Always Worth Saying’s Question Time Review

Question Time 7th April 2022

The Panel:

Gregg Hands (Conservative)
Emily Thornberry (Labour)
Justin Welby (Archbishop of Canterbury)
Zing Tsjeng (VICE UK)
Dan Hodges (Mail on Sunday)

Venue: Canterbury

Back in the day, when an English travelling gentleman struck out for the near continent he did so by rail, rattling across Kent’s Garden of England at a sedate 40 mph, past semaphore signals and through manually operated level crossings. One would make polite conversation with other travellers in a slam-door compartment while traversing one of a number of boat train routes, one of which passed through Canterbury.

This humble reviewer’s mind’s eye recalls the Norman towers of Canterbury Cathedral and Metropolitical Church of Christ from the window of a 4-CEP (or some such), though reference to Google Steet View suggests that unlikely. No matter. Suffice it to say, the closest I ever got to Canterbury Cathederal was going through the parish on the train.

Arrival at Dover Western Docks meant stepping onto an alongside ferry or taking a minibus ride to Dover Eastern Docks or the neighbouring hover terminal. The hovercraft was the best thing ever. As cheap as chips for a foot passenger, it offered a crossing not much slower than the present-day Channel Tunnel. On the other hand, it smelt, sounded and was about as comfortable as, being trapped inside a giant vacuum cleaner.

Incidentally, as a mark that everything was better in the olden days, cross-channel ferry workers were paid more than £1.80 an hour, spoke (or at least grunted at you) in English, and didn’t have to live in tents in Hull.

These days the trip from Londonistan to the Kent Coast is a bore, with little to see except a high-speed line’s tunnel walls, cuttings and noise reducing fences. Fortunately, as France has slowly turned into Northern Mogadishu, I’ve stopped going. But Canterbury, on the other hand, accompanied by her archbishop has come to me via the ever-giving gift that is Question Time.


The first question addressed the government’s newly announced energy strategy.

Well, yea, began Lardy Emily Thornbelly (Labour). She played a funny game, pretending that both parties had failed over energy policy while reeling off what hadn’t been done by the Tories. For no reason at all, she wanted more useless onshore wind farms. She even announced them popular.

Ordinarily monikered Lardy Thornbelly, reference to Debrett’s shows that Emily’s full title is,

Lieutenant Colonel (temporary) The Right Honourable and Learned M’Lady Emily Ann Nugee QC MP of the parish of Islington South and Finsbury, popularly known as Lardy Thornbelly.

Husband, Sir Christopher George Nugee, is a High Court of Appeal judge. Father, Cedric, was a United Nations Assistant Secretary-General. Her father-in-law was pre-eminent Chancery barrister, Edward Nugee. Her mother-in-law was Rachel Makower, a Bletchley Park code breaker and World Central President of the Mother’s Union.

Dan Hodge (Main on Sunday) agreed with Lardy. He was in favour of more inland wind farms too, adding that such a policy needed maturity from politicians. He might have also added it would need a re-writing of the laws of physics.

The questioner was a carbonphobic loon who wanted to de-carbonise now. Save the planet. The war in the Ukraine is a walk in the park compared with starvation and an increase in global temperatures of 1.5C. What a nut. As usual, her irrational carbon-based obsessive-compulsive disorder went unchallenged.

Archbishop Welby extended the madness to the entire world. He referenced global desertification and floods. Hold on a minute, Reverend, surely it’s one or the other? We need to de-carbonise now, he repeated.

Net Zero is a religion. It is pointless arguing with them. Leave them to freeze and eat raw food in their Bishop’s Palaces.

An establishment figure at the head of the established church, Old Etonian and Trinity College, Cambridge, graduate Justin Portal Welby is the 105th Archbishop of Canterbury.

