A Homage to Pam Ayres & ‘Surgically enhanced’.

I’m goin’ to have a sex-change:
I know it’s for the best.
I’ll have two smooth, proud, round bosoms,
Not a spotty, hairy, chest…

So it’s Goodbye, Willy, you must leave me,
Slightly sad to see you go.
Good bye Willy, don’t bereave me,
For you’re off soon, don’t you know?
Goodbye, tighty-whities, farewell facial hair,
For I’m off, off, off to see the Surgeon,
And I just don’t care!

I’ve already got two nipples
So I’ve made a kind of start;
They’ll put me on some hormones
That’ll help me look the part.

My fat will get located
To my bottom, cheeks and hips;
My legs will get less hairy
And I’ll learnto paint my lips.

The surgery’s quite painful –
Or so I have  been told –
They slice bits off, and tuck things in,
And make a kind of fold…

A bit like Origami
That Oriental art.
I’ll sit instead of standing..
Nor sit with legs apart.

My movements must be decorous,
My walk short steps, not strides.
There’s heaps of things to learn now –
New Colours (loads besides!):

There’s ‘Taupe’, ‘Ecru’ and ‘Russet’
There’s ‘hemline’, ‘pin-tuck’, ‘dart’
There’s ‘Camisole’ and ‘Corset’
And ‘Gusset, for a start.

I’ll be a modest ‘B; cup,
For double-D seems cheap
And besides, I’m told they’re heavy,
And can impede your sleep.

I’ll throw out my pyjamas,
And get a Negligee.
‘A Baby-doll? ‘I wondered,
But my mirror said ‘No way!’

With Janet Reger’s satin-
Plain and simple, quite strait-laced –
I plan to look just pretty,
Yet demure, and very chaste:

But with straps that keep on slipping
Despite my careful hooking,
‘Cause that way, as I ease them up,
I’ll get the men all looking!

My ‘VPL’ in pencil-skirts,
Suspender-bumps just showing,
Will make them wonder what’s beneath,
And get their red blood flowing.

I’ll walk without a wiggle,
Just a tantalising sway;
With shoulders back and tummy in,
I’ll clip along the way.

I shan’t mind if they whistle
Or say ‘Phwoar – she’s a looker!’
But I’ll toss my head and glare at them
If anyone shouts ‘Hooker!’

So it’s ‘goodbye, Willy, you must leave me
I’ll be sad to see you go.
Goodbye Willy, do believe me
That you’re off soon, don’t you know.
Goodbye to my string-vest, farewell facial hair.
For I’m off, off, off to be Transgendered,
And I just don’t care!

 

© Jethro 2025