Some Puffins may have dim & distant memories of learning their ABCs by rote, both at home & at primary skool.
Which is E X A C T L Y why they’re so confused & in consequence unsuited for the brave new modern world.
But fear not !!!!!!!!!!!! GP is here to learn you yor revised & updated ABCs.
Lets start with A
A is for Albaphobia
By blaming Whitey for everything – you can relax into a soporific stupor of legitimised racist hatred. Every instance of crime, disorder, injustice and those horrid attempts to employ people on the basis of competence can all be dismissed as the evil project of Mr and Mrs White, who must never ever have any more children again.
B is for Brave
See also – ‘stunning’. Any noteworthy attempt on the life of your national culture is ‘brave’, along with acts of public depravity, dancing sexually whilst obese, and gluing your arse to a highway to save the planet.
C is for Covid
A classic case of the cure being worse than the disease, Covid was the excuse for flushing all our ancient liberties down the toilet, whilst printing more money than ever to hand to the friends of the people who locked you up for a cold. A fair price to pay for the destruction of society, Covid occasioned the invention of novel new injections, which have become the leading cause of tragic coincidence, See also : unexpected, & sudden.
D is for Diversity
Diversity is a spectrum disorder which is described as flourishing health. It includes the wilful destruction of traditional family values and the tolerance of the organised sexual exploitation of your children by ethnic groups and men dressed as women.
E is for Environment
We must commit suicide in order to save the planet, but not before we have paid more taxes to change the weather. Pay absolutely no attention to those billions of plastic face masks in the ocean, nor to members of the political class incessantly screeching about hyperbolic increases in sea level whilst purchasing extremely agreeable beachside properties located in gated communities.
F is for Factism
To notice the facts is to ‘do a factism’. Factists base their worldview on observation and evidence – like crime statistics and medical coincidence – and are therefore dangerous extremists dedicated to an ideology of hate. C’mon Man…………those people who censor your opinions, dismantle your nations, and permit crimes against you on the basis of your identity are only defending you from yourself.
G is for Government
Government is a long running Netflix series featuring improbable minority figures in positions of power. Each new season brings a new lineup, but none of the plot twists ever involve doing a single thing to help the nation and its people.
H is for Healthy At Every Size
The obese are not merely stunning and brave – they are also healthy and beautiful. You have been brainwashed by classical art into thinking otherwise. Wake up !!!
I is for Ideology
A kind of drug which delivers its users into a permanent fit of righteous insanity, ideology makes a virtue of every vice these days. Locking people up in front of screens broadcasting this phantasmagoria of mostly peaceful sectarian revenge fantasies has had the unusual effect of sending a lot of people crackers.
J is for Justice
The instrument of justice is the hammer, as any old statue knows. Fire is also just, along with shoplifting, street robbery and destroying the lives of anyone who disagrees with you. Who decides what is just? Satan, apparently. The pinnacle of justice is the worship of criminals, before whom the unjust must prostrate themselves..
K is for Kneel
All loyal Party members kneel on camera to show who is right, not what is true. The facts are only important to factists, who may make the troubling assertion that the law – any law – no longer applies to brown people, because that would be *clears throat* racist.
L is for Love is Love
Why not marry yourself – or your own son? That’s right, bigot. To love-is-lovers, all is love. Just ask that dog which mysteriously contracted rectal monkeypox. There are literally no brakes on the love train. Check your local school or library for details.
M is for Minor Attracted Persons
Who are you to judge where Cupid’s arrows fall? Persons who simply love children suffer terrible discrimination in our white, heteronormative culture of hate. If kids can consent to life destroying surgery and hormone treatment, they can decide for themselves who to love, bigot.
N is for Not Who We Are
Whenever Freedom ‘n’ Democracy™ is threatened by an outbreak of sanity, we are told that this is Not Who We Are. If you find yourself unsettled by the rollercoaster decline of our civilisation, you may not be Who You Are, and will require Diversity and Inclusion Education (DIE) immediately.
O is for Our Values
Our Values = Who We Are. Rainbow flags. No white people in adverts (or job interviews) or school photos. Indoctrination. Prosecution for tweets. Dangerous injections. No central heating. Legalised crime for protected groups. Open borders. Noticing things is racist. You got a licence for that opinion?
P is for Privilege
Obeying the law, driving responsibly, having a job and not casually stabbing people are all signs you may be haunted by the ghost of White Privilege. This spectre must be exorcised by the removal of all your actual privileges, legal and otherwise. For justice. For someone. Just not you. (obvs)
Q is for Quantitative Easing
Stupid people think that some things – like the economy – are difficult to understand. Wrong. All you need is a very big printer so you never ever run out of money. Hey presto! Everyone is rich! Paper millionaires will be created every day, whilst you sell yourself for a tin of sardines.
R is for Replacement
This is a racist paranoid fantasy fuelled by trying to book a room at any 5* hotel in GB & I.
S is for Sustainable Development
Also known as ‘Net Zero’, which describes exactly what portion of life will be worth living in the great Green future. This involves handing your money to people who build ugly windmills, the wearing of jumpers, and a sudden descent into post-apocalyptic warlordism in the suburbs.
T is for Toxic Masculinity
Men who are capable of protecting their children must be demonised. Source – people who resemble demons.
U is for Unvaccinated
The moral duty of all citizens is to lose control of their minds and their emotions on command. Persons who declined to do this are known as ‘hysteria hesitant’ or ‘nutcase refuseniks’. The unvaccinated are those whose stubborn refusal to follow the science has made their case 100% safe and effective.
V is for Victory
When you abandon a country left in smoking ruins it is victory. When you arm and strengthen your enemies, you have conquered. When palletloads of cash have vanished into a black hole, along with hundreds of millions worth of weapons, that is victory. Winning is for losers. We have an unbroken record of victory going back to 1956 and we are not going to stop now we are on the verge of being complicit in destroying the entire Western world. Our biggest victory yet !
W is for Weimar
Put down that wheelbarrow. You know you’ll be much more comfortable with a CBDC chip and an allotted monthly UBI imbedded in your arm
X is for Xe, Xey, Xem
Coming to an email signature near you. Pronouns are another signal – like kneeling, masks and Current Thing badges – to let others know you are a self centred, conceited halfwit whose mind has been destroyed by the internet.
Y is for Your Truth
Who really thinks reality is real? Idiots, that’s who. There is only Your Truth, your values, your medication, your durable delusions, your uncontrollable emotions over imaginary problems.
Z is for Zygote
When does life begin? If you are Jacinda Ardern, almost never, as abortion in NZ is legal until the moment of birth. Destroying unborn life is the pinnacle of Liberal Democracy, and it is for rights like this that we should all be proud to freeze this winter.
© DJM 2023