If our traitorous, gurning, cowardly, yet ruthless and self serving hag of a Prime Minister passes this farce of a withdrawal agreement through parliament, then I would expect there to be either: civil unrest/rioting, civil war or a revolution. The French recently and usually show many other countries how to do an effective, noisy and disruptive process. We may have to learn a few things from them, as much as it pains me to say, as an ardent leave supporter.
In the case of a revolution, here is what I think would happen if the Going Postal puffins lead it or took an active part in running it.
Revolution – The Puffins Revolt
Swiss Bob and 1642again would obviously be the leaders of the fight/revolt. Hogz would help us puffins win the internet and meme war, along with Jonathan Davies. Hogz would also play his triangle and motivate the troops. Rotherhampoofta would lead the actual fighting (he can use his camper van as an armoured assault vehicle, with plenty of modifications). Along with RP’s van, Wooshy will use his truck to help lead a blockade of London and various other cities across the country.
MiddleEarthBarbie will be on the radio encouraging and supporting any puffins going in to fight. Sarah Louise can also help inside London as well. The puffins will need all the no nonsense women they can find to motivate them and give them a good kick up the arse!
Judas Was Paid to help cook food for the puffins, this will always be delicious. Delivering much needed supplies by plane will be Burntout Aussie, his sense of humour will cheer any puffin up who feeling despondent in these dark times. He will also deliver Judas’s food which will refuel and replenish the resistance.
After many weeks of protests and civil unrest, the army lead by retired generals and officers, will declare they are backing the puffins and patriots. This will disgust the current leadership of the armed forces and in response will call on the other EU armies to suppress the British Army and the puffins. This will be personally asked by our current Prime Minister. Other EU armies will be quickly deployed to stop the British Army from killing the traitorous member of the Houses of Parliaments and to help kill any protesters, thus causing more unrest.
Armed patriots will form militias to protect any leave supporting areas and people. Outposts across the country, mainly in rural areas and outside the cities will be blockaded by leave supporting puffins, as fortresses of patriots and anti establishment supporters. Militia patrols will guard the safe havens to stop any police and foreign troops from clearing out the areas.
President Trump will offer support to the leave supporting resistance and the British Army and will supply weapons, which will be dropped in by the United States Air Force. He won’t put troops on the ground as he promised to avoid any foreign wars. This will then cause the establishment to have yet another meltdown relating to him, causing them to go insane yet again. This will then lead to a scorched Earth strategy by the establishment, which will not work, thus giving the puffins and Army opportunity to strike and defeat the foreign armies and traitorous powers that be. Parliament and Whitehall will then be invaded and taken over by the resistance and the armed forces and then the swamp will begin to be drained.
After the Revolution – Swamp Draining
New snap elections will be held after the revolution and new parties and many independent politicians will stand, including some of our very own puffins.
Seeing as Swiss Bob and 1642again have run previous Going Postal parties at the marvellous brewery, with much success. It shows they, unlike most of the Common Purpose infected public sector can literally manage a piss up in a brewery. Seeing as they can do that, I think they would be excellent candidates for actually running the government. Most importantly though, they actually back the democratic decision to leave the EU and respect democracy. I think 1642again would be an excellent Prime Minister and be a new Lord Protector for the modern era. His articles articulating would happen if he were to run the country are excellent templates for draining the swamp. Swiss Bob, would be an excellent chairman of the new party leading the country, taking an active, yet behind the scenes approach to running things and keeping everyone in line.
After the general election, 1642again becomes Prime Minister and installs a new cabinet full of puffins.
OldTrout, being an expert at maths, would obviously be an excellent choice for Chancellor of the Exchequer, or if she doesn’t want the job, I thing Euseless would be a very good second choice, seeing as he worked in finance around the world, or he could be the business secretary, whatever he fancies really.
In my opinion, the obvious choice for Home Secretary would be Rick. He can lead with the expulsion of many MP’s, the list is frankly too long to write down on here. He can also deport and expel any Islamic terrorists, as well as any sympathisers. After the expulsions, he will then create a very long no fly list for people from various countries. This will obviously include people financing terrorism and many hostile politicians, including Angela Merkel, Emmanuel Macron, Jean Claude Juncker, Guy Verhofstat and Leo Varadkar. There will also be a new immigration system put into place, based on job demand, similar to Australia’s visa system and will be adjusted accordingly as and when there are demands for various occupations. This will end mass immigration of unskilled workers and migrants who will not integrate and only live off welfare.
MiddleEarthBarbie, from her eloquent phone ins to LBC and Jon Gaunt would make a wonderful and charming Foreign Secretary. She can also help out with any negotiations, with her quietly no nonsense approach. However I don’t think there will be any negotiations after the revolution, as we will have repealed the withdrawal agreement, which wasn’t signed by the Queen, as it didn’t get to her before the puffins and people revolted. She wouldn’t have signed it anyway, if she had any say in it. After repealing the withdrawal agreement, the new government told the EU, goodbye and good riddance, leaving them to go bankrupt without our £39 billion bailout. She will also improve relations with our oldest allies in the Commonwealth, Australia, New Zealand and the United States, with President Trump in charge. I am sure MEB and The Donald will get on magnificently. As the Foreign Secretary, she will also demand that the Foreign Aid Department be scrapped, apart from dealing with genuine emergencies, such as floods and wildfires and not be used to bribe corrupt politicians, who will then use the money to buy expensive cars. This will obviously be accepted with much joy and be supported across the country, apart from a few metropolitan champagne socialists.
