We are fed our daily corn and we are sated and to be honest, most of us act like the farm bred chickens that we are, as is our clucking and pecking, and oh god we peck-peck-peck at the chicken wire like we’ve been taught that in chicken school.
It’s six o’clock in the evening, the telly-feeder makes rapturous applause and the golden kibbley goodness comes a-tumbling down all evening – praise be to the wondrous corn that lets us roam free within the carefully orchestrated wired fence, unlike the pigs and the goats, inshallah, those that are free to roam outside without any violation and repercussions of corn hate crime.
Oh, wondrous ting. We are clucking happy, we applaud, we are distracted momentarily by the wily Sly presenter with the brown mane that’s sneering at us. Sneering at us a lot if I think back, since the last corn harvest when Theresa got a little frisky with Cock-A-Herman-Rompuy.
We don’t mean malice, we don’t know of any difference, we simply act the way we are programmed to be, according to our faithful night-time nanny companions, such as See Hen Hen TV.
If Jeremy Chicken gives us today more grain than was promised by David MayDuck, who said he would give us our daily EU bread and forgive us our daily UKIPness, then we will cluck and wiggle and applaud him.
Sadly, the Sky fox has entered the coup unannounced, and there’s no Tory farmer to help or represent us.
Most of the hens rushed back to the coup in fear of the aggressive advances of the African Swans, and don’t care as long as there is our daily grain, and forgiveness from weevils, that apparently infest the latest Islington grain banks, for Jeremy vine is the king dong, needs a shower, and the gory…
But those middle-lake, swarmy, farm-reared, genetically engineered corn-fed swans that have no real experience of life on the lake, simply do what they want, to take more from the lake than they need, just to stop all other brown, ugly swans from living in harmony with the rest.
They want you foul outliers to capitulate. They have the chickens, they’re no problem. It’s the agitators like you. If you could only be quiet, then things would go swimmingly for the Sky Reynards.
© Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs 2018
David Dimbleby chairs the debate from Cannock.
On the panel are Conservative MP and secretary of state for Northern Ireland Karen Bradley, shadow treasury minister Clive Lewis MP, the managing director of the supermarket chain Iceland, Richard Walker, former president of the John Lewis Partnership Council and former chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission Trevor Phillips, and journalist and presenter on talkRadio Julia Hartley-Brewer.
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