May in July

Tachybaptus, Going Postal

A Cautionary Tale

with apologies to Hilaire Belloc

Good folk, behold Theresa May,
Who threw a winning hand away.

Her strongest card? The Ace of Trade:
We bought far more of what they made
Than all the British goods we sold.
She didn’t need to be too bold
To say to them, ‘Let us agree
To let each other’s goods in free.
Don’t try to start a tariff war:
If you hurt us, we’ll hurt you more.
Since we can trade with whom we please,
We’ve power to bring you to your knees.’
Instead of which, ‘Harmonisation’
Has laid iron shackles on our nation.

Also, she had the King of Law:
For full eight centuries and more
Of Common Law and basic rights
Our children have slept safe at nights.
Why should we let a foreign crew
Tell us the things that we should do?
Instead, she’s let the ECJ
Give every terrorist his day.

She held the Queen of Immigration:
We have no need to cram our nation
With young men from some desert hole,
Three-quarters of them on the dole.
The Channel is our fortress wall
To keep out scroungers, one and all.
Instead of which, her open door
Will let in many millions more.

The Jack of Free Speech was there too:
We could speak freely, say what’s true.
But, as the bonds of Europe tightened,
Good folk and true were gravely frightened
To talk about the situation
In which we find our battered nation.
Instead, Theresa’s slack hand let
Europe hamstring the internet.

Lastly, she held the Ten of Fish:
She could have said, ‘If you should wish
To trawl within our sovereign seas,
You’ll have to pay substantial fees.
Don’t try to cheat, you’ll come off worst;
Our British fishermen are first.’
Instead of which, she’ll let the Spanish
Pillage our fish until they vanish.

Now, if you hold an ace-high straight,
Your chance of winning should be great;
But if you fail to hold your nerve
You get no more than you deserve.
Barnier had nothing in his hand,
But he was loud, and rude, and grand.
One word from him – she turned to mush,
As if he’d held a royal flush.
She lost the game, she lost us all:
All we can hope for is her fall.

© Tachybaptus 2018

Audio file