Simon Dawson / No10 Downing Street, OGL 3, via Wikimedia Commons
In a par for the course move our beloved Prime Minister disappointed just about everyone in the country bar Fatty whose site is still obsessed with SpAds. There we were licking our lips in anticipation of useless ministers getting the chop and it was a nothing burger. All the rumours were pointing to a ministerial reshuffle and what did we get, nothing of the sort. Just a bunch of backroom boys and girls playing musical chairs.
Not for us the sight of Robber Reeves leaving Number 11 in floods of tears, no sign of the Pixie Balls being comforted by her old man on ITV’s GMB sofa, the world’s best cure for insomnia. No sign of that dreadful woman at the Department of Education disappearing into the sunset or even the Tottenham Turnip picking up his P45. The only tears were ours on finding out that once again we had been robbed.
Rumours abound that next week there will be a reshuffle of some junior ministerial positions. The problem there is that many of us couldn’t name all the members of the Cabinet. The junior ranks are chocka with unknowns and what fun is there watching someone you have never heard of getting the chop. It’s not exactly panes et circenses is it.
Let us try and find something juicy in the comings and going of the SpAds. No doubt Fatty has bummed the story to death but there may be a few shreds left over, anyway who frequents the fat tart’s site these days. The story goes that Morgan McSweeney, Keith’s Chief of Staff, is behind all these moves.
In the milieu that is the Chancellor’s fiefdom Torsten Bell(end) MP had already been moved in to the Treasury team. Following Rachel from Complaints mismanaging the economy it is rumoured he will be making the decisions with Rachel reduced to reading from a script. It won’t be an improvement, the Bellend’s MO is if it moves tax it, if it doesn’t tax it until it does. Dan Tomlinson MP, a right lefty, is going to be the Exchequer Secretary. One of both of those will be working to oust Rachel and take over.
The major competition to our dear leader comes from our Ange and Wes Streeting. In what may be a warning shot, Streeting’s boyfriend, Joe Dancey a man who could not even get elected at Stockton West in Labour’s landslide, was the Labour Party’s Communications Director. Joe was spectacularly unsuccessful directing communications and has eventually fallen on his sword.
In the field of Communications directing Labour have been poorly served. This was where Alastair Campbell ruled supreme during Satan Blair’s rule of terror. How times change. James Lyons, the Strategic Communications Director has quit after a year. Tim Allan who earlier worked for Campbell is in but is reputed to be a most unpopular chap.
In Keith’s team there have been additions. Baroness Minouche Shafik is going to be his economics advisor, Dan York-Smith has been moved from he Treasury and is going to be his Principal Private Secretary. Perhaps Keith is blaming his shockingly poor performance on his advisors and has decided to either replace or augment them. Darren Jones MP is now Chief Secretary to the PM and will be a member of the Cabinet. His remit is to be in charge of the PM’s day to day delivery of his priorities, a nonsense job description if I have ever heard one. What a job Keith’s only priority is clinging on to his job under sustained pressure from his adversaries, the chief one being Crayons, If ever there was a case of Dunning Kruger writ large it is our Ange.
The story is that the dear leader spent all summer chewing the cud over the SpAds and kept dragging them to Chequers for long discussions about the future. It is simple to predict that this reset/reshuffle will not make any difference and the ship is still headed for the rocks. One of the few who had advance notice of these comings and goings explained that “This is about bringing in the grown-ups”. FFS they said that when Labour took power and look how that turned out. Keith is now raving about Phase 2 of his government. Some churlish commentators have listed the 22 previous resets that have happened in 14 months, none of which improved anything. And there we were thinking that the Caledonian Cyclops was the reset King.
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