His mother was Jane Portal, a personal secretary to Winston Churchill and sister of R.A. ‘Rab’ Bulter, Conservative Party big beast and one time Foreign Secretary and Home Secretary. Justin’s father is Stowe old boy and diplomat Sir Anthony Arthur Duncan Montague Browne KCMG CBE DFC although Justin was raised as if the son of Jewish businessman Gavin Welby (not his real name – Gavin Weiler). Justin’s parents divorced in 1958 when the future archbishop was three. Gavin Welby went on to date Vanessa Redgrave and drink himself to death. Mrs Welby married Charles Williams, Baron Williams of Elvel. One of the Cazenoves, businessman Charles is a former Essex first class county cricketer.

Although in no way suggesting a stain upon Lord Charles’ character, when embarking upon her second marriage, the former Mrs Welby was doing so somewhat below her station. Jane’s impressive family tree includes the Napier who invented logarithmic tables and another Napier who was a general in the Peninsular War. She is directly descended from King Charles II via his mistress Louise de Kérouaille, Duchess of Portsmouth.

Archbishop Welby is an agenda contributor to the World Economic Forum.

The near-biblically complicated and scandalous origins of Archbishop Justin having been recorded to the QT Review Apocrypha, we shall return to the programme.

We are the world capital for wind power, said Greg Hands (Conservative). At the moment conditions are ideal. It is windy and the middle of the night when demand is low. Out of our 28,000 Mw of wind capacity installed, 10,000 Mw of electricity is being generated (according to Gridwatch). Nearly two-thirds of wind capacity is unused. In last week’s weather, wind power dropped to 1% or 2% of demand. This is the economics of the madhouse.

A poor single parent spoke from the audience. Grab a bloke love, you’ll have two wages coming in.

Dover will be underwater within a decade according to Zing Tsjeng (VICE UK). Please.

Another audience member wanted funding for ‘disruptive technology’. He had an EM unit, the size of a matchbox, that could heat your home. It had been invented by Nikola Tesla in a previous century but suppressed by ‘the bankers’. Nurse!

The next question was about the war in Ukraine.

Previously, Welsy had been to South Sudan and consecrated a mass grave. War crimes cannot be dealt with until the fighting has stopped. The first priority is to bring the fighting to an end. Prosecuting war criminals will take a long time. The longer the war goes on, the worse the crimes will get. He mentioned God, who will meet justice to the guilty in the next life and possibly in this.

Putin won’t be held to account by a tribunal, began Dan Hodges. We need to act now. He wanted to supply the Ukrainians with any weapons they wanted plus provide safe havens and a no-fly zone. Not intervening would be a greater risk. Referencing previous conflicts, we have insisted upon saying ‘never again’ and this time we should prove we mean it.

An audience member was frightened of Boris and wanted more Ukrainian refugees. Then he said ‘partygate’. Yes, partygate.

Zing was shocked by the lack of refugees. As for holding Putin to account, it would take decades. She was going to use International Criminal Courts that the Russians don’t recognise. At Zing’s house, the mice throw themselves into the traps. When at the riverbank, the fish jump into her net.

Zing Tsjeng is a Singaporean journalist, author, podcaster and executive editor of Vice UK, the off-beat and quixotic Canadian media group known as ‘the hipster’s bible’.

Zing came to live in London aged 16, is a Social and Political Sciences graduate from the University of Cambridge and holds a Master’s Degree in Magazine Journalism from City, University of London.

Since completing her education Zing has done nothing other than London media bollocks, having been an intern at The Guardian and holding positions at Wonderland Magazine, Rollercoaster Magazine and at Dazed and Confused, a publication that styles itself as ‘the youth and pop culture provocateur’. Oh, dear me.

Ms Tsjeng’s mighty work, Forgotten Women: The Leaders, sits somewhat forgotten as the 393,293rd most popular book on Amazon, a disappointing 333,725 places behind the Marquis De Sades’ The 120 Days of Sodom.

Incidentally, despite it being unfinished, 235 years old and absolute filth, the Marquis’ dirty book not only continues to sell but weekly sales seem to be increasing. Is this humble author’s modest and unread review accidentally plugging it? Do I get a percentage? Perhaps two or three days of sodom per sale?