Blown Periphery, with his excellent knowledge of the military and history, would be a good candidate for defence secretary. Although there are many ex military puffins, I think he would be the perfect candidate, due to his knowing of how the military works and his deep knowledge of history, as his articles prove regularly.
Sheffieldbird will be an excellent Health Secretary having worked as an actual nurse! She can identify any wastage and flush it out, thus reducing the stress and workload of the staff. She can also make all the useless, self serving managers and equality and diversity staff redundant. No one will miss them, so screw them!
The Justice Secretary would be Bob Crow. He will lead a reform of the justice system, by jailing and firing any Common Purpose members from the justice and police system. He, along with Rick will reintroduce the death penalty, for various offences including, murder, child abuse, committing acts of terrorism and most importantly treason! This will lead to most of parliament and ex MPs being jailed and eventually executed, preferably in the most painful way possible. Bob will also help out if he so wishes, along with many other puffins.
Education Secretary could be Katabasis as he works in academia and knows how deep the rot is in our education system. He will have a very tough job on his hands to purge the education sector of lefties and softies. If he needs some help with that, I’m sure there are many puffins who will gladly help him out. He will also change the education system, by introducing, vocational colleges and schools, for less academic minded students, which will lead to apprenticeships, which will be increased in a variety of job sectors, so young people may be given an opportunity for long term growth, without being bored in a classroom, they may not want to belong in. Much to the disgust of the left wing teaching profession, grammar schools will also be reintroduce, this in turn will give academic children a chance to actually learn and not be interrupted by noisy and disruptive pupils, who invariably lower standards across the school. Related to disruptive pupils, Katabasis will also bring back corporal punishment, such as the cane and the ruler. This will stop them turning into little brats or turning into snowflakes, by inevitably toughening them up for the real world.
Communities Secretary could be our very own Rev Bastard. I’m sure his patriotic sermons every Sunday will inspire the nation and I am most certain he will sort out any tensions within the community with much ease. He could also make Saint George’s Day a bank holiday in England. The Environmental Department would be merged with the Communities Department, which means future house building will be carefully considered to protect the environment and our green spaces and will not be concreted over to please the pro mass immigration crowd. The Climate Change Department however, will be scrapped.
Culture secretary would most certainly by Eraser of Love. His surreal, vivid yet eloquent rants and tirades paint brilliant descriptions of various events which happened in his life and of different theoretical situations involving many a famous person evoke howls of laughter regularly. (There should be a book of all his rants, they are that good). He can also shut down the BBC! Saving taxpayers £145 a year and making many people healthier, due to their blood pressures being significantly lower by not being bombarded with biased, pro EU, anti Trump, Globalist, pro Muslim, yet strangely pro transgender (a contradiction don’t you think?), Cultural Marxist propaganda.
Æthelberht, being in the Royal Fleet Auxiliary and an engineer, can most certainly help with any future engineering/infrastructure projects after the overthrow of parliament. He will be the new Energy and Infrastructure Secretary, his main purpose will be to scrap HS2 and improve our motorways and railways. He could be the new Energy and Infrastructure Secretary. Phil the Test Manager, being involved in IT contracting, can overhaul any failing IT systems used in the public sector and reduce any waste and excessive costs.
LetEnglandShake would help publish various leaflets to encourage other people to join in the revolution and can help with the various imagery and PR. Would she like to be a potential spin doctor though? I think she is far too decent for that job and would not want to be associated with a position that the loathsome Alastair Campbell once was. However, I think DH, with his marvellous piss takes of Police Scotland and his knowledge of journalism, as well as being rather cynical, would be the perfect choice for Director of Communications or Press Secretary. If Sarah Sanders ever gets bored in America (which she won’t), she could always be the Press Secretary and teach a few of our journalists a lesson or two, with her brilliant and no nonsense put downs.
Work and Pensions Secretary will be Colin Cross. His experience of various areas of life, as well as his interesting and no nonsense approach to life and family, will make him the ideal person to reform the welfare and pensions system. He will make many tough changes to system such as benefits being contributory to how many years you have paid in. This will stop people living of benefits, who have hardly worked in their life, as well as migrants coming here for benefit tourism. The public sector pensions will also be drastically changed to a mostly contributory system. This will save billions of pounds in the long term, as welfare is the biggest spending by the government at the moments. The state pensions will also be supported by excellent end of life care, such as in care and retirement homes. This will actually make paying into the welfare system worthwhile.
These are just a few of the many positions in cabinet and the related ministries, there are many more to fill, I’m sure there are many like minded patriots who will volunteer or put themselves forward to help drain the Swamp and purge parliament.
The above puffins, in my very honest opinion will run the country, a damn sight better than our current politicians because they have experience of the real world. If we do make a few mistakes, well they can’t be any worse than what the last few governments have done, can they? Most importantly though, we will leave the wretched EU!
© Churchills Shark 2018