Winnie the Pooh Changes His Name

“I was reading the papers”, said Pooh, “And I noticed a thrilling trend, which I am going to embrace”.

“God save us”, thought Eeyore, “Another day, another bandwagon. He just can’t help himself”, but in an effort to show interest he enquired, “Does this involve the rest of us?”

“Might do, might very well do”, said Pooh, “We could all do with turning ourselves into objects of desire and wind-swept beauty”.

“Objects of ridicule, more like”, thought Eeyore, but not wanting to hurt his friend, put on his vaguely-interested face.

“Take for instance, Sean Combs who has been variously known as Puff Daddy, P. Diddy or Diddy, but this year announced his preference for the names Love and Brother Love. How cool is that?” asked Pooh, warming to his theme.

“Does he know Kenny Everett has already cornered the market with Brother Lee Love? I can see invidious comparisons heading his way at warp speed” replied Eeyore.

Madam Revenant, Going Postal

“Or there’s Kanye West, metamorphosing into just Ye”, continued Pooh, refusing to be deflected, “Not to mention The Artist Formerly Known as Prince”.

“Sounds like a rehomed pet”, replied Eeyore, “The Sheep-Worrier Formerly Known as Satan. Must not be left unattended around small children or cats”.

“Well,” said Pooh, “I’ve been pondering what to change my name to. Shall it be Po or Oh, or Win the Pooh?”

“Nope”, said Eeyore, “The last one sounds like a deviant’s raffle. Pooh, you’re not going to fool anyone. You’re a cuddly bear of very little brain. Stick to what you’re good at. Leave being a pretentious prat with a fetish for derision to Ye and Love and Formerly Squiggle”.

Madam Revenant, Going Postal

© Madam Revenant 2018

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