The Listening Project (The Lost Transcriptions)

coloniescross, Going Postal

Many conversations have been recorder for (make mine a hefty) Fee Glovers’ “The Listening Project”.

Due to the nature of some of the conversations and to other constraints many of the recordings are deleted  before they get chance to become part of the archive which is kept in the British Library.

Through a “friend”, (no names, no pack drill), Colin Cross has been able to obtain copies of transcripts of some  of these conversations. With the help of Swiss Bob and the indulgence of his fellow posters he intends to  publish them, verbatim, on the Going Postal Blog. It is Colin’s wish that these highly important historical  records are retained for posterity.

TAPE 1984261016

This tape was recorded on the 26th of October 2016 in the settlement in Calais known as the Jungle. It is a  recording of a conversation between three children who have all been informed that they are to join with  hundreds of other unaccompanied and vulnerable minors and be moved onward to England.

Khaled is 15 and from Egypt. He is tall for his age (unsurprising given the fact that he is fleeing war and  poverty in the hope of finding a better life for himself) and has a maturity of thought that belies his tender  years.

Hussain is 17 and from Somalia, a strapping 6 feet 2 inches his face bears the worry lines of someone much  older, he too is quick of mind though, even though he hopes to go to school for the first time ever his English  is exceptional.

Hassan is 16 and from Turkey, he is short and wiry with a full beard, he has told the immigration people that  all his family are hirsute, including the females. Hassan has fled Turkey because someone once called him gay  and he fears the persecution he may undergo.

The three children were recorded without their knowledge;


Friends, how did you come to arrive in Calais, for my part I crossed the border into Libya and made my way to Al  Jawf where friends of my wife’s father drove me to the coast. I paid 5000 dollars US, which my wife’s family had  given me, for a passage to Italy and then paid another 3000 to a man with a lorry to take me and others to  Germany where I have many cousins. My cousins told me that if I really want to make it big I should try to get  into Britain and the best way was to destroy my papers and tell everyone I was a child escaping from  persecution. I spent the last of my money on a bus ticket to Paris and hitched here, isn’t it wonderful how we  can all travel in Europe so freely? I hope to get to the UK and in time bring over my wife, my children and my  wife’s parents, sisters and brothers. They have cousins in Blackburn and it is rumoured that we will all get a  free house and money for all our needs.

I had to leave Merca for my own safety, I barely escaped the raid on my father’s base with my life. For many  years my family have made a good living by holding merchant vessels hostage and also by supplying stolen arms  through Djibouti and into the Yemen. My family has many connections and it was easy to get to the UAE where I  boarded a plane to Paris. Once in Paris I caught the train to Calais and when I arrived I destroyed my papers. I  have been well looked after by several of the nice English no borders ladies, all of them remarking “my, what a  big boy you are for your age”. I hope to be helped by many nice English ladies when I get to the UK. It would be  silly in the extreme to marry one though, when there are so many. Also, and do not tell others of this, I have  cousins in Belgium who I will get to join me once I am settled with a nice family, hopefully one with many  daughters. These cousins are members of a religious group who intend to bring their brand of Islam to the  British masses, as their brothers have already done in places such as Paris, Nice and Brussels.


My story is very similar but I have had to leave Turkey because of the fall in the popularity of Turkish  holidays. For many years we brothers have enjoyed the fruits of life provided by the English tourists, both  young women and young men, but it is becoming more difficult to make money from them, although it is still as  easy to make them have the sex. We ran a bar in Bodrum but 4 years ago my younger brother Ahmet met and married  a girl from a place called Rochdale where he occasionally drives a taxi. He has 3 wives now and the taxi is  handy for him to travel between their houses. He has no need to work as the British government gives his wives  money which he collects when he visits them but he says it is best to “go along” with the system if you want to  take full advantage. One of his wives has two nice fat sisters who already have some babies, I will marry them  and become also a taxi driver like my brother. When I am settled I will find fat stupid wives for my other  brothers and we will open a kebab shop and start importing the heroin from my father’s farm. One of the great  advantages of owning taxi cars and kebab shops is that it means you can always find a young kaffir girl or boy  to help with sexual emergencies. In Turkey, if you have sex with a young girl who is not your wife you may get  beaten but I believe that in England the police and the local government will do everything they can to ensure  you do not get into trouble.

At this point Apple-Orange Farquhar of the “ Bring our Brown Boys to Britain” charity turned up to tell the boys  not to forget how “old” they were, as the coach with the British officials had arrived to take them to the UK.  The children immediately went on their way, each escorted by a doe eyed young blonde who couldn’t wait to get  these poor young people on the bus so they could look for some other male children to “help”.

Coloniescross ©