London bunker.
Buckland gave Mason and Nandy some good advice (which they will ignore). Don’t insult your electoral opponents as you are insulting the people who voted for them as well, and they are people you are trying to win over.
Question two was the Scottish Question.
Henceforth, I propose to ignore the issue of Scottish independence, unless it provides lolz. The anti-British mainstream media in London choose their words carefully, citing the will of the Scottish Parliament for a second independence referendum, rather than the will of the Scottish people. The rough and ready ‘party lists’ form of proportional representation used in Scotland has resulted in the independence parties gaining a majority of seats but with only 49.18% of the vote. The second referendum issue is settled. The Scottish people have spoken. They do not want a second independence referendum. No more need be said.
Likewise with the Scottish National Party. Founded by self-confessed fascists, Hitler quoting anti-semites and Irish hating sectarian bigots (like Andrew Dewar Gibb) and those who supported Germany during the war and mixed with the Hitler Youth previous to it (such as Arthur Donaldson), I propose to ignore them too.
From now on, I shall enjoy my glass of milk and slice of toast during The Scottish Question.
Question three was about voter ID.
Mason said in 2019 there had only been 4 prosecutions for voter fraud. He said that black people and refugees would be discriminated against and all of this was the fault of the American Right. What he didn’t say was that there’s unlikely to be any prosecutions for voter fraud if nobody knows who’s fraudulent and who isn’t – hence the need for voter ID.
“You have to show that you are who you say you are,” said Michelle. At present, any old random can walk into the polling station and claim to be someone they aren’t. She suggested free photo ID for the needy.
Lisa thought the greatest threat to our democracy was documented in the Russia Report, which she claimed showed voting integrity was compromised by overseas interference. Hmm. Did Puffin’s favourite Marianna Spring live in Russia? Did she work for a Russian newspaper? Was that newspaper owned by an oligarch? Hmm. Nobody mentioned that, and nobody mentioned the electoral problem of identity-based fraudulent block postal voting which favours the Labour Party.
The final question was how to hug cautiously. Michelle suggested finding a partner as irritating as hers. Not only better than the other panellists, she might even make a better reviewer.
Miss Michelle Louise Faye Dewberry comes from Hull where the garden birds leave food out for the people and the ducks throw crumbs to the children. Mrs AWS says everybody comes from Hull. They’re not going to stay there are they? As proof, during lockdown, there’s been a terrible increase in the number of people throwing themselves off the Humber Bridge, hoping to swim to a better life in Syria, Iraq or Gaza.
Michelle’s partner is the difficult to like former mobile phone millionaire Simon Jordan who, when chairman of Crystal Palace, took Croydon’s finest to the Premiership, back to the Championship and into administration.
Ms Dewberry initially caught the eye when winning the second series of the BBC’s reality TV show, The Apprentice. Since then she has made numerous media appearances and claims to have,
“subsequently consulted at a number of FTSE companies, alongside advising SMEs and working as a Non-Executive Director.”
Michelle is a longstanding management consultant at MDL, but MDL is revealed to be Michelle Dewberry Limited, which in recent years seems to have done little more than stave off compulsory strike-off from the Companies House register for late submission of documentation. There is no MDL website, rather a micheledewberry.com ominously headlined with “Michelle Dewberry Broadcaster and ….”
Likewise, her breathless biography, media coverage, Linkedin profile and Companies House submissions don’t quite match. Your reviewer is minded to suggest that Ms Dewberry scapes a living from her TV appearances while clinging to a ‘rich’ boyfriend.
You can take the girl out of Hull …..
But salvation is at hand in the shape of a fat Scotsman with a bad hair transplant and a villa in the South of France. QT Review is thrilled to discover that Michelle will be under Andrew Neil when GB News starts broadcasting. That will get me watching! Wouldn’t it be good if GB News had a topical Q and A panel show, with a proper audience, that finished at about 9 pm? Perhaps called Time for Questions? Fingers crossed.
When Michelle stood for parliament as a Brexit Party candidate, she received a wall of hate from the tolerant left. As she explained to the Daily Express,
Almost from the moment I announced I was standing, the problems began. All originating from Labour’s side of the fence. Social media accounts with fake names were set up to attack and smear me on a daily basis. My volunteers were harassed and, in one instance, threatened. My supporters felt too intimidated to have my posters in their windows, after being verbally abused outside their own homes.
When numpties like Paul Mason talk about being ant-fascist, this is what they mean. The likes of Sinn Fein IRA, Black Lives Matter and Palestinian terrorists get a free pass from the likes of Mason while young women like Michelle, who disagree with the left’s toxic bigotry, are the ones who are threatened.
This led to handbags in the tunnel during the BBC’s dismal Politics Live presented by Jo Coburn (not her real name) with Mason sneering at Dwebs for being bullied and telling her to prove it.
As Wigan had been in near-continuous lockdown for almost a year, Nandy said she couldn’t wait for a proper hug. Off Keir Starmer, while she conceals a bread knife up her sleeve, she wanted to add.
© Always Worth Saying 2021
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