Rwendland, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Watching Bodybags making his first speech at Conference as leader I was reminded of a famous quote attributed to George Burns. “Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made”. After Bodybags started blubbing on about me ma and me da I was almost reduced to vomiting. The audience lapped it up. The other place had an article about a left wing activist group who said they could now disband since all their (wet) dreams had come true. I don’t really believe them, being activists is their grift.
So what did the actor say that caused such an outpouring of devotion. Boiled down it was all the things the audience wanted to hear, he has form for telling people what they want to hear, very little in the way of detail because that is where the devil resides and as for paying for it all, huh. There is probably not enough money in the country to pay for all his ambitions. Even a 100% tax on everything probably wouldn’t suffice. Expect a soak the billionaires campaign sometime soon.
Firstly we come to the National Care Service or whatever he chooses to call it. Wonderful they say but number 10 (the one in’t South) later had to say it would only provide for personal care rather than providing the buildings to house all these fortunate pensioners. The lowest estimate for this is £18.5 billion but as sure as night follows day, you can be certain it will be much more than that. In fact I don’t think they have even defined what personal care is. Could it be Zack Polanksi’s granny getting her bum wiped. Old Zack is pretty obsessed with wiping bums, whatever could that mean. I rather suspect it is some kind of deal for care staff, just about all of whom will have to be imported and we know what the current crop is like. Lazy and feckless and counting down the days until the end of their five years when they will be allowed to stay and do what they like.
The eyebrows also announced an end to the triple lock for pensioners, it will be down to a double lock and there will be many changes to many definitions. This however will not happen until 2030 and many are forecasting they won’t really save a penny, so much for paying for part of the National Care Service from the triple lock savings. A primary school class would have a better grasp of economics than this shower.
For me one of the most contentious points is Electoral Reform and the introduction of a PR system. Whatever system they choose and all of them are bad, it will ensure nothing but coalitions in the future. The LibDems will be creaming their jeans, it is their holy grail. First past the post has given us various governments, none of them great but coalitions are a recipe for disaster. CallMeDave ran his coalition with the LibDems and the LibDems were allowed to step out of line in ways a Tory would not have been. I am not sure a Labour government would be so forgiving. The objective of course is to ensure Reform will never be able to form a government, this may be somewhat well received in the shell like of a certain Nigel Farage who has been proving reluctant to head in the direction of Number 10. Of course there will be a National Commission to investigate, deliberate and report; that will take ages. If they do somehow wangle a changeover to PR we can expect to see the LibDems in coalition in every future government and an even bigger shambles in Westminster than we have now.
One of the more popular promised policies was closer ties to the EU. Bodybags quoted Nobsore’s desire to get back in the customs union, others liked the sound of rejoining the EU. As has been pointed out the EU we left has moved on and if we want to rejoin a punishment beating will be administered along with adopting the Euro and becoming part of Schengen. When the Grocer signed us up on January 1st 1973 he got a really awful deal, many have claimed this was because his homosexuality and possibly his tastes were well known to the Erics. It took Maggie to go to Brussels with handbag swinging for us to get any kind of rebates. Labour will be so desperate to rejoin they will sign up to anything. The story that we are lagging behind the growth of the EU is a complete fallacy, it is the other way round but Bodybags lies through his teeth about this blaming Brexit for our admitted sluggish growth, but that of the EU is worse. An update beckons: the Militwat whose constituency voted 71% to leave is fully in favour of rejoining while Shabana Mahmood has hinted to “friends” that she does not want the Brexit question to be revisited. Time for some red on red methinks.
The spectre of nationalisation raised its ugly head again. He wants to allow water to be nationalised again and to be fair, I never saw the point of privatising it. Our Andeh also wants to create a Great British Grid. Surely we pay enough green taxes to the energy companies, they could rebuild the grid. It will go the same way as British Energy, it will cost a lot of money and do precisely nothing.
And finally after apparently giving up on her written in blood promise to build 1.5 million new homes over the five year Parliament, Crayons has now decided to steal them from others. The councils are going to be allowed to take over houses that have been empty for 6 months rather than the present 2 year limit. As usual details are sparse at best. It seems they can be taken over and rented for up to seven years. The original owner will still own the place but presumably any rent that is paid will go to the council. Good luck with that, most people will not pay and then you can’t get them out and so on. No mention of any repairs or maintenance, presumably that will be down to the owner. It is a dog’s breakfast, probate can last well over 6 months and as far as I can tell probate is mainly the taxman checking if he can squeeze a few more pips out of your estate.
Such are the pipe dreams of our Prime Minister and the harridan Rayner. Has there ever been such a load of hype with no prospect of improving the country. What he didn’t say was just as important. No mention of deficits, boats or immigrants other than the implicit thought that Labour want more of all three. I see something of a continuity Starmer, both he and our Andeh want to implement the German Democratic Republic here replete with secret police and informers who had quotas of the number of people they were expected to shop. I have seen reports that he has one way or another decided to spend north of £230 billion that we don’t have, those reports say this will mean another 3% on income tax. Every month the government spends billions it does not have and this just goes on our over £3 trillion debt. The IMF will be knocking on the door soon. Labour always end up at the IMF and they still keep wanting to spend more and more. They are all insane.
© well_chuffed 2026
