Being a bit of an eejit I decided to see what the New Year’s speeches from the various leaders were about. Not very inspiring in general I am afraid to say. I looked at 5 of them, well four and a bit to be truthful. I couldn’t bring myself to watch more than a snippet of NHRN appearing on the crisp salesman’s podcast. In terms of time spent these are the results
- Reform > 5 minutes
- Spanner 2 minutes 40 seconds
- Anchor Baby 1 minute 13 seconds
- Ed Davey just over 1 minute
- David Paulden 35 minutes talking to Gary the Liniker
So what did they talk about, all very dreary and much use of the word change.
Farage fronted the Reform offering looking suitably serious as he spelled out what we are in for in 2026. He started off with summarising the gloomy space we presently occupy apportioning blame to both Tories and Labour emphasising if you vote for either of them it will be more of the same. He called up our history when we single handedly stopped the Atlantic slave trade and promised history would be taught correctly in school under a Reform government. He also called out Spanner for allowing councils to suspend elections on either a whim, or fear of getting walloped by Reform. He ended up by saying Reform are the last chance to save the country and it is hard to disagree with him there. This assumes he doesn’t do a Fat Turk in office and sit around doing very little.
Spanner did the Labour version. It was a bit strange because he was wearing a black shirt. It’s a good job Ken Leninspart wasn’t around to give him a little lecture along the lines of I’ll tell you who else used to wear a shirt that colour. He emphasised how tough life is and things will get better because of the choices Labour have made. The man really is a plank. He claimed people will have hope, we will have more Plod by March, Energy Bills will be down, decline will be reversed and renewal will be our strength. A complete load of old codswallop and non-stop lies to boot. Surely even Labour voters don’t believe that, he didn’t look like he believed it himself.
Now we come to the anchor baby, Olukemi Badenough, and in her short address she said there is a lot to look forward to. Last year we had no growth and record unemployment. Things can only get better (where have we heard that before) and her team is working on a plan to deliver Nirvana. Yet more twaddle and BS, she has been on about formulating policy since she got the leader’s job, little sign of any progress.
Ed “the clown” Davey gave the shortest address though he managed to fit quite a lot into those 60 odd seconds. He is proud of what his LibDems have achieved over the past year. One of those was the record breaking success in those local elections that were allowed to proceed. He also claimed that banning puppy smuggling (I kid you not) and planning to get us back in a Customs Union with the EU were also his achievements. No wonder he rides a hobby horse. For the coming year he will be fighting to end the cost of living crisis, protecting the environment, fixing rNHS and social care, standing up to Donald Trump and Elon Musk and taking the fight to Nigel Farage and winning. In short he says we can win for Britain and stop Trump’s America becoming Farage’s Britain. The man is utterly doolally, no wonder he talks twaddle, there is not much room left in his head when Trump, Musk and Farage are occupying the space.
Finally Zack (NHRN David Paulden) Polanksi talking for over half an hour to Gary Lineker on the crisp salesman’s own podcast though he may share it with some other reprobates. I managed to find a snippet of it and that was all I could stomach, how on earth does AWS manage to watch QT – it is more than I could do. The grinning halfwit Paulden with his designer missing tooth really grinds my gears. I suspect it was the usual mutual bum licking, probably no wiping, hand wringing empathy for all the wrong ‘uns in this world and all the problems in it could be cured by taxing the billionaires. I am reminded that the UN boss recently said to Elon for $6 billion we could fix world hunger. Elon said fine, I’ll give you the money tomorrow but it has to be audited. He has heard no more since. It is not only Somalis who are scamming.
© well_chuffed 2026
