Boggart paced deliberately back and forth in front of ginger bigfoot, birthmark Joe and trembling Theresa, peering coldly into their eyes at each pass. Perspiration oozed from the collar of his scabious headdress as he [more…]
Thresher sullenly pushed a broom across the dining room floor, broken crockery and shards of glass clinking as he shuffled along. Tiny fragments and splinters littered every nook and cranny, glinting and winking under cabinets [more…]
Slouching wearily in an uncomfortable wooden chair, Seumas Milne stared vacantly at the faded orange Formica clock on the kitchen wall. It read three thirty two. It had read three thirty two since the year [more…]
Fifteen of them stood in a line in the muddy light of the drawing room. Fifteen desolate specimens of humanity clad in grimy, beige sweatshirts and stained jogging bottoms. Fifteen of them with their hands [more…]
IT had been a particularly joyless summer day at Pyewacket Hall. A feverish, boiling heat had beaten down relentlessly upon its ancient, moss-flecked granite walls. Pristine lawns had been turned to yellow scrub and vivid [more…]
Ah mind aboot a yeer ago gettin’ sackondet tae Balmoaral coaz hoff tha royal prateckshun c**ts were aff fer a hale week wi’ tha wild s**tes they goat fae a roatten chinky they ordahed in [more…]
Ah feel pure soarry fer that Borash Johnston c**t. Tha poor bastert’s goat anuff oan his plate bein’ prime menashtah an’ aw that sh*te withoot some judge c**t pure gie’n him it tight. Ah mind [more…]
I’d like to open proceedings with a confession: I have never before in my life written a travel piece with even the faintest modicum of honesty or integrity. The truth of the matter is that [more…]
In the year of our Lord 2002, a remarkable young soldier by the name of Roderick James Nugent Stewart took some good old fashioned shooting leave in Afghanistan. Upon his return to Britain, he documented [more…]
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