Ms Tsjeng wasn’t joking. Forgotten Women: The Leaders contains biographies of the ‘memorable’ Grace O’Malley, a 16th-century Irish pirate queen and Sylvia Rogers, spearhead of the transgender rights movement. Not to mention Agent 355, Amina of Zazzau and Noor Inayat Khan.

As a point of order, perhaps they’re not so much forgotten as never known of in the first place?

In fact, I have heard of Noor Inayat Khan, albeit under a different name (taps nose). Interesting gal, far more interesting than any of the cretins on Question Time. I should really do an article on her. Don’t believe what you read on Wiki. Taps nose again.

Greg Hands reminded us of our anti-aircraft and anti-tank missiles being provided to the Ukraine. He listed some of the Serbian and Bosnian war criminals that had been presented previously to the international courts. He rolled his tongue around their names, pretending to be a native Sebo-Croat speaker, as if wanting to remind us that he’s clever and we’re thick.

Question three. Rishi Sunak’s wife is a rich non-dom. Does this mean Rishi doesn’t understand the rest of us?

Greg Hands didn’t know and didn’t want to. He said the same thing had happened to Lardy’s husband. No, it hasn’t, responded Lardy looking exasperated. He’s a judge.

Gregg Hands is the Conservative MP for Chelsea and Fulham and Minister of State for Business, Energy and Clean Growth. After enjoying a selective education at Dr Challoner’s Grammar School, Amersham, Gregg graduated with a First in Modern History from Robinson College, Cambridge. Following a brief career in the City, he became a Conservative councillor and was elected to the House of Commons in 2005. Mr Hands claims the biggest employer in his constituency is …… the BBC.

With British and American citizenship, Mr Hands claims he can speak five European languages and has a German wife. In a Huffington Post interview, Gregg revealed that following the Brexit referendum,

“My wife is German, my children are bilingual, and on the day of the referendum, or the day after, my son – who at the time was nine years old – cried over the result. It’s really like that also with us from time to time. It’s also emotional from time to time in our house.”

What an arse.

Lardy told Greg he was talking nonsense. Mrs Sunak lives in Downing Street at tax payers expense while not paying any tax. Rishi is responsible for the rules on non-dom tax while his wife benefits from his decisions. This is a conflict of interest and she should pay tax. Change the law if necessary.

Rishi’s wife is an Indian billionaire’s daughter. Shares in her name generate £11,000,000 of dividends a year but she pays no tax on that income here.

Dan blamed the Chancellor for losing control of the economy rather than for losing control of his wife’s self-assessment.

Mail journalist Daniel Pearce Jackson Hodges is the son of millionaire socialist, former actress and Labour MP Glenda Jackson and the theatre director and art dealer Roy Hodges. In the interests of equality of opportunity, you paid Dan to be his mother’s parliamentary researcher for five years. Dan and his PR guru wife, Michelle, live in Glenda’s multi-million-pound mansion in London’s Blackheath.

Zing Tsjeng said she was in the same position in so much as her Singaporean passport doesn’t allow for dual nationality in the same way as Rishi’s wife’s Indian one doesn’t.

That is not true but she said it anyway.

According to the US Embassy in Singapore, (doing this in the middle of the night has its uses in regard to time zones and phoning places up) US citizens can also have Singaporean passports with Singapore not recognising the US passport (so use the Singaporean passport when you’re in the city-state).

The next question was about Dover being clogged up with trucks.

Archbishop Welby suggested proper car parks, washrooms and cafes.

Greg had a better plan, turn the M20 into a giant car park. He blamed P&O, who have ferries out of service, and assured the audience Transport Secretary Grant Schapps is ‘focused’.

Lardy blamed Brexit. Yawn.

A lady in the audience lived in a nearby village. Last Christmas it filled up with those travelling but stuck. The villagers went down to them with loaves and fishes to feed them and on that near Biblical note, Fiona Bruce said Amen to this week’s Question Time.

© Always Worth Saying 2022

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