Winnie the Pooh Gets Brexit-Body Ready

Madam Revenant, Going Postal

“I couldn’t help noticing”, said Eeyore to Pooh one day as they were strolling through Hundred Acre Wood, “That you appear to be a little less gifted, shall we say, in the tummy department, Pooh.”

“That’s my exciting new workout routine”, said Pooh, “I have to get Brexit-Body Ready before next year.  Not every bear can wear an outfit like this with confidence!”

Eeyore eyed Pooh’s lime green bearkini with some unease.  It was bound to raise misgivings amongst the rest of the animals, as Pooh’s sudden enthusiasms tended to work on the misery-loves-company principle.

“Any reason why Brexit should engender such an energetic response?” enquired Eeyore, “As I recall, the Fall of the Berlin Wall barely caused you to lift an eyebrow, let alone anything more substantial”.

“Opportunity!” said Pooh, doing a little twirl around an unsuspecting ash sapling, “Once we’re free of the stifling dead hand of the EU, the world will be our mollusc again.  Christopher Robin is already getting into currency exchange before the EU tanks.  I shall be part of the euro bear market, up against the best of them. Pudsey can eat my Nikes.”

“Steady on, Pooh!” said Eeyore, genuinely shocked, “Not even a shoe-fetishist would touch a pair of Nikes.  You must really hate Pudsey!”

“Pudsey voted Remain”, said Pooh, “He is dead to me.”

“I heard rumours that there have been attempts to sabotage Brexit by means of something called a People’s Vote” said Eeyore.

“That’s not going to stop us”, declaimed Pooh “Everyone knows that the word ‘People’s’ in front of anything is the kiss of death.  It’s the last resort of a bankrupt and moribund ideology, bereft of support and thwarted in its aims.  According to CR, that is.”

“CR needs to get out in the fresh air a bit more”, said Eeyore morosely, “That’s no sort of language for a small boy to be using.”

“Anyway”, said Pooh, “I think the rest of you ought to be focussing your thoughts on the Brexit Victory Parade.  I shall be at the front, flaunting my credentials”.

“I shall let Kanga know, in that case”, muttered Eeyore, “Because she’ll certainly want to keep Roo indoors for that bit”.

© Madam Revenant 2018

Audio file