Having cast a critical eye over the Conference speech of one Bodybags I feel justice can only be served if I do the same to the leader of the Conservative Party making her pitch for our votes. You can call her Bad Enoch, Badenough, Kemi Khazi, the Nigerian scammer or we could just settle for anchor baby, a title she detests so I will use it. I know her birth was registered here but it doesn’t prove she was born here, it only proves she was registered here. Nigerians have scam after scam. I registered two children here around that time (1980 and 1983) and all you had to do was rock up and tell them what you were calling the baby, who the parents were and so on. As far as I know, they didn’t check any of it but then why should they, we were in general honest in those days. Didn’t even have to make an appointment with the registrar like you do these days.
According to some god-forsaken poll, Olukemi Olefunto Adegoke has got good poll ratings. The Tories love her. I dispute that, I cannot abide the woman. She has the hectoring character of a second rate teacher and I feel she falls into the Bodybags trap of telling people what she thinks what they want to hear. There are old videos of her proclaiming she is a Nigerian and even one where she claims she was born in Nigeria but with AI these days you can never be sure. My terrible fear, and it sometimes keeps me awake at night, is that she will somehow get the keys to number 10 and then import Nigerians by the million. They are her people but most are either scammers or useless, often both.
As a prelude to the contents of her speech and a few other points, I have to say that much of it sounds good to an ear on the right side (see what I did there) of the political divide but the Tories had 14 years (well 9 if you exclude the coalition) to make all these changes and did precisely none of them. Ever since CallMeDave (piss be upon him) imported lorry loads of LibDems to be Tory candidates, the Tory party has been in no way shape or form, conservative. Lest it be forgotten, Liz Truss used to be a LibDum and look what happened to her. Perhaps you have to be the right kind of LibDum.
Without further speculation, let’s take a look at her big talking points (no pun intended).
Number 1, though it was mentioned before the big speech, has to be the “Iron Dome”. The anchor baby has taken umbrage at “Iron Dome”. She prefers “The Britannia Shield”. This is allegedly inspired by the Israeli version, I believe the Donald calls his the “Golden Dome”. It seems the gap toothed one cannot answer any detailed questions on said defence plan. It will supposedly cost £10 billion (pull the other one, times 6 at least) and she cannot say what it will defend us against or how it will work. Even in general terms she does not have a clue. Back of a fag packet stuff and you would think she would be better briefed before announcing it. As for funding, all manner of savings from Foreign Aid and so on but we all know she will not be allowed to reduce any of that. Did I mention I can’t abide the woman.
Now we come to the speech itself. The big talking point was changes to Inheritance tax. There won’t be any on the family home and you can leave another £1 million tax free to your family. A welcome, if not Nobsore-ish, move. As Jenrick pointed out, it affects relatively few people and he would prefer to raise the personal tax allowance to ease the pain for many more people.
The Battle with Labour will be an ideological one, a battle for the soul of the nation. You will pay more and more tax, unless you are on bennies of course, and you will be hard pressed to survive. I am also unsure how many new converts she will get with this.
ReformUK came in for a bashing, mostly in Nigel Farage’s direction. She wants Reform voters to return to the fold of the Tories. Good luck with that, there is a reason they left the Tories and a few weasel words from the anchor baby will not fix that. People have long memories when they have been let down so badly.
As if to answer my previous point, Badenough says the Tories are now the “no drama” Party and the “plots and infighting” of the last Tory administration are gone. The Tories now claim to be the “no nonsense” Party she said claiming the Tories have now undergone a rebrand. Honestly you just can’t make this nonsense up. Never ever trust a Tory.
We now come to an anti-Braverman tilt. Suella claims that non white people brought up in England cannot be considered English. The anchor baby is furious claiming “this is not who we are” and she doesn’t want to tell her children they are not English. I shall nod from a distance.
The tit whisperer and the Green vote that equates Zionism with racism gets both Bad Enoch barrels. She says this is disgraceful anti-semitism and it is hard to disagree. The Greens shot themselves in the foot with this one but seriously, if you were thinking of voting green, would you switch and vote Tory ? I think not.
She then turned to the National Debt stating that it is the source of all our problems. We are running out of money and running out of time. You do not need a crystal ball to divine this but how are you going to fix it. I was expecting to hear some Abbopotomus style economics such as borrowing £3 trillion to pay it off but no it was just a lament.
We need economic growth and she singled out Heathrow’s third runway and drilling for fossil fuels in the North Sea. We need the North Sea oil and gas though does Thiefrow need to get any bigger.
She promised to scrap every job killing measure in Labour’s Employment Rights Act and cut the jobs tax of the increases in NI.
Welfare was a place she foundered. OK we need to reduce the bill but a pre paid back to work card and stopping people on bennies spending the money on gambling, booze and fags seems highly optimistic, didn’t they have vouchers in the US that everybody cashed at a dodgy corner shop ? We are not short of corner shops and many are well dodgy.
On defence she has no idea, her Britannia Shield will cost mega bucks and while opting for 3% spending by 2030, there is very little in the way of a roadmap on how to achieve it. She has a few things she can theoretically remove such as foreign aid but she is now doing Labour’s trick of using those savings multiple times for all of her pledges. Reverting to Liz Truss for a minute, unfunded tax cuts and the interest rates on borrowing are what officially did for her. Both major parties are now making unfunded promise after unfunded promise yet the press are not calling for heads to roll. 5.25% interest rates killed Liz, 6% under Labour is not even being mentioned. As for unfunded, the list is endless. It was a coup executed by journalists who all piled in.
There was a pledge to create 50,000 more prison places. This seems as fanciful as the rest of her speech. No doubt the seals clapped. It has the smell of Crayons’ boast of building 1.5 million homes in this parliament and that is failing miserably. There was also no mention of how it was going to be paid for. 20 to 50 new prisons don’t come cheap.
Finally she exclaimed that public sector workers are not the enemy saying they had been let down by the system. I beg to differ, probably over 90% are our enemy and need replacing.
The sight of Jeremy Clarkson and his sidekick Charlie Ireland at the Tory conference raised a few eyebrows but they were never likely to appear at the Labour conference were they.
This then was the anchor baby’s gambit to increase the Tory vote and win back those who have deserted to Reform and the unmentioned Restore or just can’t bring themselves to put an X by the name of the Tory. All in all I think she failed miserably. Nobody will be swayed by such a list of promises, all of which they could have done while in office but chose not to. Like I said, I cannot abide the woman and I reckon few who deserted the Tories, mainly because they are no longer conservatives, will be returning any time soon. Regardless of the opinion polls, she is not going to get the keys to Number 10 anytime soon.
© well_chuffed 2026
