Biography
Articles by DH
Conservatives
The Changing of the Guard
Lord Cameron gazed giddily around his office, a look of wonder playing over his bubblegum pink visage. ‘I must say you have completely and utterly exceeded my expectations,’ he gushed. ‘If I was still in [more…]
Fiction
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
The haggard, ruddy-faced detective sighed heavily as he groped across the table for the tape machine. He hit a button and began speaking in the weary, nicotine-and-vodka drenched tones of a man resigned to keeling [more…]
Conservatives
The glorious return of David Cameron
“Seriously Gidders, you should have seen the bloody state of it,” brayed Lord David Cameron, swinging his JM Weston brogues up onto the desk. “An absolute bloody farce. I was half expecting that Jeremy Beagle [more…]
Literature
A High Profile Arrest in Scotland
F**k’s sake. Just back fae a dissaplinary heerin’ wi’ a pair ae complete f**kin’ c**ts frae tha profeshnul standards dapartment. It wis aboot f**kin’ hee haw an’ aw. A pure waste ae polis time ovah [more…]
Fiction
Harry and Willyam
Ah’m sick tae f**kin’ death ae hearin’ aboot aw thess Harry and Willyam pish. Ah’ve bin puttin’ up wi’ their s***e since they were weans an iss away’s thah same f**kin story. Ah mind wance [more…]
Fiction
Eternal Drudgery
Ostensibly, it appeared to be a significant improvement on Larkin’s usual choice of hostelry. Outside, there was no gaggle of wizened, gimlet-eyed daytime drinkers sucking on Superkings and grunting incomprehensibly at one another. There was [more…]
Fiction
The Making of a Mercenary
This was, thought Merritt, absolutely bloody typical of Larkin. The place was a dizzying carousel of gigantic, deafening televisions blaring out conflicting commentaries on horse racing and football, the bleeping and blinking of garish slot [more…]
Fiction
Die Straße
IT looked like it might once have been a bank. But then again it could just as easily have been a particularly upmarket haberdashery store back in the days of bone tape measures and black [more…]